#ImpactWrestling – Total Nonsense Analysis

Self Loathing by Evelyn Astegno from fineartamerica.com

Self Loathing by Evelyn Astegno from fineartamerica.com

– I can’t believe how mind numbingly bad the opening two segments are for Impact Wrestling. MVP was walking backstage with Bobby Lashley and Kenny King. They ran into Kazarian, who was talking to Chris. It is Wrestling 101 to take out a leaving wrestler. Normally it helps to get someone over. The problem in this instance is that Kazarian was last a heel so another heel beating him up doesn’t get them over. To make matters worse, they barely beat him up. If you’re going to send someone on their way, make it count. Kick his ass from pillar to post.

MVP when finally in the ring tried to explain away plot holes that are large enough for rabbits are living in some of them. It was made quite obvious that they were back tracking to make this angle sound. Nothing made that statement more than Kenny King grabbing the mic and saying that his problems with MVP & Lashley were all faked. Going back to the Wrestling 101 handbook, I see that you need to have a reason to believe that the opposite may be true to say you hood winked someone. MVP, King & Lashley never afforded us that opportunity. I may not like Stephanie McMahon’s execution sometimes, but at least she’s saying one thing “Kane! No! Stop!” and clearly unleashing him at the same time. If you’re going to take your champion queue’s from the WWE, please pay attention to this detail in story telling.

– At least the Wolves, Davey Richards & Eddie Edwards, showed up. They were pissed about not being in on the plan. That makes complete sense. The problem though is that it also points out an obvious flaw in the plan. If MVP wanted to reign over TNA with Kenny King & Bobby Lashley, why didn’t he just hire them instead of the Wolves? Lashley came back as a baby face so he’d be great to fight against the “evil” Dixie Carter. Kenny King got reset with vignettes of him spending money all over Las Vegas acting like a baller that was supposed to get under people’s skin. Easy solution, right? Make the vignette’s portray King as a baby face, which I believe he was before whatever caused his absence and recasting. Then you have three baby faces booting the “evil” Dixie only to they themselves turn out to be corrupt. Instead the Wolves have to come out to back track to try and make this angle appear to work.

– I was thinking it during the beat down of Davey Richards & Eddie Edwards that either Eric Young or Austin Aries should have come out to save them. We would have a team of three baby faces against three heels. Instead, Eric Young is shown steaming mad coming to the ring after the damage is done. He comes out to grouse the very next segment. Why did your top baby face just leave two guys hanging who have a beef with the very same person he does? Austin Aries has also made clear since returning that he called out MVP early on and using this turn as proof that he was correct. Aries comes out to save EY which was nice but also late. His buddies from ROH were left hanging in the earlier segment too. Were you late to work? You’re a both bums Young & Aries.

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WWE To Sign Two Fresh Faces To Developmental Deals?

From Logopond.com by cspainey

From Logopond.com by cspainey

On Monday according to Prowrestling.net, the WWE was expected to sign Kevin Steen and Willie Mack to developmental contracts. It’s Thursday and nothing has been made official yet. So that gives me the time to remind everyone that the last time two ROH stars were jumping to the WWE because of a nondescript video from England, they went to TNA so that Davey Richards & Eddie Edwards could wear bad cow skin & wolf hair coats. That leaves TNA time to swoop in and sign Steen & Mack.

If that does happen, the story line will be Dixie Carter signed Steen under MVP’s nose so that she can rid herself of her Bully Ray problem. Steen will then get to fight Abyss for the TV Title completely ignoring Dixie Carter’s plan to become a baby face by supporting Eric Young for a reason that will never be mentioned on TV. Since TNA or the talents they hire can’t come up with new gimmicks Fight Steen Fight will be shortened to Fight Steen.

MVP will then hire Willie Mack because we all know that “those people” stick together. Along with Bobby Lashley and Kenny King, they’ll become the Republic of Reign. Or the Country of Supremacy. Or the Dominion of Domination. Or Association of Power. They will reign supreme over TNA until Rockstar Spud turns on Dixie Carter and becomes part of the group. He will break Jesse Sorensen’s neck again (who was re-hired by Dixie Carter too) and eventually leave the group. Willie Mack will end up turning on MVP after the crowd starts to support his new catch phrase “If Inhale The Odors from Mack’s Kitchen!” – Kevin

#ImpactWrestling – Total Nonsense Analysis

From Deviantart.com done by Supersaz.

