WWE Diva arrested: Most likely guilty as hell

UPDATE: So in the past 24 hours or so, Emma has been fired and then reinstated by WWE. A quote from WWE.com:

Upon further evaluation, WWE has reinstated Tenille Dashwood (WWE Diva Emma) but will take appropriate punitive action for her violation of the law.

So I’m sure this will be some sort of humiliating act that takes place on Raw where Emma is dunked in chocolate pudding or one of my other fantasies.

P.S. WWE loves to reinstate people. First Macho Man Randy Savage, now Emma. At least they didn’t hold Emma in abeyance. -Eric

According to a report at Between the Ropes everyone’s favorite dancing Diva, Emma, has been arrested. Kind of shocking really but making the story better is the fact she was busted for lifting an Ipod case. Wait a minute; they even make Ipod cases any longer? Unfortuantly for Emma it is clear she is guilty as hell. What defense can she possibly use? No one that looks like Emma shops at  Wal-Mart. The proof, well, see below. Continue reading

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Class Is In Session: #NXT Review

Shadow from slowbuddy.com

Shadow from slowbuddy.com

The show opens with a very good hype video for the Adrian Neville vs.Tyson Kidd rematch. The video focused on Kidd’s attempt to get out of his wife Natalya’s shadow.

Tom Phillips, Alex Riley, and Renee Young are on commentary

Paige, Emma, and Bayley vs. Charlotte, Summer Rae, and Sasha Banks

The baby faces all make separate entrances which makes sense seeing as Emma and Bayley’s acts center around their entrances. There’s a lot of that in NXT. The heels come out together to Charlotte’s music but spent the whole time pushing each other out of the way so they can be the center of attention

The match began with Emma holding her own until the BFFs were able to work the numbers game to their advantage and work her over. Charlotte used the Figure-Four Necklock on Emma as Summer Rae hopped off the apron to take selfies with fans and just generally hog the spotlight. Summer entered the ring and began hogging the match refusing to tag Charlotte back in. Emma was able to use the dissension to her advantage and make the hot tag to Bayley. Bayley ran wild until all six women were in and Bayley ended up winning with a roll-up on a distracted Charlotte.

After the match a replay revealed that Charlotte had kicked Summer out of the ring before being rolled up by Bayley. Decent match that forwarded the BFF break-up storyline.

Backstage, JBL was shown greeting a masked man and signing him to a contract. The masked man said the he “Bo…believed” that he would do well in NXT.

Elsewhere, the BFFs were in the women’s locker room where Charlotte and Sasha were blaming Summer for the loss. Alexa Bliss walked into use a locker but she was stopped by Sasha who told her to leave. Alexa ended up challenging Sasha to a match.

CJ Parker was seen in the audience with another hippie sign. End this gimmick please.

Colin Cassidy vs. Sylvester Lefort (w/ Marcus Louis)

I’ve never seen Lefort wrestle before and I wasn’t missing much. Cassidy is the world’s smallest 7-footer. Nothing match. Cassidy won with swinging side slam into a sitout for the pin.

Backstage, Natalya told Tyson she was going to be in her corner using the word “I” more than anyone intending to be a baby face ever should. I really hope she ends up turning heel  soon because if not the writers, across all shows she’s on, and Natalya herself are tone deaf to how she comes off.

Aiden English was singing before being approached by a man I would later read on the Internet was Simon Gotch. No attempt was made to let viewers know who this man was or why he was there. He never spoke but ended up walking off with a piece of the set. Weird segment and yet another NXT wrestler is being groomed for an opening match “comedy” gimmick. Comedy is in quotes for a reason because I have a pretty dumb sense of humor and this segment didn’t even earn a single chuckle from me.

Sami Zayn vs. Mr. NXT

The crowd obviously knew who Mr. NXT was as they played along with dueling chants of “you can’t fool us”and “yes you can”. Now that was funny. Short match that was more about the Mr. NXT gimmick angle than showing off either man. Zayn would unmask Mr. NXT as (surprise, surprise) Bo Dallas. Zayn hit the Helluva Kick in the corner for the win.

After the match Zayn brought out security to take Bo away who ran around the ring. They finally got a hold of him and were attempting to take him to the campus police office presumably but Dallas broke free and ran around outside scaring the hell out of some students who did not appear to be in on the act at all. Funny stuff.

