Stunt Granny Lunch Conversation – #WWE ‘Future Endeavor Day’

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Jeremy: So no more releases as of yet.

Kevin: I would have to think it’s ended now unless the rumor mill is true that no one can get a hold of JTG.

Jeremy: HA, poor JTG. Did you realize he was still employed?

Kevin: Yes because I’ve gone thru that roster page too often recently during shows. If I hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t know. He doesn’t even make Main Event.

Jeremy: If there was ever a time to replace him wouldn’t it be now? They have Xavier Woods after all.

Kevin: There is no reason to pay someone who can’t even make it to Main Event. JTG should be gone.

Jeremy: Unless he is a trainer behind the scenes? I have no clue what he does as a function for the company.

Kevin: Knowing the inner workings would always help. Maybe he helps choreograph the Funkadactyls routines.

Jeremy: Saw Chris post that he hasn’t had one match this year. What a great way to make money.

Kevin: More reasons to can the guy unless he’s doing something else for them. I bet he’s the mole who is giving TNA the scoop on the WWE’s story lines.

Jeremy: Then he is the worst possible mole ever. I have always figured TNA’s “mole” was the TYV in the office. “Hey look what they are doing. We should do that.”

Kevin: I can’t wait to see what they try to replicate tonight. Hold on, weren’t we talking about everyone who got canned? We haven’t mentioned any of them yet.

Jeremy: Oh yeah, well it sort of goes hand in hand. Some of these people could end up in TNA.

Kevin: If TNA is smart, they’ll stay away simply because more rip off jokes will follow. I know some of them might be useful with re-packaging but none of them are so good that they’ll drag TNA out of the dregs.

Jeremy: Out of the list of the released Evan Bourne will probably end up in ROH again or Dragon Gate USA. He is too talented for this to be the end of his career.

Kevin: He should land on his feet. No one else will care about the pot smoking. The rash of injuries usually subsides at some point. Hell, once brittle Fred Taylor even had a string of injury free years for the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Jeremy: His injuries were from a car accident as well and then a string of “bad luck.” Regardless he has immediate merchandise potential as I have said since WWE called him up. TNA should take a look but they won’t.

Kevin: He’s the only guy I wouldn’t blame them for picking up. I’d be disappointed in him if he did that though. Everyone in wrestling has to know it’s a black hole.

Jeremy: At this time though if they come calling you sort of have to listen and at least consider it. Drew Mcintyre can still make a go of things.

Jeremy: Allow me to interrupt this conversation for breaking news: JTG has been released.

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Eric’s Blog: Which @WWE released wrestlers would you hire?

Peace out, Cub Scout. -or- Yes, I will pay you 2 grand a week to be my TV Champion.

Let’s say I won the lottery, or a Nigerian prince wanted to deposit $44.3 million into my bank account if I would just give him my routing number. I would totally go behind Carly’s back and finally start the professional wrestling company I’ve always dreamed of.

Or would I? Has the free agent talent pool dried up in the past few years? Until today, WWE hadn’t executed a mass release of superstars for ages. TNA still hoards wrestlers like TV Guides. Anyone who Ring of Honor releases isn’t worth their weight in, well, anything, since they all weigh 148 pounds soaking wet. And most other notable names are old, getting old, hurt, or just sick of pro wrestling and are now working for big-time medical device companies.

A few wrestlers stand out as must-haves. I would throw my mom down the stairs to acquire Colt Cabana. It’s been a few years since I’ve seen him, but I was wowed by Go Shiozaki and would want that international element in my league. And then most of the other guys are dudes I know.

With WWE’s flush of talent today, though, a few more names rise to the top of the draft board…and a few don’t even qualify as the tail on the donkey. Let’s find out who’s who.

Evan Bourne: Any wrestling company who can’t find something for Evan Bourne/Matt Sydal to do doesn’t know their ass from a hole in the ground. That said, if this cut had happened five years ago when the talent roster wasn’t as deep, we’d all be screaming “the end is nigh” for WWE. Today, there’s enough talent to feed an army and choke a horse, so Bourne’s departure doesn’t harm WWE one bit. It does, though, give another company a chance to score a real blue-chipper, a young, athletic man with an incredible look for mass appeal. He’s also a 14-year veteran who’s seen it all, knows almost everyone, and could be an asset to a locker room. Easy thumbs up.

