Gabe Sapolsky hates money, pro wrestling, you

For no reason

For no reason

Quote Mike Johnson:

When I reached out to Sapolsky, he noted that they would not be working with Wrestlecon this year as they could not come to a “business arrangement” with Highspots.com, the primary promoter/sponsor of the event due to the costs involved with the Wrestlecon venue.

Okay, so here’s the deal as I understand it. Wrestlecon is the indy’s way of weaseling in on the cash cow that is WrestleMania weekend. I believe all the promotions should band together for this event, as a way of maximizing profit for all parties. Since this is wrestling and that would seem to make sense, no dice there.

Wrestlecon is currently slated to be this amount of shit sandwich:

* Saturday AM session, 10 am to 4 pm: Includes admission to vendors, autograph and photo sessions; Marty DeRosa comedy show; $5 Wrestling event; & more.

* Saturday PM session, 7 pm to 1 am: Includes admission into the signing & vendors area; an independent show; a live taping of Colt Cabana’s podcast; & more. For an additional $25, fans can upgrade to a front row ticket.

*Sunday session, 10 am to 3 pm: Includes live tapings of The Kevin Steen Show & Old School with Steve Corino; & admission to the signing & vendor area; & more.

Meanwhile…

the “WWN Live Experience” in a separate venue is “live events and iPPV shows from Evolve, Shimmer, Kaiju Big Battel and Dragon Gate USA, with shows on Friday, multiple shows on Saturday and Sunday afternoon.”

So Gabe Sapolsky’s aversion to doing good things and making money shines through again. He’d rather get into an “I can one up you!” pissing contest, thus spreading the indy dollar thin and no one wins. As Jeremy put it early today, Gabe is that liberal college douchebag who doesn’t care about making money. Maybe his brain is doing a semester abroad to try to find itself.

And ROH? Well, ROH will get back to you real soon! – Dusty

Headlines: Kurt Angle tears groin, Evolve/DGUSA make huge (read: small) announcement

According to Prowrestling.net, Kurt Angle tore his groin during his match at TNA Final Resolution this past Sunday. Important things to note here:

  • Angle turned 44 on Saturday. That doesn’t make him old, but that doesn’t make him young.
  • Angle continues to bang himself up – knees, hamstrings, groins – to the tune of a lot of money and to the delight of, what, 1,400 fans worldwide?
  • When we make fun of wrestlers being fragile, we compare them to Kevin Nash, because his injuries all seemed to happen in WWE. We ignore Kurt Angle, because he’s basically wrestling in Dixie Carter’s back yard, so it doesn’t count.

Angle tweeted that he’d wrestle through the injury because he is a “cyborg.” According to Wikipedia, one characteristic of a cyborg is that “Cyborgs in fiction often play up a human contempt for over-dependence on technology.” We all know Angle very much entrenched in his own fictional world (or, as I like to call it, full of shit), so this is in direct conflict with his over-dependence on the technology of Twitter. Time to close the account!

Also according to Prowrestling.net, Evolve announced Saturday at its iPPV, “18” ( :-S ) that it had a huge announcement: John Morrison and the Young Bucks are headed back to Evolve/DGUSA in 2013! Holy cotton balls! The money I didn’t spend on Evolve 18 almost cowered in my wallet out of fear that I might yank it out and plop it down on a PPV featuring three guys at a total combined weight of 412 pounds and a total combined skill level of Paul Roma.

No one outside Twitter or “Z True Long Island Story” has seen hide nor hair of John Morrison in six months (CWF SuperClash does not count), and the last notable thing the Young Bucks did was piss off Booker T, the nicest guy in wrestling. Here’s hoping the Internet doesn’t erupt when all 1,399 people order that show! -Eric

More PRIME Wrestling Defections To The WWE?

There are a number of noticeable indy wrestlers that have signed with the WWE, but I will leave those posts to someone else. According to Gerweck.net (we do source our info from other sites, sometimes) Johnny Gargano from Pro Wrestling Ohio/PRIME Wrestling  along with Dragon Gate USA & Evolve has signed with the WWE and will be heading to FCW in the near future. Good for him. Gargano was one of the better wrestlers when the promotion started about five years ago. He has worked hard on his promo to make them go from childish to a man cutting a promo which has been his biggest development.

If you read the link, there’s some other news that pertains just to PRIME Wrestling, while I knew some of the information because of my sources inside of the organization, some of the information was never passed along. It is a bit shocking to find out the owner of the company, Walt Klasinski, got convicted of sexual assault related charges. The legal trouble led to Joe Dombrowski purchasing the company and re-branding it. Klasinski’s actions don’t change my thoughts on the promotion because he was never booking for it to my knowledge and none of the wrestlers were convicted either. I think it’s a fine, paint by the numbers booking style that helps get the wrestlers over.

