Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

New-years-eve-lake-garda-1Preparations for for a New Year’s Eve Party have me starting super late. I did see earlier today that this Raw is taped. I did not click on the “BIG spoiler” post on Prowrestling.net however so this is all new to me. Let’s roll.

I’m going to love FFing thru ring entrances starting with CM Punk‘s. Although, I can’t FF when I’m typing my brilliant thoughts. Ha. Punk did have an up and down year. Thank you Shield for playing me some more catch up. I like super cocky Dean Ambrose. Dean does seem to be getting the short end of the stick recently. My forecasts of doom for Rollins may be wrong. I still say his ceiling is Dolph Ziggler. Punk using divide and conquer on the Shield well. Roman Reigns not as pissed at Rollins as he is at Ambrose. Brad Maddox is back! Yeah. I missed his smarmy ass. He officially gives us Seth Rollins vs CM Punk. Commercial.

What weird shit is going on with JBL complaining about the rope break? Mitchell Cool defending it like a heel announcer. Jerry Lawler making the most sense. They stay in first gear before the next break. Punk rolls out of the way of a back splash. Punk nails a leg lariat. Buckle Bomb by Rollins only gets him a two count. I do like the cockiness Rollins has shown against Cena & Punk attempting their own moves on them. Slick spot with Punk rolling thru a cross body into an Anaconda Vice. The Shield causing distractions but it costs Rollins. He yells at Ambrose. Rollins whacks Punk before the suicide dive. Sling shot turned into a GTS for the win. Another slick spot. Rollins is flat out getting it done in the ring. Everyone knows Punk is no slouch at this point. Brad Maddox is talking to the referee about conduct when HHH & Big Steph show up. Daniel Bryan wants a match with Bray Wyatt (Next Day Edit: So I used to have Daniel Bryan for both names. It’s my favorite screw up that neither Wade Keller nor Jason Powell fix. I have no idea why because I’ve gone back thru reports. Shouldn’t you correct it if you’re making a living off of this?). He has to beat Harper then Rowan to get Bray Wyatt. Steph is going to announce the main event for the Royal Rumble. Steph being condescending. Plus.

Steph comes out for the big announcement. I get to buzz thru the Randy Orton video package. John Cena will be his opponent at the Royal Rumble. No surprise there.

HHH gets to blow his wife. He then acts like he is going to say something she hasn’t heard. Steph seems happy about it. Curtis Axel wants us to forget about the past. Like the two failed stints as a low level WWE player? Dolph Ziggler gets an inset promo too. It wasn’t that great. Ziggler takes a ridiculous spill out of the ring. Axel takes a rough looking spill into the turn buckles. They’re trying to out sell each other. The crowd is not into this match at all. Zig Zag out of nowhere for the win. Not exactly a ringing endorsement for Ziggler.

I would not have picked Big E Langston vs Fandango for a match at the 9:00 PM slot at the beginning of the year. Or even two months ago. JBL tries to sell the ability of Fandango to win this match. Sorry, no one is good enough to sell me on that. Summer Rae is outstanding on the outside. She might over emote but I dig it. Fandango takes a breather. Fandango finally takes control when the break hits. Langston powers out. Fandango counters with head butts. Shouldn’t a man with a pretty face avoid that? Fandango getting in some offense to make his case by himself. Langston rolls out of the ring to save himself. Fandango drop kicks him. Fandango jumps into a bear hug. Overhead toss. Big Splash. Down come the straps. The Big Ending. Another good match.

You're Welcome from Wrestlingfeeds.com

You’re Welcome from Wrestlingfeeds.com

For some reason, I stop to listen to Booker T babble. New Year’s Spinarooni. Bad News Barrett shows up with a raising podium. Gavels are obnoxious which is why they work. He gives a bah humbug speech but for the New Year’s.  Renee Young is a bit too happy to introduce Damien Sandow. He claims he’ll quit if he doesn’t win. He should beat whichever clown the fans vote for.

Sandow’s opponent ends up being the Great Khali. I’m starting to wonder if this was the big spoiler. Khali is using the power early. Only a matter of time until he takes out the legs. Mitchell Cool trying to sell the Khali’s title reign as something more than it was. Elbow of Disdain doesn’t quite get it done. Chop from his knees gets Khali up again. Khali is working the crowd and cracking my shit up. (Next Day Edit: Seriously, him working the crowd was so awkward it was hilarious. I can’t remember the last time he had a match this “long” either.) Sandow whacks Khali’s head off a turn buckle and rolls him for the win. The cover was jacked up so the announcers try to cover. I’m glad Sandow quitting isn’t the surprise.

