Main Event Review From Someone Who Actually Watches It

Night Sky by Mark Unrau by way of boombeats.com

Night Sky by Mark Unrau by way of boombeats.com

Triple H starts the show off with more star power than usual. He says that a lot of people are asking “Why?” lately. In particular, they’re asking why did the Authority strip Daniel Bryan of the WWE World Heavyweight Championship? Triple H explains that they did it for the fans because they deserve a fighting champion. He runs down the list of superstars who have already qualified. He then promises that there would be something magical, historical, and unforgettable at Money In The Bank; that being the guarantee of a new champion. He transitions to the other reason people are asking “Why?” and introduces Seth Rollins.

Seth Rollins comes down to the ring wearing a new gray suit/black shirt combo. I don’t really like it compared to his usual all black look. He says that when he laid out his now former partners he felt power like he never felt before. He calls it a power Reigns, Ambrose, and the fans would never feel because they are too afraid to create and seize opportunity. He praises Triple H as someone who knows how to get to the top and calls his former partners dead weight he needed to cut loose so he could “adapt and evolve”. Just as he says his new “Evolution of Seth Rollins” catchphrase he is interrupted by his opponent tonight Dolph Ziggler who calls Rollins a “self-centered scumbag traitor” who needs his “egotistical boss holding his hand”. Good opening promo.

Jimmy Uso vs. Luke Harper

As the match began the announcers wondered whether The Wyatts’ two victories ensured them a future shot at the Tag Team Championship. If that doesn’t then what does?  They go back and forth at the beginning until Harper throws Uso into the middle rope throat first. Harper then hits Uso with a suplex and goes for the Gator Roll into a side headlock. Uso fights out of the headlock and is finally able able to mount a major offensive move with a corkscrew somersault onto Harper. Uso is not in charge long as Harper nails him with a big boot. Uso backdrops Harper out of the ring on a running charge. Uso is cut off from hitting a suicide dive but a forearm. Harper re-enters the ring and goes for his spinning clothesline but Uso ducks, superkicks Harper, and pins his dazed opponent after a roll-up for the win. Decent short match.

Lana comes out to address American women who she calls slaves to commercialism. Lana calls them overweight and fat and says their men really want her but they can’t have her because Russian men are strong like Vladimir Putin.

Rusev vs. Kofi Kingston

Nothing much happens until Rusev clubs Kofi in the back of the head and stomps away viciously. Kofi gets only short hope spots as he is caught every time by Rusev. A fall away slam leads to Kofi being dumped to the outside where his is whipped from ring apron to retaining wall by Rusev. Back in the ring Kofi stuns Rusev with a dropkick but is caught again running the ropes by Rusev’s superkick. Rusev then finishes Kofi with The Accolade for the tap out. Rusev and Lana celebrate afterwards in front of the Russian flag.

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Stunt Granny Audio #256

Jeremy and Kevin get off to a roaring start by talking about how Dolph Ziggler is Kevin’s child. Does Kevin really look like he could have a child who graduated from Kent State? How dumb is the waitress that asked him this question? Is she dating anyone important to the story? They move into talking about the Godzilla trailer above. Jeremy adeptly tells Kevin what the difference is between Mothra and Rodan. What else can Jeremy tell the forgetful one? How great would Bryan Cranston be if he had a bad over dubbed Japanese voice? What do the guys think of movies with subtitles? Speaking of disasters, they finally pivot into talking about wrestling and more specifically TNA or Impact Wrestling. How did Eric Young get crowned TNA Champion when an actual pay per view was held two weeks later? How do they expect us to believe that crowning Eric Young was always in their plans? What other character in the title struggle reminds Kevin of another WWE character? If Eric Young isn’t worthy of a title reign, who is in TNA? Jeremy & Kevin finally get around to talking about the WWE, specifically about the John Cena and Bray Wyatt segment to open the show. What is working for that segment specifically? How creepy was it to have a child on Wyatt’s lap? Does anyone know who Uncle Paul is? Could the WWE have made it creepier? When should Renee Young have been done interviewing John Cena? Why does he wreck his own angle? Why can’t the announcers make an impact on the angle through words? Was Jim Ross right about Michael Cole all along? Who wins Cena and Wyatt’s cage match at TLC on Sunday? Find out that and more when you click on the link below!

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

sigh-of-reliefSo I’m watching this game between the Penguins & Bluejackets for entirely too much time. The Pens got a 2-0 lead pretty quickly. They then made it 4-0 in the 2nd period so that they hopefully would avoid the jinx of the 3-1 lead in this series. (Next Day Note: I had to re-write the beginning but should have scrapped even more because I didn’t watch that game for too long. The Pens lolly gagging on a PP led to the Jackets getting a burr under their saddle.) They tried to blow it by allowing three goals in the third period but got their shit together long enough to hold off the Jackets. I’m going to be so happy to “upgrade” the announcers next round to the morons on NBCSN. Very slight upgrade. Time for wrestling. Let’s roll.

John Cena is in the ring first inside a cage. I just sat back and listened because when Cena is on, he can really spin a yarn. He did by asking why the crowd picked the worst odds for him. Cena needs to contain the message of Bray Wyatt because the fans don’t understand how bad that could be. Okay, so that part is a little over dramatic but we’re talking wrestling here. A choir of children sign for Bray Wyatt. He then marches down to the ring with the Family and the choir. They end up having the lambs masks on after Wyatt blows out the kerosene lamp. We get a dull “Cena” chant. This angle has edged his crowd more than normal in the somewhat favor or Wyatt, who gets sing alongs but not much otherwise. He laughs as he rocks one of the children. It’s supposed to draw more heat, right? Good stuff though.

Rybaxel is taking on The Usos for the tag team championships. Curtis Axel starts against Jey, who I can now remember has the full tattoo on his right shoulder. Ryback comes in and of course uses brute force. He misses a splash so that Jimmy come in. Flying Usos. Jey holds his left ankle at the break. (Next Day Note: I was wondering if they’d move the titles to Rybaxel until the “injury.” Sure fire sign the baby faces win.) Jimmy is taking the beat down. Jey ends up getting a hot tag even with the injury. It holds up long enough for a Samoan Drop. Corner splash only gets a two count. Ryback gets a tag behind Jey. He power slams Jey but only gets two. Super kick as Ryback goes for the Meathook Clothesline. Ryback clothes line Jey. Sunset flip by Jey only gets a two. Jimmy gets a tag behind Axel’s back. Jey takes a Perfectplex but Jimmy splashes Axel for the win. Fun stuff. I hope Rybaxel stays together. Sad that’s a statement after a loss in a TV title match.

Paul Heyman admits his faults to Cesaro but guarantees he takes his clients to the top. It’s enough for Cesaro. (Next Day Note: I’d like to hear more from Cesaro but there’s time.) It was all Steph vs Daniel Bryan stuff afterwards. Thanks for letting me play catch up.

Titus O’Neil attacks Sheamus from behind as he made his way down to the ring. Titus tries to take it to Sheamus. The ref breaks it up. Sheamus comes out of the corner with a Brogue Kick for the win. Goodnight to O’Neil’s career of relevance. That’s all I had to type for another segment.

Dolph Ziggler, who I learned is my child over the weekend, (Next Day Note: I was wearing Kent State gear at a bar over the weekend and the waitress asked me if my child went to KSU. I knew I was getting old but not that old.) who gets to introduce Hugh Jackman. Of course they bring up the punch. “Jack Swagger has kicked me harder than that.” is a nice line from Ziggler. Damien Sandow comes out dressed in Magneto’s oversized outfit. This segment is going nowhere fast. They act like Sandow can pull the mic towards hip. Jackman hip tosses Sandow and the he gets Zig Zagged. Woof. Video packages for a PPV = time saving device though it’s good practices by the WWE. (Next Day Note: It also prevents me from typing as much as normal.)

I'm hot so I know what looks good. I picked Jack's new hair cut. Any questions?

I’m hot so I know what looks good. I picked it just for him. From pwmania.com.

Zeb Colter & Jack Swagger come to the ring. Paul Heyman comes out and tries to shame the crowd by saying his kids love him. Oh man, how did I not see that coming with the joke about the Undertaker? I hope that’s the end of the ground beating on the Streak talk too. Good timing to stop after a funny couple of weeks. Cesaro gets introduced. I saw someone complaining about Cesaro’s music on Twitter while looking at game tweets. I agree. It sucks. Cesaro takes control early. Swagger is trying another dopey hair cut. Swagger finally locks up Cesaro with a reverse full nelson. Colter grabs Cesaro’s leg. Swagger takes advantage. Paul Heyman grabs Colter’s mustache. Swagger gets distracted. German suplex for the Cesaro win. Weird finisher. Renee Young wants a reaction from John Cena. He gives no answer just a look of concern.