To get back to Gargano, one of the better parts of the transition from Pro Wrestling Ohio to PRIME Wrestling was the carry over of the story lines. Gargano came back on an episode I haven’t watched yet but he is set to take on Jimmy Jacobs for the PRIME Wrestling Title at Wrestlelution 5. His possible move to the WWE would put a giant crimp in their big event.

Like any good indy promotion, PWO/PRIME talent has been ransacked just as they start to move to the next level. Zema Ion (Shiima Xion) is now the X Division Champion in TNA. He was recently joined by Flip Cassanova (aka Flip Kendrick) in the X Division Title hunt taking each other on at Destination X this past Sunday. The WWE signed “Big Rig” Brodie Lee in March not long after he worked with Kevin Nash at Wrestlelution 4. The WWE also signed Derek Bateman in PWO’s infancy when he went by the name Michael Hutter. Gargano will have some familar faces around him, but only time will tell if he can become the Whole She Bang and the Cat’s Meow in the WWE. -Kevin

Gabe Sapolsky man-ragging about CM Punk, Daniel Bryan makes me think, “Who gives a f***?”

gabe sapolsky

Gabe Sapolsky: Portrait of a Man... who learned as much from Paul Heyman as he did from Tommy Dreamer and people who don't shower.

According to Prowrestling.net, DGUSA (yep, it’s still around) booker Gabe Sapolsky wrote a blog at the Heyman Hustle Web site, the topic being CM Punk and Daniel Bryan winning the only two titles in professional wrestling that count, and moral being that he was the genius who booked them first.

I had the privilege and good fortune to book both Punk and Bryan as Ring Of Honor World Champions. When both stood atop WWE Universe last night the only thought that came to mind was “F— YOU!!!!”

God, he’s so counter culture! AGE-OF-THEFALL! AGE-OF-THEFALL!

I believe in them because they have those special intangibles that separate the greats from the wannabes and the elite from the greats.

No note from Sapolsky as to who in Dragon Gate USA or EVOLVE these days has those special intangibles. And what apparently goes without saying is that there are wannabes (Brodie Lee, Chuck Taylor), there are greats (CIMA… yeah, CIMA), and there are the elite (guys who have moved onto WWE to win major championships and earn good money). Read between the lines, people. -Eric

Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 8/20/11

1. Kevin Nash – A week and a day after Nash joked about becoming HHH’s body guard against CM Punk at the meet and greet for PWO’s Wrestlelution 4, he did just that at Summerslam. Well, maybe. The WWE decided to thicken the plot by having John Laurinaitis talk to Nash and Stephanie McMahon talk to CM Punk. They both gave reasons why they could have sent the text message to Nash to attack the winner of the match. Since we know it was Nash in the ring with the (Jack) Knife, finding out the sender of the text message is the only part of this  “Who Done It?” that remains unresolved. – Kevin

2. Mike Chioda – Not only did we already know that Chioda was “The Man” amongst referees, now we allegedly know that he must be “The Man” for partying after his Wellness Policy violation. I wonder if he counts to three or ten before exhaling. – Kevin

3. Sting, Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair – Sting cut another ridiculously awful promo which is no surprise. The highlight of which was him asking the crowd if they wanted to see Hogan in another match against him. Even the Impact Zone crowd, who will cheer for just about anything, had a tepid response. Adding to the old age home amusement, Ric Flair complimented Sting on how in shape he was. Later, Flair showed off his tuned up physique to Hogan in his office. Any combination of these three in the ring will produce more sag than Joan Rivers’ botox could prevent. – Kevin

4. Jeremy & Eric – Where are they this week? Good question. I hope when they come back, if they ever come back, they apologize to you, the loyal reader, for going MIA here. – Dusty

5. The Young Bucks – Boy did I start a mini-bleepstorm with my Young Bucks post. Let me break it down for you: If you are too stupid to go into a WWE lockerroom and not shake everyone’s hand, go into a corner and wait your goddamn turn for a match, you don’t deserve to be in professional wrestling. And if you are so ball-less you post passive aggressive nonsense on Twitter and send your no talent brother in to do the dirty work, you are a horrible human being. This is not arguable. If you disagree with me, please go away. The Young Bucks should go away, too. – Dusty

6. Terri Runnels – My crack research team was able to locate a recent picture of Terri, which I will post here for your edification:

A gruesome visage, I know. – Dusty

7. Evolve – The next step for Evolve is in full effect:

Fat, ugly, badly recorded Jew guy wants YOU! – Dusty

8. Dave Meltzer – What on earth is causing “I” to be replaced with “In” every single time he writes it? This has happened for several weeks in a row now, and is quite frankly very disturbing. Is it a legit typo, every single time? A glitch in his voice-to-text software? The world may never know. – Dusty

9. Joey Abs – I guarantee you you want to know what’s been going on with Joey Abs lately:

What kind of a man hunts with a cellaphone? Real men don’t even own them. – Dusty

10. Sin Cara – The dude playing the fake Sin Cara character (Hunico) was Mystico before Sin Cara was Mistico. He then changed his name to Incognito and started to sell merchandise with his face on it. We’re talking about Incognito soap, candy bars, lighters, napkins, you name it. He sucks, as does real Sin Cara. However, I just gave you a face full of knowledge. Knowledge, right in your maw! Eat the knowledge! Eat it! – Dusty

11. Football – Speaking of Incognito, let’s talk about Richie Incognito and the 2-0 Miami Dolphins. Or, as I like to refer to them, the 2-0 Miami Super Bowl Dolphins. What’s that? These games don’t count? These are fake games? Well… uh… Henne Henne Henne Henne Henne Henne… – Dusty

Galapagos Island Wrestling

EvolveSound

I'm hoping Davey Richards won't come to the ring playing bagpipes.