From Deviantart.com done by Supersaz.

MVP having the three contenders (Bobby Roode, Gunner & Mr. Anderson) is good and bad. I’m glad someone like Magnus, who later complained about it, wasn’t put in just as a mandatory fourth person. Challengers shouldn’t need to be in even numbers. If they had included someone else though, they could have held this match off until next week to put some hype into it. A champion, even Eric Young, shouldn’t be defending the title as often as the old TV Title used to be defended.

Mr. Anderson pretending like he had the crowd in the palm of his hand was sad. He thinks he can still do the Rock routine but he can’t. They haven’t been behind him much in the recent past so I don’t know why he thinks it’s working. You’ve had the exact same gimmick for nine years, if you start the clock at his Smackdown debut. Please, change it up some.

– I have no idea what they are trying to do with Knux and Rebel. They have made Rebel a complete dip shit including her continued “concern” over “Crazy” Steve. She’s also an idiot for pretending like TNA is at minimum the WWE, if not more like being on a movie set kind of awe about her. They are going to be called The Menagerie.

– Thank goodness Bobby Roode won over Gunner. Roode is much better and one of the few worth while talents in this company. Pretty sure he was dumb enough to sign an extension, so good luck being stuck in a terrible situation.

– It just dawned on me that Dixie Carter is now ripping off, of all people, Paul Heyman. He beat CM Punk and got to brag about beating the “Best In The World.” Dixie, you putting Bully Ray through a table isn’t on the same level. If Dixie really wants to copy the WWE correctly, she needs to have a hired gun like Brock Lesnar. If she brings back Rampage Jackson or King Mo, I’ll cry during my laughter.

– Taz & Mike Tenay are trying to make Willow “more sadistic” and “different offense than from Jeff Hardy” but just as they are saying that, he does his hip bump but on the outside so they had to sell it so much more lethal. It was comical. I’ve been meaning to mention that it has driven me batty that he hasn’t changed up his offense at all. Hardy also only came up with a coat and mask but not new sleeves, pants or shirts. He has the creativity but I think it’s lazy not addressing those areas.

Sanada and The Wolves destroyed The BroMans as they should have but the problem with that is the tag team division is non-existant of these two teams.

Just for Dusty. From some wrestling forum who probably saved it from Impactwrestling.com

Just for Dusty. From some wrestling forum who probably saved it from Impactwrestling.com

– Somehow, the Knockouts are in a worse state than the WWE Divas. Except in looks as Dusty & I discussed last week.

– I asked while talking to Jeremy about Eric Young having longer matches. The main event bell struck at the 1:45 mark of Impact Wrestling. Fifteen minutes isn’t enough time especially if you’re putting him in there with one of your best hands in Bobby Roode. At least Taz pointed out the bad decision to defend the title this often. Eric Young getting the win over Roode burns through an opponent that should have been on a PPV. I know they’re trying to play catch up with EY’s legitimacy but I’m still not buying. I smell desperation. After the big win, why are you putting someone else on the TV? Why? – Kevin

 

Stunt Granny Audio #254

Nerd Playing WOWJeremy & Kevin have recovered their voices from yelling at Wrestlemania and Raw last week in New Orleans. They talk about their experience in the Crescent City and somehow don’t cover all of the Sippy Time Beer that was consumed. They did consume a lot of drinks on Saturday night though. Who got them a grain alcohol shot? What did he promise them? How good was scene at the Chicken Shack after a night of drinking? What did their hotel neighbor add at the end of the night? Where does New Orleans rank against Detroit, Orlando and Atlanta? What made it different? Is it the reason we saw so many Superstars? Raw had a boisterous crowd but what made it different from this week’s Raw? Was the crowd as different as the stories being told? Is it good for Evolution to be back together? Will they have good matches with the Shield? When should HHH wrestle? What did Jeremy think of the Ultimate Warrior tribute? Why did Kevin plead ignorant on the situation? They end on a down note by talking about Eric Young winning the TNA Heavyweight Championship. How correct was Dusty when he wrote this article? Does ROH have more viable candidates to come to the WWE than TNA right now? Find out the answer to these questions and more when you click on the link below!

