#ImpactLive – Total Nonsense Analysis

Day One– I think of this column as starting fresh each week. TNA has decided, against all logic, to make MVP heel already. So it makes sense that the top baby face in the company, Bully Ray, would come out and cut a promo against him. Ray also expressed his rage at the Dixie Carter clan along with MVP’s crew. After MVP’s crew came out and beat him down, Austin Aries and the Wolves came out for the save. I understand that things may move more quickly in the booking department today than it did yesteryear but it makes no sense for MVP to accept the match of himself, Bobby Lashley and Kenny King. I’m glad that MVP got the pin on Davey Richards because the heel faction needed a win. The only problem I had is that the announcers decided not to talk up Richards’ injuries from the previous week.

Bram debuted against Tigre Uno. A squash match is nice and good but Bram has given Magnus tough opponents. Beating up someone half his size doesn’t exactly prove his point. Thankfully, Magnus points out these exact points and suggests a match against Willow.

Madison Rayne not helping Brittany is mind boggling. You’re the baby face. Brittany isn’t quite Mickie James with Trish Stratus psycho so there’s no reason Rayne shouldn’t help her especially against her hated rivals! They just kicked your ass too. You’re just going to sit back and watch someone else get to fed to them? You’re a selfish bitch who should be the heel.

The Menagerie taking on the Bromans is perfect curtain jerker fodder. It’s just too bad that they forced the Gunner and Ken Anderson story line because it was irrelevant to the match and broader segment. At least it also makes sense that Anderson would have a problem with Gunner. Why not help earlier?

Brittany got help from Gail Kim but she was also cold to her. Why are you doing this to your baby face women? Or maybe I should phrase the question, why isn’t Brittany acting like more of a psycho? Both could solve the problem.

– I’m not quite sure what the conflict is between Dixie Carter and MVP. They didn’t resolve it this week either. Bully Ray & Eric Young broke up the party before it could go anywhere. Carter could at least offer ECIII’s services as a good faith gesture. I’d be fine with the heels teaming up. Again, I’m thinking wipe the slate on the stupidity of the turn. It ends with a match between EY & Bully Ray with ECIII as the guest referee. Bully Ray overshadowed the champ, which isn’t a good thing.

– Here’s the other weird thing about Brittany, if she respected the other Knockouts as much as she claims, she’d tag them. Her character has a real disconnect. She’s also taken a bad tag into her matches and taken the loss. It means there’s a story but why would she do that, again? Brittany respects these women. She would realize they dislike the Beautiful People as much as she does. Holy crap, this segment is still going on. Madison Rayne gets called out. They make Brittany look crazy for a minute but then they have the Beautiful People point out how bitchy Madison is being. It makes them look good and the crowd even cheered them. What are you people doing? You’re making every Knockout look terrible.

– I would say that TNA is copying the WWE with MVP, Bobby Lashley & Kenny King filling various ring side functions but it is  common occurrence in the “evil regime” era. The match between Bully Ray and Eric Young was pretty nondescript because of interference from the MVP side of the world. After things break down, Samoa Joe makes the save. Wasn’t Austin Aries the one with the problem? Better yet, why was Bully Ray in this match? Let him finish his feud with Dixie Carter. Put Aries in this match instead of Ray then we have three men (EY, Aries & Joe) against MVP’s crew. Bad ending to what was mostly a decent show. – Kevin

#ImpactWrestling – Total Nonsense Analysis

Self Loathing by Evelyn Astegno from fineartamerica.com

Self Loathing by Evelyn Astegno from fineartamerica.com

– I can’t believe how mind numbingly bad the opening two segments are for Impact Wrestling. MVP was walking backstage with Bobby Lashley and Kenny King. They ran into Kazarian, who was talking to Chris. It is Wrestling 101 to take out a leaving wrestler. Normally it helps to get someone over. The problem in this instance is that Kazarian was last a heel so another heel beating him up doesn’t get them over. To make matters worse, they barely beat him up. If you’re going to send someone on their way, make it count. Kick his ass from pillar to post.