Cody Rhodes is taking on Alberto Del Rio. Goldust is in Rhodes’ corner. Del Rio takes control when I start paying attention. I was trying to do other stuff. Cody gets out of a reverse chin lock. Cody kicks Del Rio in “the gut.” Del Rio locks in the cross arm breaker. Cody holds out but eventually taps. Cody is still pissed at Goldust. (Next Day Note: I’m not sure why Cody is getting another singles push. I can’t wait for the next inevitable one trick pony gimmick he gets.)

Alexander Rusev gets introduced while Xavier Woods is in the ring. Why is he taking him on again in singles competition? Rusev goes for the Accolade when R Truth clocks him for the DQ win. Woods & Truth work together to get him out of the ring. Lana wisely holds back Rusev. (Next Day Note: Rusev is going nowhere fast.) They show John Cena granting wishes today. Renee Young gets my attention when she talks to RVD. Bad News is going to receive some tonight. Zeb Colter asks RVD to help get rid of their common enemy. He gives a stoner response, grandpa.

Los Matadores is taking on 3MB again. Holy crap. A Wee LC Match. I pay little attention to this match because the high light is the little guys on the outside. Heath Slater pins Fernando. “Barry Horowitz is spinning in his grave but he’s not dead yet.” – JBL.

Stephanie McMahon comes to the ring. Daniel Bryan comes out to the ramp before she says anything. Bryan says “She’s full of crap.” Harsh words. She admits her faults. She just wanted a credible opponent for TLC for Bryan. Brie gets a Divas Title match out of the gig. Ominously, Kane’s mask is gone.

From quicklol.com

From quicklol.com

Paige doesn’t get an entrance. Brie gets the offense in first. Paige goes psycho and takes over. Paige knees Brie who was tied up in the ropes. Running knee by Brie is not sold enough. (Next Day Note: Paige takes a knee to the head but recovers before Brie was even on the top rope. Whoever laid out the match didn’t think about that much.) Paige superplexes her. Kane comes up through the ring. Why are broads too dumb to run? Bryan clocks Kane with a giant monkey wrench. Kane recovers as Brie is shuffled out of the ring. But she goes back in for some stupid broad reason after Bryan gets choke slammed. Good build up for such short notice. (Next Day Note: Although in no way do I still buy Kane as a credible opponent.)

Stephanie plays sorry again. Brie “Bitch, get out.” PG rated, right? Renee Young finds John Cena for a second time. Cena just can’t help himself. Stop making the dumb jokes. You’re tainting the greatness you dealt to start the show. Wade Barrett cheers me up with his promo when cutting down of RVD.

RVD takes on Barrett in the IC Title Tournament. They pimp a Big E interview online since he has barely been seen except for short peaks from the back. (Next Day Note: Another shot of Big E rubbing his chin hit right after I typed that.) Barrett gets in some early shots. RVD takes over. Barrett back elbows out of the ring. B-n-B with the thumbs. Barrett kicks RVD “in the stomach.” Barrett has a reverse chin lock. RVD fights out. Winds of Change by Barrett only gets a two count. Neck breaker by Barrett. RVD warms it up as I realize I forgot to tape The Boondocks. I suck. Cesaro comes to the ring. RVD is distracted. Swagger comes down. Barrett misses the Bull Hammer. RVD goes to the top when Cesaro interferes again. Bull Hammer Elbow leads to the win. I hope the match on Sunday is better. (Next Day Note: I meant Barrett vs Big E. Lots of noise surrounding this match. Not sure why RVD got drug into the Real Americans break up aside from the Heyman reference.) Cesaro attacks RVD. Swagger attacks Cesaro. Then RVD. Then RVD gets to go over on both of them. That was a serious Five Star in the distance department. The Shield is in blue light. Dean Ambrose notes that it’s past Evolution’s time. Seth Rollins thinks they believe in false power. Roman Reigns thinks Randy Orton is the past and he’s the future. Believe in the Shield.