R Truth is taking on Brodus Clay. Xavier Woods is on the head sets again. They must like his mic skills. Poor Woods has to sell back story as he’s sympathizing with his opponent who got blasted. Clay tossing Truth like a sack of potatoes. Woods distracts Clay. The Funkadactyls join in. Truth kicks a charging Clay. Facebuster for the win. They all dance.

HHH gets to introduce Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar. Lesnar has a new shirt. I like his Steve Austin like abilities to whip up a new shirt. I dig it too. Cool rendition of his back tattoo. He wants to be WWE Heavyweight Champion. The winner of Cena vs Orton has to take on Brock Lesnar. Hmm, that’s a weird time to have him challenge. Between the Rumble and Wrestlemania? He issues an open challenge. Mark Henry answers the bell. Nice. This can’t take place now. Lesnar nails Henry as he gets into the ring. Henry tosses Brock over the barricade. Henry gets driven thru the barricade. F5 on the floor. Aww. Damn. I wanted a match between the two. So John Cena wins the belt then, right? No way they make Lesnar a baby face figure against Orton. (Next Day Edit: After clicking on said link, this was the major spoiler and not the end of the show. It’s Wrestlemania season so now that Brock isn’t going back to the UFC, why is it surprising he’s back in the WWE? If you think the WWE wouldn’t use him for the biggest card of the year, shot yourself. I’m still bummed that him and Henry didn’t get a feud. It didn’t need to be a long one but have them face at the Rumble.)

Total Divas vs Non-Total Divas again. Eva Marie gets to be a heel on the baby face team. Kaitlyn is a baby face on the heel team so it all works. Cameron tags in but is unhappy with Eva. Alicia Fox comes in for her spots. Summer Rae gets to use the long legs. Aksana is in before I can type the previous sentence. They trust Cameron to sell more then Eva. Nikki gets a hot tag? All hell break loose. Summer Rae distracts Nikki. Aksana elbows Nikki face first into the ring for the win. Weird choice for a winner.

Brad Maddox is apologizing to the Authority for the ref botch. Brad has Steph’s favorites lined up. He also has HHH’s favorites lined up. (Next Day Edit: For next week’s Old School Raw. I guess that’s pertinent information.) Maddox woos and shows why he should get more TV time.

Daniel Bryan starts out against Luke Harper. I’m taking it this match goes longer than the Rowan part. Harper looks like Rob Zombie would cast him in a movie. Power dominates early. Gator roll. Bryan starts on a mini roll but gets planted with a tilt a whirl slam. Commercial. Fun stuff from the WWE App. Thanks for making me not download it. Pair of clotheslines by Bryan. Suicide dive connects. And a second time. Top rope drop kick. Chopping the tree kicks. Head kicks only gets two. Brutal looking power bomb that Bryan kicks out of. Bray Wyatt with a fantastic reaction. Bryan still kicks out after a couple of moves. Bryan catches Harper in the Yes Lock. Harper powers out. Bryan with the running knee out of nowhere for the win. Fun stuff. Erick Rowan decks Bryan from behind. The ref let’s Bryan stand before he rings the bell. Rowan tosses him into the steps. He then tosses Bryan over the announce desk. Bryan starts to budge as the commercial hits.

Rowan pancakes Bryan. Rowan slaps Bryan in the belly as he’s perched on the top rope. Middle rope fall away slam. Big man move 101. Small Package for the win. Small guy move 101. Harper drops a few elbows on Bryan but Harper restrains him. Bray Wyatt takes his time getting into the ring. Bray charges Bryan but doesn’t attack. Harper & Rowan attack before any fisticuffs happen. Good choice. They assault him some more. No one in the back likes Bryan. Wyatt sings. Our story ends here. This is the end. Bryan says “You’re right.” Bryan is given the mic. He admits that the machine never let him win. He says even the fans chanting for him everywhere he’s ever been could change their mind. Bryan wants to join the family. Bryan crawls over to him. Sister Abigail but seemingly willing on Bryan’s part. Harper and Rowan carry Bryan to the back. Well, something needed to happen for the Wyatt Family. Interesting choice because he is so much bigger than everyone in the group. Bryan ends up waddling up the ramp by himself. The fans chant no. Bryan acts like the crowd is going to change his mind but he doesn’t. Nice. It could end up sucking but whatever. Got to pull the trigger to find out if it works. – Kevin

