Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

After reading the results for Ring of Honor’s iPPV, I was wondering if you could tell which of these two guys are tag team champions and which one is the ROH World Champion? I’m also wrapping up this past week’s edition of #WatchROH and they’re showing parts of the Eddie Kingston vs. Kevin Steen. Are they trying to say “Hey, if you don’t want to work out and are average at best in the ring, you too can get a shot at our title?” What a dreadful product. Even if they come here, I’m not spending money on those fools. I did spend money on the WWE this past week though. Luckily I have PSL tickets for the Columbus Bluejackets (Well if they have a season) so I got a nice little deal on the expensive seats. I’m happy to be giving these fools as little of my money as possible. Time for Raw. Let’s roll.

Paul Heyman comes out to explain the finish of last night’s main event between CM Punk and John Cena. The dog and pony show even includes Chad Patton, our ref. Gasp, the horror. They mentioned an official. You should never do that. they never mention the refs at NFL games, especially this year with replacement refs. Cena comes out to talk. Glad Cena can recycle an old shirt by slapping a new slogan and color on it. After Cena cuts a good promo, Alberto Del Rio comes out to suck the air out of the building. Now he’s the man that never lies. That isn’t going to help your character. AJ Lee makes a tag team main event with the participants from the main events last night.

Jerry Lawler gets to Tout along with having some home coming to Memphis footage later. JBL makes his big entrance to not much reaction. Jim Ross joins them too and gets a real reaction. Rey Mysterio & Sin Cara are in a tag team match again. Five seconds into their match against Epico & Primo with her hotness Rosa Mendes. I miss JR less than a minute after the break. Sin Cara nails the Swanton Bomb for the win. The WWE is doing their best to get Sin Cara into a place to foster his confidence. Darren Young & Titus O’Neil attack them from behind. O’Neil making a solid point but they need something more. We get the rematch no one wanted from Night of Champions with the tag titles back up for grabs.

Layla El is in the announce booth as Beth Phoenix waits to take on the new Diva’s Champion Eve Torres. Layla is finally smelling what Eve is cooking. Beth continues to be a jobber. JBL is off a little bit but making a nice “Go get ’em” speech.

Antonio Cesaro is down in the announce booth. I buzzed thru the Funkasaurus‘s entrance. The five different language thing is stupid. Heath Slater takes advantage of the Cesaro distraction but only gets two. Head butt then splash for the win. Cesaro didn’t make a good impression with his time as JR would say.

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Stunt Granny Audio #196

This week it’s a three man booth as Eric, Kevin and Dusty combine their resources to discuss the latest happenings in the world of professional wrestling. While Dusty was the only person on earth who enjoyed Booker T’s commentary, the trio all agree that it is for the best for him to move on to being the general manager on Smackdown. They also talk about just how bad ROH is lately, with their unique brand of fat guys in t-shirts wrestling for belts that mean nothing, and Jim Cornette seemingly losing the magic touch by the day. They also turn their attention to TNA, and agree that it has largely been actually good lately, with one glaring, crack addled elephant in the room preventing perfection. All this and so much more, so spare an hour of your life, because while you probably *will* regret it, they want you to and have mob connections, so you’ll be forced to eventually anyway.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #196

Ring of Honor has reached its… Boiling Point! Ugh.

Looks like a fucking narcolepsy convention.

Just received another e-mail from Ring of Honor, this one promoting this Saturday’s iPPV event, Boiling Point! And what was my eye drawn to as soon as I opened the e-mail? A picture of T-shirted Kevin Steen, belt cliche-illy around neck, looking like someone pulled him away his 8-pack of hot dogs on the stove reaching their BOILING POINT to take this fucking picture. And it looks like he’s taking on a bum I walked over to get to work today. Oh, that’s Chikara Grand Champion, Eddie Kingston, complete with wife beater, stubble, multi-finger point and dreamy bedroom eyes. It looks like we caught him right in the middle of a burp, too. The XPW Champion never looked better.

Also on the card is a guy named “Die Hard” who looks more like a 14-year-old high diver from the UK Olympics team, taking on a guy who, despite reaching his BOILING POINT, has the world’s biggest, toothiest grin on his face. I guess I would too if I were paired up with Maria, the only person on that poster who looks like a star. Smilin’ Joe & Maria take on Faux Hawk & this smug broad Sara Del Ray in a match that has inspired me to sit really hard on my wallet next weekend.

Oh well, I guess they could have put the “Zombie Princess” Jimmy Jacobs on the card. Man, of all the things people claim are killing the business these days… -Eric

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