Adrian Neville vs. Tyson Kidd (w/ Natalya) for the NXT Championship

The crowd started on Kidd early with “Nattie’s Husband” chants. Good back-and-forth match that saw both guys play to their strengths. As the match went on Tyson was playing more the heel which allowed Neville to fight from underneath which is where he excels. Kidd threw everything he could at Neville but he kept kicking out. Kidd was finally fed up and went outside to grab a chair but he was stopped by his own wife Natalya. Once again, if Natalya is expected to be considered likeable by these actions them I am at a loss for words. Neville was able to take advantage of the distraction to connect with a superkick and finish Kidd off with the Red Arrow. The show ended with Natalya attempting to console her husband.

Grades

All six women- Everyone performed well in a decent match that was designed to forward the BFFs break-up storyline. B

Colin Cassidy- Just a tall guy with no upside. F

Sylvester Lefort- Lefort is not a good wrestler and needs to stick to managing. F

Aiden English and Simon Gotch- Bad comedy. F

Sami Zayn- Zayn is arguably the best wrestler in NXT but this match was not a showcase for him. He was still very good with what he had to work with. B-

Bo Dallas- Bo was hilarious here allowing himself to play the fool as a good heel who’s been caught cheating the system should. A-

Adrian Neville- A great outing for him here. He played a great babyface in peril and made a great babyface comeback. A

Tyson Kidd- A great outing for him as well as he develops his new heel persona.

Natalya- I HATE HER!!!!! F-

Overall show- Aside from the bad squash and even worse commentary this was a good show featuring a great main event, a great comedic performance from Bo Dallas, and storyline progressing in the Womens Division. B+ – Chris

The #WWE Celebrates the World Cup

The WWE decided to celebrate the beginning of the World Cup today by having some of their Superstars and Divas give a Knute Rockne-esque speech for their home country. You can here what they say in the video but through a special futbol translator, I know what they really said.

Dolph Ziggler – Even the US’s head coach Jurgen Klinsmann doesn’t think the US stands a chance in this “Group of Death” with Germany, Portugal and Ghana. That’s because he played for Germany and is still pissed at Spain for beating them in the quarter finals in 2010. Klinsmann threw our chances as soon as he decided not to include Landon Donovan. That’s why you can only trust manager’s from the USA! USA! USA!

Emma – We’re so great at football that we have our own version called Australian Football. The US isn’t the only country that gets these sports mixed up!

Alberto Del Rio – Mexico is so terrible that the last three World Cup qualifications we’ve played at Crew Stadium in Columbus OH that we’ve lost 2-0 to the USA. That makes it completely logical to think that we can beat Brazil in Brazil without any problems. We’ll just get our cartel to drop some dead bodies in their slums and that’ll scare them enough to throw the match. Hold on, their slums are worse than ours? We’re so screwed.

William Regal – England’s career in the World Cup is the same in mine in wrestling. A small, vocal amount of fans consider me/them great while the rest of the world craps on me/them. At least we have a chance of moving on from Group D since Costa Rica and Uruguay suck. England will then lose in spectacular fashion in the Knock Out Rounds. I’m depressed already.

Kofi Kingston – I’m creating an angle for myself because I can barely stay on TV. I can’t wait to be run down by Zeb Colter and then lose to the re-re-re-repackaged Jack Swagger. Come on Ghana, get me some air time!

Santino Marella – Since I was born in Canada, I got to celebrate a Gold Medal in Olympic Ice Hockey earlier this year. Since I’m Italian on TV, I get to root for soccer power house Italy. I can’t wait until William Regal has to wear an Italy jersey on NXT next week after Italy beats England on Saturday. Mayors aren’t the only one who can make these stupid bets.

Paige – Joe Hart is so hunky.

Cesaro – I can’t wait to say Switzerland lost in five different languages. – Kevin

#Smackdown Recap & Total Nonsense Analysis

zionbuffalo.org

zionbuffalo.org

I just wanted to mention before starting the Smackdown review that Impact Wrestling was not that terrible, until the very end when MVP turned on Eric Young. You have just spent the last several months saying the management won’t take advantage of the situation and MVP does just that. Ugh. You ruined a good ladder between the Wolves & the Bromans and generally other decent work.

– Sheamus defended his US Title against Dean Ambrose. Mitchell Cool embarrassed himself with his opinion. Ambrose may have lost the title under shady circumstances but as soon as he gets a singles match, that complaint is out the window. Dean Ambrose has done himself quite a bit of good to gain in ring credibility the last couple of weeks. He’s cranked up the “loose canon” movements which isn’t my favorite but I like what I’ve seen in the ring. Sheamus got the win, which is only right if the Shield is going to be tied up with Evolution.