News You Can Use: Taz and Buff Bagwell

From Japanese artist Makaon by way of inhabitat.com

From Japanese artist Makaon by way of inhabitat.com

– Taz gave an interview to the Miami Herald an interview since Lockdown, which is a real pay per view that I won’t pay for, is in Miami. Taz said:

The building of characters is a big, big thing creative in TNA is really pushing.

What an obvious statement. It’s their job to build characters hence their name is creative! I will give it to Taz that TNA has come up with some new characters like his examples of Sam Shaw and EC3. Sam Shaw is a truly new character because no one has tried to make Patrick Bates as wrestling character to my knowledge. EC3 is just a recycled gimmick with not an ounce of a new spin on it. Taz also cited MVP and the Wolves as fresh faces. The trio is new to TNA TV but they’re not new characters. Their gimmicks from their previous trips are intact so creative isn’t building jack for them. I shouldn’t say that, creative did drop American from the beginning of their team name. At least Taz didn’t say Willow because that is way too weird for any chumps that TNA employs. Jeff Hardy is the only person creative enough to come up with Willow.

– Because it has been posted everywhere, I feel obligated to mention that Buff Bagwell is now a gigolo. I’m not going to be creative because all of the jokes have already been used by the time of this posting. I’ll just leave the link on here to get a few waning hits. – Kevin

Thanks Prowrestling.net for being the source of the news.

@ImpactWrestling – Total Nonsense Analysis

The Lloyds of London Building by Richard Rogers from theguardian.com

The Lloyds of London Building by Richard Rogers from theguardian.com

– I’m a much bigger fan of Magnus when he doesn’t act like a coward which is when he isn’t around Dixie Carter. I liked how he talked down to Samoa Joe, who had no verbal come back. Joe decided to beat the tar out of Magnus which isn’t a good sign for his chances at winning the TNA Title at Lockdown. I think Joe needs that kind of win to help make his character relevant again. The only problem with giving him said victory is that Magnus isn’t in a position to lose either. His reign hasn’t been long enough yet for a freshly minted heel.

– I love sneaky wins by heels. Bromans let the American Wolves do the damage to Kazarian of Bad Influence and swooped in for the pin fall. The problem with this type of win is that Bobby Roode wants a winner between Bromans & Bad Influence to join his team at Lockdown. If you see a pin like that, it can’t fill you full of confidence. I wouldn’t want to choose them any more than I did before the match.

James Storm and Gunner had some good banter going back and forth. One expects it out of Storm but it was a nice surprise out of Gunner.

– I’m sad to see Austin Aries in TNA. He is excellent and has been so in his segments with Bobby Roode and MVP. It helps to be in good company but I really like his style. He has gotten pushed back some but isn’t as lost as Bully Ray is. Here’s to hoping that him being the “hot free agent” helps bring Aries back to prominence.

Kurt Angle had a nice speech for his Hall of Fame speech. The guy has been around for quite sometime and despite his white trashness, he’s been a good performer the majority of that time. EC3 came out and continued to show why he was stuck in NXT. He’s just not as good as even Xavier Woods as I discussed with Dusty last week. He’s being served up perfect spot after perfect spot but he’s just not cutting it.

– At least they finally covered Samuel Shaw being completely crazy. He has a pretty decent delivery. Ken Anderson didn’t feel like he was in the rut he was against Bully Ray. From time to time, Anderson still shows why he could be a difference maker. Hopefully they can find some way to move the Shaw character on after his feud with Anderson.

– I have liked the videos from Willow. I always say how stale TNA is. Jeff Hardy is definitely out of the box thinker so I can’t blame him for trying to freshen up his look. I was wondering two things during this vignette though: Is he going to wear his mask in the ring? Because if he doesn’t, won’t it be a dead give away that it’s Hardy? Second, if he is really selling this personal change, does he bring in a new move set? If he uses all of his old moves, isn’t that a give away that it’s Hardy?