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Too-many-choicesThere really aren’t that many choices for the Slammys. The Shield , the Wyatt Family, Daniel Bryan & the Real Americans are hogging the slots. These categories have names that are entirely too long which I realized when I was typing them out fully. Well, let’s see what they have in store for us. Let’s roll.

Daniel Bryan is sporting a Flying Goat t shirt.  He starts off against Summer Rae with Fandango. I do love Summer Rae’s antics outside the ring. Her facial expressions of the pain Fandango is in is well done. Bryan had a majority of offense until Fandango turned a top rope drop kick into a power bomb. Perfect commercial spot. For some reason my girlfriend decided to bring her cat upstairs thus getting my dogs riled up. This did not speed up the review.

Bryan is in control again until he misses a charge into a corner. Fandango missed his leg drop soon there after. Flying Goat. Running Knee. They gave Fandango some rope. I think he acquitted himself well. Bray Wyatt shows up on the screen. He doesn’t want Bryan to suffer. Their story will end in destruction. Wyatt wants to prove that Bryan is a monster too. No! No! No! I miss part of King & Booker T. I will not be rewinding any of these segments. They present the presenters. So I had no idea that Daniels & Kazarian were wearing the tuxedos from Dumb & Dumber. But now I know that the New Age Outlaws are copying them. LOL Moment of the Year. Oh my lord, I just realized I didn’t see this category last night on WWE.com.

Santino Marella & Damien Sandow get to awkwardly wait in the ring for the announcement for LOL Moment of the Year, which goes to the Rock Concert. Vickie Guerrero grabs the trophy and said it happened because of her beauty. Big E Langston is on the head set again. Big E is fair to midlands on the mic. He seems to take a split second to gather his thoughts before answering. You’re Welcome as Mitchell Cool pretends like Santino is a stand in for Big E. Double Cross of the Year is presented by the Shield, who are dressed up all in black. There was a Slammys Preshow? Fuck that.

If they keep the categories rolling into commercials, I’m going to catch up in no time. (Next Day Edit: I was either still typing or watching during the awards presentations. In no way did I catch up.) Shawn Michaels wins Double Cross of the Year. He comes out to accept. He makes fun of the fact that he’s double crossed a lot of people. People still love him, which is another reason that angle shouldn’t have happened. Kofi Kingston is taking on The Miz. They continue their weird relationship. Kofi is kicking the tar out of the Miz. He takes a hike when Kofi goes for Trouble In Paradise. JBL is loving Kofi. He did have a small stretch that he looked impressive. Miz kicks Kofi out of a pin attempt into the middle turn buckle. The Miz rolls him up and grabs the tights for the win. Kofi nails Trouble. Is he going heel to make another heel tag team? Eve Torres comes out. She’s more beautiful than ever – JBL. She’s more beautiful than ever. – Mitchell Cool seconds later. Diva of the Year Award.

AJ Lee Seated

She should have won Diva of the Year. From WWE.com

Eight Man Tag Team action wait for the Eve Torres announcement. The Bella Twins win. Ugh. No surprise though. Goldust, Cody Rhodes, Rey Mysterio & the Big Show are taking on Antonio Cesaro, Jack Swagger, Curtis Axel and Ryback. No one should stay prone for that upper cut that long. Swagger looked like a gigantic idiot. Cesaro clothes lines Goldust. JBL rightfully makes fun of the Rybaxel team name. Goldust continues to sell. He almost makes it out with power slam. Goldust does with a double DDT. Cody is en fuego. The Cody version of the upper cut is better but still should be dodged. Big Show cleans house on the outside. Disaster Kick. 619 & Drop of The Dime for the win. The Superstar of the Year is presented by Shawn Michaels. It seems a little early for this presentation. Shouldn’t this close out the show like Best Movie of the Year at Academy Awards? HBShizzle.