– Rob Van Dam & Big E Langston took on Bad News Barrett & Cesaro. Big E got to lose to Cesaro in a hurry. I would not have expected that short of a match. I was thinking it’d get a commercial break.

– Alexander Rusev took on Kofi Kingston. I’m not disappointed I skipped Lana’s promo. The whole Eastern European gimmick isn’t working, let’s double down on it with the promos. The Accolade is applied in short order.

– Bray Wyatt implies he’s going to try and make Cena dark again. So we’re back to this part of the angle, huh? I’m still enjoying these promos. I  just don’t think the thought process for this feud is there.

– Fandango was off two weeks and I didn’t know. All I thought to myself when his mixed tag match with Layla El against Santino & Emma was announced was “How many straight weeks has this been on TV?” Layla got a distraction roll up pin for the win. She ends up kissing Fandango on the stage. According to Mitchell Cool, Summer Rae is supposed to be upset. Who would she come back with to extract revenge? She’s a heel still, right?

– Roman Reigns got to play tired against Mark Henry. A gigantic Samoan Drop by Reigns led to a spear which got him the win. That match wasn’t much longer than the others tonight.

– Another Los Matadores & El Torito vs 3MB (Drew McIntyre & Heath Slater) & Hornswoggle allows me to mention the weeLC match announcer getting in trouble for having John Cena talking to the Wyatt’s in his Instagram picture. I looked at that picture several times and didn’t notice them. I’m the observant type because they weren’t exactly hidden. El Torito pinned Heath Slater.

– Batista took on Seth Rollins. I love Batista bringing back the apron as a weapon. I have enjoyed it’s ridiculousness for a while now. I liked the match. Rollins went for broke and ate the announcers table for a Batista count out win. Now if only Randy Orton had gotten one of the two wins tonight, it would have been a better night for Evolution. I’m not sure you could pull that off though as soon as you tossed Sheamus into the equation. The Shield couldn’t go 0-3 so Orton can’t take on Reigns.

– The main event of John Cena & The Usos vs The Wyatt Family started with 10 minutes left in the show. This show was the worst night of wrestling in a while for the WWE. I don’t think anything was overly offensive but they haven’t featured on long match. The show opener (I haven’t been timing them) felt like the longest and it still didn’t feel that long. Jimmy was going for an unnecessary dive on an already fallen pile when Luke Harper catches him with the Discus Clothesline. Cool looking move but really dumb on his part.

 

WrestleMania XXX Preview: Vickie Guerrero Divas Championship Invitational

Vickie-Guerrero-Divas-Championship-Invitational-for-WrestleMania-30Jeremy & Kevin are here to join you for a match that will surely act as a buffer between much more important matches. At the time of this recording, the rules of this Invitational were not defined. Since they were defined, our analysis has not been substantially changed. We are at least glad that Vickie Guerrero didn’t make it an elimination style match. Which of these ladies did Jeremy & Kevin forget were on the roster? Are they glad any of them are in this match? Will the Diva’s Division ever enjoy a renaissance like the tag team division or is Total Divas the best anyone can achieve? Even though we like to do predictions at the end of the show, is there anyone to pick other than AJ Lee or Naomi? Could Naomi’s big win happen in such a terrible multi-woman match? Will AJ continue to be made fun of for being proud to be Diva’s Champion if she wins? Find out that and more when you click on the link below!

 

WrestleMania XXX Preview Shows
WrestleMania XXX Preview: WWE Tag Team Championship Fatal 4-Way Match
WrestleMania XXX Preview: Bray Wyatt vs John Cena

Random NXT: The Arrival Thoughts

nxt-arrival-p

The opening match of NXT Arrival made absolute sense. There was no way this match was going to disappoint and really it was bound to upstage anything else on the card. Placing it first with plenty of buffer matches in between allowed the Women’s Title match as well as the NXT Title match to still make an impact.

Wow, that was just great stuff. Cesaro winning never seemed like a forgone conclusion even though he has been heavily featured on WWE programming. Sami Zayn is going to do big things when he gets the call up and after that match it seems like a forgone conclusion he will be up sometime after WrestleMania.

Thus starts the “Not ready for the big show” part of the event.

Mojo Rawley has the look of Nikoli Volkoff. That works for the 80’s but now it makes him bland. His gimmick of the over excited, hyped, frat brother isn’t going to work in the big show but it does make him standout in the smaller NXT.

CJ Parker’s promos crack me up but the overall gimmick will get lost like Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks. Yeah I used Reks because they both have dreads.