HHH, Randy Orton and Batista come to the ring. They each get short promos. Weird that you book the main event so tight. I’m sure this ends in a brawl. Ric Flair’s music hits and he comes out. He sells them out, right? Yep, after he talks up his ties with Evolution, he picks the Shield. Then walks away. Unless this ends in a hurry, I’m not catching the end. Mitchell Cool mentions “cream puff” again. They really want that to catch on or are rubbing in a terrible choice of words. HHH yanks Reigns leg as he sets up for the Superman Punch. Ambrose & Rollins attack HHH & Batista. Superman punch connects as my DVR comes to a halt. Piss off for the first time since WM, WWE. – Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

the-ultimate-warriorSo I have completely forgotten what my introduction was going to be tonight. I had something in mind earlier today and I should have written it. Oh well. Let’s roll.

They start off with a nice Warrior Tribute. It’s tough to see. I loved him as a child. I thought he was walking funny last week while we were at Raw but in no way was I expecting that. It still hurts a little bit. Another bummer from today was the passing of Otto Petersen who was a ventriloquist comedian. I’ll post some of his stuff later. I always got a laughed at his material when he was on Opie & Anthony.

Alberto Del Rio takes on RVD is a tournament to take on Big E Langston for the IC Title. Does someone really want a shot at that title? Nothing much happening before the break. We missed Rolling Thunder but not. Del Rio counters the split legged moonsault. Del Rio only gets a two from a Backstabber. RVD nails a heel kick when Del Rio came off the top rope. Del Rio catches RVD going to the top. An enziguri only gets Del Rio a two count. Thank goodness the scissor pin didn’t work. IT’s worse than a regular roll up. Five Star Frog Splash. I’m expecting him to job to Cesaro after his win later tonight. Enough with the brackets already!

After a nice little video package, Stephanie, HHH, Randy Orton & Batista are talking. I just can’t take JBL seriously. It’s okay for the boss to assault the wrestler but it’s not okay for the wrestler to assault the boss. I remember watching the Ultimate Warrior beating Honky Man. Man, would I bitch about how short that match is now after a nice long build up. Then, I was happy as a clam. Funny what time will do to you.

HHH is coming out of his talk about the World Title situation. Stephanie knows who can stop the Shield. Nobody can stop Evolution if we stay on the same page. Batista & Randy Orton sell HHH down the river. It smells of set up to me. (Next Day Note: I was wrong. Stupid Shield. Granted Evolution did resolve their difference so same end result that I was expecting.) Rybaxel is taking on Goldust & Cody Rhodes. Goldust starts against Curtis Axel. Goldust gets the upper hand and tags in Cody Rhodes. Goldust comes back in to work over Axel. Curtis creates an opening and tags in Ryback. They tag in and out to work over Goldust. Cody gets in and goes to work on Ryback. I love when Mitchell Cool has to say “He just barely got him.” Is that worse than going “Wow, he really blew that spot?” Cody nailed Axel with the Disaster Kick. He went to do it to Ryback who caught him with the Meathook Clothesline for the win.

They did a good job of informing us who don’t watch NXT what Paige is all about. I was thinking it was Sara Del Ray who came out. I could do without the Goth White Face. She is taking on Alicia Fox. I can’t believe she’s only 21. I didn’t think she was old but wow. I was asking if anyone extra young could make it in the WWE these days. Alicia Fox is whooping on Paige for the beginning of the match. A thrust kick to the stomach stops Fox. Paige does a triple clothesline. Paige locks in a modified Scorpion Cross Lock, at least according to Cool. She seems to be getting a lot from Ms Chif’s character.

The Usos are taking on Batista & Randy Orton for some revenge. They get off to a quick start with the double over the rope splash. The new chest tattoo has thrown me and the announce team for a loop on which Uso is which. I don’t remember Cool saying anything on Smackdown either. I know one is larger than the other but I still have a hard time telling them apart. Batista & Orton are beating one of them down. It looks like Batista is wearing soccer shin pads. Orton goes on the attack against the other one. The Shield takes out Orton for the DQ. They surround Batista. Superman punch sends Batista outside where Orton drags him away. I’m not sure why the Shield would do that. Let Batista & Orton stay off of Hunter’s agenda as long as possible. I was so pumped up watching Wrestlemania VI.