The Hunico Sin Cara is in the ring. The winner is Daniel Bryan. No surprise. Both of the announcers call it an upset. I have no idea why unless they haven’t heard the crowds for the past six months plus. He thanks the people. 2014 is going to be even better. Alberto Del Rio is his opponent again. I’ll have to pay attention to this match more this week. Mitchell Cool is having to reintroduce Sin Cara because of how dormant the gimmick was. Russell Wilson! MVP! The crowd cares about this match. Del Rio buys time to get a commercial. He takes over on Sin Cara after the break. JBL “This is a new Sin Cara”. Yeah, some of us realized that and got confirmation later. Hand Spring Elbow gets a two count for Sin Cara. Del Rio hurts the arm. Sin Cara with an Angle Slam. Sin Cara takes his time going up. He turns bad news into a power bomb. Swanton for the win. (Next Day Edit: Del Rio looked like he took a rough spill last night so I was not surprised to read he is concussed.) The crowd is mildly happy. Darren Young & Titus O’Neil are presenting. They do an honorable Millions of Dollars dance. Fan participation Award.

The winner is Daniel Bryan for Yes! Yes! Yes! He gets attacked at one of these presentations, right? (Next Day Edit: I was wrong.)

The Funkadactyls come out with Brodus Clay for his match against Xavier Woods. JBL & Cool point out that Xavier Woods was better with the girls. Clay makes short order of him. R Truth & Tensai drag him off of Woods because of an after the match attack. Clay says “I’m a main event player.” Not yet pal but dumping the gimmick will be a big step. The Miz gets to present Insults of the Year. I thought that category would be interesting so I watched. I was wrong.

Welcome back to Raw, Brodus Clay. Now ditch the gimmick.

Welcome back to Raw, Brodus Clay. Now ditch the gimmick.

CM Punk is taking on Dean Ambrose with Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns at ring side. Stephanie McMahon wins for insulting the Big Show. Punk takes early control. A couple of fun rest holds help make it more interesting than normal. I do believe he used the Anaconda Vice recently so these moves should be sold by the announcers. They are not doing so. Ambrose gains control by attacking the ribs. Why is no one questioning the handicapped matches? Looking for you to step up Mitchell. JBL & Cool over sell us not seeing Punk for a while. Cool does inform me that many of the categories I previewed have results online where I saw them. I may have to do a review article. (Next Day Edit: It’s still under consideration since we didn’t watch Total Divas last night and probably won’t tonight with a Bluejackets game to attend.) Punk nails the suicide dive but stares at Reigns & Rollins.

I’m still an hour behind. Not cool. Ambrose has a sleeper grape vined in. Punk gets out with a belly to back suplex. Ambrose gets the upper hand. Neck breaker by Punk to take back over. Short clothes line by Punk. I love that he’s bringing that back. Top rope elbow hurts the ribs and only gets a two. Double under hook suplex by Ambrose for a two. Nice to see that again too. Roundhouse kick for two. I’m loving the guy in the white shirt & black scarf. This is Awesome! Agreed. Punk gets tossed out between Reigns & Rollins but they don’t do anything. Ambrose argues with them politely. After some reversals by both men, Punk nails the GTS for the win. Distraction by Rollins. Spear by Reigns. Mick Foley comes out to present Extreme Moment of the Year. (Next Day Note: I’m not sure why they do these theme shows the week of a PPV sell. This segment worked because we saw the Shield dissension and Punk being hurt.)

The Usos are taking on Erick Rowan & Luke Harper. CM Punk wins for beating Paul Heyman. He’s going to show us what he can do against the Shield at the PPV. The Usos get the upper hand early with a double dive. Commercial as Bray laughs. Harper is in control after the break. Jey Uso is taking the beating. Jimmy and Harper square off for a double hot tag. Rikishi Charge only gets two. Jimmy gets hung out on the middle rope. Super kick by Jimmy. He nails the Big Splash. Rowan makes the save. The Usos go after Rowan. Jimmy gets blasted with a clothesline for the win. Harper looks good and creepy. Awesome sell job by Jimmy. I suppose Match of the Year should be the last one. Superstar should presented later still. Bret Hart is the presenter. I watch this one too.

