Stunt Granny Audio #217

Life-Adventures-Inspirational-Quote

Hell yes, Stunt Granny is proud to bring to you another installment of Stunt Granny Audio but this time it is the Audio Experience. Yes, Dusty and Jeremy are back together and it is a joy filled episode. How do you live working in a unfulfilling job? How is Jeremy’s relationship working out? Who got downgraded from having a name to being called “The Girl?” Is Jeremy’s house really haunted? If not who put his dog in between the fences anyway? Who thinks Jack Swagger should be fired? Is it even worth trying to save the angle even with the building momentum? Who the hell is Mark Henry supposed to face at WrestleMania anyway?  Do any of us matter in the grand scheme of things? In contrast to the vast size of just the planet does anything really matter? Just what do geniuses do in their free time? How do they relate to normal people?  Are we actually supposed to be living the way we do? Oh yeah, it is The Audio Experience alright. Get to downloading already.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #217

CM Punk may want to shut the fuck up

Just wow.

CM Punk may be a popular wrestler but on Twitter he sure comes across like kind of a prick. Unless this is part of some angle over social media tying back in to his straight edge gimmick it is pretty stupid. He didn’t like the fact that Jon Joes, he of UFC fame, got an endorsement deal with Nike after he was arrested for DUI.  Punk took to Twitter where he has stuck the virtual foot in his mouth before and tweeted:

Let’s reward more drunk drivers with endorsement deals! #responsibility

In the interest of fairness here is a quick rundown of WWE superstars that WWE actively uses to promote the brand and push their merchandise.   Ya know, since they shouldn’t be doing this since they got busted as well.  Oh and for the hell of it I am going to include some active WWE independent contractors who were suspended by the WWE for a wellness policy violation. Ya know, just to rub it in.

Oh and all of these guys have their own WWE action figures to boot because if there is one thing children love it is playing with is action figures of DUI offenders and Wellness Policy violators. Do they make a two pack if you got busted more than once?

Santino Marella

Alex Riley

Jimmy Uso

Randy Orton (twice)

Rey Mysterio (twice)

Evan Bourne (twice)

Booker T

Darren Young

Dolph Ziggler

Heath Slater

R-Truth

Sin Cara

You get the point right? So , um,  CM Punk probably should shut the fuck up about this. Since he works for a company that actively promotes wrestlers who have made the same mistakes that Jon Jones has.  It is called atonement.  Everyone gets an opportunity to do so after a mistake.  WWE clearly gives people more than one chance huh? SO what is the difference with Jon Jones? -Jeremy

WWE Tough Enough contestant and former Miss USA arrested for DUI, still hotter than breakfast skillet

Oh, she is intoxicating...

According to the Elvis Duran morning show (hey, I carpool with my fiancee), former Miss USA, “WWE Tough Enough” contestant and wrestling-fan spank-bank material Rima Fakih faces DUI charges after a weekend arrest in Detroit, Michigan. Here’s an actual news story:

Fakih initially tried to deny her arrest. At around 5 a.m. Sunday, she Tweeted: “Let’s clear things up now… I’m NOT in Michigan and I’m NOT in jail! Wrong Fakih.”

And since hot girls never lie, her lawyer came along to corroborate oh no he didn’t:

The post has since been removed.

Her attorney, Doraid Elder, confirmed the arrest, but offered few details.

He said Fakih was driving her friend’s car because her friend was intoxicated. Elder said Fakih soon realized she was too intoxicated drunk to drive, and pulled over when police spotted her.

Elder said he did not know what her blood alcohol level was.

Time to spin the wheel and make the deal:

According to TV station WXYZ, Fakih blew a .20 on a breathalyzer. The legal limit in Michigan is .08.

Yeeeah! Get it, girl! A DUI, right? See, Stone Cold Steve Austin, she’s *perfect* for pro wrestling! -Eric

Jimmy Uso joins the DUI Arrest Federation

Another week means yet another professional wrestler got pulled over for DUI or DWI. This week’s story takes us to WWE land and we find that Jimmy Uso was arrested for driving under the influence. According to Action News out of Tampa Florida, he was pulled over while driving down the wrong side of the road. His blood alcohol level came in at an impressive .180 which is above the legal limit of .08.

