Jeremy’s One Paragraph Movie Reviews: Bounty Killer (2013)

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I have no problem admitting that I like the remake of Death Race and “Bounty Killer” reminds me a lot of that flick. The announcer type narrator and ridiculous premise are the two things that they share.  There is even a touch of Indiana Jones in it as the story flows along a map. Apparently this movie is based off of a graphic novel or as a comic reader likes to call them, comic books. The movie had potential but the limited budget did it no favors. Also the running time severely handicaps the story. If given time the world and backstories could have been explained more. This would work as a Cinemax series. No, not one of the Skinemax flicks but more along the lines of Banshee and Strike Back. There was definitely potential with this movie and this story but it ends up just being a ho hum, low budget action flick with big ideas. -Jeremy

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WrestleMania 28 quick match ratings

So WrestleMania 28 has come and gone. What did you think of the show? Did it live up to the hype pr fall flat? Let us know. In the mean time here are my ratings of each match using our brand spanking new ratings system; The Kev. These are subject to change upon repeat viewings of the matches so eat one.

Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan

What the fuck was that?   I give it one Kev simply for AJ.

Kane vs. Randy Orton

Not appalling but not memorable. Randy losing clean was a nice surprise. 2 Kevs


Cody Rhodes vs. The Big Show

Not an insulting match but wrong guy won.


Beth Phoenix and Eve vs. Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos

Yeah who cares but why Beth? 1 Kev.


Triple H vs. The Undertaker (Hell in a Cell)

Years ahead of last years effort. Great final match, if that be the case, for all of them.


Team Johnny vs. Team Teddy

Ok whatever, Johnny gets to be on both shows now so that is fine. Teddy will be back soon enough. Then there is the case of Eve.


C.M. Punk vs. Chris Jericho

Wonky beginning kind of hurt what was a damn fine match.


The Rock vs. John Cena

Good match but the rumors of Brock Lesnar hurt the finish. Cena needed to return that potato.

We will be back later with a full rundown of the event so check back. -Jeremy

WrestleMania 28 Preview #2- Kelly Kelly & Maria Menounos vs. Beth Phoenix & Eve

See we told you there would be another preview today. This time out the boys cover the Divas tag team match. Why?Well cause it is on the show. How do the guys stretch out such nothingness for fifteen minutes and make it entertaining and fast? Well, we aren’t sure either but it happened. Why does this match exist? Who the hell is Maria Menounos? Why isn’t Kharma on WrestleMania? For that matter where the hell is Tamina as well? Who has a pierced clit and delicious looking vagina? Just listen and you will know the answers.

WrestleMania 28 Preview #2- Kelly Kelly & Maria Menounos vs Beth Phoenix & Eve

Other WrestleMania 28 Preview Audios

WWE 2012 Hall of Fame Show
Sheamus vs Daniel Bryan

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of #Raw

The Road to Wrestlemania starts today.

So I’m starting Raw late because I’m rewatching the Elimination Chamber. I’ve fastforwarded through most of John Cena versus Kane. There was more filler in this match than I thought. Booker is also playing up Cena being uber-happy. I don’t how positive a person you are (pointing a finger at myself) there comes a time when things just aren’t going well. An easy example for me would be my divorce. Was it a good thing? Hell yes. Did it still drag me down? Hell yes. Cena should have gotten down a bit more in parts of this angle, especially the ones involving Zack Ryder. Time for Raw. Let’s roll.

We get replay of said angle. Every single sad shot is show to prove that I’m an ass. Actually, they’re still wrong. Eve is talking to the Bellas. Eve used Zack Ryder to get popularity. Eve is going to use John Cena too. Um, how about not doing this on TV? Or when John Cena is right behind you. Why did you turn Eve? What the fuck? I mean, she’s inconsequential so why spend the beginning of your biggest show to her? I’m confused. Cena comes to the ring after the intro. Eve comes down and tries to apologize. I’m even more confused now. Cena tells her to wait for the Rock because they’re scandilous bitches. She’s the Rock’s proxy? What the hell is the point of your main babyface running down a ho? Who’s Wheaties did she pee in?

The newest vignette for Taker says that HHH‘s fate will be sealed tonight. Hooray. Sheamus takes on Mark Henry after the break. Mitchell Cool rehashing Henry being suspended. Jerry Lawler correctly pointing out that Henry being bribed for his vote. I just said something positive about Lawler. Nice Funkasaurus Extinct? sign. Why is Cool cheering on the flying shoulder block? Why? So it just dawned on me during their Twitter blow job, did they have that angle just so Ryder & Cena can be friends? Still a colossal mistake for an opening segment. Sheamus gets out of the World’s Strongest Slam and nails Henry with the Brogue Kick. Johnny Wooden GM & David Otunga are talking about themselves. Teddy Long stops by for some business. They’re not brands. Johnny may be taller, but Teddy rocks suits so much better. David Otunga gets a match against anyone on Smackdown.