Austin Aries handing the win to Bobby Roode over MVP still could leave enough air space that Aries is acting as a double agent which could effectively make it a 6 on 4 for MVP’s team at Lockdown. It could be well played. We’ll see if TNA is that smart. – Kevin

@ImpactWrestling – Total Nonsense Analysis

norweigan-curling-pants

From money.cnn.com

Dixie Carter and Magnus complained about MVP who came out with Samoa Joe.  I couldn’t concentrate on the promos because of the hideous outfit of Rockstar Spud. You can go crazy with design and still look good. Those pants above are a perfect example. Plus, I watch entirely too much curling during the Olympics and needed to find a way to put this picture on the site. Gunner was an idiot for telling Magnus in advance when he’d take advantage of his briefcase. The end result of all the wrangling was Gunner having to put his brief case up against EC3, who has to put his briefcase, that is for the tag team championships, up too. After five minutes of a match, Magnus comes down to interfere so James Storm evens the odds. Then MVP comes back out and makes it a tag team match for the briefcases. Now if you just had a give and take for match stipulations to start the show, why didn’t Dixie counter this change? Will she get a unilateral change later? Gunner ends up taking down the briefcases which makes the most sense. They seem to want to have a break out star in Gunner so he needs the win to retain thre World Title opportunity. It seemed entirely too short of a match because of the stakes.

– I’ve got to say I like MVP as a character so far in his very short time in TNA. He’s still got it on the mic. It won’t make a cent of difference in the long run if they keep him in flummoxing stories like above. The Bromans get a match against The Wolves, Davey Richards & Eddie Edwards, and a mystery opponent. I FF to find out simply because I’m behind. Samoa Joe is their partner. I get the significance of having Joe the partner of his friends from ROH but shouldn’t they be featured by themselves for their first in ring appearance in TNA? Doesn’t seem like a hard thing to accomplish. Make it a non-title match with Robbie E & Jesse. Zema Ion tapped to the Rear Naked Choke. Again, shouldn’t the Wolves get the victory here? I know Joe is going for the title but it’s all the more reason to not have him in the match!

Dixie Carter got her unilateral decision by upholding the Velvet Sky versus Chris Sabin match. Because that’s a fair match up. Ugh. MVP gets berated by Rockstar Spud so MVP schedules a match against him. Huh? Why didn’t you save Velvet then? I’m so confused. I liked MVP’s mic skills but again the story makes no sense so it won’t help. Abyss calls out Eric Young. I’m disappointed that Abyss is walking away after developing his character so much. Realize you’re a combination of the two characters and we’ve got a nice mix.

– My favorite part of the MVP versus Rockstar Spud match was when Mike Tenay tried to make it sound like he had called MVP’s matches before. Taz politely corrected him. I’m not sure how he pulled that off but it was perfect. Best thing Taz has done in a long time.

– We get it, Bobby Roode is turning face. In my best Wade Keller voice: Does he have to intimidate a woman though? I haven’t seen any spoilers so the Willow character is Jeff Hardy, right? Chris Sabin and Velvet Sky have their match. TNA decided to invest in another large woman who can’t wrestle. Yep, spending money more wisely after getting rid of Hulk Hogan, AJ Styles and those other schlubs. Bring in new schlubs. That’s the answer.

– Just as I start to type about not being interested in the main event involving Mr. Anderson and Bully Ray, the crowd started chanting “This is awesome.” Jeremy & I talked about it on the audio this week, the athleticism shown on WWE TV these days is through the roof. This match showed none of that. Even the “extreme” aspects seemed plodding to me. Then just to cap off this awful match, Ken Anderson Mic Checks Bully Ray into the casket out of the blue for the victory. Bully Ray had just been stomping the tar out of him. How does that type of finish resolve a blood feud? You need a defining win. They also decided to air another skit with MVP and Dixie Carter fighting for power. We didn’t need it, it served no purpose and a blood feud main event match really could have used another five minutes of beating the hell out of each other. Jiminy cricket. – Kevin

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