You know what this means? Yep, his push is effectively over. Credit needs to go to WWE for seeing this coming though as The Usos push has been over for about a year. How’s that for foresight?

This is the part of any post where we refer to the legal troubles of Kurt Angle since he seems to be the current DUI champion. So we’ll go straight to the source of all joke Angle and get a quote from Eric shall we.
Eric says:

Um, she hasn’t given me permission to contribute right now.

Ok, well thanks Eric. Don’t let that stop you from checking back folks for more updates on Jimmy Uso’s arrest.

Damn today is a slow news day. -Jeremy

Katching up with Kurt Angle: TNA star, police weigh in on his blood alcohol content

“Eeeehhhhhhhhhhhhh…..”

According to Prowrestling.net, Kurt Angle was arrested Sunday morning in Warren County, Va., and charged with driving under the influence. (Christ, you could set your watch to Angle’s drunken antics.) Angle went on to say that he’d plead not guilty to the charges because he claims his blood alcohol content was 0.06. However, the police (and who trusts them, anyway?) had this to say, according to the Northern Virginia Daily:

The wrestler’s first test, conducted at the scene of the traffic stop near Linden, came back above the legal limit of 0.08. On a second test at the Front Royal police headquarters Sunday morning, Angle blew a 0.06, according to state police.

A report filed by Trooper C.R. Scally also stated that Angle failed several field sobriety tests.

Hmmm, I’m never sure who to believe in these cases, the police who are hired to protect and serve us (but occasionally beat us unmercifully when we get out of control or aren’t white), or Kurt Angle, who celebrates a full moon by getting pilled up, pulled over and tossed in jail for half the night. Furthermore, this happened in northern Virginia, where people on a nightly basis drink half a jug of moonshine labeled “XXX,” then go out driving in their General Lee trying to run from Boss Hogg. Cops’ Judgment: 1, Kurt Angle’s Habitually Poor Judgment: 0. -Eric

Alex Riley Is A Free Man

Apparently Alex Riley hired the right lawyer for the job. Yup, Alex Riley may not live in Southern California but he got out of his legal issues  just the same according to TMZ. A judge in Tampa, Florida tossed out Alex’s pending DUI charge because, as argued by his defense attorney, the police had no reason for pulling him over. Which leads you to believe one thing, the Tampa City government will now create a new law so that things like this will be prevented. I don’t mean stopping possible drunk drivers, I mean harassing you with no probable cause. Gotta get those fines up so your city can make money after all. -Jeremy

Shane Helms may have been drunk when he crashed his motorcycle

I mean, he drinks and hangs out with weirdos, sooo...

On the latest Stunt Granny Big 11, Dusty was kind enough not to skewer Shane Helms too much given his recent motorcycle accident. I mean, poking fun at Shane Helms is like making fun of a retarded boy. No, there is no analogy here, it’s literally making fun of a retarded boy. Have you heard this guy talk? Have you seen the company he keeps? Putting a mongoloid on a two-wheeled motorized machine is like giving a gun to a chimp, except when someone gets shot, you get to blame the chimp. If anyone was cruisin’ for this kind of bruisin’, it was free-wheelin’, backwoods livin’, Shawn Michaels-hatin’ Shane Helms. But oh, how the plot does thicken: Now, according to Prowrestling.net, Helms’s accident is being investigated as a DUI. So Helms, who could probably get a contact high off his buddy Jeff Hardy (or a contact cavity from Matt), according to a witness allegedly chose to drink, get drunk, ride his motorcycle with his girlfriend on the back, fly through a stop sign and crash into a chain-link fence. (Do we need a “Stand back, there’s a Hurricane coming through” joke here?”) Dusty said over IM that, in response to whorry Velvet Sky soliciting donations for Helms’ recovery, Shawn Michaels ought to write a check to him for one dollar and include a note that says, “You obviously need this much more than I do. Love, Shawn.”

