The #WWE Celebrates the World Cup

The WWE decided to celebrate the beginning of the World Cup today by having some of their Superstars and Divas give a Knute Rockne-esque speech for their home country. You can here what they say in the video but through a special futbol translator, I know what they really said.

Dolph Ziggler – Even the US’s head coach Jurgen Klinsmann doesn’t think the US stands a chance in this “Group of Death” with Germany, Portugal and Ghana. That’s because he played for Germany and is still pissed at Spain for beating them in the quarter finals in 2010. Klinsmann threw our chances as soon as he decided not to include Landon Donovan. That’s why you can only trust manager’s from the USA! USA! USA!

Emma – We’re so great at football that we have our own version called Australian Football. The US isn’t the only country that gets these sports mixed up!

Alberto Del Rio – Mexico is so terrible that the last three World Cup qualifications we’ve played at Crew Stadium in Columbus OH that we’ve lost 2-0 to the USA. That makes it completely logical to think that we can beat Brazil in Brazil without any problems. We’ll just get our cartel to drop some dead bodies in their slums and that’ll scare them enough to throw the match. Hold on, their slums are worse than ours? We’re so screwed.

William Regal – England’s career in the World Cup is the same in mine in wrestling. A small, vocal amount of fans consider me/them great while the rest of the world craps on me/them. At least we have a chance of moving on from Group D since Costa Rica and Uruguay suck. England will then lose in spectacular fashion in the Knock Out Rounds. I’m depressed already.

Kofi Kingston – I’m creating an angle for myself because I can barely stay on TV. I can’t wait to be run down by Zeb Colter and then lose to the re-re-re-repackaged Jack Swagger. Come on Ghana, get me some air time!

Santino Marella – Since I was born in Canada, I got to celebrate a Gold Medal in Olympic Ice Hockey earlier this year. Since I’m Italian on TV, I get to root for soccer power house Italy. I can’t wait until William Regal has to wear an Italy jersey on NXT next week after Italy beats England on Saturday. Mayors aren’t the only one who can make these stupid bets.

Paige – Joe Hart is so hunky.

Cesaro – I can’t wait to say Switzerland lost in five different languages. – Kevin

WWE To Sign Two Fresh Faces To Developmental Deals?

From Logopond.com by cspainey

From Logopond.com by cspainey

On Monday according to Prowrestling.net, the WWE was expected to sign Kevin Steen and Willie Mack to developmental contracts. It’s Thursday and nothing has been made official yet. So that gives me the time to remind everyone that the last time two ROH stars were jumping to the WWE because of a nondescript video from England, they went to TNA so that Davey Richards & Eddie Edwards could wear bad cow skin & wolf hair coats. That leaves TNA time to swoop in and sign Steen & Mack.

If that does happen, the story line will be Dixie Carter signed Steen under MVP’s nose so that she can rid herself of her Bully Ray problem. Steen will then get to fight Abyss for the TV Title completely ignoring Dixie Carter’s plan to become a baby face by supporting Eric Young for a reason that will never be mentioned on TV. Since TNA or the talents they hire can’t come up with new gimmicks Fight Steen Fight will be shortened to Fight Steen.

MVP will then hire Willie Mack because we all know that “those people” stick together. Along with Bobby Lashley and Kenny King, they’ll become the Republic of Reign. Or the Country of Supremacy. Or the Dominion of Domination. Or Association of Power. They will reign supreme over TNA until Rockstar Spud turns on Dixie Carter and becomes part of the group. He will break Jesse Sorensen’s neck again (who was re-hired by Dixie Carter too) and eventually leave the group. Willie Mack will end up turning on MVP after the crowd starts to support his new catch phrase “If Inhale The Odors from Mack’s Kitchen!” – Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Clint Dempsey is the best US soccer player. He is a midfielder and sometimes striker for the London based Fulham Football Club. I root for them in the English Premier League because they’ve had a nice stream of American players dating back to Brian McBride who played for the Columbus Crew. Dempsey broke McBride’s record earlier this year for most goals scored by an American in the EPL. He has tallied 16 goals in the EPL and 22 in all competitions for Fulham. I had to feature him with Raw being in London. Let’s roll.

CM Punk gets to defend his title against Mark Henry to start the show. Yep, if they’re going to change a title, it’s going to be a curtain jerker. It struck me as funny when Mitchell Cool told us to remember the Hall of Pain. That’s how much they respect our attention span. If he really meant it, he could have mentioned who Henry hurt. Punk ran entirely too far on the barricade wall for a bulldog. Both men are down at the commercial break. Nice of Henry to lift his arms up so that Punk could chair shot him in the stomach. Tell me who’s in the Hall of Pain! It’s an impressive list. Why are you not selling your own wrestler? I don’t care if he’s going to lose. All the more reason really. Got to love the London crowd already. Punk goes with the chair to the face off the top rope. Good call. The Jeritron comes on. He is at the fakest bar ever. Chicago Street Fight. Jericho shows Punk going into the Pilot Inn. Fish & Chips chant. Hilarious. The joint is 206 years old. How bad ass is that? I’d go there. I’d also drink. Jericho felt like he was taped and couldn’t react to Punk. He stunk for that reason. Brock Lesnar gets a video package too.