MVP when finally in the ring tried to explain away plot holes that are large enough for rabbits are living in some of them. It was made quite obvious that they were back tracking to make this angle sound. Nothing made that statement more than Kenny King grabbing the mic and saying that his problems with MVP & Lashley were all faked. Going back to the Wrestling 101 handbook, I see that you need to have a reason to believe that the opposite may be true to say you hood winked someone. MVP, King & Lashley never afforded us that opportunity. I may not like Stephanie McMahon’s execution sometimes, but at least she’s saying one thing “Kane! No! Stop!” and clearly unleashing him at the same time. If you’re going to take your champion queue’s from the WWE, please pay attention to this detail in story telling.

– At least the Wolves, Davey Richards & Eddie Edwards, showed up. They were pissed about not being in on the plan. That makes complete sense. The problem though is that it also points out an obvious flaw in the plan. If MVP wanted to reign over TNA with Kenny King & Bobby Lashley, why didn’t he just hire them instead of the Wolves? Lashley came back as a baby face so he’d be great to fight against the “evil” Dixie Carter. Kenny King got reset with vignettes of him spending money all over Las Vegas acting like a baller that was supposed to get under people’s skin. Easy solution, right? Make the vignette’s portray King as a baby face, which I believe he was before whatever caused his absence and recasting. Then you have three baby faces booting the “evil” Dixie only to they themselves turn out to be corrupt. Instead the Wolves have to come out to back track to try and make this angle appear to work.

– I was thinking it during the beat down of Davey Richards & Eddie Edwards that either Eric Young or Austin Aries should have come out to save them. We would have a team of three baby faces against three heels. Instead, Eric Young is shown steaming mad coming to the ring after the damage is done. He comes out to grouse the very next segment. Why did your top baby face just leave two guys hanging who have a beef with the very same person he does? Austin Aries has also made clear since returning that he called out MVP early on and using this turn as proof that he was correct. Aries comes out to save EY which was nice but also late. His buddies from ROH were left hanging in the earlier segment too. Were you late to work? You’re a both bums Young & Aries.

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WWE To Sign Two Fresh Faces To Developmental Deals?

From Logopond.com by cspainey

From Logopond.com by cspainey

On Monday according to Prowrestling.net, the WWE was expected to sign Kevin Steen and Willie Mack to developmental contracts. It’s Thursday and nothing has been made official yet. So that gives me the time to remind everyone that the last time two ROH stars were jumping to the WWE because of a nondescript video from England, they went to TNA so that Davey Richards & Eddie Edwards could wear bad cow skin & wolf hair coats. That leaves TNA time to swoop in and sign Steen & Mack.

If that does happen, the story line will be Dixie Carter signed Steen under MVP’s nose so that she can rid herself of her Bully Ray problem. Steen will then get to fight Abyss for the TV Title completely ignoring Dixie Carter’s plan to become a baby face by supporting Eric Young for a reason that will never be mentioned on TV. Since TNA or the talents they hire can’t come up with new gimmicks Fight Steen Fight will be shortened to Fight Steen.

MVP will then hire Willie Mack because we all know that “those people” stick together. Along with Bobby Lashley and Kenny King, they’ll become the Republic of Reign. Or the Country of Supremacy. Or the Dominion of Domination. Or Association of Power. They will reign supreme over TNA until Rockstar Spud turns on Dixie Carter and becomes part of the group. He will break Jesse Sorensen’s neck again (who was re-hired by Dixie Carter too) and eventually leave the group. Willie Mack will end up turning on MVP after the crowd starts to support his new catch phrase “If Inhale The Odors from Mack’s Kitchen!” – Kevin

#ImpactWrestling – Total Nonsense Analysis

From widowsvoice.blogspot.com

From widowsvoice.blogspot.com

Things are back to normal in the DiFrango household after I got stranded in Chicago because of a smoking restroom fan in the control tower and weather related problems. My welcome back is getting to take Impact Wrestling off my DVR after I finally watch Raw. I’m glad I watched an hour this morning so it’s only a PPVs worth of wrestling for me tonight. Time to have fun at TNA’s expense.