The Rock returns next week. But he’s never going to leave the WWE again. That joke won’t get old for me. Sorry if you’re groaning. R Truth & Kofi Kingston are back on the tag circuit against Rosa Mendes with Epico & Primo. Kofi is on a roll when Rosa distracts him. Kofi counters out of the Back Stabber and nails Trouble in Paradise. Undercard filler.

Not quite caught up. But DAMN! what a great inductee. Ron Simmons was one of my favorites starting back with Butch Reed & Teddy Long. Oh, my buddy Ken & I dressed as the KPA at one of my bro’s parties. Keg Protection Agency. We get more replay of Elimination Chamber. Chris Jericho is with Josh Matthews. He was knocked out. He was legally eliminated. Jericho trying to get heat but people cheer. Jericho vows to win the battle royal. Of course you will.

David Otunga gets to take on Ezekiel Jackson. We get to find out how far in the dog house Jackson is. Otunga gives Zeke a Simmons like spinebuster. Cool gets to have camera time to cheer on Johnny. This replay involves last week’s Raw. Nice break from the EC. It’s about HHH & Shawn Michaels. Taker is next.

I grab a beer while Taker comes to the ring. I also started my potato and cauliflower mash. Taker wants to end the uncertainty. He was surprised by the no. I hear apocalypse and HHH not having a choice. Sure. Par for the course. If HHH is reformed, shouldn’t he have new music? HHH tells Taker to carry the torch for the next generation. He doesn’t want to kill Taker. HHH tells Taker he knows he’s at the end of his rope. Taker pulls out the coward card. Not quite a punk card. HHH gets angry then restrains himself. HHH still says no and leaves the ring. Cool camera shot with Taker and HHH being shown on the video screen. Taker plunks down the punk card by saying HHH can’t do it as good as Shawn Michaels. HHH knows he can finish it. The crowd chants “Prove It”. I so wanted HHH to turn him down. The crowd pops huge for the announcement. HHH will face him but only in the Hell In A Cell. I can’t believe that won’t be the main event. Taker doesn’t take the hood off. Save the surprise for later.

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Stunt Granny Lunch Conversation: Survivor Series Review, Jeremy & Eric, Nov. 21, 2011

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I shit you not, this image came up when searching "chewing up scenery."

Jeremy: So what you think of Survivor Series?

Eric: I’m not gonna lie: it’s the first WWE PPV I’ve seen since we went to WrestleMania, and I liked it a lot. Thumbs higher than the middle. What about you?

Jeremy: Ehh, it was a decent show but for $55.00 I expect more. No new talent, nothing shocking or anything to make you talk about the show. I expected Nash or Triple H, Skip Sheffield, anything or anyone to make it a head slapper for not ordering and it wasn’t one of those shows.

Eric: I paid $5 to see it with a group of people I’d never met, and thankfully they were making references to Giant Gonzalez and random stuff like that, so they were cool.

Jeremy: I was all on my own. Well, I had Twitter.

Eric: Honestly, had Hunter or Nash come out, I would have slapped my head for being suckered into watching it. I’m so happy those two assholes stayed out of it.

Jeremy: Figured Nash would come out to cost Punk the title and Triple H would have stopped him. Suppose they are letting that angle actually play out for a while.

Eric: I thought there was plenty to talk about, just nothing earth-shattering. Dolph Ziggler coming into his own even more is worth talking about, yes?

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

TNA doesn't deserve the picture of a real train wreck.

I haven’t had hope that TNA would take over the WWE for prominence, probably ever. I had traveled to Altoona and barely had my wits about me when I got back. Despite doing an Impact Wrestling review, I had forgotten about Bound For Glory. It seems that TNA forgot they had a pay per view too. What a truly horrific way to finish your “Super Bowl”. Those guys don’t deserve anyone’s money. The results also make me know for sure that despite the WWE’s major slump and veering off course after giving me hope recently that they’re still easily the best wrestling product on TV. I love PWO, but they are still training people on the job who graduate up to both of these organizations. I enjoy seeing that development. Of note, for some reason or another my Twitter froze up last night (on my computer and phone) while trying to do a near delusional review of Smackdown. I hope that doesn’t happen tonight. 9:15, Let’s roll.