Natalya Neidhart is taking on Tamina Snuka again. The winner is John Cena vs The Rock. Not my choice. I would have gone with Punk vs Taker but that’s just me. John Cena accepts. I was wondering if they’d rig any of these for storyline purposes but it doesn’t seem like they have. All of the speeches have been pretty bland. (Next Day Edit: That’s a sure sign they weren’t trying to forward story lines to me and that the vote was legitimate. I wonder if I should put a poll up on the topic and sice if we can get more than 5 people to vote.) Tamina is taking it to Natalya early. AJ distracts Natalya. Tamina runs into AJ on the apron. Natalya with the Sharpshooter. The WWE seem to be all in on Total Divas so I would not be surprised to see Natalya win Sunday.

Stephanie McMahon introduces HHH so that he can preside over the ceremony. Jack Swagger is dressed like a bum. I get it from CM Punk who is a rebel. Daniel Bryan! Yes! Yes! Yes! HHH waits it out and insults the crowd. Good choice. You feed into that and the crowd will keep going. What?!? Bryan didn’t kill that chant. It will never die. HHH introduces Randy Orton and Steph introduces John Cena. I’m quite sure this segment ends after my DVR stops. I love Cena shaking Bryan’s hand. Orton gets the mic first. He gets to roast the other champions in the ring. One of his better promos and exactly where my DVR ends. I don’t care what Cena had to say anyway. (Next Day Edit: I read the ending. Sounds like a solid Cena promo. I also read on Facebook that people are pissed that HHH’s music hit at the end. Who cares. He’s butted out of this feud for the most part. He was defending his woman. Granted, it makes me suspicious about the end of the TLC but we’ll let that play out.) – Kevin

News You Can Use: Fire Crotch, Murder and More Sorensen

Ivelisse Fire CrotchIvelisse Velez was on Tattoo Nightmares on Spike TV. Thanks to Prowrestling.Net for pointing out it’s airing. What, you mean you don’t remember her from Tough Enough either? I’m glad I’m not the only one. I decided to tape it since it didn’t air during my usual viewing time at the gym. For those of you who didn’t watch, Ivelisse thought it was be a good idea to get a sexy tattoo of a phoenix rising…on her crotch. Because the phoenix is below her bikini (look up dummy) or tights line, it appears as if her crotch is on fire. The other problem, not pictured above, is that the phoenix is a negative image inside of all of the flames. Ivelisse didn’t think of the implications until fans chanted “fire crotch” at her.  She was smart enough to whore herself out and get more TV time by going on the show to get it fixed. Jasmine Rodriguez was her tattoo artist. Ivelisse wanted something more womanly and decided to go with a flower. Jasmine was smart enough to not go too much larger than the original tattoo and came up with a solid design. The only problem is she now has a much better done flower crotch. If Ivelisse has ever watched wrestling, she’d realize that once you have a nickname, it sticks with you even after you spend a decade in Japan and come back under a new persona. Have fun still being called “fire crotch” for the rest of your indy career.

Former WWE developmental Brian McGee fatally stabbed his girlfriend Bianca McGaughey. McGee will be charged with first degree murder when he gets out of the hospital because of course this dumb ass fled from the police and crashed his car. What are the chances that the sports media trots Vince McMahon in front of cameras and grills him about the back ground of his wrestlers like they did to Bill Belicheck about Aaron Hernandez? None, that’s what I thought too.

If you didn’t get our fill of Jesse Sorensen news in our podcast below (Seriously, it’s right there. I’m not even going to link to it. If they change pages, just hit next page you lazy bum.) Sorensen is now claiming that a friend put up his GoFundMe.com page and took a jab at Dixie Carter. Sorensen wasn’t concerned enough with the inflammatory remarks to get his meat head of a friend to take down the post. How about removing it while denouncing the post? Just go ahead and keep the money so that you don’t become the next Daniel Lugo. Thanks. -Kevin

Ivelisse Flower Fix

The tattoo is better but is flower crotch better?

Stunt Granny Movie Review: Pain & Gain

pain-and-gainSure, this movie debuted April 11 but we didn’t review it so here it comes. It wasn’t worth going to see full price so my lady and I shuffled off to the Marginally More Than a Dollar Theater before it left even there. I’m not sure what I expected from this movie. All I remember reading about it was that some group was angry that they were glorifying criminals who killed someone. I’m quite sure whoever said that didn’t watch this movie. Or they had their eyes open and didn’t get the message of the movie which was Daniel Lugo (Mark Wahlberg), Adrian Doorbal (Anthony Mackie) and Paul Doyle (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson) were all incredibly stupid weight lifters who got what they deserved. So spoilers ahead. You have been warned so no bitching.