HHH greets Batista & Randy Orton then walks away. I think that was well done. It’s officially even more awesome that Paul Heyman gets to gloat about Brock Lesnar breaking the Streak than the Streak continuing. I was a little skeptical of Lesnar being the one but the reason I didn’t want it to happen, mostly he had the credentials already, are also a perfect argument for why he should have won too. Heyman then introduces Cesaro. He is taking on Mark Henry. Cesaro is just going straight at Henry which is having moderate success. Flying Uppercut knocks down Henry finally. Neutralizer for the win. Do they give him the IC Title? They haven’t done much with Big E recently.

HHH is talking to Brad Maddox. He is to relay a message to the Shield about their match in the main event. I’m disappointed that Maddox is reduced to this little air time. I think he’s a good character. Lana introduces Alexander Rusev. I asked last week on the Facebook & Twitter why Rusev wasn’t over like some of the other NXT call ups. The one response I got said it’s because he’s not as quick as the others. I can see that angle. I think the whole from another country gimmick isn’t working like it once used to. (Next Day Note: Alberto Del Rio hasn’t exactly gotten over being Mr. Mexico. The Great Khali & Jinder Mahal haven’t gotten heat at different times for being from India. Sheamus isn’t over because he’s from Ireland. Sure, the fighting thing factors into his popularity which has “stemmed” from being Irish but I think people like brawlers in general.) People aren’t viewing him as Commie scum from Bulgaria. Rusev taps out Xavier Woods with a camel clutch.

I loved that blue cage. It took me a while to get used to the cage that I feel hasn’t changed much since I started watching again in 1997. Jack Swagger is taking on Sheamus in the IC Title Tournament.  Swagger gets dumped to the outside. Sheamus is ready to club Swagger when Zeb Colter distracts him. Swagger would make sense as an opponent for Big E. I’m not sure Sheamus loses to Swagger. He could lose to Bad News Barrett. Swagger misses a charge in the corner. Sheamus takes advantage. Sheamus with a new running knee in the corner. (Next Day Note: I mentioned that move because I don’t think I’ve seen that from Sheamus before.) Sheamus gets in the clubbing now. Sheamus sling shots himself into a Patriot Lock. Sheamus powers out of it. Swagger attacks Sheamus’s knee. Brogue Kick out of nowhere for the win. As soon as I saw the brackets, I knew my boy was losing so this result confirmed it.

Damien Sandow is mad because Big Show made his entrance during his speech. It helps make his point. Well played WWE. Big Show ends up KOing him when he gets in his face later. (Next Day Note: Good promo but it goes for naught when Show goes over. It was funny but I’m not sure I want Sandow to be a comedy act.) The Wyatts are next.

Birmingham, we’re here. Bray Wyatt is different. He has never lied to the crowd. John Cena is lying to us all. He is beast. Wyatt calls out Cena. The Wyatts can’t take on the Shield now too, right? This is too long of a segment. John Cena answers the call. He makes his usual jokes about their outfits. He’s getting a mixed reaction to the Roll Tide comment. Oh Jiminy Cricket. It’s Photoshop class. John Cena ends up challenging him to a steel cage match because those always keep people out.  (Eyes rolling.)

Layla-Underwear

Fandango gets an inset promo where Layla El gets to fawn him. It’s one way to repackage him. He won on Smackdown so I assume the momentum will continue. Layla tags in to save Fandango from the Cobra. Emma locks in “the Dilemma”.  Santino takes out Fandango but it distracts Emma. Layla takes advantage, yanks Emma off the middle rope and pins her. Stephanie gets to berate Kane. He’s quibbled with people lower than him. Stephanie talks up his mean streak. Kane stares at the mask and then uncovers it. Kane is going to send Daniel Bryan to the depths of hell. I’m frightened! (Next Day Note: It does give Bryan something to do while Batista & Orton deal with The Shield and Lesnar enjoys his time off.)

Bad News Barrett is going to beat my boy Dolph Ziggler. Barrett got in the offense early. Ziggler made a brief come back. Ziggler got tossed against a ring post. Commercial. Barrett rams his own shoulder into the ring post. Ziggler cross body blocks him then punches a lot. Waste Land but Ziggler kicks out. Barrett goes for a pump handle slam but Ziggler reverses out and nails a Fame Asser. These people have a low threshold for awesome. Barrett takes too long on the top rope. Facebuster off the top ropes on a second attempt. Ziggler only gets a two count. Even Mitchell Cool isn’t buying what the crowd is selling. Ziggler kicks out of the Winds of Change. Ziggler reverses out of some stuff but ends up catching the Bull Hammer Elbow for the Barrett win. (Next Day Note: It was almost like an ROH match with Ziggler kicking out of 2 old finishers except it’s been made obvious that the Elbow is his finisher. Waste Land was pretty lame as a finisher so I’m good with it.)