(Eric beat me to talking about this promotion. I do like Davey Richards as a super dick head heel because he just comes off that way without him speaking. I have no idea the shenanigans that Gabe usually pulls because of my limited viewing of ROH. Having to throw money down a hole on cigarettes for your waste of space ex-wife smokes puts a dent in your spending of money on wrestling DVDs.)

In a recent development, Gabe Sapolsky, Davey Richards and Sal Hamaoui have started up a new wrestling promotion called Evolve. I missed Gabe’s post on MySpace but did catch the story on Prowrestling.net. They did put out a video to go along with this announcement but there isn’t much to it. Normally we try be be condescending, as negative as possible and generally make fun of someone or thing in wrestling but I’m actually going to do some serious analysis for a change.

I have been yapping about how wrestling needs to become more like sports (Just listen to our last two shows here and here) and even though Evolve has only posted some limited rules on their proposed point system for wrestlers, they’re headed in that direction.  Let’s go through these rules:

“1. Official Singles Division: These wrestlers will concentrate on singles matches. All bouts between official wrestlers will count towards their record. Competitors become “official” either by invitation from the EVOLVE board of directors or by winning a qualifying match.”

I’ll comment on the qualifying matches which are covered under note #3. I love the idea of keeping single’s wrestlers in a separate idea. I’ve never liked the idea of a super team even if Jerishow did make the belts relevant for a couple of months in the WWE. The majority of us are tired of seeing guys team up for a tag match simply because they’re feuding with their opponents for the evening. This idea should limit or down right eliminate this crutch that is used. The fleshing out area will come in how they use the record. Will it be just a win/loss record? Will there be points for different types of victories? Speed of a victory? As I said at the top of the article, they have a lot of fleshing out to do. Continue reading

Davey Richards + Gabe Sapolsky = Ultimate Warrior

Davey Richards

"Sorry, Shingo, my lords want me to kick you very hard!"

Don’t get me wrong, Davey Richards is a Stunt Granny favorite, a wrestler who the majority of the SG crew (I say this because Jordan, Jeremy and I believe it, and I’m not sure what Dusty and Kevin think) have said could be a top-level dickhead heel in any major promotion. So what has he chosen to do? Team up with metalhead and former Ring of Honor booker, the ever-opaque Gabe Sapolsky, to start a new company called EVOLVE Wrestling (capitalize at your own whimsy).

According to Prowrestling.net, Davey Richards recently heard from WWE, but then he looked into his hands and his gods said something about rewards and punishment…?

“But no one understands why, its not for attention I do this, its not for money, its not for notoriety. Its for my beliefs, my morals, my creed. I am a man who believes hard work must be rewarded and laziness must be punished. I’ve simply walked away from places before who I feel have not shared this moral with me.

“Evolve is my opportunity to not seek out big paydays, not to seek out mainstream notoriety, or to even gain attention. Evolve is my place to seek out the best, outwork them, and beat them.”

Ohhh kay. So after I read this, I had to check out the EVOLVE Wrestling Web site, which has Age of the Fall bullshit tactics written all over it. First, here’s Gabe’s and Davey’s mission, now with 50 percent more Destrucity:

EVOLVE is an attitude.

EVOLVE is not a particular in ring style. It is not an age group. It is not strictly defined.

EVOLVE has no limitations. It has no restrictions. It has no boundaries.

EVOLVE is the ability to look into nothingness and instead of seeing nothing to recognize infinite potential and absolute possibilities.

EVOLVE is the desire to be something greater than what we’ve become.

TAKE THE PLANE INTO A NOSE DIVE HOAK HO-GAN! Anyway, this *could* be a cool concept, as it appears Gabe & Co. plan to focus on win-loss records within stringent singles and tag team divisions. It’s just too bad one of the wrestlers who’s been invited onto the roster has a first name that starts with Bobb… (Check here to see what I mean.) Yep, Gabe only wrote B-o-b-b… and made the letters fade out. So I presume he means Bobby Dempsey. Sure, it could be one of literally half a dozen active wrestlers anyone gives a shit about, except for the fact that I bet no one gives a shit about them (see: Dempsey, Bobby).

Anyway, once again, cool concept with some potential, combined with Gabe’s usual shenanigans and a hell of a talented wrestler who’s apparently gone cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. RFD-TV, here we come! -Eric

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