Curt Hawkins: Here’s a quality guy with a nondescript look and a personality that just never quite shone through on television. But there’s something there, and whatever it is, it makes him worth drafting. Plus, he seems to be friends with all of those other popular indy dudes like Colt, Cliff Compton, Trent? and others. Networking is a good thing.

Brodus Clay: I’m on the fence with this guy. Every league needs a monster, and Clay could fit that role. With a mouthpiece, there’s almost no question about it. But he’s no Big Van Vader. And that’s what pro wrestling needs right now, is Vader, not Vader Lite. As soon as he figures out a few intangibles, I’ll say yes. But if I’m spending that Nigerian prince’s money, I have to table this discussion for now.

Aksana: I don’t mean any disrespect to the female gender, but I can’t see one reason why a woman would step foot in, on or near my pro wrestling ring. I’m in the business of drawing money, not spending it. She never amounted to anything anyway, and there’s no upside here.

Camacho: Ca-who-cho?

Teddy Long: Teddy is my playa, playa, but I’m not sure what role I would cast him in. No more heel GMs, no more ambiguous GMs, no more assistant GMs. Wrestling needs to be done with this now. Long is too old to referee. He’s not too old to manage, but he would need to manage the right person. (Brodus Clay? As long as he’s angrier than Rodney Mack.) Color commentator? (Too easy, pipe down, Maes.) I could see that, too. Teddy has value to a young locker room…I just don’t know what the ROI is on him. Pass for now.

Yoshi Tatsu: This guy got the second- or third-best reaction of the night on Raw… in 2009. I don’t know what he brings to the table today, except an embarrassingly unaware Twitter account. Honestly, this is an easy pass. I don’t care if he beat up Sheamus and stir-fried his dog for dinner; thanks but no thanks.

Jinder Mahal: Good riddance.

Drew McIntyre: If you can’t get over in WWE as “Vince McMahon’s chosen one,” you don’t deserve to be a pro wrestler.

Marc Harris: I don’t trust people who spell “Marc” with a “c,” and I don’t trust referees who aren’t named Mike Chioda or Jack Doan (“What’s up, hoes?!”)

JTG: I was always a JTG fan, when/and no one else was. I don’t think I was seeing things: During his time with Cryme Tyme, he was charismatic, athletic and funny. He could chain wrestle, he could execute a string of cool maneuvers… I’m really not sure how he got relegated to enhancement status, followed by complete obsolescence. I’ll take him, and Shad Gaspard, too, wherever the hell he is.

What about you? Who are your top 5 draft picks right now? Leave a comment below, or hit us up on Facebook.

Uh Oh, It Is @WWE Release Day.

game-of-thrones

Spoiler alert!

It is axe day for WWE as six World Wrestling Entertainment competitors found out.  Apparently once you are released you are no longer classified as a superstar, you are now a competitor; interesting. (UPDATE: This has been changed to Superstars on wwe.com) Using updates from WWE.com and Prowrestling.net, WWE has parted ways with Brodus Clay, Teddy Long, Camacho, Evan Bourne, Curt Hawkins, Aksana and Yoshi Tatsu.  Without reading the headline I hit up Kevin and made a guess. I named Yoshi, Aksana and Curt Hawkins the rest couldn’t have been more wrong. The fact I was having a hard time remembering most of the lower tier talent goes along with the non-surprise involved in these releases.

When you name the title of your post “Six notable talent cuts” shouldn’t at least one of the names be considered notable? Teddy Long hasn’t been on TV in quite a while and I believe Shahid and I discussed his whereabouts not too long ago. Teddy isn’t what you would be considered a young man so this could be a mutual decision. Regardless it is in WWE’s best interest ad they have a glut of authoritative characters on their programming despite the recent on air firings and changes.

Brodus Clay is a stumper, not for the fact he has been released but the very fact he made the most of a dumb gimmick and made money out of it. Wouldn’t WWE be interested in keeping someone with that sort of talent? The Funkasaurus gimmick was perfect for the kids. It was goofy enough that the usually sullen and angry internet audiences eventually came around due to his catch phrases and Naomi’s ass.

Naomi

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The more the character got over the less he appeared on television. He then went through a terrible heel turn and disappeared. He made a final appearance in NXT and that was it. Poof, gone. The argument can be made that he should have been used as a bad ass monster and it will be valid. A confusing career in WWE though is over for now with potential still remaining.

