Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of #Wrestlemania

It’s been a crazy weekend. We’ve had lots of good food. We’ve had lots of good beer. Just not enough to be hung over which is a good thing. I’m still running around trying to make my world famous meatballs and tomato sauce. I’m finally ready as Justin Roberts announces, hold on, let’s roll.

Sheamus is the first man out. Glad Jeremy & I called this match. Of course, I think we both picked different guys to win. Mitchell Cool still doing the turn around on Daniel Bryan. We get our first bell 10 minutes into the match. Fucking really? I picked Sheamus but this is ridiculous. That’s not going to be much of a coronation of Sheamus into the main event. Team Johnny skit with the Miz acting like the leader. The rest of them ignore him. Johnny Wooden GM is looking pretty sharp. Why not go with the horn rimmed glasses and look more like Colonel Sanders?

I imagine I’ll get to type more this match. It’s Kane versus Randy Orton. Why did they show that replay? It looked like Kane barely kicked him. Orton gets some offense. I’m starting to realize I need to do more play by play than normal. No real angles will develop for me to riff on. The crowd chants “DDT”. First signs of life since the way too short match. The Best Honeymoon sign is a riot. I hope it’s true. Choke slam and for some reason Kane acts like a bitch after Orton kicks out. Second rope choke slam gets Kane the victory. I’m a big surprised. Pretty sure I picked Orton.

Mick Foley, Santino and Captain Keith. I haven’t watched Deadliest Catch in three or four years. We get a Ron Simmons appearance. Somewhat funny. We get review of Cody Rhodes and the Big Show. At least Rhodes picked a new outfit for Wrestlemania. Rhodes is wearing real knee pads. The Big Show is on offense to start the match. Rhodes doing a good job of going low on Show. Rhodes drops off the top rope to snap Show’s arm. Big show gets in a weak spear to avert a second Disaster kick. WMD for the IC Title change. Whoopee.

Beth Phoenix looks ridiculous with that head dress. Awful choice. Eve looks good. I missed Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos coming in. I don’t care. KK is taking it to Eve but for some reason tags in Maria. Beth finally gets her hands on Maria but only bear hugs her. Isn’t she more pissed at her than to doa bear hug? I know she’s working over the broken ribs but it looks weak. Maria kicks Eve out of the ring after she gloats. Beth backs off of KK’s hot tag. Stupid. That was a gutsy but stupid senton like move by KK. Kelly counters into a bulldog. At least it wasn’t a roll up for the win. Maria gets a the horse shit roll up for a win.

Cool stadium shot when they went outside of it for Taker‘s entrance. His get up looks normal. Glad I got in here for possibly the bald reveal. Is that supposed to be intimidating? A baby mohawk? Stay shaved at least. I missed HHH‘s entrance. Who cares. Ah fuck me. I lost the review of the start of the match. Anyway, Jeremy & I are enjoying this one so far. Taker had the early advantage. HHH is getting in the offense now. Shawn Michaels is getting more involved verbally with Taker. The sledge hammer shot doesn’t do in Taker. Shawn takes the sledge hammer away from HHH before he can squash his head like a grape. Taker locks Hell’s Gate on Michaels. HHH nails Taker with the sledge hammer. Taker low blows HHH. Taker locks in Hell’s Gate on HHH. Michaels is out. HHH slumps over. Charles Robinson comes down to unlock the cage. Chokeslam by Taker, HHH kick out of course. Robinson gets choke slammed. Super kick by Michaels. Pedigree. Kick out. Awesome. HHH pitches Shawn out of the ring. Taker is all over the offense. Tombstone. Shawn makes it back into the ring. Kick out. I like Michaels cowering in the corner. Second pedigree. Wow, that was close. Another kick out. The WWE gets going to shots of people not doing anything. HHH grabs the sledge hammer. Taker nabs a chair. They follow up with a good shot of Taker stepping on the sledge hammer. Shawn is starting to show concern for HHH as Taker assaults him with a chair. Worst cover ever. No one thought it’d end after a conversation. HHH makes us laugh with his pug impersonation. Crotch chop. Sledge hammer shot by Taker. Michaels has his back to proceedings. Tombstone. Three count. Awesome match. I tossed my tomato sauce onto my meatballs during post match happenings. I came back in here just in time to see the group hug on the stage.

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