The Shield are facing Alberto Del Rio, Jack Swagger, Fandango, 3MB, Titus O’Neil, Rybaxel, Alexander Rusev and Wade Barrett. If the team with more men doesn’t use it to their advantage, the Shield can win. Seth Rollins gets to take the beating for the Shield. Reigns takes out Ryback but the rest of the team assaults him. Rollins dives over the rope onto everyone. I know Bryan can’t help but shouldn’t some other people help? Someone else doesn’t like the Authority, right? Evolution comes down and lays waste to the Shield after they’re beaten. You know, this may not have been the WWE’s plan when Batista came back. But I love it a hell of a lot more than any conceivable Batista baby face run. – Kevin

Wrestlemania XXX Preview: The Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Andre The Giant Battle RoyalJeremy & Kevin start the second half of their Wrestlemania previews with a look at a match announced by Hulk Hogan, the Andre The Giant Battle Royal. He didn’t announce what the prize was for winning. The WWE hasn’t announced anything in the time since then. So does it matter if Big Show wins? Or will he get to continue his losing ways? Does it matter that Dolph Ziggler has been on a winning streak? How about Big E Langston who isn’t defending the Intercontinental Title? Could a returning Rey Mysterio beat the odds again? Will Kofi Kingston get to be a spot monkey? Will Sheamus Brogue Kick everyone out of the ring? Will one of the mystery guests win the Battle Royal? Is anyone speculating on who will be in the vacant spots? Jeremy & Kevin’s big question of this show though is, why are some of these other jokers getting a Wrestlemania bonus if they can’t crack one of the main television shows? Shouldn’t the over talent want an even larger slice of the pie? Both of yours hosts would so click on the link below for something we won’t earn a dime off.

 

WrestleMania XXX Preview Shows
WrestleMania XXX Preview: WWE Tag Team Championship Fatal 4-Way Match
WrestleMania XXX Preview: Bray Wyatt vs John Cena
WrestleMania XXX Preview: Vickie Guerrero Divas Championship Invitational
WrestleMania XXX Preview: Brock Lesnar vs The Undertaker

Stunt Granny Audio Show #253

Fanning Yourself With MoneyJeremy & Kevin start the show off by talking about Charlotte’s mayor being picked up by the FBI on bribery charges. What exactly was he taking bribes for? And is his wife in deep trouble too? Will she have something to help sell her fellow prisoners? They finally get around to talking about wrestling by talking about the ratings on Impact Wrestling and Total Divas. Does it matter that TNA lost to the Divas even though they’re on different networks and days of the week? Why are people still checking out the ratings by the quarter hour? What does the swing in ratings mean about the hard core audience? One person who wasn’t a factor in the ratings this week on Raw was Daniel Bryan. Was it good that he was selling his beating so close to Wrestlemania? Is there an expectation to see wrestlers no matter how much of a beat down they have received? How could Daniel Bryan benefit from being off this week? Did HHH & Stephanie take advantage of his absence to heel it up? Jeremy & Kevin move along to talking the build up for Brock Lesnar versus Undertaker. Why does Undertaker always get the upper hand in their exchanges? Doesn’t that cement what everyone already thinks, that the Undertaker will win his 22 straight match? Why is the WWE concentrating on building up Undertaker when they need to build up Brock as good enough to break the streak? The Undertaker is definitely near the end of his career, but is Christian also with his most recent injury? How long has Christian been back from TNA? Has Christian had a Hall of Fame career? Who does the WWE have to replace him? Find out the answer to these questions and more when you click on the link below!

Shahid’s Blog: CM Punk and The Culture of Personality

CM-Punk-cm-punk-29763250-680-768

Apparently CM Punk is returning from his brief hiatus to Monday Night Raw in Chicago.  Perhaps he’ll cut another promo explaining his absence, and is inserted into the title match.  Maybe he’ll complain about HHH holding him down, and switch positions with Daniel Bryan.  Neither the reasons regarding his departure nor the cause of his return are of importance to me.  If he was able to finagle himself into a higher position at WrestleMania, then God bless him.  Wrestling is a ruthless business, and the primary goal of an individual is to maximize their earnings while minimizing risk.  I’m not a fan of CM Punk, but I have admiration for his drive, and can appreciate his difficult journey towards the upper echelon of WWE.  Since he’s talked of retiring in the near future, he should use whatever leverage he has accumulated to achieve his main event goals before he rides off in the sunset.  He’s not a villain for doing so, and he is no different than any other wrestler who has used similar tactics.