MVP turning already is tragic. You can really tell TNA had no idea why they installed Eric Young as champion. I have no idea how this was part of MVP’s “plan.” He admitted he didn’t think EY would win the title but it sped up his plan. So the only conclusion I can make is that MVP planned on a weak champion at some point during his reign so that he could win the title. How is that a good plan? It’s the world championship. That doesn’t happen much. I know it’s TNA and all of the possible champions could be called weak but TNA can’t address it that way on TV.

– I hope this Bram character can make Magnus a more aggressive attitude. His weakness was as champ was being too much of a waffle. I hope the idea is to make Magnus consistently wanted to hurt people is installed. It sure seems that’s where it’s headed. Willow/Jeff Hardy is a good target especially if TNA plans on keeping Magnus in the main event scene. A win over him in a singles match at even a TV PPV would serve a good purpose. A distraction win for Hardy on this night is in fitting with the angle too. The only problem was it was in no way should Magnus have been pinned with a small package, barely damaged.

Eric Young trashing MVP’s office isn’t cool like TNA intended. It’s EY acting like a child. You didn’t get a beat down like HHH gave to Daniel Bryan. It was a cheap attack but he didn’t handcuff you and beat the snot out of you. EY has no reason to be this pissed off. MVP is no different than any other opponent he could have named for you. Did EY think he’d fight some cream puff?

– Do I really need to go into why the Bully Ray vs Dixie Carter stuff is terrible? Same thing, week after week. Just because you “shoot on location” doesn’t mean it’s different.

Gail Kim and The Beautiful People is bombing because Kim isn’t over as a heel and the Beautiful People aren’t hated as heels. Taz & Mike Tenay pointing out how over Kim was only made it more obvious amongst the tepid response. Just like other acts in TNA, the Beautiful People are only together again because they were once great but now are stale. They haven’t freshened up the act at all. It doesn’t really matter that Kim beat Velvet Sky. Everyone knows Velvet is the “road block” to the champ Angelina Love. Perfect example of not freshening up the act. Sky stuck around, shouldn’t she be the champ supported by Angelina.

Rebel has a fantastic heiney. Other than that, I wasn’t impressed last week by The Menagerie. TNA in no way let on that Knux was part of a carnival family. How did a flood kill the business then? You’re mobile! Get the fuck away from where ever it was going to flood. Fuck you if you decided to still it out. Crazy Steve is taking on the nearly departed Kazarian. It ended up in a DQ win for Kazarian. It made no sense. Knux looks like he decided to pack on some weight too.

– Immediately after this lengthy waste of time, Austin Aries confronts MVP about not being honest. Hey, a positive! TNA remembers that Aries called MVP a phony not that long ago when he joined Bobby Roode. Aries clocks one of the body guards which gets him booted by the others. Eric Young then attacks MVP and they cut to commercial. They follow up their lone positive with a terrible mistake. They are still fighting after the break. MVP and Young even fight into the ring. Thanks for giving away your match. Young also made his comeback after MVP stomped his arm in a chair. Taz had the misfortune of trying to still sell the arm injury. MVP then declares their match tonight. Nothing like solving a problem (MVP turning already) by creating a larger one, burning through Young’s few options as credible opponents as quickly as possible. First Abyss, then Bobby Roode and now MVP. Congrats on lording the title of worst organization over ROH.

– Do you remember a time when James Storm against Ken Anderson would have been anticipated? I don’t either. I wasn’t planning on typing anything other than the winner of the match but Storm did something so dumb, it had to be noted. After distracting the ref and giving Anderson the old trick knee, he puts his feet on the ropes for the pin with the referee having a clear view. Having Storm win with beer to the eyes is a way to extend a meaningless feud.

– I like that TNA is using video packages for Sanada‘s promo time. WWE could learn something about wrestlers who don’t speak English. Unfortunately, they are using his approval from the Great Muta entirely too much. Let him focus on being great now that you’ve developed his ties to Muta over his first several months in TNA. Tigre Uno being in the match makes no sense since he already lost in a best of three series with Sanada. I love DJ Z in this spot because he’s a good wrestler but it’s odd for the lackey of a group to be going after the singles title. Sanada pins DJ Z with a double underhook bridging suplex. Have DJ Z pin Sanada in a non-title match so that they can have another title fight.

