@ImpactWrestling Twitter Compilation & Aftermath

Tweet: We’re now following @REALBully5150 because of another fun exchange between Joseph Park & him. The sentence was long. Park > Abyss. Aftermath: You can follow us @Stuntgranny just in case you’re new to the site. Ray started off slow but his mic work was better with Park in the ring. I’m so happy to not see the Abyss gimmick. It’s such a hacky rip off that just about anything he’d do other than it would be better. Park happens to be a fun, unimposing baby face which doesn’t get used enough.Good segment.

Tweet: Why did the Aries & Hogan feel like they taped in separate studios? Aftermath: They talked past each other because neither of their egos could share the camera. Bad segment.

Tweet: I’m finally getting sucked into this dumb AJ Styles story line. Still not worth the garbage that came before. Aftermath: They interviewed Dixie Carter about the father of Claire’s kid. This material has turned me because it’s very Jerry Springer or Maury with the whole baby daddy material. It’d crack me up with Kaz, Daniels & Styles had to take paternity tests. Good segment.

Tweet: Crimson dropping like a rock. First Morgan, now Devon who in no way needs that win. AJ Lee >>>>>>>>>> Madison Rayne. Aftermath: Devon is a good steady hand. Crimson still needs help. Did I use enough greater than symbols? Bad segment.

Tweet: Sabin didn’t feel real to me. Roode played his part well. Aftermath: I can’t add more.

Tweet: Flip Cassanova is fighting @JohnnyGargano ‘s clone who is related the Demolition Man. Good to see #PRIMEWrestling represent. Aftermath: Flip is still a bit sloppy & caused Dakota Darsow’s likely broken nose. Flip does look like’s he’s improved even with the problems.

Tweet: Glad that Tenay & Taz explained Gail Kim’s clause like it was a hostage situation. They call the match fine right after. Tweet #2: Why did the champ just get the sucker finisher then pin? Tara doesn’t need to look that strong. Aftermath: It felt like Al Qaeda dropped in thirty seconds then left. Bad match for the ladies which was made worse by Tara hitting the Widow’s Peak then letting Tessmacher hit her finisher too. Gail shouldn’t be getting her comeuppance the week before a title match. Bad segment.

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Kevin’s Blog: #iMPACTWrestling – For The Hell of It

I need this head scratcher to figure out Hogan's Open Fight Night concept.

I know I mentioned this in an audio recently but I’m not sure I mentioned it in this space. My levels of reviews are Definitely or Almost Live which happens the night of the show. A Day Late & A Dollar Short is, duh, the next day. For The Hell Of It title says I just want to put content on the site. I’d imagine anyone that wanted to read a review of these shows has done it already. I’m throwing some pity because of their dismal ratings news. Plus, I know I won’t review the show on time this coming week. I have a ticket to go see Mick Foley & the Reverend Bob Levy on Thursday. I’m excited.

I want to vomit already. Hulk Hogan just called Samoa Joe & Brutus Magnus the greatest tag team ever. OK, well, only one champ each “Fight Night” can be called out? Or is Hogan just assigning one title match and the rest of the champs can still be called out? Devon comes out and calls out Bully Ray. I guess the champ can call someone out. All of the roster is hanging out together. Um, why? Just watch from your locker room. Bully Ray turns down the challenge. Shouldn’t Hogan have come out and enforced his won rules? Devon starts the match by attacking Bully Ray on the ramp. At least Taz called the Dudleys the greatest tag team of all time. He was trying to correct Hogan’s nonsense. They probably aren’t but they’re closer than the other clowns. Nothing happening before the commercial break.

Taz & Mike Tenay are praising the concept but doing nothing to help define it. The action has been pretty solid. It’s all familiar stuff. It makes sense they’re going for big shots and power moves. Devon gets the win after a spine buster. I would have liked to have seen him get some more offense in before the pin fall. Austin Aries talks about not being impressed with Bully Ray. Ric Flair is asked about the proper send off for Eric Bischoff. According to Flair, Eric is the greatest promoter of all time. Yep, I’m sure that’s why “his” company got bought by WWE.

