Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Review of @WWE #Raw1000

As Jeremy so eloquently put it, tonight starts my descent into madness. No, not the Aurora variety madness but the kind that makes me want to throw my lap top against a wall kind of madness. Tonight will likely be a very good, packed show. The writing will fall apart after tonight though. As for the poll below, I voted for “It doesn’t matter, the title was rendered meaningless long ago.” I’m not sure it was a long time ago but I had been long harping on the meaninglessness of the IC, US, Tag Team & Women’s Title. For some reason, since main event level guys held the belt, I didn’t think about it being meaningless. It is though. Mostly because as another choice point out “It doesn’t matter, John Cena is basically “the champ” anyway.” So, CM Punk may be merch champ and putting on spectacular matches, but you can tell the WWE doesn’t really favor him. Or even Sheamus. Enough editorial, time to do it during the review.

And just so you know, this is our 1850 post. Beat that WWE! We get a retrospective of Raw. It was a nice enough video package. Vince McMahon comes out first. I didn’t listen to his special email message that he sent out. Why is the chairman introducing Degeneration X? I’m guessing everyone else on the internet asked this question. They’re rebels who don’t, aw, you get it right? Even the video package accompanying their entrance seems lame. Shawn Michaels acts out of breath and really stupid. HHH checks for his underwear too. They introduce Road Dogg, Billy Gunn and X Pac. Gunn & Michaels get cutesy with another line. Damien Sandow interrupts the proceedings. You aren’t going to save us. We’re going to get this dreck for the rest of the three hours tonight and in the future. What did I type earlier? This episode would be fine? I’m taking that back already. They still have two words for us. Yuck. Time to get drunk.

I miss Jim Ross coming out because I wanted to get cake for my girl. Wink, wink. Rey Mysterio comes out before he can say a word. He’s teaming with the botch machine Sin Cara. Sheamus is on the team too. We can’t have too many matches tonight so let’s have huge tag team matches! Chris Jericho is still a heel by being on their team. Dolph Ziggler is out the chute next then Alberto Del Rio. Then a commercial.

Ziggler starts off against Sin Cara. Oh, by the way, no animosity between Mitchell Cool and Ross. Stupidity central. My vote is Jericho costing Ziggler and his team the match. Looks like Ziggler is going to cost Jericho the match. Sheamus wins with the Brogue Kick. Not much of a match. What? JR is only calling one match? Fuck off WWE.

Why an I watching these dumb videos? I still don’t care about Tout. Charlie Sheen is hosting from Las Vegas. I’m glad he can Skype so we can plug something else. I buzzed through the replay of AJ & Daniel Bryan from last week. AJ then gets to talk to Layla. Of course dumb shit is happening outside of their locker room door. Kill me. The hand is grown up. Shouldn’t it be half black? Mark Henry was the father.

Sonic gets pimped. Why would wrestling be important during the 1000 Raw? Jack Swagger gets to lose to the Funkasaurus. Another match that doesn’t matter. Shazam app. Clay gets to introduce Dude Love. Splat was an accurate description from Cool. Swagger gets the Mandible Claw with the mandatory gullet use. Trish Stratus gets to talk yoga to HHH. We’re supposed to laugh again. We don’t.

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Mick Foley, who loves the word “I,” returns to WWE at house show in “I”reland… coincidence?

"Hey Rock, can I piggy-back off your return for a while?"

According to Prowrestling.net, Mick Foley made his triumphant, glorious, grandiose, fit-for-a-major-star return to WWE… at a house show in Ireland yesterday. Follow the link to a video of Foley’s comeback promo, where he goes through his usual schtick of name-dropping someone (in this case, Vince McMahon), alluding to being treated like a god among men (WWE is his “playground,” but I’d wager that a ride on the teeter-totter with him wouldn’t be fair), and then going for the cheap pop by mentioning Dublin by name. It’s like the old saying goes: The more things change, the less Mick Foley changes his clothes. -Eric

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