William Regal is awesome.

The Ascension; yuck name. What does The Ascension even mean as a tag team name? Their gimmick is right out of that awkward transition period between the early 90’s and late 90’s. Pairing them with Too Cool though made both men look huge and absolutely intimidating. Despite the criticism this was a solid, formula tag team that did its job in showcasing The Ascension. With the right tweaking they could be up on the main stage soon enough.

There was something totally different about Stephanie McMahon. Her character was totally different and dare I say she looked like she was totally enjoying herself? Oh and maybe basking in a tad bit of pride over her husband’s baby.

William Regal is awesome.
Continue reading

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

frozen-beerSo I didn’t end up getting a new refrigerator until Saturday. I tried to get the old fridge repaired but when that failed, I had to go for the new one. After checking out the appropriate outlet stores, I made a purchase. The delivery came two hours late. Oh The humanity! Ha ha ha. The fridge has been restocked. I’m just glad my beers have finally unfrozen. Luckily none of them got to the state of the beer above. Time to watch some wrestling. Let’s roll.

Betty White and Big Show lead off the show. She’s going to kick ass tonight. (Next Day Note: No one is shocked she didn’t.) HHH then big foots her. How dare he! Doesn’t he know who she is? (Please note the heavy dose of sarcasm.) Before Steph can say anything, Randy Orton comes down. She gets to bring the condescension. Orton apologizes to them. It’s coming from his heart. Ha. Orton wants more TV time on other shows. Daniel Bryan comes out. Steph lays down the law. Bryan wants a match with Kane. He insults Steph & HHH. Randy Orton gives their rebuttal. HHH gives Bryan a rest. He’s getting a well deserved day off. Ha. I agree with JBL. It’s good to give your stars a rest.

Rey Mysterio is teaming with Cody Rhodes & Goldust against the Wyatt Family. Good win for Bray Wyatt on Smackdown. That’s the kind of credibility that would have helped me believe his win against Daniel Bryan. Erick Rowan starts against Rhodes. Goldust gets a quick tag. Luke Harper takes over. I love that Rey Mysterio sliding spot. It’s ridiculous. Goldust is still being beat down after the break. Bray Wyatt comes to continue the offense. Goldust power slams Harper to get Rey into the match. 619 to Harper. Wyatt pulls Rey from a spring board attempt. Rey goes for a 2nd 619 when Bray Wyatt makes a blind tag, I guess? Wyatt turns the run into a Sister Abigail. Kind of cool. Follow the buzzards.

The Shield gets the recap video. Renee Young gets to interview them. She starts with questioning Roman Reigns. Seth Rollins gets a short talk. Dean Ambrose gets questioned about defending the US title. After Reigns questions his manhood, Ambrose makes an open challenge. Vickie Guerrero, The Bellas and Natalya get their time with Betty White get their time until the Road Dogg & Billy Gunn take her away.

Fandango is in the ring with Summer Rae to start us off. He’s taking on Santino Marella with Emma. It seems like a good way to introduce her character which seemed weird to start with. Keeps Santino fresh with someone new to play off. The Miz complains on the head sets again. He’s like Bad News Barrett except slightly different. The circus surrounding the match made me forget one was going on. Fandango with the top rope leg drop for the win. Byron Saxton is back? Why? More faces for the WWE Network? Sheamus points out the obvious that he can still main event Wrestlemania if he wins the Elimination Chamber. Fair enough promo.

Christian is Sheamus’s partner against the Real Americans. They snuck back into the WWE. Antonio Cesaro finally gets some mic time. He’s going to be the WWE Champion. Not much of a promo. Zeb Colter makes Jack Swagger wait on the apron to start the match. Swagger gets an early tag anyway. Christian gets in enough offense to get Sheamus in. I dig the fighting between Cesaro & Sheamus. Cesaro tosses Sheamus outside. Swagger drags down Sheamus. Cesaro takes advantage. We get a break. They’re still going at it. Christian gets the hot tag. Cesaro ends the streak with a super upper cut. Swagger gator rolls him. Swagger bomb followed by the double stomp. Big Swing tosses Christian outside the ring. Christian barely beats the count. Quick pin doesn’t work. Sheamus gets the real hot tag. Swagger is on the end of the ass kicking. No surprise given the present story line. Cesaro makes the save for Swagger. Jack turns the distraction into a Patriot Lock. Christian makes the save. Brogue Kick. Sheamus brings Christian back in to celebrate. John Cena gets Renee Young’s second interview. He’s going to beat Randy Orton in the middle of the ring. Everyone needs to go through him to get to the WWE Championship.