Kazarian & Christopher Daniels talked to Kurt Angle. He yells at them for helping him because he doesn’t need anyone’s help. OK then. Jeremy Borash came to the ring. He says that Eric Bischoff is the biggest prick the company has ever had. Borash wants to fight him. Bischoff comes down clapping. As Eric talks, Bully Ray low blows JB. Bischoff pulls his leg up and gets the pin. JB could have kicked out. Ball shots hurt but prove a point. And why does a leaving heel need heat? Or this much camera time? Boy I can’t think of why they’re rating is below 1.0.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #iMPACTWrestling

Jeff Hardy's shirt reminds me of Impressionist paintings. This one is Sunrise by Monet, who is a favorite of mine.

James Storm is distraught over not winning the TNA Title. I’m not the biggest fan of this happening. They do make things work. I thought Bobby Roode would have been dropping the title too soon, which I don’t think I’d said in my previous reviews. I still think Storm should have won but they gave him a nice out by having him practically won. Roode comes out to gloat. I’m digging the new hair cut. It fits a suit better. Roode says he has no opponents left which brings out Mr. Anderson. Roode tells him to get to the back of the pack. Jeff Hardy hobbles out. He thinks he deserves a title shot. Him & Anderson argue. Hulk Hogan wants all the champs out in the ring later. Hardy will fight Anderson.

Crimson & Bully Ray team against Matt Morgan & Austin Aries. Morgan starts against Crimson. They continue to do the heavy work but Crimson was on offense most of the time. Aries gets the tag and brings the fun to the match. Bully Ray pulls the trunks to win. Garrett Bischoff is sauntering in the back.

Hardy thinks it’s his turn to get the title. Jeff thinks it was a good call by Hogan for the match. Garrett comes out. The crowd is excited for the guys around him but go silent when he starts talking. He thanks AJ Styles, RVD & Anderson along with Aries in the back. Ric Flair interrupts the blow jobs. Flair tells Garrett the truth when he rips his mic work. This story continues. Please kill me. They bleep the Bischoff for Eric. Woof. If you’re going to rip someone else’s mic work, bring something other than your worst. Christopher Daniels was holding evidence about AJ Styles. Double Ugh.

Magnus & Samoa Joe talk to Devon about the champs meeting. Short & pointless. Kurt Angle is taking on AJ Styles. My cable cut out of the match but went to commercial. I didn’t miss much. Styles is in control after the break. Daniels gives AJ whatever is in the mystery envelope. AJ screams “How’d you get this?” Angle rolls up AJ for the win. If it was AJ this whole time, why did you wait to reveal it? Stop continuing story lines that suck. Joseph Park tries to talk to Gunner. Park wants answers. Gunner tells him to ask Bully Ray because they wrestled together last.

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Stunt Granny Big 11, Week Ending 9/17/2011

1. Claudio Castagnoli – All signs point to Claudio finally signing (well, re-signing, after one failed attempt) with WWE. Various reports have him heading to Florida Championship Wrestling under the name Antonio Cesaro. Other reports have me heading to Olive Garden to order the antonio cesaro with a breadstick, but whatever. Good move by all parties. – Eric
2. Hulk Hogan – Hulk Hogan’s Micro Championship Wrestling debuted this week on TruTV. I didn’t watch it, I don’t think the other SG guys did… I don’t think anybody did. If this even appears on the Nielsen ratings, I bet it’s a… SMALL number!!! Christ, get me out of here… – Eric
3. Matt Hardy – OK, let’s face it, it’s impossible to fill this up with 12 things if you don’t mention the literal white elephant in the room. (You’d think with all the drugs he does, he’d be skinnier, right?) Days after calling people out for being mean to him based on his personal choices (which he freely Tweets about and also which become a matter of public record because he’s a danger to others), he gets arrested for another DWI, this time in an airport. And then he claimed he was framed. By cops who have a vendetta against him. Wow. Not sure where the radiation came from that’s killed his brain, his antique North Carolinian computer monitor he sits in front of all day, or the microwave that nukes his daily 12-Hot Pocket lunch. – Eric
4. The Rock – He is flaunting the idea that he and John Cena will meet for the first time at Survivor Series. In other words a year was too long to wait for the first ever match up so let’s hype it all in two months. Long term planning be damned – Jeremy
5. Night of Champions – Why hasn’t the question been brought up more – neither Triple H nor CM Punk are champions. Why are they on this card? – Jeremy