Here is the mean part of this all; Camacho, Evan Bourne, Curt Hawkins and Yoshi Tatsu; farewell. As a fan they never connected. As a business none of them fit above the jobber position outside of Evan Bourne. They were all bland outside of Evan Bourne who wouldn’t stop smoking pot and then repeatedly was injured. He had profitable look and gimmick and it was all for nothing.  Yoshi Tatsu may have been good in the ring but as history dictates, without a mouthpiece a foreign wrestler does not go far. Fair or not that is how WWE conducts business.

Poor, poor Aksana she deserved much better.  After her Monday night it seemed like there was something up. She seemed genuinely surprised by what happened. Maybe she is that good of an actress or maybe it was a rib on her. Regardless she was a barely utilized talent as well. I will miss her even if she was but a whisper on WWE programming. She had a different look than the other Divas. She had a feminine if muscular look and those eyes. Oh those eyes.

Apparently more cuts are coming. Sheesh, this hasn’t happened in a while.   -Jeremy

@WWE Children’s Book Ideas

50th-birthday-cakeIt was announced that the WWE has signed a deal with DK Publishing to produce eighteen books over the next three years. According to MarketWatch.com

two upcoming commemorative books WWE 50: Celebrating 50 Years of Sports Entertainment, which chronicles the company’s 50 year history and 30 Years of WrestleMania, the ultimate guide to WWE’s annual pop-culture extravaganza. DK will also publish new line of children’s books focusing on the careers of John Cena, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and other top WWE Superstars.

Both of the commemorative books sound pretty damn cool. I’m sure you will have seen some of that information before but they always seem to turn up a little something more every time. The eye catching part to me though is the line of children’s books. They mention that John Cena and “The Rock” will get books but we don’t know their titles. May I suggest:

Dwayne The Rock: Too Cool For School – How One Superstar actually got out of the Biz. Inspiration here.

John The Bachelor: John’s Big Bachelor Pad (My First Bella Twin Experience). Inspiration here.

That also means that there will be fourteen other books. Let’s see if I can guess the other fourteen titles:

Daniel Hears a YES! by Dr. Bryan. Inspiration here.

Diary of a KSU Grad: Kick To The Head – The Story of Dolph Ziggler. Inspiration here.

Roderick Rules: The Story of a Company the WWE Won’t Acknowledge. Inspiration Here.

Jake & Scott: No News Is Good News Because That Means We Haven’t Relapsed. Inspiration here.

Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky I Am For Getting This Many Chances? By Alberto Del Rio. Inspiration here.

AJ Lee Wardrobe Malfunction

She is an odd one. But also hot. From wrestlingnewssource.com.

There Was An Odd Diva Who Got a Tattoo by AJ Lee. Inspiration here.

Rob Van Dam and the Grower’s Stoned. Inspiration here.

Randy Orton and the Chamber Pot of Gym Bags. Inspiration here.

Brie & Nikki’s How To Dress Like a Slutty Princess. Inspiration here.

The Superstars Employment Agency: The Future Endeavored Edition. Inspiration here.

Evan’s Not So Secret Garden. Inspiration here.

The World of Vince McMahon: The Complete When We Were Very Young and Now We Are Sixty-Eight and Trying to Bury Every Hatchet. Inspiration here.

Who do you think some of the other Superstars and titles will be? Put them in the comments below and I’ll make a full post of those ideas.

Alex Shelley Signs With The WWE. Is Something More In Store?

Over the weekend, Prowrestling.net reported that Alex Shelley was signed by WWE. They thought this would open the door for the WWE to sign other TNA talent such as Matt Morgan who has burned through his dates in TNA and is currently sitting out. That part could be true but there may be something else afoot.

According to my sources though, the WWE is preparing itself to start a cruiser weight program when or if the WWE Network ever gets off the ground. It would explain the alleged signing of Johnny Gargano back in July. The only problem with this theory is that the WWE still doesn’t have a cable carrier for it or a launch date since they pushed it back on April 1st. In fact a WWE Network hasn’t been mentioned at all.

The same sources named another possible addition to the cruiser weight roster and one who is familiar to WWE Tough Enough, Matt Cross. He’d have a built in story line to start off the programming. The WWE could further cherry pick from PRIME Wrestling and nab Bobby Beverly, Bobby Shields and Louis Lyndon. Those three would need some work but the WWE doesn’t have enough talent for that type of division.