My Avery Brewing Company Karma is quite cold. And tasty. #SippyTimeBeer. I buzz through the Batista bomb Youtube clips and the entrances of both Dolph Ziggler and Alberto Del Rio. Ziggler gets to show off early in the match. Fame Asser only gets a two count. Thrust kick to the head ends the match in short order. Wow Dolph, you are out. Cross arm breaker on Ziggler after the match brings out Batista in ring gear. Spear. The Animal tosses Del Rio into the barricade. Batista Bomb thru the announce table.

HHH runs into Batista. HHH wants Batista to keep it in the ring. HHH gives him a match against Del Rio at Elimination Chamber. The third Hall of Fame entrant is Lita. Cool. The New Age Outlaws are still hanging out with Betty White. They’re having tea. She does the cup switch-a-roo. I’m in stitches. (Sarcasm alert.)

The New Age Outlaws are now at ring side. The Usos come out. They are taking on Curtis Axel & Ryback. The Usos are on the attack early. Billy Gunn still gets to play dumb. Woof. The Goldberg chant makes no sense at this point. I’ve been paying more attention to the ramblings of Road Dogg. Jimmy flies over the top ropes and takes out Ryback so that Jey can splash Curtis Axel for the win. Slick finish. Gunn pretends he has to poop. Oh, she put something in it. Even funnier. (You get it by now, right?)

Dean Ambrose is in the ring when Mark Henry answers his challenge. Rollins & Reigns get out of the ring for formal introductions. Ambrose acts defiant. He has to deal with Henry’s power to start. He tries to take advantage of the elbow injury but it doesn’t work. Ambrose got tossed into a ring post. Ambrose takes off his brace. Henry tosses Ambrose outside with his good arm. Break. Ambrose is still working over Henry’s elbow. Ambrose goes for his finisher. Henry pushes him off and gives him a World’s Strongest Slam on the rebound. Seth Rollins interferes to get a DQ. Reigns spears Henry to put him out of the picture. The Wyatts are here. The Shield comes back over the barrier. The Wyatts come closer. The Shield step up to the apron. The Wyatts reply. Then they back out like the heels should do. Bray is saying “Make your move” as he holds his arms out.

My ring time will be "Girl Bye" when Naomi gets back. From zimbio.com

My ring time will be “Girl Bye” when Naomi gets back. From zimbio.com

Bobo Brazil gets the tribute for Black History Month. Ernie Ladd inducted into the WWF Hall of Fame. Brie & Nikki Bella are teaming with Cameron. Nikki starts against AJ Lee. Mitchell Cool acknowledges Naomi’s eye socket injury. I remember the initial reports but never remembered seeing a recovery time frame. Middle rope drop kick gets two for Brie. Aksana is kneeing Brie’s back. She didn’t mess up her spine. Alicia Fox gets her time in the ring. Mitchell Cool says “She’s improved, hasn’t she?” as Cameron botches a move. JBL seconds the point. Woof. DDT on Aksana for the Cameron win. Wow. She’s a complete train wreck that deserves to be a reality show like Total Divas. She’s awful in the ring.

Alexander Rusev is impressive. At least they’ve thrown things off by making him from Bulgaria instead of Russia. Kane comes down to the ring. Kane starts to apologize when Daniel Bryan hits the ring. Bryan drop kicks him over the barrier.

They get Betty White on TV one last time to say she was on. John Cena takes on Randy Orton start with 25 minutes left on my DVR. They start off slow, tipping off to me that they’ll use most of that time. Cena starts a slugging come back shortly after the break. He misses a flying shoulder tackle. Orton lets Cena get back up to the apron. Suplex on the way into the ring. Vicious looking DDT by Orton only gets a  two count. Garvin Stomp. Cena makes the full come back. Five Knuckle Shuffle. Orton back breaker out of the AA. Cena back drops Orton out of the ring. Orton power slam but Orton show boats long enough to cost himself. Tower DDT from the top rope. Orton yells at the crowd. Cena turns an RKO into an STF.  Orton gets to the ropes. Orton backs up to go for the punt. Cena  goes for the AA. RKO by Orton. Cena kicks out. AA but Orton kicks out. I’m thinking this is better than their match at the Rumble. Orton fights out of a Top Rope AA. Cena leg drop to the back of the head. Another AA for the win. Fun stuff. Nothing after it either. Cool. – Kevin

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