WWE Hops Aboard The A Train

From Figure Four Weakly:

Matt Bloom, who was New Japan’s top foreign star as Giant Bernard, and had formerly wrestled as Prince Albert and A-Train in WWE, is scheduled to return to the promotion after WrestleMania.

The idea given was for him to be the henchman for John Laurinaitis.

First of all, how clever am I with that headline? I am oh so very clever.

Second of all, this is really exciting for me. I am genuinely a big Matt Bloom fan, and I think this is long overdue for WWE to bring him back into the fold. Couple that with the fact that he’s going to be paired with Johnny Ace, who is my favorite act in WWE right now, and I am in pro wres heaven. Exclamation point.

Third of all, Eric Nelson is probbo crying in his Cheerios right now, because he always brought up Bloom to be in his company, if he ever started a wrestling company. Find a new awesome big man, chumpo! – Dusty

EDIT: Oh, so now it’s not going to happen.

On his Twitter, Matt “Albert” Bloom denied reports he had signed with WWE, writing, “Haha! False. Wife just had a baby. I’ll be on next tour.” Bloom, currently working for New Japan, also commented that he had no idea where the story came from.

I know that this morning, I heard from a number of talents that were told he was coming in this April, so we will see.

I should know better than to get excited about anything wrestling related. – Also Dusty

Jim Ross excited to see fans and friends, turns down my offer of booze

Go Hawkeyes... er, I mean, Boomer Sooner!!

As any good journalist knows, sometimes you have to create your own news. That’s exactly what I did this morning by posting a question on Jim Ross’ BBQ Q&A about his appearance July 22-23 at the National Wrestling Hall of Fame Dan Gable Museum in Waterloo, Iowa. (If it gets buried, look for user “EricN.”) I asked:

JR, I sent an anecdote in a while back about meeting Danny Hodge at the wrestling museum in Waterloo, Iowa, and it couldn’t possibly thrill me more to know you’ll be in town this year, along with Danny, Mick Foley, Terry Funk, Baron Von Raschke, and all the other greats (plus “How Ya Doin'” Colt Cabana)! That weekend will be chock-full of fun, including a golf outing, your training session with Gerald Brisco, the wrestling show on Friday night, an autograph signing, a roundtable discussion, the banquet itself, and of course all of the interaction. A) Cheesy question, but what are you most looking forward to? B) I’ve read it somewhere before, but what is your mixed drink of choice? If you choose to partake, by god, the first one’s on me.

And he kindly and promptly responded:

Seeing the fans and my friends is always the best part of functions such as this. One isn’t guaranteed when they we will see each other again. I’ve been on the wagon. Likely will pass on the alcohol but thanks nonetheless.

You know, I appreciate his honesty, and I don’t care if I have to go across town to Zippy’s BBQ Shack to get the Wrestling’s Kind of ‘Cue some tasty ribs and a side of baked beans, I’m going to roll out the red carpet for this man. And everyone else, too. Take note, legends: I lived in Waterloo for three years, so if you need anything, use me for all I’m worth. I let Carly do the same thing every day. -Eric

So there’s going to be 40 people in this year’s Royal Rumble

Speaking of epic fails:

JoeyStyles 11:28am via Twitter for BlackBerry®

This year, there will be 40 participants in the Royal Rumble Match instead of 30. It will be the biggest Royal Rumble Match in history!

As Eric posted on the Torch board:

The participants who drew numbers 1 and 2 will begin the match. Then, every 47 seconds thereafter, another jobber will enter according to the number he pulled. Remember, in the Royal Rumble, it is every man with a failed push in 2010 for himself!

Maybe next year they can have 80 men in the Rumble, set up two rings, and have two Rumbles going on at the same time. More action!!! – Dusty

Introducing the Stunt Granny Hall of Fame!

It's a celebration, bitches!

This day marks the second anniversary of the start up of ye olde Stunt Granny. To celebrate such a momentous occasion, I am pleased to announce the official Stunt Granny Hall of Fame opens today! There will be four official wings therein:

Serious wrestlers: This wing celebrates the lineage that dates back to Frank Gotch and George Hackenschmidt. We’re talking about good workers, high flyers, brawlers, whatever. Serious money drawing, money making talent.

Fun wrestlers: We here at Stunt Granny are big fans of comedy in wrestling, as long as it is done right. For example, a fat white man dancing poorly while claiming to be from deepest, darkest Africa will beat a midget transvestite any day of the week.

Angles: We’re talking about memorable, money drawing angles that inspired you to buy the next PPV, go to the next show in your area, watch the next television show on your favorite cable network, etc. Abortions and miscarriages need not apply.

Matches: We at Stunt Granny don’t give two scoops of Kellogg’s Raisin Fuck if a match was four stars or only three and a quarter stars or whatever. We just know what we like to watch. These are the matches we wear out our Beta, VHS and DVD players to.