I get to FF to start the show. They’re trying to make it worse than TNA. Johnny Wooden GM starts us off. John, we don’t find anything you do humorous or entertaining at all despite trying to get the “irony” boos. I’m shocked that JR really shows up. When’s the punch line coming? The main event is set and I’m completely uninspired. Shouldn’t there be a stipulation that the loser leaves Raw? How does that settle their differences? Orton is introed as we hit the first commercial break. Just wow.

John Morrison gets a good pop from the Mexicans. Sheamus doesn’t do much better. The heels (Christian, Cody Rhodes & Mark Henry) come out in short order. I can’t believe that Cole had to explain to us that Lawler was put thru a table by Henry to explain why Lawler was happy Henry went thru a table. Memories are for losers. Orton assaults Rhodes so that they can make some real animosity before their match on Sunday.

We are informed that it’s now a tag team match. I’d imagine since Morrison is the only one without a PPV match, he’s taking the pin. Sheamus & Christian fight thru the crowd to take it down to one on one match. Morrison looked good in defeat. The toss into the World’s Strongest Slam was cool and most guys couldn’t pull that off.

Brodus Clay gets more hype. He needs to be on Smackdown with the other giants. Man, they expanded that. Clay delivered well. Johnny Wooden GM gets the hoochies because he’s an evil GM. Del Rio comes in. Winner gets to chose stips for the PPV. Um, don’t we need another stipulation for the match? Eve is taking on Beth Phoenix at Vengeance. She gets to beat Natalya who has been the jobber. Eve busted out some reverse Cross Rhodes reverse then a top rope moonsault to try and make herself look like a worthy in one match. The WWE even realizes it’s throwing that match together with a quickness.

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Dusty’s Blog: Post Monday Night Raw Autopsy

If you didn't like this week's Monday Night Raw, this picture should hopefully put things into perspective for you.

This one will be short and sweet since I’m feeling under the weather today. Kevin wanted me to do this because he’s busy with something or another else. We’re choking down Summer Slam, so they better make this count.

Triple H comes out to start the show. How long do you get to be the new COO of the company before you’re just the COO of the company? He said there were lots of changes going on in the company, what with them going from having no champion to now having two. He said they’re going to resolve that issue at Summer Slam with a match between John Cena and CM Punk to determine who the undisputed champion will be. Punk got a big pop again at the mention. Hunter said a match of that magnitude is going to need a special guest referee of equal magnitude to keep the law and order. So, of course, it’s going to be him. Stevie Wonder could have seen that coming. Ray Charles could have seen that coming. A visually impaired person who needs the assistance of eyewear in order to see things properly could have seen that coming.

In any event, Hunter then got down to the business of laying out the format of the rest of the show. We’ve got a contract signing between Punk and Cena (I’m sure that will go just swimmingly), as well as individual matches for the both of them against other dudes. Hunter said Cena’s match is first, and actually it is going to be right then and there. I love how they do that on wrestling shows, the faux surprise “let’s have a match right now!” thing. What were they going to do otherwise with that time? Just show an empty ring? Have Triple H talk longer? Before they went to break, Cena got in Hunter’s face to question the guest referee stipulation. Hunter told him no one is bigger than him, basically laying down the law there. Interesting.

Back from break, and Cena is taking on Jack Swagger. WWE forgot to fire Swagger on Black Friday a while back, and they’re going to punish him for it by making him job on television. Or something like that. I’m not reviewing the matches this week in any sort of meaningful way, if you want to know the truth of it. Besides, Swagger is not good, so it would just be a bunch of sentences saying stuff like “Swagger did something poorly” and “Swagger sold something poorly.” I just saved you some time. Cena hit the Attitude Adjustment for the victory. It was your basic John Cena match that he had every week while I was doing Smackdown reviews back in the day. I guess Swagger and Carlito are interchangeable.

Later in the show is going to be Rey Mysterio vs. The Miz. Isn’t Rey hurt? Isn’t Miz not much better off? What’s going on here? They show clips of Bret Hart vs. Curt Hennig from Summer Slam 1991, which is one of my favorite matches of all time, ostensibly to get people excited about this year’s Summer Slam. Done and doner.

Ricardo Rodriguez interrupts Scott Stanford (the broski of the forever) to introduce Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio is going to be taking on Punk tonight, and he vows to finish what he tried to start at the Money in the Bank pay-per-view. So apparently Punk is a babyface now, in that he is a babyface when he is facing heels and a heel when he is facing babyfaces. Who doesn’t think Punk is this generation’s Randy Savage, the best thing to happen to wrestling in the last 10 years? If so, harm yourself immediately.

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