6. Ric Flair/Sting – Really, this writes itself. They main event an episode of Impact Wrestling and it was a barn burner. It encompassed everything wrong with TNA. One guy can’t go and the other is bored but won’t retire. You figure out which is which. – Jeremy

7. Alex Riley – This is fake, but I don’t really give a flip:

I believe WWE is still presenting this as if it’s Riley official Twitter page, and therefore this gives me carte blanche to pretend this is a real news story. – Dusty

8. Teddy Hart – We’re talking new wrestling with keys to unlock weapons, robotic turnbuckles that can adjust the height, skateboarders, dogs running interference, etc. We’re talking about http://www.fightnetwork.com/news/wrestling/john-pollock-wai-ting-chat-w-teddy-hart/. We’re talking about Persian cats being the best cats the cat world can possibly offer. – Dusty

9. Bill Watts – So apparently he sucked a guy off once?

…Certainly, the sins above mentioned, we cannot overlook in our “judgmental pride” of being heterosexual—and I personally have been so guilty of them, and in my depravity of these abominations have so grieved the Spirit of God as I transgressed in them—–including even foolish, but not innocent homosexual experiences (not that I ever participated in committing a homosexual act myself, or even any homosexual touching, or being touched, or have even entertained any homosexual feelings—-but allowed myself to be orally gratified—-and that strictly one person’s oral stimulation only, by this homosexual at one point in my life)—-in my youth, as I reached that age of puberty, and hormonal rages, and sexual exploration——and worse, even allowing myself to be gratified by this homosexual for financial reward—–as many of us “young athletes did” (and I’m also speaking here of some of these athletes who became real stars in their sports, so we are not talking about “just ordinary people”—–or ignorant, or poverty trapped victims, but some exceptionally gifted athletes)—–as we were preyed upon by this influential and wealthy pervert in our youth——which does not in anyway excuse me in this abomination. (Yes, he also preyed on others, the non-athletes too.)Now, this person who I’m referring to above, was allowed to function in a very influential position by both of the major universities in our state, recruiting young high school athletes to their programs, (and as I have already indicated, many of whom he “gratified” later became stars in their sport—-football, wrestling, baseball, etc.) though these universities were “unaware” of his perversion—-at least initially, or else, they just “looked the other way.” (And, at some various points in time, he was even arrested for his perversion on young boys, but released, and went on as if nothing had happened, and continued in his relationship with these schools too, until the publicity of his activities became too well known.)

But I can tell you, he used that position to feed his desires by orally gratifying many “weak and impressionable,” and “morally weak” young boys and men—–and has continued to integrate himself into situations that would allow him to seduce even more—–for years and years and years now. When last I heard, he was still in charge of promoting youth wrestling in our state’s capital city.

If you consider how many young men and boys this one person practiced his perversion on—–even clear back when it was illegal——-can you imagine now, when we have created a “protected status” for them?!

He also introduced many of us to pornography—–to stimulate us while he indulged himself with us, because we certainly were not stimulated by him. I do not say this to excuse myself for allowing him to gratify me. I am totally responsible for my own actions in this!…

He’s the best booker ever, so I have to believe he did the right thing in this instance. – Dusty
Edit: Since I was a lazy and forgetful bastard, my choices got left off so I’ll add them now.
10. Night of Champions II – I’ve been excited about the recent resurgence of the tag team and to a lesser degree the Women’s division. It just dawned on me though that this could just be a longer term plan to make this pay per view more interesting then both of these divisions will be shuttered much like they have been for the past five years. Why else would the WWE give the main face of the tag team a division a name as terrible as Air Boom? -Kevin

11. Super Shows – I’m glad we have super shows now so that everything good that occurs on Smackdown will be repeated on Raw so that a much larger audience sees them. (That’s sarcasm.) See Randy Orton vs. Cody Rhodes and Mark Henry’s promo from each. I guess it’ll save me time in the future viewing both shows. -Kevin

12. What TNA Did Right This Week – I know I stole this gimmick from Jeremy quite some time ago but I will admit to liking the AJ Styles and Devon promos on Jeff Hardy. It’s a small consolation prize after watching the remainder of the crappy show including the awful finish from the aforementioned Sting vs. Ric Flair travesty. -Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: A Day Late & A Dollar Short Review of Impact Wrestling

Guess who got the left over Coors Light from the bachelor party? This guy.