EC3 moving on to Bully Ray after finishing off Kurt Angle makes sense. It’s the only part of the segments that made any sense. Even if EC3 doesn’t deserve it.

– I have no idea why Kenny King is joining forces with MVP. They just hated each other! Even the announcers were forced to mention the recent feud. Then Bobby Lashley joined the crew. It’s not just the WWE that teams together all of the black gentlemen. What a horrific group with no commonalities. They didn’t even foreshadow this group coming together. How do you book something this poorly? So it’s EY & Austin Aries vs MVP, Kenny King & Bobby Lashley? My head hurts. Impact Wrestling is the worst. – Kevin

@ImpactWrestling – Total Nonsense Analysis

Retro Never Dies by Jazzgin from Hongkiat.com

Retro Never Dies by Jazzgin from Hongkiat.com

I checked Prowrestling.net after coming back from a trip to Altoona for my nephews’ and sister’s birthday which got joined in by Easter. I noticed that the biggest news of the weekend may have been Jim Ross commenting on the possibility of Renee Young going to ESPN. I too like Ross believe that the rumor seems to be coming awful fast. She has enjoyed a quick rise in the WWE, but she still seems a bit fresh to be on ESPN’s radar. I won’t watch ESPN any more if she’s on there so she’ll be missed but I’m sure the WWE can pull someone in just as hot. Too bad they won’t be as competent.

Since that news wasn’t that big. I decided to keep going with the amusement that I found in Impact Wrestling this week. The Eric Young is Daniel Bryan recreation hit another level when Dixie Carter tried to rain on his parade (Cough, Authority, cough) but she is interrupted by Bully Ray who came out to endorse EY. Impact Wrestling evidently considers it to use Bully Ray, who is off to a poor start as a baby face, to mimic John Cena endorsing Bryan. The only problem other than Bully Ray’s overness problem, is that John Cena endorsed Daniel Bryan after he beat him on PPV. EY has not beaten Bully Ray in even on of those TV “PPVs” that Impact Wrestling hosts. Even if you consider Bully Ray’s heel turn a roaring success (I do), he’s not exactly on the level of John Cena. If Bully Ray starts saying he’s the measuring stick of Impact Wrestling, I’ll scream. They continue to miss the finer points of simple logic.

They weren’t done yet. Any of us with half of a brain said, EY just lost to Abyss about two weeks ago. So how else can Impact Wrestling prove that EY is credible? Let’s have him beat Abyss in a Monster’s Ball match. Yuck, stop trying to retroactively prove how good Eric Young is. We know you’re trying to make up for a terrible decision. The other thing that doesn’t help is that it was a gimmick match. The majority of EY’s matches over his entire career have been comedy or gimmick matches. If you want to convince me that EY is a true champion, show me that he can hold a good match. Daniel Bryan wrestled two non-gimmicked matches at Wrestlemania. Another point of logic that Impact Wrestling is missing. – Kevin

Stunt Granny Audio Show#248

That's nice. Now when is he leaving?

That’s nice. Now when is he leaving?

Can you believe it’s time for another edition of Stunt Granny Audio?! Well, you better believe it, you dummy, because it totally is! This time around, Kevin and Dusty guide you through the latest and greatest happenings in the world of professional wrestling. Jay Lethal had some stuff to say, but really it was just an excuse for everyone to call him an ass goblin and talk about CM Punk. Was Punk really being treated unfairly in the booking? Was it an insult to book him against Triple H at Mania? Would he fit in to the current ROH scene? Or worse, TNA? How does WWE see Punk in the grand scheme of things?