In house, they could move Cody Rhodes to a cruiser weights because they’re lost on what to do with him right now. He could even drag along his current feud, Sin Cara. Please, we’re begging you to get him, his mood lighting and his slightly less botch-tacular move set off of our televisions. His former body double, Hunico, could use more TV time too. Just to single out all of the Latino wrestlers all at one time like any good WWE writer, Epico & Primo along with the lovely Rosa Mendes would be fine additions. Yoshi Tatsu could add another level of xenophobia to the division so it isn’t taken up by those dirty Mexicans. Evan Bourne, if he could stop smoking pot like he’s Kevin Smith, could be a force in the division. Justin Gabriel and Michael McGillicutty are the forgotten members of Nexus but they’d fit into the division too. Tyson Kidd got a push for a hot second when the Money In The Bank PPV came around but he could move up a couple of rungs (Wokka wokka) in this type of environment.

Do I trust the WWE to do this much thinking about their programming? Not for a split second. I’d feel great for the hard working guys, especially the ones from PRIME Wrestling, to get some extra exposure and hopefully money that they deserve working for the WWE. -Kevin

WWE Studios, Warner Bros. teaming to make Scooby-Doo movie… Kevin will love it

#ThingsAWDidntTweet Hey @CMPunk Scooby-Doo gonna take a bathroom break on yo face!

According to Prowrestling.net (and news outlets around the ‘net), WWE Studios is teaming with Warner Bros. to create an animated Scooby-Doo movie about a “WrestleMania mystery,” using the voices of WWE superstars Triple H, John Cena, Kane, The Miz, Brodus Clay, Santino Marella, Sin Cara, AJ, and Vince McMahon. I’ve read a few articles lamenting the absolute demise of the Attitude Era and how this movie signifies the ringing of the bell on a better era in wrestling history. Well, you know what? All good things must come to an end, and WWE would be damn stupid not to make this partnership happen. Do you realize what Scooby-Doo appearances did for the Harlem Globetrotters? They used to be the Harlem Harlemtrotters. Sonny and Cher? Skyrockets on their asses. Five-year-olds buying their records on a daily basis.

This is big news, not just for the pre-K kids in the crowd, but for the pot heads, too. It’s no secret that Scooby and Shaggy smoked weed (well, Shaggy smoked it and then blew it in Scooby’s face, like any good pet owner would), so I could totally see Warner Bros. leveraging their media ownership to give Adult Swim the broadcast rights to this movie in 2015, when we come back around to another era of violence and curse words. I mean, that is, assuming the movie is the least bit smart and funny, which it won’t be if WWE writes it. Even bigger of a travesty is if Evan Bourne doesn’t make some sort of appearance, M I RITE? -Eric

CM Punk may want to shut the fuck up

Just wow.

CM Punk may be a popular wrestler but on Twitter he sure comes across like kind of a prick. Unless this is part of some angle over social media tying back in to his straight edge gimmick it is pretty stupid. He didn’t like the fact that Jon Joes, he of UFC fame, got an endorsement deal with Nike after he was arrested for DUI.  Punk took to Twitter where he has stuck the virtual foot in his mouth before and tweeted:

Let’s reward more drunk drivers with endorsement deals! #responsibility

In the interest of fairness here is a quick rundown of WWE superstars that WWE actively uses to promote the brand and push their merchandise.   Ya know, since they shouldn’t be doing this since they got busted as well.  Oh and for the hell of it I am going to include some active WWE independent contractors who were suspended by the WWE for a wellness policy violation. Ya know, just to rub it in.

Oh and all of these guys have their own WWE action figures to boot because if there is one thing children love it is playing with is action figures of DUI offenders and Wellness Policy violators. Do they make a two pack if you got busted more than once?

Santino Marella

Alex Riley

Jimmy Uso

Randy Orton (twice)

Rey Mysterio (twice)

Evan Bourne (twice)

Booker T

Darren Young

Dolph Ziggler

Heath Slater

R-Truth

Sin Cara

You get the point right? So , um,  CM Punk probably should shut the fuck up about this. Since he works for a company that actively promotes wrestlers who have made the same mistakes that Jon Jones has.  It is called atonement.  Everyone gets an opportunity to do so after a mistake.  WWE clearly gives people more than one chance huh? SO what is the difference with Jon Jones? -Jeremy

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