Each one of the five of us – me, Jeremy Maes, Eric Nelson, Kevin DiFrango, Jordan Smith – nominated five people or things per category. And then we voted on them. A nominee needed three or more “yes” votes in order to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. What follows will be four separate posts, one for each wing, listing the first annual inductees into each wing of the Hall. Before I get to that, I’d like to remind you that the Stunt Granny Hall of Fame is brought to you by Red Baron frozen pizza, which just so happens to be the best frozen pizza that could possibly happen. Perhaps you should enjoy a slice today, while reading about the inductees. – Dusty

Spoilers From Tonight’s WWE Raw Taping II

Stunt Granny is live again for the second time in a month at Raw!

I forgot that Mr. Eric Nelson is attending Raw tonight from Des Moines, Iowa. He’s passing along some spoilers so I’m here to add my snarky comments to his live texting. Let’s rock this bitch out like Hold For Swank.

8:19 PM EST – Almost no reactions for anyone during the mania intro video, just lots of woos. Could be an interesting crowd. (Great, let’s hope this crowd doesn’t sit on it’s hands like the ones in Cleveland.)

8:26 PM EST – Jack swagger beat jason jones. Dominated him grappling. jones showed decent fire on two hope spots, swagger won with his finish. Lots of boos. (Swagger really should get a name for his gut wrench power bomb.)

8:44 PM EST – Evan and primo beat carlito and chavo in a good ten minute match for superstars. Great reaction for evan, afew cheers for carlito. Rate battery, no show. (The last comment was his answer to us doing a short live show afterwards. I have no fucking idea what a rate battery is though. Let me go to bed on time at least.)

8:56 PM EST – Gail kim over katie lea. Not bad at all. Katie worked an arm and gail sold it like two pros (and unlike most guys). (That’s not too big of a shock to me. I could gripe about the WWE using their women wrong but it’d be as useful slamming my head against a brick wall.)

Ongoing thoughts from Monday Night Raw

I'm the cheerleader around here, and I make the cheercisions on when to cheer John Cena!

I'm the cheerleader around here, and I make the cheercisions on when to cheer John Cena!

So yeah, like I said, Eric Nelson is live from the Allstate Arena for Monday Night Raw tonight. However, because it’s physically draining to go to a Weezer/Blink 182 concert one night, a Dragon Gate wrestling show the next night, and then Monday Night Raw the following night, he figures he’s going to crash after the show. Therefore, he is sending me ongoing thoughts from the show, and is entrusting me to post them on this very website!

-MVP is over huge. Constant chants of his name and quite a few people singing along with his entrance music.

-Cena gets loud mixed reactions when he comes up on video.

-Sign cam: Big Show Ate My Kids, and Jack I Love You Swagger. That should definitely be Swagger’s nickname.

-The kids popping completely took over the reaction when Cena came on the screen.

-The canvas is getting changed out right now. There was already one underneath. Look good for high def!

-These kids are bat shit for Cena. Constant chants. Loud pop for his entrance. The difference between him and the pops I’ve seen for Austin and Taker are fewer adults joining in.

-Cole and Lawler obviously reading notes as they run down the Breaking Point PPV. Crappy lines too.

-Orton called out Cena who came out and took an RKO on a chair. After stalling, Orton tried for a punt, but missed. Legacy came out, and so did DX. The faces hit finishers on Cody Rhodes to send the crowd home happy. Mad pops all around.

Spoiler Alert~! Results from the WWE Superstars taping before Raw goes on the air

Did I win my match, mon? You better read Dusty's article below to find out, mon. I hope you're reading this in a Jamaican accent, mon!

Did I win my match, mon? You better read Dusty's article below to find out, mon. I hope you're reading this in a Jamaican accent, mon!

I am taking a break from watching the “Manos The Hands Of Fate” episode of Mystery Science Theatre to give you the results of the WWE Superstars taping, which took place at the Allstate Arena in Chicago, Illinois before the live Monday Night Raw episode went on the air.

In the dark match, Alex Riley defeated Jamie Noble. Then Sheamus defeated Yoshi Tatsu, and Jack Swagger & The Miz defeated Primo Colon & Kofi Kingston in a “One of these things is not like the others” tag team match-up.

Thank you to my colleague Eric Nelson for these results, as he and Stunt Granny friend/contributor Jordan Smith are at the Allstate Arena. Look forward to a post-Raw report from them in some fashion, as they will provide a first-hand view on the show. Remember, you can talk about Manos The Hands of Fate, Monday Night Raw, Superstars, the Allstate Arena and anything else you want by registering for our message board at http://www.stuntgranny.net/cgi-bin/yabb24/YaBB.pl. – Dusty

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