Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Late & Half Assed Review of @ImpactWrestling

I need to get stuff off my DVR since I’m traveling to Altoona PA for my nephew’s baptism. Gues who the godfather is? It’s a trifecta, second from the family. It’s late already. Let’s roll.

Sting comes out with serious face on. Sting, temporary GM, calls them out but Austin Aries calls them out. He wants some. You know who else wants some, Kurt Angle? Their trifecta is Bobby Roode. Smart move, he blames James Storm. Storm attacks from behind. The other guys let them fight. Roode claims the attack as proof. Even better.

Tara tells us how awesome Chavo Guerrero. Then Kid Kash. Then Kurt Angle. All blowing some serious smoke. Roode rants and raves about not being believed. Good continuation. Gail Kim & Madison Rayne are taking on Tara & Mickie James. The wrestling is good between Tara, James & Kim. No big surprise. Madison doing a good job in her role. Earl ends up giving Madison the duke because Mickie had her shoulders down but lifted one out of his view. Sting tells Austin Aries to address the X Division and “make some cuts.” Yeah, fire half of them!

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TNA Audio #5 – Swinging From The Barn Door

Yeah man, Direct Auto Insurance is awesome. Say, don't we have a title match coming up or something?

This is a very special edition of TNA Audio because not only do Dusty and Matt discuss the February 9 Impact episode, but they also go above and beyond the call of duty to talk about the February 12 Against All Odds pay-per-view as well! That means that your earbuds are in for a sweet, sweet serenade about things like:

-Why Dusty feels like Hulk Hogan is a human acid trip, and why he is responsible for that woman’s hideous attire.

-Why they both feel like TNA is really getting the hang of solid, episodic storytelling, and why they might have a leg up over WWE when it comes to this.

-Why Magnus might be on the cusp on something, if he can break free from the boys in the back and bullshit of the politics behind that curtain.

-Why the company would really be in business if only they could figure out how to properly end the main events of their pay-per-views.

And a whole lot more nonsense, including Dusty yelling loudly at his dog, Matt being lethargic because this was one of the most boring Impacts in a long time, Dusty hoping people notice he just got a new phone and that’s why he sounds like a whole lot better this week (fingers crossed), Dusty standing silently to Matt’s side with a towel around his neck making intimidating looking faces, Matt quietly binging on his free ice cream from last week while Dusty rants, and a whole lot more, so listen or death!

Stunt Granny TNA Audio Show #5

Kevin’s Blog: A Day Late & A Dollar Short Review of #iMPACTWrestling

I was figuring on staying away from the wrestling news to not taint my viewing of this show but my office work did a great job of that. Nothing like an elven hour day to keep you off the internet except to change the stations on SiriusXM during the day. I also listened to the end of Thursday’s Marek vs. Wyshinski. If you’re a hockey fan, give it a listen. You can get the link on Yahoo! Sports if you’re not familiar with the Puck Daddy blog. Anyway, since the dogs are crashed out, it’s time for back to back reviews. With the vague possibility of me doing a third one for Ring of Honor. I might need a break after taking on Smackdown though. I’ll find out soon. Let’s roll.

They blow themselves for how great last week’s show was. Aside from their head announcer giving away the biggest of obvious reveals. Bully Ray comes out first. He calls out Bobby Roode. Bully sounds good but Roode feels like a cartoon. The crowd does the “What?” chant. Must feel good. Roode magically brings out Sting. He makes himself special enforcer. They’re in a match against James Storm & Sting. I wouldn’t normally be a fan of the commish being in a match but it’s their first visit to London.

We get a review of the AJ Styles & Kazarian feud. Daniels makes his way out with beaten down Kaz. AJ Styles is his opponent. He’s not getting much of a pop. Daniels pops him first. AJ should be so pissed he isn’t posing for the crowd. Tenay goes dumb by trying to call an attempted Styles Clash a power bomb. So awful. After looking over last week’s drunken review, I did notice that this match is the first good one the crowd has seen. No wonder they’re super pumped. They chant “This is awesome”. It’s a good match. Not awesome. Daniels wins with a foreign object. Eric Bischoff is talking to Gunner. These people need to learn how to close doors.

As Tenay & Taz pimp the PPV, they remind us that it’s going to suck since it’s filmed in Orlando. What a downgrade. Magnus & Samoa Joe talk. Of course Magnus sucks in the fans with a pro-England speech. Cay, my Boxer, just farted. It really stinks. I think Joe is in better shape reaction wise, but he’s still a far cry from where he was. Magnus is selling them but I can’t help but remember their losses to the tag team champions. They don’t fear Matt Morgan & Crimson. So naturally, they show up. Nice by having them act heelish and just attack them. May as well play into the crowd tendencies unlike the WWE acting like they’re not in Canada.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of TNA iMPACT!

Mickie can play my banjo anytime.

Go to the post below this one and click on the Audio for this week. That was one reason I didn’t want to do this blog. Here’s my compromise. (Next day – Whoops, I hit Save Draft instead of Publish last night.)

I wasn’t going to do this but the Mickie James performance forced me onto my computer. I had read the spoilers that she didn’t play with her band and they used back ups. What a terrible decision. Wait for the next taping, it looked horrendous. You could tell the band was faking it. Awfulness. I understand you wanted to further the James against Tara storyline, but do anything else if her band isn’t there. It was so bush league.

Morgan gives the pep talk to referee. I think the WWE goes in the opposite direction by ignoring the refs too much. TNA uses them way too much.

Ric Flair is pissed at being held hostage earlier in the night (I don’t think I’m going to go back to review it. Deal with it bitches.) Doug Williams gets his time in the sun. I do like that TNA has paired down Immortal and Fortune. Williams is still weird as a face though. Nice little live promo before he goes to the ring.  Kazarian shortened his name, Williams made it longer. Not sure why I thought of that. Solid match so far between the two which doesn’t surprise me.  Kazarian is getting his chance on offense. Williams rolling chaos theory suplex is awesome. Kazarian is a bitch. Mickie is looking for Tara. I wish Mickie’s ward robe malfunction showed off more earlier in the show. They fought after Mickie’s performance.

Fortune attacks Williams and Morgan. Agents break it up. They run through the Final Resolution card. Devon interrupts the preview. I’m writing these sentences together because TNA changes too often so my writing is reflecting their scatter brained, flashy stuff (at least they think so) programming they provide. How about they not have a feud? It’s going to happen but I’ll still complain. Devon is doing a solid promo. Bubba stirred up the pot. The crowd is actually choosing sides which is a surprise. See TNA, good guy versus bad guy works. Stop trying to reinvent the wheel. Or making all of your characters “gray”.  Bubba, you’re both Marty Jannetty. Bubba the cowardly heel bails.

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TNA Sacrifice PPV Review

Fuck You Bill Gates or whoever created Windows and Audacity.

OK, so Kevin and I recorded an audio since we are both in the same building together. So we , meaning I, bought the PPV and watched the entire thing and had strong opinions. So we drank a bunch and recorded. You know, like men do. Right near the end Audacity, the recording program., takes a stinky crap and we lose everything. It was a good show too. It was full of farts and other types of jokes. It was funny and honest. I guess this is what happens when you combine the both. So, in review, we gave the PPV a slight thumbs down but it wasn’t a suicidal sort of thing. Oh, furthering the review, fuck Audactiy and fuck Windows XP. So, before we leave you we will leave you with a summary for each match we can remember. -Jeremy

Team 3D vs. The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Beer Money Inc.

Kevin- Without 3D this match is better than it was. Too bad the Band will shit on MCMG.

Jeremy- Team 3D ruined a perfectly good match. I haste them, not personally but in a ” I never want them on a television show I watch again” way.

ROB TERRY vs. ORLANDO JORDAN

Kevin- This match was all that is wrong about TNA. Bad character development and bad in ring wrestling.
Jeremy- Orlando’s Cirq De Soli entrance was gay. Hey that fits. Oh this match sucked.
KAZ vs. DOUGLAS WILLIAMS
Kevin- Decent match but they should have made Kaz interim champ much like Shane Carwin is interim champ for the UFC Heavyweight Champion. I’m glad Douglas Williams won even if I’m not sold on him or his rant against high flyers.
Jeremy- Doug Williams is boring. I don’t get his appeal.
MADISON RAYNE vs. TARA
Kevin- Madison works out at the same gym as I do. She’s pretty hot in person. I hope she gets more in ring work because she has potential.
Jeremy- Kevin has seen Madison Rayne in the flesh or so he says. Yup, and Masa Chono junior is a cunt for interupting Tara’s goodbye.
SCOTT HALL & KEVIN NASH vs. INK INC.
Kevin- Scott Hall may have eaten Syxx-Pac. He may have shared a leg with Kevin Nash. I love grey chest hair.
Jeremy- Why is Jesse Neal on a PPV instead of Samoa Joe?
ABYSS vs. DESMOND WOLFE
Kevin- Abyss with Chelsea is not as funny as George the Animal Steele with Elizabeth. TNA sucks. Still. I’m sure you’re all surprised.
Jeremy- Desomnd Wolfe could be in WWE. He could be on Smackdown right now in the mid card pushing the bottom of the uppee tier. Instead he jobs to a retard. Good choice moron.
MR. ANDERSON vs. JEFF HARDY
Kevin- Anderson’s assholes is said and chanted yet Taz needs to stop before saying up “Shit” creek without a paddle. Decide what audience you want and stick to your plans.
Jeremy- Good match with a really weird crowd. How can Jeff Hardy not be roundly cheered by everyone. Oh, he’s in TNA.
STING vs. JEFF JARRETT
Kevin- Sting sucks. Jeff Jarrett sucks. At least Jarrett is in good enough shape to take off his shirt and ring jacket. Maybe that’s why he took in the stripper and her kids and not Sting who is jealous.
Jeremy- Why do you start a match after one guy beats the other guy down? It makes no snese and Slick Johnson should should be incinerated immediatly.
ROB VAN DAM vs. A.J. STYLES
Kevin- RVD had an awesome promo before the match. TNA is actually letting him be the old RVD from ECW. Solid match that had way too much Jay Lethal. Woo! Another bad gimmick. Woo! RVD wins because Mike Tenay was smart enough to want to see the in ring action. Thanks for finally being a professional announcer and not reading off a note pad in front of you while the camera has a shot of it. You’re less professional than us. Fuck you Mike Tenay.
Jeremy- Good match and should have been longer. I have nothing bad to say about it other than the ridiculous amount of times RVD played to the crowd was tiresome.

The Art of Wrestling – Christmas Edition IV

St. Nicholas is a consumer advocate.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my imaginary love got for me ten pair of John Morrison’s sunglasses, nine TNA Winged Warrior T-shirts, eight Taz Beat-Down T-shirts, seven Official TNA 2010 Wrestling Programs, six Undertaker Deadman Skull Caps, five pair of Degeneration X slippers, four Rey Mysterio Camo Replica Masks, three Abyss Masks, two Sting Teddy Bears and one Sting Mask “Wall Art” in a pear tree. My imaginary love certainly knows my penchant for losing sunglasses, even the perfect pair from Disney World that fit my fat head. It’s a nice stocking stuffer of a gift but I do wonder how well you can see out of the Rhinestone crosses. The dark tint of the lenses helps to offset both the gold frame and the white/clear Rhinestones. They’re decent but the Rhinestones really make them douche-tastic.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my imaginary love got for me, eleven John Cena Floor Mats, ten pair of John Morrison’s sunglasses, nine TNA Winged Warrior T-shirts, eight Taz Beat-Down T-shirts, seven Official TNA 2010 Wrestling Programs, six Undertaker Deadman Skull Caps, five pair of Degeneration X slippers, four Rey Mysterio Camo Replica Masks, three Abyss Masks, two Sting Teddy Bears and one Sting Mask “Wall Art” in a pear tree. They’ll be perfect for the bad weather to wipe my shoes and my dogs paws on. I do wonder why they used a bulldog considering none of his other merchandise uses a dog. Dogs are loyal, but you’re not likely to see much hustle out of an English bulldog. If it could chew through a chain link fence, I would respect the fact that the dog will probably kill me when it’s loose. The picture does look kind of nice even after my jokes. It’s on clearance for half price so I’m glad my imaginary love is being thrifty during the slow economy. It’s not terrible, but who’s going to buy a floor mat at an event? Or even think to order one online?

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my imaginary love got for me twelve Divas Snow Globes, eleven John Cena Floor Mats, ten pair of John Morrison’s sunglasses, nine TNA Winged Warrior T-shirts, eight Taz Beat-Down T-shirts, seven Official TNA 2010 Wrestling Programs, six Undertaker Deadman Skull Caps, five pair of Degeneration X slippers, four Rey Mysterio Camo Replica Masks, three Abyss Masks, two Sting Teddy Bears and one Sting Mask “Wall Art” in a pear tree. I can’t believe how thoughtful she is! I’m sure glad the Divas got their own ring apron which is quite boring. The ring posts with ropes around the globe crack me up. At least they’re being detailed. There’s nothing more attractive than having some amorphous Diva blobs inside. They are having a pillow fight so there’s a legitimate reason for the “snow” on the inside. The pillow cases and bed sheets are both pink so at least they’re trying to make it a little girly.

I had to end on an epic fail. Too bad those WWE scumbags already took down the DX snuggle because that was going to be my twelfth day gift. Merry Christmas Grandkids! – Kevin

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