He’s also no better than any of those wrestlers.  I’m aware of the legend of CM Punk.  An indy anarchist who overcame a broken home to walk his own straight edge path.  A super nerd who plows through the hottest women in (and sometimes outside) wrestling. A pipe bomb slinging truthslayer who somehow defeated the evil booking of Vince McMahon and the chicanery of the locker room politics.  He’s somehow reached the apex of WWE even though he’s a proud Paul Heyman guy, and not a muscled up manufactured mimbo like John Cena, Randy Orton or Batista.  And now he’s going to ride into Chicago as the conquering hero, due to the power of his fans, who hijacked the system and saved us all.

What a bunch of nonsense. CM Punk, after being frustrated with booking, decides not to resign when his contract expires.  He’s allowed to cut a shoot style promo, burying popular superstars, and playing into internet stereotypes, while being a heel.  He beats John Cena for the title at Money In The Bank in his home town, and leaves with the belt.  He comes back, while holding the belt, with a raise and a higher position on the card.  He has a high profile match with HHH and deals with some nonsense from Kevin Nash.  Then he wins the belt again, and has the sixth longest title reign in WWE History.  He has two main event title matches with The Rock, followed by a WrestleMania match against The Undertaker.  Not to mention a PPV match with Brock Lesnar at Summerslam.  Now, with him speaking of retiring again after his contract expires, he decides to go home because he doesn’t like his position on the WrestleMania card.  Or he needs a break from the road, or perhaps frustration with part timers moonlighting as super stars stealing his spotlight.  Or something.

How is any of that WWE’s fault?  Why is Batista being punished for being offered a position based on his name and legacy?   Why do we have to hear CM Punk chants during Randy Orton Matches, or angry fans chanting for Randy Savage or Husky Harris during main events involving young talent?  CM Punk left and came back on his own accord.  WWE didn’t send him home.  Vince, Steph and HHH didn’t frame him for a wellness violation. For all this talk about looking out for the full timers and young talent looking to climb the career ladder, his actions have done damage to those individuals.

I wonder how Daniel Bryan would feel if he got pushed down the card because Punk was rewarded for his temper tantrum.  I seriously doubt The Shield, or Kofi Kingston, or The Usos appreciate hearing CM Punk chants while they’re busting their ass trying to do their jobs.  John Cena, who is a bigger star than CM Punk, is in a midcard feud with Bray Wyatt for WrestleMania.  I don’t hear his fans throwing a hissy fit trying to derail the show.  People commend him on his bravery of speaking his mind, while not drinking the corporate Kool Aid.  Dolph Ziggler spoke his mind, and decided to ignore advice, and he’s suffering for it.  If Kofi Kingston decided to stay home to prove a point, he’d still be home.

For all the talk of CM Punk being a Paul Heyman guy, in truth he is a Vince McMahon guy.  People love to rightfully complain about his booking decisions, and how they don’t reflect what the fans want.  Yet CM Punk wouldn’t have worked his way to his current position without the blessing of Vince McMahon.  All of the snarky remarks, Stone Cold shirts, Macho Man trunks and pipe bombs happened on his watch.  This isn’t some Brian Pillman situation – Punk wasn’t going to show up in TNA with a bigger contract.  He played the game just like HBK and Nash, HHH and Hogan, and Austin and Lesnar before him.  Yet all of those individuals were savaged for their selfish actions, while Punk is treated as the love child of Malcolm X and Peter Parker.  I guess what Batista said on Smackdown was true – fans will cheer their heroes if they can convince themselves they could be them with enough hard work.  It’s also delusional and hypocritical.

I’m not angry at CM Punk, and I’m glad he’s back.  Adding him to the card will make a better show, and since I’m attending WrestlMania 30, I’m rooting for an enjoyable experience.  I just hope his fans don’t have a nerd-fueled heart attack if Brock Lesnar and The Undertaker close out the show….. -Shahid

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