Daniel Lugo is the main character and ring leader of this crew. I could have done without the ending being at the beginning of the movie because it was a linear story otherwise and didn’t add anything to the movie a la Pulp Fiction. Lugo has big dreams of being a rich guy but the only thing he truly cares about is looking buff while taking copious amounts steroids. It is funny that a rich guy who may have had help from performance enhancing drugs is playing the part. Lugo is a gym trainer who changes gyms to make more money. Unfortunately, after bringing in major business into the new gym his needs aren’t satisfied so him and his best friend Adrian Doorbal hatch a plan to kidnap a client Victor Kershaw, played by Tony Shalhoub, and have him sign over his Scholtzsky’s fortune. I immediately thought to myself “How dumb is this plan?” but because they’re both idiots, no such thought crosses their minds. They feel the need to have a third person in their crew which is where Paul Doyle comes into the equation. He is another ex-convict who can’t get a job anywhere. Lugo convinces John Mese, played by Rob Corddry and the owner of the new gym, to hire Doyle all while planning to add him to the kidnapping crew. Doyle is the only sympathetic figure since he had cleaned up his act after his drug fueled conviction by becoming drug free and trying to dedicate his life to God. His character certainly brought the funny because of his split personality between his old life and new life. Lugo persuades Doyle to join his crew by telling him that it will be easy and no one will get hurt. Only another dumb weight lifter would think that a kidnapping could end without someone getting hurt.

Their incompetence comes in when they attempt to kidnap Kershaw but they fail twice before finally grabbing him on their third attempt when he comes out of his Scholtzsky’s. Keep in mind that these lunk heads thought ninja costumes from your local Halloween store were good costumes. Lugo, Doorbal and Doyle end up keeping Kershaw in an abandoned dry cleaners turned sex toy storage warehouse. The later of which comes into play because Kershaw is beaten with sex toys. After finally breaking Kershaw and getting him to sign over his Scholtzsky’s and money, Lugo runs into the problem that none of the paper work is notarized. John Mese comes into the equation because the gym has leveled off, he needs a sponsor for a body building competition and he just so happens to be a notary public. Lugo promises him a Schlotzsky’s sponsorship in turn for notarizing the documents that will bring him his “deserved” riches. Because Kershaw knows their identity, Lugo realizes that they need to kill him. Their first attempt to drive him into a concrete column fails because his car has an airbag and because Doorbal buckled Kershaw’s seatbelt before sending him on his way. Even Doyle & Lugo contemplate how dumb Doorbal is after that incident. Lighting the car on fire back fired because Lugo poured all of the gasoline on the exterior of the car and unlike every other movie, it didn’t blow the whole thing sky high. Because Doyle is driving the get away vehicle, Doorbal & Lugo convince him to run him over, twice.

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Stunt Granny Audio Movie Review: Fast & Furious 6

Fast-and-Furious-6Finally the summer movie season is upon us, well at least here at Stunt Granny since we ignored Star Trek into Darkness.  How else do you kick of the season but with the much anticipated “Fast & Furious 6” and boy did it not disappoint. Jeremy & Kevin talk about the film and its engaging plot and strong character development. They expose the underlying theme of unity and bigotry around the globe as explained through the intricacies of car racing. The guys also rant and rave about a tank murdering innocent people, a plane that rolls on a seemingly endless runway and the physics of human flight.  They discuss the expansive filmography of director Justin Lin and who is going to assume his chair for “Fast & Furious 7”. So give it a listen. It may be the most positive podcast that Stunt Granny has ever produced.

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

minorthreat83

After the normal review, we get started with the handicapped match of Sheamus & Randy Orton against the Big Show. Sheamus should really be smart enough to tag out to Orton to beat the Big Show. I know he’s mad with him and all but that’s plain stupid. Randy gets to be the hot tag tonight. Sure, whatever. The crowd was back to normal on Smackdown. This Raw is no different. Brogue Kick + RKO = win. Snooze. 3MB get mic time because they were beat down by The Shield. They called the Shield out.