They then move on to talk about Daniel Bryan and how his YES chant is catching fire across the globe. Many sports teams are picking up on it. Bryan could be a breakout superstar in the business because of this whole thing. Also, what is stopping the Miz from going any higher up the card? Dusty makes a bold prediction about the Miz as well. Also, there is discussion about Ethan Carter III in TNA. He was given the opportunity a lot of wrestlers would kill for with this gimmick, but can he carry the weight? All this and a whole lot more nonsense that you’ll have to hear to believe, so hear it already.

@ImpactWrestling – Total Nonsense Analysis

norweigan-curling-pants

From money.cnn.com

Dixie Carter and Magnus complained about MVP who came out with Samoa Joe.  I couldn’t concentrate on the promos because of the hideous outfit of Rockstar Spud. You can go crazy with design and still look good. Those pants above are a perfect example. Plus, I watch entirely too much curling during the Olympics and needed to find a way to put this picture on the site. Gunner was an idiot for telling Magnus in advance when he’d take advantage of his briefcase. The end result of all the wrangling was Gunner having to put his brief case up against EC3, who has to put his briefcase, that is for the tag team championships, up too. After five minutes of a match, Magnus comes down to interfere so James Storm evens the odds. Then MVP comes back out and makes it a tag team match for the briefcases. Now if you just had a give and take for match stipulations to start the show, why didn’t Dixie counter this change? Will she get a unilateral change later? Gunner ends up taking down the briefcases which makes the most sense. They seem to want to have a break out star in Gunner so he needs the win to retain thre World Title opportunity. It seemed entirely too short of a match because of the stakes.

– I’ve got to say I like MVP as a character so far in his very short time in TNA. He’s still got it on the mic. It won’t make a cent of difference in the long run if they keep him in flummoxing stories like above. The Bromans get a match against The Wolves, Davey Richards & Eddie Edwards, and a mystery opponent. I FF to find out simply because I’m behind. Samoa Joe is their partner. I get the significance of having Joe the partner of his friends from ROH but shouldn’t they be featured by themselves for their first in ring appearance in TNA? Doesn’t seem like a hard thing to accomplish. Make it a non-title match with Robbie E & Jesse. Zema Ion tapped to the Rear Naked Choke. Again, shouldn’t the Wolves get the victory here? I know Joe is going for the title but it’s all the more reason to not have him in the match!

Dixie Carter got her unilateral decision by upholding the Velvet Sky versus Chris Sabin match. Because that’s a fair match up. Ugh. MVP gets berated by Rockstar Spud so MVP schedules a match against him. Huh? Why didn’t you save Velvet then? I’m so confused. I liked MVP’s mic skills but again the story makes no sense so it won’t help. Abyss calls out Eric Young. I’m disappointed that Abyss is walking away after developing his character so much. Realize you’re a combination of the two characters and we’ve got a nice mix.

– My favorite part of the MVP versus Rockstar Spud match was when Mike Tenay tried to make it sound like he had called MVP’s matches before. Taz politely corrected him. I’m not sure how he pulled that off but it was perfect. Best thing Taz has done in a long time.

– We get it, Bobby Roode is turning face. In my best Wade Keller voice: Does he have to intimidate a woman though? I haven’t seen any spoilers so the Willow character is Jeff Hardy, right? Chris Sabin and Velvet Sky have their match. TNA decided to invest in another large woman who can’t wrestle. Yep, spending money more wisely after getting rid of Hulk Hogan, AJ Styles and those other schlubs. Bring in new schlubs. That’s the answer.

– Just as I start to type about not being interested in the main event involving Mr. Anderson and Bully Ray, the crowd started chanting “This is awesome.” Jeremy & I talked about it on the audio this week, the athleticism shown on WWE TV these days is through the roof. This match showed none of that. Even the “extreme” aspects seemed plodding to me. Then just to cap off this awful match, Ken Anderson Mic Checks Bully Ray into the casket out of the blue for the victory. Bully Ray had just been stomping the tar out of him. How does that type of finish resolve a blood feud? You need a defining win. They also decided to air another skit with MVP and Dixie Carter fighting for power. We didn’t need it, it served no purpose and a blood feud main event match really could have used another five minutes of beating the hell out of each other. Jiminy cricket. – Kevin

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