OK, he might need more than a dollar... (Credit TMZ.com)

And on a side note, what is it with this motley crew’s luck with ladies and accidents? Shane Helms gets drunk and nearly kills himself and his girlfriend on a motorcycle ride. Jeff Hardy stashes drugs in his home with his girlfriend, and his house burns down. Matt Hardy dates Lita and, when she sees his penchant for chocolate and sewing, dumps his womanly ass for a real man. It’s a good thing no one would touch that scumbag Shannon Moore with a 10-foot pole or we could have another dual-gender tragedy on our hands. -Eric

"Hey, watch it!"

Mike Adamle Likes Alcohol

Jamaican me crazy! Crazy for more alcohol!

According to the Torch, Mike Adamle was recently arrested for DUI. I think it’s absolutely stunning. I honestly can’t believe it. I am just amazed.

I mean, of course, I can’t remember the last time the Torch broke any sort of news whatsoever. – Dusty

Alex Riley arrested for DUI… awesome.

Alex Riley

Does he look like this much shit in HD?

According to Prowrestling.net, Alex Riley (real name Kevin Kiley… damn, his ring name is way better) was arrested the morning of Nov. 17 in Hillsborough County, Florida, for suspicion of driving under the influence. Dude, jobbing to John Cena on Monday Night Raw is no reason to party *that* heartily. He was released after posting a $500 bond. I have about $47 in my checking account and all of my friends are broke, so I better hope I never get pulled over for DUI or I won’t see the light of day again. -Eric

NXT Season 3

ALL DIVAS! Here’s something I stole from somewhere:

* AJ Lee and Primo: 23-year old AJ, real name April Jeanette, was signed by WWE last spring. Prior to WWE, she had been working on the independent circuit as Miss April. AJ primarily worked in the New Jersey area for Women Superstars Uncensored where she was one half of the WSU Tag Team Champions at the time of her signing. Since joining WWE developmental, she had been going by the name AJ Lee and is the current Queen of FCW after defeating Serena for the crown on an episode of FCW TV.

AJ’s mentor will be Primo.

* Aksana and Goldust: 28-year old Aksana, real name Zivile Raudoniene, is a familiar face on the bodybuilding and fitness modeling circuit. The Lithuanian was signed by WWE sometime last year and has recently been hosting ‘The Aksana Show’ on FCW television.

Her mentor is veteran Superstar, Goldust.

* Aloisia and Vickie Guerrero: 23-year old Aloisia is independent wrestler, Isis the Amazon, whose signing Diva Dirt first broke last Friday. In a huge turnaround, she has already been thrown into the national television spotlight as the sixth and final rookie on NXT. She is 6’9″ tall and stands as tall as The Big Show and The Great Khali.

Her pro will be Vickie Guerrero.

* Jamie Keyes and The Bella Twins: 25-year old Jamie Keyes, real name Brittany Beede, was the ring announcer for NXT season two and is now stepping into the ring for season three. She was signed earlier this year after WWE saw some pictures she had taken while modeling for Wrestlicious. She also appeared as a valet for Kevin Nash at TNA’s Final Resolution pay per view last December.

Jamie’s rookie will be the Bella Twins.

* Maxine and Alicia Fox: 24-year old Maxine (formerly Liviana in FCW), real name Karlee Perez, has been with WWE since last summer appearing first as ‘Candy Girl’ before being renamed Liviana. The Latina was a model prior to her WWE signing and was arrested for a DUI in June 2009. She is the current GM of FCW on their weekly television show.

Maxine will be mentored by former Divas Champion, Alicia Fox.

* Naomi and Kelly Kelly: 22-year old Naomi, real name Trinity McCray, was signed to a developmental deal last August. Prior to joining WWE, she was a dancer for the Orlando Magic basketball team. Since joining FCW, McCray was re-christened Naomi Night and has quickly adapted to life in the ring, delivering some good, solid performances in FCW, so much so that she was crowned the first ever FCW Divas Champion earlier this year. Coincidentally, her announcement as part of the NXT cast tonight (August 31st) marks exactly one year since she reported to developmental on this same day in 2009. It looks like WWE is dropping her last name of ‘Night’ for NXT.

Her mentor will be SmackDown Diva, Kelly Kelly.

My money is Isis, yo. – Dusty

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