Sherlock Truth is going to find Teddy Long a job. Santino has on a number of jerseys but only one of the London based teams, Arsenal. They still got booed. Don’t know which team is in that area of London. David Otunga is taking him on for the US Title. Otunga loses his cool after Santino gets his foot on the ropes. Santino ends up winning the match. Jerry Lawler defending an obvious point. These days Cool would still win that argument. Lord Tensai is serious. Or something. They tease the Lesnar video package again.

It’s kiling me that they’re doing a UFC style video package with Brock Lesnar. Jeremy, the tiny one and myself are going to UFC 145 in Atlanta this week. You’re going to see something on the site about it. I’m no expert but have watched quite regularly since Brock debuted. I’m pumped to see Rashad Evans vs Jon “Bones” Jones. Should be a hell of a main event. We can definitely compare and contrast live experiences. We get a video package of Zack Ryder and Kane who are going to have a match. Of course it makes sense to settle a feud on no notice. Except for the commercial break.

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William Regal Is Retiring?

So I saw this video  posted on Facebook and figured it was worth sharing.  It looks to me that William Regal announced he is retiring. Problem I have with this video though is it takes place back on September 11, 2010. Now I know this day has other events attached to it but still not one other wrestling site picked this up? So I have to question whether this is the real deal or not. Watching this it appears it is just an emotional moment after a match from Regal. He hasn’t exactly been a household name the last two years and maybe the hometown atmosphere got to him?

At the same time, I can’t remember the last time he was on television since September. Since I don’t do any research I will wait for someone to give me the exact date of his last in ring performance.

If this is the end for William Regal I can say it is time. WWE is moving away from older wrestlers and he certainly qualifies. I never understood how he didn’t catch on in WWE. He could talk, he definitely could wrestle but it was never the WWE style so I figure that is the reason.

So this is the obligatory part where I share my favorite moments. One would definitely be him making Goldberg look like a rube on Nitro. I remember watching the match thinking, “What the hell is going on?” Regal tied up Goldberg and nearly ruined his tough guy image in one match. Imagine how different things would have been if regal legitimately would have kept going and pinned Goldberg. Bill had no clue what was going on and had no defense so it wasn’t entirely implausible.

Then there was Royal Rumble in 2002. this is mainly known for Triple H winning the Rumble but it also featured William Regal defeating Edge for the Inter-Continental title. If you listen closely you can hear two people cheering at the end. That would be me and someone else on Stunt Granny. The match got no response form the live crowd but the fact that Regal won a title was enough for me.

Ok enough treating this like he died. It isn’t even clear if this is real but if it is, well, that stinks as a fan. As a fan though, I wish him nothing but success in the future. -Jeremy

Fat Matt Hardy is Clearly Fibbin!

Double fisting fried chicken is healthy.

Ok so just to dispute what Dusty reported over the weekend. Matt Hardy did not get sent home from England. As you will see from the vid below he is still in England. You know, because people are driving on the wrong side of the road, there is a lift instead f an elevator and he is still ridiculously fat. Oh, he also had his entire intestine explode and this caused the doctors to find that he can’t eat red meat.


So real quick, he was not sent home because he is still in England and is leaving on the same date he was scheduled. I don’t; want to sound like a negative Nancy in this but if you get sent home from the arena and scratched from the card, didn’t you get sent home? Then to not be scheduled the next day…..um….just sayin. But I know Matt Hardy couldn’t possibly be fibbing to all of us. I mean why else go through the expense of changing plane tickets and making accommodation changes when you can just stay one more day and not have to deal with the airlines, right?

Now here is a personal observation; Did someone hit this idiot in the right side of the head with a shovel? Why the hell is his face drooping. Stroke victims have less facial paralysis then this bloated idiot. Did eating red meat cause your face to bloat so bad that your eye went crooked? Fuck, look at me when I am talking to you. Maybe, just maybe, Vince and company know what the hell they are doing with this guy after all.

Imagine a Summerslam poster with Matt Hardy’s giant face with, as Kevin pointed out to me, too well manicured eye brows, and lazy eye staring back at you. It screams county fair and not a multi-million dollar company funded program. Matt isn’t marketable for major promotions. He has a horrible drawl that makes me sound intelligent and is clearly annoying to other wrestlers. Just look at the following video. -Jeremy

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