Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Jeremy was Mushmouth. Feel free to assign me a character from Fat Albert.

So Jeremy and I went longer than expected recording our Wrestlemania previews. We still have another two to do. Have fun figuring out which preview Jeremy goes Mushmouth on. So because that went late and my Boxer Cayenne decided to take an exceptionally long time to soil the lawn in the condo complex. I’ll catch up because we’re six days away from Wrestlemania. There’s even less days until Jeremy and his woman arrive in Cbus. Time for wrestling. Let’s roll.

Why is Mitchell Cool excited about Booker T being in the announce booth? We start off with Randy Orton & Sheamus against Kane & Daniel Bryan with AJ. Jerry Lawler called out Cool on his switched stance on Daniel Bryan but he can’t be bothered to really fight back Cool’s claim of stating facts and being a great journalist. Commercial break. I love Orton’s drop kick. It’s been a little odd that the opponents at WM have wrestled large portions of this match against each other. Sheamus gets pinned after AJ interference. Even steven booking means Sheamus gets the win. I might have picked differently in the show that was posted earlier today. We get John Cena vs the Rock build up by video.

Mitchell is in the ring and dons a Team Johnny shirt. He’s their official commentator. Well, you are the WWE’s announcer so you’d be there anyway. Cool introduces Johnny Wooden GM. Vickie Guerrero is a flag bearer. Booker introduces Teddy Long before Johnny gets to say anything. Santino Marella is taking on David Otunga. Cool goes Mushmouth after he was trending on Twitter. Otunga pays too much attention to the flag & Hornswoggle. Cobra. Teddy & Johnny wouldn’t actually be in the match, would they? Johnny announces that the Miz is the last member of Team Teddy, more Mushmouth, Johnny.

More video package for Cena & the Rock. Hey, we were there. Dusty was with us in spirit. More video package, just for the Undertaker, HHH and Shawn Michaels. I’m starving. Unlike Jeremy, I don’t have someone that can serve me food. I haven’t taught the dogs how to deliver food yet. They only deliver it to their stomachs. Time to grab something.

Eve Torres came to the ring with Beth Phoenix because we’re supposed to care about the Divas. No surprise that Maria Menounos can’t get away from that hectic schedule on Extra to join Kelly Kelly for this match. Eve misses the top rope moonsault so that KK can mess up a roll up. That match is going to be a train wreck. Chances are good that Maria won’t wrestle as well as Snooki. Say, did you hear about this match between John Cena and the Rock?

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Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of #Raw

Jeremy is going to have to settle for a clean basement.

There’s some big news on that Jeremy wanted me to get to since it applies to Pro Wrestling Ohio. I will but this puppy is going up first. I’ll start that after Raw is over. Good thing there’s no new Hawaii Five-O to distract me. Jeremy is settling for a clean basement because him & his woman are setting up shop in the fine city of Columbus for Wrestlemania. It should be a drunken good time. At least they won’t have to look at the washer and dryer since they have their own room.Oh well, it’s time for the show. Let’s roll.

I can’t believe they sold out the Q. There will not be that many people at Smackdown tomorrow here. Jerry Lawler gets the honors of introing a douche-tastic John Cena who is pandering to the fans with a Cavs jersey and the old chain. At least he went with a Mark Price jersey. I was OK with it. The facials and his personal presentation stunk. Going back to the sell out, if we got Rock, Michaels & the Undertaker, I’d imagine Nationwide Arena would be sold out. We’re so going to get hosed. Vickie Guerrero introduces Dolph Ziggler. Interesting to open the show without fifteen minutes of babble. He gets to play jobber for a bit longer since he’s taking on Sheamus. Nothing happened before the commercial.

My boy Dolph is getting in some offense after a nice sneaky move under the ring. Josh Matthews gets to interview Daniel Bryan. He asks about telling AJ to shut up. AJ looks scared to say she wasn’t fine with it. They should wait until later to break them up. Something weird happened with Sheamus’s finisher. Ziggler turns it into a pinning attempt but the weirdness was after. They recovered nicely. The Brogue Kick has turned into his RKO. He can hit it out of nowhere. The twelve man tag match that Eric talked about below is officially announced on TV.

We get GM replay of Smackdown. Johnny Wooden GM is in the announce booth. Santino Marella comes out with Aksana. He is named Team Teddy’s captain. Evidently it’s a mixed tag match. Johnny makes it a handicapped match with Mark Henry teaming with David Otunga. Mitchell Cool tries to make a case for Johnny. Seriously, why would the board want him in his position? Why leave that in the hands of wrestlers who have nothing to do with the situation? Would an NFL team let their players determine who the next head coach is? Kofi Kingston tried to make the save. R Truth tried to make the save. When is Khali coming out? I hope the Miz is better on Psych than John Cena was.

The Bellas and Alicia Fox were on Extra with Maria Menounos. Eve has her tits hanging out. Zack Ryder is just realizing that she is playing him. She wants to be friends with benefits. Beth Phoenix wanted to be on Extra. Beth blurts out Eve’s plan. My cable gacks up so I have no idea the last thing Eve said to Beth. The Miz tries to talk to Johnny while he’s on the phone. He gets to intro James Roday. The Miz wants to be on Team Johnny. Roday is going to be a guest ring announcer. The Miz is taking on CM Punk. Evidently the Funkasaurus is back. When do they take him back off TV?

Jinder Mahal is the poor sap who gets to lose to the returning Funkasaurus. OK, There’s no way he improved any of those moves in the time he’s been off. Does the crowd seem dead for him or is it just me?

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