Dusty’s Blog: Dusty answers five random questions

mailbag-

You know, every week we get so many cards and letters here at the Stunt Granny Headquarters, it’s just ridiculous. Normally we just completely ignore them, because we are so much better than all you readers out there. Sometimes Kevin will use them as rolling papers for those funny cigarettes he likes so much.

But now I have decided in the interest of creating content, to change all that. Every week I will be answering five random questions from you, our lovely loyal readers. There was such an overwhelmingly positive response to the first one of these (http://stuntgranny.com/2013/07/21/dustys-blog-dusty-answers-five-random-questions/) that I couldn’t possibly stop now. So here we go:

1.) I just watched Survivor Series ’89. I love the show, it’s one of my favorites of all time. But man, that Hulkamaniacs vs. Million Dollar Team match is just chock full of Hogan’s ego, huh? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Oh man, preach on. Hogan was single handedly responsible, in one way or another, for the elimination of every member of the Million Dollar Team. Zeus gets carried away on beating up Hogan, the worst referee who ever lived gets physically involved, Zeus defends himself, and the ref shoots him out of there faster than Carl Lewis. Then, the Powers of Pain basically get disqualified for using offensive wrestling maneuvers against Hogan. And then Hogan pinned DiBiase to become the sole survivor. What a mess.

If Hogan could have actually allowed himself to do a job on a pay-per-view when the belt wasn’t even on the line, this could have probably been a whole lot better match. Really, I blame the bad booking here on his ego, and not on Pat Patterson and whoever else was back there at that time. Let’s say Zeus still gets disqualified as he did. Then, since Hogan is so incapacitated, you could just have DiBiase pin him right there. Blam. Zeus sacrifices himself for the greater good of the team.

Then maybe the Powers of Pain and Demolition get double DQ’d for brawling with each other in the ring (shades of the LOD-Demolition confrontation from the next year’s Survivor Series), which would leave us with a DiBiase vs. Jake the Snake showdown, in which you can either have Roberts pin DiBiase, or else Roberts win when DiBiase gets counted out, if you want to save the clean finish for WrestleMania or whatever.

There’s a million different ways you could book it, and they’d all probably be better than what we ended up with. Still, though, that Series is one of my go-to shows when I’m looking for something to watch. So, whatevs.

2.) Watching all these old school wrestling events reminds me of what a burger Elizabeth was. She has to be in the top five of wrestling women all time, right? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Absolutely. And what a difficult task it would be to craft a top five all time list. I’ve given it a lot of thought, and of course everyone’s list is going to vary based on personal taste, but my list might look something like this:

1. Miss Elizabeth

2. Terri Runnels

3. Christy Hemme

4. Brooke Adams

5. Nitro Girl Fyre

3.) Eric always talks about how good Todd Pettengill is and how much better he was than Sean Mooney. He’s totally wrong, right? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Of course he is. Sean Mooney was fantastic. More than that, not only was Pettengill completely terrible, he was dead wrong for the product at the time and stuck out like a sore thumb. He was a lame guy with a lame sense of humor who actively held the product back when they were trying to get more serious. He was just plain bad at his job in every way. The best example I can give is from Royal Rumble 1995, where he had the following locker room exchange with Bret Hart (not word for word, so don’t correct me).

Pettengill: You are going to be going up against Diesel for the World Heavyweight Title. I mean, let’s talk about it.

Bret: ….. What is there to talk about?

I mean, right? What kind of question is that? It’s not even a question. It’s lowest common denominator “How do you feel?” Because at least that’s a question, albeit a completely horrible one. Really, the guy had no business doing what he was doing, and he did it for several painful agonizing years.

Meanwhile, Sean Mooney once said “The Fabulous Rougeaus don’t always play savoir fairly, but the Rockers are ready to escargot at it!” Case closed.

4.) Is there any wrestler worth following on Twitter right now? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

You know, I hate following wrestlers and other celebrity types on Twitter. They normally have nothing of any worth to say. Like Leonardo DiCaprio reminding us all to save the whales. He don’t know from save the whales, he’s too busy diving into his Uncle Scrooge Money Bin. But if there was one wrestler I would recommend, it would be Big E Langston. Why? This:

971556_10103386084715960_61026430_n

5.) Who let the dogs out? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Not sure.

56 Days of WrestleMania – WrestleMania XI’s Best Matches: Results

OK, I admit, Lawrence Taylor vs. Bam Bam Bigelow wasn’t all that bad, but leave it to the Clique (Diesel, Shawn Michaels, Razor Ramon, 1-2-3 Kid on the outside) to have the best matches of the night at WrestleMania. That still doesn’t excuse WMXI from being the huge stinker that it was; broken microphones, shitty celebrities, grandeur abound!

World Wrestling Bracketainment Sweet Sixteen: #4 vs. #20, #5 vs. #12

Welcome back to World Wrestling Bracketainment, where we put the “fun” in “pick your funking favorites” in the tournament to determine the greatest WWE Champion in WWF and WWE history! One match-up – John Cena (and how the hell did Alberto del Rio get four votes against Cena?) vs. Undertaker (the other upset vs. Brock Lesnar) – is a clash of two modern-day icons, while the other – Diesel vs. Pedro Morales – pits against each other the two men who won their previous match by the narrowest margin (because no one cares that much about Sheamus or whoever the other guy was.) Vote in each poll for the man you think was the better WWE/WWF Champion of the two, by any criteria you see fit, and check back Friday for the winners!

World Wrestling Bracketainment: 4 vs. 29, 13 vs. 20, 12 vs. 21, 5 vs. 28

As mentioned in the play-in round, we’re bringing the fun and excitement of March Madness tournaments to pro wrestling (without all that winning money or prizes stuff) by asking you to help us choose the greatest WWE Champion in history. We’ve seeded the competitors based on length of title reign, and now we’re putting the voting in your hands. You choose the criteria, and the winners advance. This week we’ll plan to post winners Wednesday and Friday morning, so cast your ballot soon!

Lance Hoyt WWE Bound?

A tramp stamp on a guy is totally marketable.

A tramp stamp on a guy is totally marketable.

Hell yes. You know when life gets you down it’s also bound to come around and make you happy again; right? Well, it’s happened. According to ProWrestling.net, Lance Hoyt is WE bound. I cannot express the inner turmoil of mine that has finally been laid to rest. It has been too long since WWE introduced a big man with no discernible talent and forced him down our throats. Now, no my friends this long nightmare is over. Lance Hoyt is WWE bound.  God damnit Hoyt is WWE bound.

Yeah, this was really only a matter of time. Hoyt is a tall guy with some muscles. (Say it like Popeye for comedic effect.) There actually may be something there for WWE to work with but this is definitely “don’t hold your breath” territory.  It’s more than likely he’ll be cast in the Diesel role and from there go the route of Mr. Hughes; minus the kickass sunglasses and gloves. -Jeremy

%d bloggers like this: