Wrestlemania XXX Preview: The Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Andre The Giant Battle RoyalJeremy & Kevin start the second half of their Wrestlemania previews with a look at a match announced by Hulk Hogan, the Andre The Giant Battle Royal. He didn’t announce what the prize was for winning. The WWE hasn’t announced anything in the time since then. So does it matter if Big Show wins? Or will he get to continue his losing ways? Does it matter that Dolph Ziggler has been on a winning streak? How about Big E Langston who isn’t defending the Intercontinental Title? Could a returning Rey Mysterio beat the odds again? Will Kofi Kingston get to be a spot monkey? Will Sheamus Brogue Kick everyone out of the ring? Will one of the mystery guests win the Battle Royal? Is anyone speculating on who will be in the vacant spots? Jeremy & Kevin’s big question of this show though is, why are some of these other jokers getting a Wrestlemania bonus if they can’t crack one of the main television shows? Shouldn’t the over talent want an even larger slice of the pie? Both of yours hosts would so click on the link below for something we won’t earn a dime off.

 

WrestleMania XXX Preview Shows
WrestleMania XXX Preview: WWE Tag Team Championship Fatal 4-Way Match
WrestleMania XXX Preview: Bray Wyatt vs John Cena
WrestleMania XXX Preview: Vickie Guerrero Divas Championship Invitational
WrestleMania XXX Preview: Brock Lesnar vs The Undertaker

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

deviantart.com

deviantart.com

It was fantastic having a weekend in before the storm that is Thankmas. (They spell it wrong in the otherwise fantastic piece of art.) I killed a growler of Zauber’s Poltergeist, which is quite tasty. The lady & I are headed to Dayton for Thanksgiving. On Friday, it’s time to go watch the Pitt Panthers match it up with the Miami Hurricanes. We’re then moving on to Altoona for Thankmas on Saturday. We’ll be back in the ‘Bus on Sunday.

Randy Orton saunters down to the ring like normal. He takes so long that the announcers introduce matches during it. He barely cuts a promo before inviting down HHH & Stephanie. Randy Orton is not impressed with Steph’s reasoning. Orton can take care of himself. He wipes like a big boy. Randy proclaims to be the best Superstar ever. That brings out John Cena. Steph thinks John will have a potty mouth. Cena is thinking there needs to only be one title. John, this match was not eleven years in the making. HHH makes the match at TLC.

Roman Reigns gets his time in the spotlight for his four spears. Cody Rhodes & Goldust come out. Rey Mysterio wants some revenge too. Goldust gets roughed up by Dean Ambrose & Seth Rollins early. Goldust made a leaping Rollins pay with a reverse atomic drop. Goldie couldn’t tag still though.  Rey looks better than ever according to JBL. No surprise it was a fun exchange with Rollins. Reigns saves Ambrose from a pin. Rey gets speared going for a 619. He gets Goldust too. Cody drop kicks Reigns outside. Ambrose with the head plant for the win. Fun stuff again. Glad Ambrose got the pin. He seems to have been lagging. Michael Strahan gets his first air time 30 minutes into the show.

The Miz is in the ring. He was explaining on the After Opie & Anthony Live that he’s fine with being a utility player in the WWE. He is saving his body doing segments like this one. Titus O’Neil comes out as Strahan. He starts answering questions. It’s supposed to be funny. The Miz makes fun of the gap in the teeth. The Miz taking shots at the Giants while his Browns absolutely sucked yesterday. Michael Strahan comes out. I zone out of the match up he makes. John Cena & Big Show are taking on Alberto Del Rio & Randy Orton. (Next Day Note: I had only really zoned out of the heels announcement. I did the backwards day after a PPV math and figured their old opponents would be in there.) The Miz challenges Strahan to a match. We get a wrestling clinic. The Miz gets the hip toss reversed. Titus does the Millions of Dollars dance then gets hip tossed. The announcers loved it. If they weren’t getting paid, they’d disagree.

Ryback is teaming with Curtis Axel against Big E Langston & Mark Henry. The WWE is making it really easy to make jokes. Xavier Woods & R Truth last week. Just saying. Ouch. Ryback looked like he dumped Big E on his shoulder. Mark Henry gets to beat up on Curtis Axel. World’s Strongest Slam. World’s Strongest Team postulates Lawler.

The Divas get a rematch of the Survivor Series match. Brie starts off against Aksana. Facebuster eliminates Aksana. Rosa Mendes doesn’t look good in white with blonde hair. Nikki pins Rosa. Super kick by Tamina on Naomi for an elimination. Cameron comes in because she’s an idiot. Samoan Drop for another elimination. Natalya matches up better with Tamina. Jojo pins Tamina after Natalya does the work. Alicia Fox eliminates Jojo. Eva Marie gets booed so naturally she’s on the face team. She pins Fox very poorly. Natalya locks in the Sharpshooter on Kaitlyn. I can’t keep up with the pins. Pathetic that there’s so little time. AJ rolls up Natalya. Facebuster by Brie eliminates AJ Lee. Summer Rae is the last one on the other team. Summer dances for us. Nikki can do the Worm. Nikki with the Torture Rack drop down for the last elimination. What a train wreck. I shouldn’t have to pay for that slop.

From 123rf.com because a hand holding a pencil needs to be watermarked.

From 123rf.com because a hand holding a pencil needs to be watermarked.

There’s so much red in the paragraph above that I feel like I was correcting work from Idiot Intern. Damien Sandow isn’t happy with the stipulation. Dolph Ziggler is his opponent again. People voting knew the matches all meant the same thing so the voting was pretty even. John Tavares is a stud for the Islanders but I wish Ziggler didn’t have to resort to that. They have a bunch of goofy shit in the ring again. Sandow recovers with a mic shot to Ziggler. Mitchell Cool references the Mean Street Posse which shows you the importance level of this match despite it’s commercial break. Sandow dumps out the cleanest garbage can ever. Sandow drops the Elbow of Disdain. Fire extinguisher to the face by Ziggler. I’ve been hit with one before, it isn’t disorienting. It does taste like real garbage though. Rob Zombie, I will get you back. Sandow belts Ziggler with a garbage can. The crowd is paying more attention to the crowd. DDT on a chair by Ziggler. Sandow broke an oar against Ziggler’s back. Full Nelson slam on a garbage can gets Sandow a three count. I skipped through the Miz’s new movie. Michael Strahan is talking to Santino Marella when Erick Rowan offers him a sheep’s mask. Interesting. Santino checks back in after Rowan leaves. I have no idea why he babbled so long. Which wasn’t really that long.

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@TotalDivas – She Said (He Edited) Episode 10

Lilian Garcia Queen

Eva Marie made Lilian Garcia look brilliant.

This past Total Diva episode does not get an A for effort. Not that I expect much from these episodes, but I did feel like it dragged on and there could have been more of something, anything. Yet, we are left with an episode that focuses on how disgusting a toe fungus is, how excruciatingly annoying Eva Marie is, and Alicia Fox once again stealing the scene with a one liner. Oh where to begin….

I guess I’ll begin with, why is Jojo even a Diva when she gets no air time at all? She once again was in a tiny blurb at the beginning of the show and then just disappeared. (Kevin’s Edit: I have no idea why the WWE hired her. She’s young but it’s not like she’s a baseball player who will develop their talents in the minors. No, bigger boobs won’t help her that much.) We have Trinity, Natalia, Ariane, Eva Marie and Jojo standing around and Natalya makes the comment how she can’t wait for the match with Ariane and Trinity says to make sure she wears a diaper, as we all are reminded how in last week’s episode Natalya peed herself after Trinity got her in the gut.

Eva Marie gets a chance to be a ring announcer in the upcoming Monday Night Raw. She is excited for the opportunity until she realizes that she isn’t able to have index cards or cheat. She has to memorize everything about every wrestler to introduce them. She obviously doesn’t want to mess up after the whole fiasco about lying that she knew how to dance the Tango. So we get the entire episode of her whining about how she can’t use index cards. (Doesn’t she know that Cheaters always win?) (KE: Hey, the parentheses are my gimmick lady.) Is she really that stupid? Oh wait, yes. She finds Alicia Fox in the hallway and is excited to tell her that she is going to be introducing at Raw. Alicia informs her she better get it right, she messed up once and was almost fired! Oh, that Alicia. (KE: A big reason I love Alicia. She loves to see people squirm without being bitchy.) When the time comes for her to go on stage, she introduces the Usos correctly along with Justin Gabriel but unfortunately doesn’t introduce Jinder Mahal in the 3MB. The Diva girls watch as she makes the mistake and comment on how screechy her voice is and how no one should have to listen to that. (KE: She had no idea how to use a microphone. Don’t eat it on top of screaming. Her encounter with 3MB seemed a little too set up. Jinder looked pissed though. Heath Slater being the voice of reason yet scolding her was just too perfect.) Hilarious along with seeing if she had brought out a cheat sheet which she didn’t, as she messed up big time. I believe it was Natalya that said, “Sure glad Stephanie McMahon isn’t here tonight”. Ha ha. (KE: Maybe Steph doesn’t watch the product when she’s there. No wonder people don’t know what’s happening on Raw.) As you can imagine Jinder is VERY upset along with the 3MB. She gave her apology and excuse of why she messed up and called him ‘Ginger’ not Jinder. oops! I’m guessing that red hair killed more brain cells than we thought. But at least she didn’t cheat.

With John Cena losing the belt to Daniel Bryan and then having to have surgery with a 6 month heal time, Daniel is now on the road doing lots of appearances and talks which leaves Brie at home. Though Brie and Nikki have a sweet spot on Psych as zombie vampires that they have to go film for,  she still realizes that 13 days without Daniel is a lot of time without her honey. (KE: Psych is a lot of fun except for most of the WWE appearances. We’ll see if the Bellas can buck the trend.)

Nikki moves in with John in his massive house. She packed 26 boxes of clothes, shoes and purses. DAMN! As she is almost unpacked, John comes in with a paper and tells her to not freak out or take it the wrong way, but he needs her to sign a live-in agreement which she reads out loud that if John wishes she has 40 hours to move out of the home. She obviously feels upset and hurt and takes the paper and walks out saying she needs to think about it. UH OH Cliffhanger! (KE: In no way was this a cliffhanger despite the obvious set up that it was.)

Trinity and Jon Uso are the last on the list. Jon’s toe is bleeding and when they shoot to it, it’s nasty! Trinity finally get’s him to go to the doctor after he says he’s signing his life away by filling out the paperwork, we find out he has a fungus under his big toe, which is spreadable. After chopping half of Jon Uso’s toe nail off, Trinity asks the doctor to look at her feet and we find out that Trinity has the toe fungus too. Dude, that is just nasty! So they both leave the hospital with toe fungus cream. ha ha … Yep, superstars get fungus too. Bleck! (KE: This was the second grossest thing in this episode.)

I’m not sure how you sum up something that was quite boring and slightly disgusting. Did I forget something from the show, maybe, (KE: Yes you did, the super gross John Cena elbow surgery. I have jacked up my body more than enough, don’t mind getting hurt but can’t watch surgeries. Yuck.) I guess I didn’t talk about how Brie was talking to their Agent on the phone about bra sizes and weight and how Brie said she was 123 and Nikki said 130 and Brie looked at her ‘really?’ and then Nikkie said, ‘ok, 135’,  but whatever else I may have forgotten I’m sure Kevin will remind me. Will we get some sizzle next week as Eva Marie and TJ wrestle while Natalia gets upset? Highly doubtful but we’ll still watch this hot mess and write about it. You’re welcome WWE. – M (& Kevin)

WWE Is The Worst? Davey Richards & Eddie Edwards At WWE Performance Center

American Wolves ToysAccording to Prowrestling.net, Davey Richards and Eddie Edwards were at the WWE Performance Center on Monday. First, I had to laugh that even though Jason Powell didn’t bag on them like I did when Richards made a not so vague statement at Preston City Wrestling but he did come to the same conclusion that I did which is that these two ROH stars will spark the WWE Tag Team division. I’m not sure it needs sparking with The Shield (Roman Reigns & Seth Rollins), The Wyatt Family (Luke Harper & Erick Rowan), the Prime Time Players (Darren Young & Titus O’Neil), The Real Americans (Antonio Cesaro & Jack Swagger), Los Matadores (Diego & Fernando), 3MB (Drew McIntyre, Jinder Mahal & Heath Slater), The Usos (Jimmy & Jey), Tons of Funk (Brodus Clay & Tensai) and the current champions Cody Rhodes & Goldust. I can’t believe I needed three lines of print to list all of the tag teams which also leaves out the maybe new team from last night of R Truth & Xavier Woods. So the WWE has nine tag teams with a tenth in the making. Does that sound like a company that needs to jump start their tag team division? I’m as guilty as anyone on the internet who buried, dug up and re-buried the tag team multiple times between about 2002 and now but I’d have to say no spark is needed currently. Could the WWE use another team? Sure, because they’ve got more TV time than any daily soap opera.

It was also amusingly noted that they spent time in the ring with Billy Gunn and NXT regulars. I’m not sure what exactly Gunn is going to teach them since he was bad on both the mic and in the ring. At least Richards & Edwards already have the in ring work down. I know the one thing Gunn could teach them is how to market themselves. No one forgets the Billy Gunn theme. No, not the big introduction he got from “Road Dogg” Jesse James during his New Age Outlaws days. This one. – Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Long_nights_allow_me_to_feel__by_HarlequinFever

HarlequinFever.deviantart.com with a really cool picture.

I’m going to be watching Total Divas before starting my Raw review for the foreseeable future. It’s going to make for some long nights which is what led me to that fantastic picture above. I completely forgot about the Penguins game tonight. I’m going to start this blog even later than I expected. Woo hoo. They play Wednesday night again. Let’s roll.

Video Package Count: 1. They talk about the power struggle, John Cena & Alberto Del Rio, Randy Orton & Big Show and the end of the night melee. I had forgotten about the country theme. It’ll be window dressing like always. I can’t wait for the cow girls Divas match. They waste no time bringing out HHH and Stephanie. They are important because of how poorly things went last week. Hell in a hand basket without them. Randy Orton has a problem with them. Vickie Guerrero does the quietest “Excuse Me” ever which is awesome. Brad Maddox immediately throws Vickie under the bus. Also funny. Stephanie pits AJ Lee against Vickie. HHH gets to tell Maddox his fate, which happens right now.

Well, after a commercial actually. Raw Country meant a country theme song so far. Maddox cracks Orton with a microphone while running away. Maddox tosses him into a ring post then rolls him into the ring. He gets a two count. Orton recovers. That is a nice dress shirt Maddox was wearing. Hanging DDT off the barricade. The crowd is chanting “We want tables”. I don’t think you’ll get them. Orton beats Maddox unconscious. This is all PG because of no blood, right?

Big E Langston gets a crack at Curtis Axel‘s Intercontinental Title. I watched the South Park about X Box One and Playstation 4. I had no idea either game system was in for an upgrade. Haven’t played them in ages. WWE advertising is effective. Langston covers after a shoulder block. Ha. Axel tries to slow things down but it doesn’t work. Langston goes for another pin dumb pin after a back drop. Axel gets control. We get a break. Good to see these young guys get an extended match. Langston goes back to some power moves. Big Splash only gets a two count. Axel gets out of the Big Ending. Neck breaker by Axel is countered. Clothesline by Big E. Big Ending. Crowd goes pretty crazy. Congrats Big E Langston. You’ve achieved a title that means you still might be on the right path but the WWE still won’t know for a while. Randy Orton is talking to the Shield. Roman Reigns wants Orton to have their back too. More country song. Shot me.

Instead of a cow girl match, we get musical chairs to this horrific song. I FF until the Divas brawl. I’m loving Alicia Fox on Total Divas. I’m glad this segment could help me catch up.

Big Show is taking on Ryback. Big Show punches the body to get control. “Bench presses don’t fight back!” JBL is awesome. He’s doing a good job of giving Ryback’s psyche. Ryback goes for Big Show’s knee to make the match interesting. Ryback tries to wear out Big Show with a head lock. I guess it’s a little more of a choke. DDT by Ryback only gets two. Ryback slaps on a chin lock. Big Show turns it around with a side suplex. Clotheslines by Big Show. Ryback with a spine buster. Only two. Ryback sets up for the Meat Hook. He gets it after some knees to the gut. Ryback goes for Shell Shock. He nails it. Big Show kicks out. “You stupid giant!” Big Show shoves off a front face lock. He WMDs Ryback for the win. Good showing for Ryback. Randy Orton tries to ambush Big Show but he turns it into a spear. No reason to take the belt off Orton. Zack Ryder is talking to someone I’m supposed to know. Heath Slater introduces them. 3MB are the Rhinestone Cowboys now. They’re keeping their act fresh.

Orton puts ice on his ribs. He complains about not having back up from the Shield. If you didn’t see them around ringside when you jumped in, shouldn’t that have been a clue Randy? I thought the baby faces are supposed to the stupid ones. The Miz & Kofi Kingston are going to job to Antonio Cesaro & Jack Swagger. The Miz gets to take the beat down. Good luck taking the pin Kofi. He does get the hot tag. Cesaro distracts Kofi. Swagger catches him and slams him. Kingston DDTs Swagger. The Miz jumps away from the tag of Kofi. Patriot Lock for the win. Turning heel will do you no good if you don’t freshen up your gimmick.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Kia And Cay at Melissas ParentsSeeing as though I’m taking my hound dog Kia into a specialist to have her heart murmur looked x-rayed on Wednesday, Peter King’s page about putting down his Golden Retriever Bailey really touched me. It also reminded me of Bill Simmons writing a eulogy for his dog the Dooze. The first time I read about having to put down a dog was Marley & Me. I’m starting to wonder if it’s become cliche to write about your dog when that time comes. I don’t want it to come but it’s coming. The heart murmur is not taking my mind away from that time. Enjoy your pets as long as you can. Time to review some wrestling. Let’s roll.

Video Package Count: 2 before we see live action. The usual tribute to the troops then a Big Show package. I didn’t read the spoilers so it’s all new to me. The Authority is away so the mice are going to play. Oh my! Randy Orton takes forever and a day to get to the ring as usual. Of course the way he starts his promo is “I’ll get right to it…” You don’t do anything quickly, Randy. He’s in charge of Raw tonight. Brad Maddox was more exciting in his twenty second promo. Corporate Kane says he’s in charge. Maddox tries to make a match but Kane suggests another opponent. Vickie Guerrero comes out to toss around her weight. So I’ve found something worse than HHH & Steph being on TV, bit players arguing power for three hours of TV. HHH & Steph run a tight ship. Wouldn’t best for business mean appointing someone boss so this doesn’t happen? For some reason, she has Orton take on Cody Rhodes & Goldust. Why is a heel screwing a heel?

Goldust and Orton are in the ring after the break. It’s got to fill you with confidence when the crowd chants “Randy’s Boring”. Not a flattering mock chant. He’s so boring, I didn’t need to type anything of significance before the next commercial. Goldust is taking a beating still. Cody Rhodes gets a hot tag. Orton gets himself counted out. Big Show arrives to attack Orton. Super choke slam off the top of the stairs thru the announce table. That’s got to smart.

Big Show goes out for a pint since Sheamus can’t. Los Matadores & El Torito get to bore me even more. Santino Marella is their team mate.  3MB comes out as the Union Jacks. The crowd is behind them. Mitchell Cool calls him Bulltino because he’s wearing horns. Yuck. Bull Cobra win. Double yuck. Randy Orton yells at Maddox then Vickie. Kane isn’t taking Orton’s shit. It’s official, my boy is the new Christian because he gets a crack at the IC Title.

Damien Sandow is waiting in the ring. Kofi Kingston is his opponent. Sandow showing a mean streak early. I don’t catch much of the match though because I’m talking over Wrestlemania plans. You’re Welcome for the win. I guess the Terminoose is no longer.

Dolph Ziggler comes down first. Curtis Axel comes down second as the champion. Axel gets the upper hand early. Ziggler turns things around with a drop kick. Ziggler’s spill to the outside looked rough. They talk over Axel’s psyche without Paul Heyman. Mitchell said “Billy Gunn” like he was going thru puberty. Super face plant only gets Ziggler a two count. Axel gives Ziggler one move for the win. Fuck Jack Swagger. Give credit to Ziggler for a great match, are you fucking kidding me? Kane has his new arguing partner in Brad Maddox. The Real Americans are taking on John Cena. The Shield is taking on CM Punk & Daniel Bryan. Sounds like we got our hour mark matches.

I didn’t ever realize how bitchy the Bellas entrance was. You can look but not touch? Aren’t you baby faces? Shouldn’t you change their entrance music? Nikki Bella is taking on Tamina. Brie & AJ Lee are at ring side for their respective partners. Tamina uses her strength to smack around Nikki. The later gets to have some quick strike offense. AJ cheats for Tamina. Superfly splash for the win. AJ took out Brie after that. Brie dropkicks AJ then Tamina. We get a stand off then. No one cares.

Video Package Count: 3. The Shield goes in to have an audience with Randy Orton. For some reason, the trainer is still working on him. The Shield doesn’t work for anyone that was supposed to be in charge tonight. So is this match going to involve Fandango or is Summer Rae in action again?

Video Package Count: 4. This time to preview Total Divas. Tyson and Nattie still don’t know how to be a couple. The review will be up sometime tomorrow. Tyson Kidd is Fandango’s opponent. Kidd looks sharp again. Fandango gets the cheap roll up win. The crowd is happy. I don’t really care because I’m over Fandango. I’d rather him get some in ring cred. A cheap win over a guy coming back from an injury isn’t the way to do it.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

BandwagonI had a full weekend but my favorite part came Saturday evening when exiting the Pittsburgh Penguins at Columbus Bluejackets game. Two things really amused me during the game. My girl and I walk past the sign up area to sign up for the “Arch City Army”, which is a faction of hard core Jackets fans, going to our seats every game. Since this game involved the Penguins, there were plenty of Pittsburgh fans in attendance including myself. The first derogatory thing told to me was to “Go home…to Pittsburgh.” After living in Columbus for 14 years, I still get this comment. I’m not going anywhere people. Deal with me rooting for the Penguins. The full season ticket holder that sits beside me seemed shocked that I wore my colors even though I told at Opening Night that I would be dressed in black and gold. What an idiot.

The second part was why I mentioned walking past the Arch City Army. After the Pens won 3-0, the best chant they muster was “Bandwagon! Bandwagon!” which is hilarious on multiple levels. You’re the only Bluejackets fans left in the arena. Looks like your bandwagon already left the arena so you’ve got no back up. Second, do you realize that the last time the Penguins won a Stanley Cup was 2009? That’s four years ago if you can’t do the math. You don’t stay on a band wagon for that long. When you’ve been rooting for a team for that long, you’re just a fan. The Pens have enjoyed a great regular seasons but have been terrible in the playoffs. Even last year ended with a miserable sweep to the Boston Bruins.

The “Bandwagon” chant also got me thinking after the Pittsburgh Steelers got dismantled by the New England Patriots. I wore my Pirates hat to the game because it used to be the best way to say “I’m a hard core Pittsburgh fan. You can’t call me a band wagon fan.” I’m starting to think now that I’m going to have wear Steelers gear since they’re the only losers in town. Time to review Raw after that rant which really could have been it’s own post. Let’s roll.

Lenny-Squiggy-laverne-and-shirley-19107748-640-480CM Punk kicks off the show then we get more review from last week. The Wyatt Family gets their entrance. Evidently, this is good for business. Luke Harper is Punk’s opponent. Jerry Lawler isn’t buying that it’ll stay a 1 on 1 match. Smart man. I’m not sure why Punk is going with the Squiggy look. Not surprised Harper got the call. He was good when I’ve seen him. Holy cow, Mitchell Cool is an idiot. Rowan doesn’t look like Michael Myers. Break time. Punk finally makes a come back. His neck breaker looked really bad. Punk ends up “stealing it” with a roll up. Rowan attacks Punk. Bray Wyatt joins in. Daniel Bryan makes the save with a chair. HHH gets more air time because the WWE makes content for their website. If it’s important, it makes it to TV. Could you imagine the CEO of Apple being taped saying “Finish him” to people mugging one of their employees, JBL? They’d be in as much trouble as Richie Incognito.

Renee Young talks to CM Punk. He knows that he’ll always be out numbered. Punk knows he’s not the only one who has a problem with them. Weird that Bryan didn’t pop in. Paul Heyman is on the phone. He appears to be in a Russian gulag because this interview isn’t on Skype. Heyman cries and hangs up. Ryback gets to take on the Great Khali to get some heat back. We get a break first. Lovely.

Khali is out powering Ryback early. I guess Ryback isn’t strong enough to give Khali Shellshock. Meat hook clothes line for the win. Ryback drags Santino out of the ring. He tosses Marella into the barrier. Just what the doctor ordered. We get more Big Show tape. JBL makes the same claims about jail. Evidently the authorities in those municipalities and the WWE don’t feel the same. Kofi Kingston shows up for Eric Nelson’s birthday, if he’s still alive.

Alberto Del Rio is his opponent. Del Rio is putting the boots to Kofi early. He needs to get heat back too if he’s going to take on Super Cena again. The crowd is still pulling for Kofi even though he’s been MIA for a while now. Del Rio misses the enziguri. Del Rio makes one of the lamest kick outs ever. Kofi goes for the SOS. Del Rio turns it into the cross arm breaker for the win. Nice counter. Dear lord, they go through Big Show’s charges with video packages. JBL has no answer for the charges other than he hates lawyers. That’s some weak sauce.

Randy Orton comes out first. Lawler is ready to announce his opponent when Orton gets on a mic. That was as bland as it could be. Big E Langston is his opponent. My boy Dolph Ziggler & the Miz got crushed. No surprise really because the only thing Orton had right was that the WWE Universe didn’t truly have a choice. We got 3 guys the WWE wants him to face. (Next Day Edit: Well, it’s really 1 guy that the WWE wants Orton to face and 2 guys that aren’t a stretch to face Orton.) Langston shoulder blocks him out of the ring. After tossing Orton to the outside a third time, we get a commercial. Orton finally gets control shortly after the break. Big E missed a spear. Yikes. That is a large gentleman doing that. Orton gets to bore us with a reverse chin lock. Big E shoulder blocks Orton in the corner. JBL gets no sold on a comment. Splash by Big E for a near fall. This is some bizarro world baby face match. Dominant showing by opponent, baby face makes a heroic comeback for the win. No way Big E wins this one. Hanging DDT by Orton. The ladies are loving the “New face of the WWE”. RKO out of the Big Ending. Why is Big Show getting so much air time?

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

1982-Wolverine-Issue 1I was watching Comic Book Men before I started the column. The above comic might be the one that I own with any real value. I can’t really call myself a comic book guy at this point though. I haven’t bought anything in at least a decade. I don’t count buying “The Walking Dead” or Dragonball Z mangas for my good buddy Ken. I do enjoy getting a peak at some cool ass items on this show. I could care less if it’s staged or not. Enough babble. Let’s roll.

Shawn Michaels gets the opening segment. All of the announcers agree that he’ll call it straight down the line. Should I take that as a hint or are the announcers just stating the obvious. HBShizzle doesn’t get much mic time before Randy Orton shows his ugly mug. Orton goes for the “I’m better than you ever were” agitation. It fails. Orton goes on a tirade then. Shawn threatens Sweet Chin Music. Orton attacks him from behind. They both almost hit their finishers. The Miz attacks Orton. We get a commercial. The Miz should have left his mom at home according to JBL. Ha. When they do a close up on Orton’s arms, it really shows how bad those original tattoos were. They stick out even though he got well done ones on the rest of his arm to try and hide them. I do forget about the difference more when the shot is out further. After some offense by Orton, Miz gets back on a roll. The Miz starts to put on the figure four when the lights go out. The Wyatt Family is on the stage. Orton RKOs the Miz. I’m glad King agreed with JBL about the Miz taking his eye off the prize. Bray Wyatt says he hates fame. Wyatt threatens to put him down.

I just thought about this with Fandango‘s entrance, we didn’t even get Fandango at last week’s Smackdown. We got seriously hosed. Santino Marella is his opponent. Fandango got the early jump. Santino did a modified Stunner to start his come back. Summer Rae “distracts” Santino when he simply stops from nailing her with the Cobra. Fandango rolls him up for the win.

Paul Heyman has Brad Maddox‘s ear. Heyman claims Maddox was made the fool by CM Punk. Maddox doesn’t cave to him. Maddox has a beat the clock challenge for Punk & Ryback to determine their stipulation at HIAC. Xavier Woods from NXT started a petition for Big Show to be re-instated. JBL is angry about it. I just smell another call up. John Cena gets his Superman video package. El Torito comes out with Los Matadores. Ole! into commercial break.

Heath Slater & Drew McIntyre are their opponents. Jinder Mahal is at ringside for 3MB. Diego starts against McIntyre. They are on the El Torito band wagon. Double Samoan Drop for the win. Wow, Jeremy nailed it so far with the “boring show” label. Good gravy. It’s not terrible but it’s just there. (Next Day Edit: After looking for places for more comments, I can’t find one. The show was just there. Still. Predictable and executed well. This note should be at the end of the column but fits better here.)

HHH & Big Steph get to the top of the hour. Big Steph does the caring wife angle. HHH is going to be a villain since everyone is painting them that way. Daniel Bryan comes out. Before anything is said, Alberto Del Rio attacks. Del Rio kicks him in the head. Steph makes a match between the two tonight.

R Truth is a smart baby face and goes to the outside instead of letting Ryback attack him. The plan falls apart when Truth halts for Heyman. Ryback gets the offense going but tries for a pin after every move. Completely bizarre to see Ryback rolling up Truth. That shouldn’t be in his power move set. Truth gets in some offense at the 4:30 mark. Shell Shock at 5:44. It wasn’t much offense.

Big Steph is angry at Brie Bella. Nikki has to stay in the back during the match. It is spiteful for Steph to assign a match between Brie & Tamina “I Never Win Despite My Size and Name” Snuka. I’m siding with JBL but not for his reason. Tons of Funk get a full entrance. Commercial. The Real Americans and Zeb Colter are mad at Los Matadores. It was only a matter of time until they jobbed to the new guys. Swagger Bomb is followed by Cesaro vaulting Swagger for the double stomp. That is an impressive move by the big man. Xavier Woods gets more air time. Brodus gets the hot tag. Clay with a PerfectPlex. I’m so lost on big man moves tonight. Cesaro turns it with an European Upper Cut. Cesaro with the Neutralizer for the win. Cesaro with the Big Swing on Tensai after the match.

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#WWE #Smackdown Spoilers

spoiler-alertSo before I get to the spoilers, let’s ramble about stuff that can be mentioned. The crowd was much smaller for Smackdown than the Raw that was here earlier this year. No one was in the upper deck. The hard camera had people in the next 2 sections beside it for Raw. They were tarped off last night. Columbus also got royally hosed with appearances. I understand that Smackdown is the #2 show but we got no Big Show, CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, Randy Orton, The Shield, my boy Dolph Ziggler or the McMahon Family. Now, I didn’t expect all of them to be there but none of them? Wow. Thirdly, it was a fun reminder of the change in crowd when you go from the expensive seats to the cheap seats. We sat around an interesting crew, some of which still believed wrestling is real. Yes, it is 2013.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Olympics Day 4 - Equestrian

From TheExaminer.com

I expect a nail biting Game 5 in St. Louis after a nail biter today in the ‘Burgh. I’ll hope Buctober keeps up for another round. Starting late so let’s roll.

We get a recap of what everyone on the internet was bitching about. I wasn’t that upset because A.) They didn’t promote the PPV B.) It’s an off PPV so I didn’t expect much C.) With more focus being put on Big Show than Randy Orton & Daniel Bryan, what did you expect? D.) I didn’t order the PPV because it was a throw away. Big Steph starts us off. She’s not being condescending so she isn’t fairing well. Plus, her being witchy with more pink than an NFL official is hard to take seriously. Big Show comes down to get berated. He laughs her off. Is it supposed to be an insult that Show doesn’t have a soul? Who thought that was a good insult? Probably the same people that thought last night’s ending to a PPV was a good idea. Big Show is fired. Like anyone believes that. Everyone who has ever been fired in wrestling has gotten their job back. (Next Day Edit: Even though I’m not that worked up about the angle, it doesn’t mean it’s good or the right thing to do.)

Dolph Ziggler gets a rematch against Damien Sandow. Hmm, that should be worded the other way around since Sandow lost. JBL’s logic for debunking Big Show’s claim is not sound at all. Thank goodness Mitchell Cool calls out JBL but drops his point way too early. They make us think this match matters by giving it a commercial. It doesn’t matter. Ziggler has been relegated since being concussed and Sandow has a losing streak gimmick after winning MITB. Mitchell Cool rubs dirt in the wound. Hey fuck-o from Texas, not a single team from that state made it to the playoffs. Remember that series when the Rangers lost to the Pirates in a sweep? Fame-Asser for the win. This match benefits no one. Stephanie gets to berate Brad Maddox. She blames him for everything. So, we get Vince back, right? And that’s why Big Show was giddy to get fired after a month of being sheepish? I love Maddox, but I don’t want him to waste my time with an apology.

Bruno Sammartino got a birthday song from the crowd. For some reason, the ladies get full entrances. Natalya is with Jojo & Eva Marie are against Aksana, Alicia Fox and Rosa Mendes. Why are the newbies in the ring? Actually, only Eva has gotten time. Discuss clothesline leads to a Sharpshooter tap out of Alicia. I want to drink. That’s what I should have been doing during the match. Brad Maddox interrupts the victory celebration so that the WWE can make up for their lapse in judgement in giving the ladies entrances. His apology is more shilling for the WWE App than it is sincere. Booker T is one of our choices for guest ref at HIAC for Daniel Bryan vs Randy Orton. Mitchell Cool gets to explain app installation. King acknowledges that they’re talking down to a majority of their audience. King, my 4 year old nephew can download an app. Is your crowd younger than that?

Los Matadores are taking on 3MB again. El Torrito gets main billing. Diego = Primo. Diego = Primo. Diego = Primo.  Fernando = Epico. Drew McIntyre is back in the ring. They should protect Heath Slater more and keep him out of the matches more than they do. Even for a jobber group, the leader shouldn’t be taking the majority of falls. Double Samoan Drop for the win. El Torito head scissors Slater out of the ring. Pretty sure El Torito did more work than either team. (Next Day Edit: Unlike those other sites, I’ll fix my type-Os the next day. Torito only has 1 R. Thanks WWE.com)

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