 I’m not really excited that Coors Light is my choice of beers but they were sort of free from last weekend’s bachelor party at Put In Bay. Eric wanted me to write some small stories but everyone esle on the site is better at those things than me. I’m going to mock TV shows. It’s after Smackdown (10:30 PM) but I think I’m going for the double dip tonight. Impact Wrestling Blog then a Smackdwon blog as a separate post. It should be interesting taking down “4” hours of wrestling. I should finish in no more than 3. Let’s do this.

We start with a review of the pay per view. They show the TNA Heavyweight Championship material last even though it wasn’t that way on the PPV. To aid in watching, I’m not watching ring entrances. Gunner “breaks up” (Anderson was done talking for a decent length of time) Anderson’s rant according the announcers. Gunner is not good on the stick. Gunner falls for the beer trick. Anderson is dumb enough to turn his back on him. We get the hype for the rest of the show. What a lame opening segment.

Hernandez takes on Devon. Pope distracts Devon.  When is Devon going to realize that his family is costing him his career? Pope clears the ring. Why would Devon’s kids even like Pope? Haven’t they been watching Impact Wrestling?  Bischoff makes use of the too many twists and turns with Anderson.

Angle goes thru his history winning the Gold Medal. Angle announces that he is trying out for the Olympic team. I had read the spoilers so no suprise. Jarrett interrupts unlike Gunner. We could only hope Jarrett left if he loses against Angle. Kurt talking sense to Jarrett about honor. Glad I didn’t order the PPV since I’m getting the match for free.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of TNA iMPACT!

Mickie can play my banjo anytime.

Go to the post below this one and click on the Audio for this week. That was one reason I didn’t want to do this blog. Here’s my compromise. (Next day – Whoops, I hit Save Draft instead of Publish last night.)

I wasn’t going to do this but the Mickie James performance forced me onto my computer. I had read the spoilers that she didn’t play with her band and they used back ups. What a terrible decision. Wait for the next taping, it looked horrendous. You could tell the band was faking it. Awfulness. I understand you wanted to further the James against Tara storyline, but do anything else if her band isn’t there. It was so bush league.

Morgan gives the pep talk to referee. I think the WWE goes in the opposite direction by ignoring the refs too much. TNA uses them way too much.

Ric Flair is pissed at being held hostage earlier in the night (I don’t think I’m going to go back to review it. Deal with it bitches.) Doug Williams gets his time in the sun. I do like that TNA has paired down Immortal and Fortune. Williams is still weird as a face though. Nice little live promo before he goes to the ring.  Kazarian shortened his name, Williams made it longer. Not sure why I thought of that. Solid match so far between the two which doesn’t surprise me.  Kazarian is getting his chance on offense. Williams rolling chaos theory suplex is awesome. Kazarian is a bitch. Mickie is looking for Tara. I wish Mickie’s ward robe malfunction showed off more earlier in the show. They fought after Mickie’s performance.

Fortune attacks Williams and Morgan. Agents break it up. They run through the Final Resolution card. Devon interrupts the preview. I’m writing these sentences together because TNA changes too often so my writing is reflecting their scatter brained, flashy stuff (at least they think so) programming they provide. How about they not have a feud? It’s going to happen but I’ll still complain. Devon is doing a solid promo. Bubba stirred up the pot. The crowd is actually choosing sides which is a surprise. See TNA, good guy versus bad guy works. Stop trying to reinvent the wheel. Or making all of your characters “gray”.  Bubba, you’re both Marty Jannetty. Bubba the cowardly heel bails.

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New Jack

That is all.

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