3MB gets more mic time, this time in the ring. I’m glad the Shield isn’t wasting their time. Brock Lesnar will though. People are loving Lesnar doing this. Not quite sure why he was ever positioned as a heel. Paul Heyman tells us he wants another match with HHH. This trilogy isn’t getting drug out like Rock vs Cena. Steel cage match is the offer. Disappointing. Expected HIAC.

Hot damn, I rewound for the yoodling. I should shot myself. Antonio Cesaro gets to beat Kofi Kingston. Nice of the WWE to try and make Kofi look like something other than a jobber. Holy shit, they gave them a commercial. I’m not sure I’ve seen Cesaro throw that running uppercut in the corner. That looked really good. Trouble in Paradise knocks Cesaro out of the ring. Trouble in Paradise again. Kofi is the new US Champion. This could be a good move for Cesaro. They did have me hooked by the end.

Buzzed right thru the Dolph Ziggler review for his interview. I still don’t get some of his outfit choices. The leather jacket is not your style. Alberto Del Rio gets to screw up a good promo. I love Ziggler turning him down because of an injury. Vickie Guerrero orders the match. Nice spite ruling. Zeb Colter & Jack Swagger join the party. Del Rio takes out Swagger. Jack gets the jump when Big E distracts Del Rio. Patriot lock does more damage.

The Prime Time Players have shirts now. Kind of simple, kind of slick and the back is a horror house of words. Wow, surprised that the Taker, Kane & Bryan vs. The Shield match will be next week. Not as surprised when they say it will be in London. They try to go a little extra big there. Daniel Bryan takes the beating early. Kane gets the luke warm tag. He destroys Darren Young anyway. Flying Headbutt win.

Ryback was in a dark room. I’m really digging the setting. He’s pissed at Cena because he didn’t help him out when he was being assaulted by the Shield. And Mark Henry. He’s going to step out of John Cena’s shadow. Good promo. All I could think though was, he needs to be able to do this in something other than a specific setting.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

calvin-writing

Quotes from Jeremy on Facebook about Wrestlemania – #1. Yeah I totally got away with not contributing at all this year. Fortunately Kevin DiFrango was there for us all. (About my last preview post for Wrestlemania) #2. Kevin DiFrango wrote about WrestleMania 29. I saved $70.00 by not ordering and reading his review. I hope you do the same. (Considering I posted this today, Jeremy know his tenses very well.)

Quotes from Dusty on Facebook about Wrestlemania – Just read the quick results for Mania. The only result that didn’t make me want to jam a needle into my eye was Del Rio beating Swagger. Glad I occupied myself with baseball and old SNL today

Quotes from Eric on Facebook about Wrestlemania

I get the odd feeling we won’t be talking about Wrestlemania this year. I re-watched the first two or three matches last night. I’ll try and watch the rest of the matches at some other point to properly evaluate. When you’re watching during a party and having to explain past histories and build up, you don’t pay attention very well. Toss in trying to blog and you’re nearly useless. I’m home with two conked out dogs. Time to concentrate on Raw. Let’s roll.

John Cena comes out and gives a Cena speech. He is the only person that gets this much of a reaction unless you count the part timers. Ryback and CM Punk come close. Mark Henry spoils the victory speech. Cena tries to derail a good promo. Booker T comes out to kill a main event that should headline a PPV. I have no idea where Vickie Guerrero is. Booker turns it into a non-title match. Henry still delivers a good promo.

Daniel Bryan comes down with Kane. Big E Langston comes down with some guy with blonde hair and a woman who might be smaller than my sister. I’m glad this crowd is better than the one last night. Nice choice of the director to not show Langston tossing Bryan onto Kane. Langston wins with the Big Ending. That was quick. Glad to know that Ziggler’s briefcase will continue to not be used as he still pursues the useless tag titles.

Wade Barrett gets his rematch against the Miz who went back to the goofy jacket for some reason. It doesn’t fit his character so I have no idea what he’s thinking. I do like the new wrestling gear though. Of course nothing happened before the commercial. I was grabbing dinner finally so I missed Barrett’s spell of offense. Barrett gets to break the figure four. Barrett whacks the Miz off the post. Bull Hammer for the win. Okay. Can someone tell me what the purpose of Barrett dropping the strap in the first place? Vickie & Brad Maddox are yammering when Sheamus comes in. He gets a match but Vickie doesn’t specify against who. Glad to know she’s as tired of that match as the rest of us are.

Booker T is backstage when Randy Orton approaches. Of course he wants a match against Big Show too. Booker over rules Vickie. Oh crap. It’s going to be worse than I thought with just a plain old rematch. We’re on the brink of anarchy according to Zeb Colter. Damn, I just got my finances straightened out. At least I had a good couple of year run to enjoy it before anarchy.

Alberto Del Rio and Jack Swagger do the heavy lifting. No surprise there. Also no surprise that they go to commercial with someone laying outside the ring. JBL has been stumping for free speech but doesn’t want it when Jerry Lawler makes a Colter joke. Neither Mitchell Cool nor Lawler called him on it. Del Rio breaks the Patriot Act. Del Rio turns a second attempt into a cross arm breaker. That was slick. Swagger taps out. Del Rio starts selling his ankle injury. Dolph Ziggler comes out. He cashes it in. The crowd is going crazy. The WWE will have it on mute in the main office. Enziguri by Del Rio. Kick out by Ziggler who had to wait until 2. Ziggler gets out of the cross arm breaker with a partial ankle lock. Zig Zag for the World Championship. Awesome. So awesome.

The fun continues. The Shield comes out when the Undertaker comes out. Glad to know he’s taking off more time officially. I’m not surprised. Aww crap, they do love this three man group so much, they’ve made up another three man group to not make them singles wrestlers.

Dolph Ziggler gets to give a victory speech. He said that this is his Wrestlemania moment. It is about damn time. Great cockiness that he needs to keep. 3MB gets to wrestle R Truth, Zack Ryder & Santino Marella. This match is very exciting for all involved. You didn’t get into Wrestlemania, here’s your consolation prize. Cobra beats Heath Slater. Awesome, they showed Fandango’s appearance on Opie & Anthony. Nice showing from little Jimmy Norton. Kaitlyn got to give away tickets instead of having her Wrestlemania moment. Sheamus and Randy Orton are arguing. Sheamus tells Orton that he’s got this. Orton is sitting back too much these days.

Big Show was angry last night. He is obviously angling for a feud with Randy Orton since another feud with Sheamus will bore us to death. Sheamus and Orton talk more. Tweet my choice. #IDontGiveACare. After the commercial break, we get a match between them for a chance at Big Show. I do love the after Wrestlemania crowds. This is down right hilarious. RVD! JBL! Jerry! Michael Cole! Commercial break! ECW! Lawler is thinking the crowd might run out of chants. The announcers finally get to talking about the match too. The wave. Clubbering time. Randy Savage! HBK! White noise and the crowd boos. Missed Brogue Kick. The Big Show comes out. Sheamus into the post. Thank You Big Show! Finished off with a WMD on Orton. Nope, not finished off. Really setting up the feud. Big Show is looking impressive in the process.

Fandango comes out. Kofi Kingston gets to job. How the moderately powerful have fallen. I guess they didn’t want Kofi to job? Chris Jericho interferes. I’m fine with keeping the feud going. The announcers complain about their table being used again. Walls of Jericho that referees try to break it up. Code Breaker as the finale. The crowd loved it. They also love Fandango correcting Justin Roberts.

Paul Heyman is interviewed by Josh Matthews. He sells Brock Lesnar. Heyman moves on to CM Punk. He is going to let Punk do his talking next week on Raw. Interesting. I like the tease. The Bellas & Rhodes Scholars come out for the oops, we put P Diddy on the show instead of you. So what if the crowd crapped on Diddy. Tons of Funk & the Funkadactyls are out second. The crowd is loving Sandow. Double Splash on Sandow for the Tons of Funk win. We didn’t miss anything on Wrestlemania.

Holy crap, that’s a real shirt that John Cena is wearing. You couldn’t see the belt earlier. If anyone over 12 buys that, they deserve to be beaten senseless. Mark Henry is using the power to his advantage. Duh. Count out victory for John Cena. There we go, figured an attack was coming. Ryback comes out. So Cena will get another feud. Feed me more. He looks at Cena. Then offers a hand.  Cena goes to tje ropes. Hilarious. He’s got to be trolling the crowd. Meat Hook clothesline on Cena. Shell shock. Surprised this crowd is getting into Ryback this much. -Kevin

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