Poor Joe Henning

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Poor Joe Hennig now holds the honor of having the two worst ring names in pro wrestling history. Curt Axel is slightly less ridiculous than Michael McGillicutty, but holy crap, just the same.

Is it so wrong to acknowledge and borrow from and steal from the past? Why not have him be all, my father was Mr. Perfect, and perfection runs through my veins. Everything I’ve ever done in life, school, athletics, girls, you know it, and it’s all come easy to me. So the competition in the WWE? I don’t sweat that at all. And give him a nickname that suggests or hints at Perfection? What the fuck is wrong with that?

And Ted DiBiase Jr. Why not have him be all, I can take money out of my dad’s account any time I want. I could buy this whole arena if I felt like it. Spoiled rich kid trying to live up to his dad’s reputation. Give him a fucking bodyguard. What else is Ezekiel doing with his life these days?

Is any of this bad? Is it bad because it’s unoriginal? I would argue that it’s at least better than this awful, awful trend of bad names and one note gimmicks. If a little girl happened upon WWE programming, she would probably think Dolph Ziggler calls himself because he likes dolphins. This has to fucking stop. -Dusty

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #Smackdown

I'm pumped for the beginning of the season tomorrow. Thanks to thecrew.com for the picture.

The Columbus Crew starts their season tomorrow at the Colorado Rapids. I’m excited for the season. I’ve gone to as many games as possible since I moved here which happened to be the same year the MLS started play. (Edit: The Crew started playing at Crew Stadium when I moved here. It’s the seventeenth season of MLS. Two different things. As usual, I’m an idiot.) I’m extra excited this year because I have season tickets. If you want to check out some reports, give my friend Patrick Guldan and his band of writers at Massive Report a view. Most of you have probably read more about soccer in the above paragraph than you will the rest of the year. I’ll finally get to wrestling. Let’s roll.

Johnny Wooden GM kicks off the show with a cage match between Santino Marella and Jack Swagger. Nothing happens until Santino tries to escape. Swagger turns him into a lawn dart. My boy Dolph gets tossed from ring side at the commercial break. Swagger still has the Johnny mock hair cut. Never sure why people try to go over the cage. It’s so much easier to go out the door. I’d be fine with the stipulation that you can’t win by going thru the door to cover that loop hole. Vickie accidently nails Swagger, Santino gets the duke. They’re either trying to protect Swagger or make Santino look weak. I’m not sure why they’re doing the former and it’s dumb to do the later. Mitchell Cool calls himself Walter Cronkite. Unfortunately, Josh & T don’t call him out on his way outdated reference. Cool does it all the time. He should get his verbal beating.

We get replay of the ending. Again. And more Johnny & Otunga, aren’t we lucky? Johnny threatens Kane vs Aksana. Um, why didn’t Teddy argue how bad it’d look to the board to have a 300+ pound man against a woman? Granted, the board is a bunch of dolts. If Teddy wins, Aksana wrestles Kane. Is he trying to look horrendous to the board?

After FF thru the UT/HHH/Michaels, I’m already thirty six minutes into the show. I’m only twenty minutes behind now. Chances are good I catch up soon. Drew McIntyre is here because of Johnny Wooden GM. He’s going to get his job back if he beats a jobber. Oh, it’s the Great Khali. Three little kids like him, they’re the only ones the camera men can find. Otunga introduces McIntyre’s real opponent, Hornswoggle. Johnny got the opener right but he’d be fired in any real job for the remainder of the program. Drew pulls Hornswoggle’s shoulders off the mat. The ref does the right thing and calls the match. Again, stressing how bad this decision is to the board, why would they like someone to be rehired who can’t match their salary? Teddy is lacing up his boots. Aksana pleads to him. Teddy is going to teach Johnny a lesson.

Johnny is warming up in the back. Mr. Excitement is living up to the mock nickname. Ezekiel Jackson is taking on Mark Henry. Zeke gets to stay a jobber. They talk up Henry’s accomplishments in power lifting.

Johnny with Otunga is set to take on Teddy with Aksana. When is the switch happening to Kane vs Teddy? Johnny tries to talk sense into Teddy. Why are neither Booker or Josh arguing how bad this would look to the board? Dumbasses. Orton RKOs Kane. Teddy rolls up Johnny and gets the win. Teddy & Aksana flee. They do the smart thing and leave the arena. Kane is still down after a single move. Pretty dumb in its own regard.

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Stunt Granny Audio Show #177

It’s that time of week again; yup, it is time fro Stunt Granny Audio. Jeremy and Kevin are back this week with a rundown of Monday Night Raw with a dash of the live Smackdown event. What do the guys make of CM Punk twitter war/beef/exaggerated term with Chris Brown? How predictable was the RAW battle royal? What was the point of the Eve heel turn and subsequent embarrassment in the ring? Was Wade Barrett’s dislocated elbow caused by the Big Show or was it just a matter of bad circumstance? How did Daniel Bryan fare after his solid performance at Elimination Chamber? You will get the answers to all of these and more. All you have to do is listen. So get to it.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #177

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of #Raw

The Road to Wrestlemania starts today.

So I’m starting Raw late because I’m rewatching the Elimination Chamber. I’ve fastforwarded through most of John Cena versus Kane. There was more filler in this match than I thought. Booker is also playing up Cena being uber-happy. I don’t how positive a person you are (pointing a finger at myself) there comes a time when things just aren’t going well. An easy example for me would be my divorce. Was it a good thing? Hell yes. Did it still drag me down? Hell yes. Cena should have gotten down a bit more in parts of this angle, especially the ones involving Zack Ryder. Time for Raw. Let’s roll.

We get replay of said angle. Every single sad shot is show to prove that I’m an ass. Actually, they’re still wrong. Eve is talking to the Bellas. Eve used Zack Ryder to get popularity. Eve is going to use John Cena too. Um, how about not doing this on TV? Or when John Cena is right behind you. Why did you turn Eve? What the fuck? I mean, she’s inconsequential so why spend the beginning of your biggest show to her? I’m confused. Cena comes to the ring after the intro. Eve comes down and tries to apologize. I’m even more confused now. Cena tells her to wait for the Rock because they’re scandilous bitches. She’s the Rock’s proxy? What the hell is the point of your main babyface running down a ho? Who’s Wheaties did she pee in?

The newest vignette for Taker says that HHH‘s fate will be sealed tonight. Hooray. Sheamus takes on Mark Henry after the break. Mitchell Cool rehashing Henry being suspended. Jerry Lawler correctly pointing out that Henry being bribed for his vote. I just said something positive about Lawler. Nice Funkasaurus Extinct? sign. Why is Cool cheering on the flying shoulder block? Why? So it just dawned on me during their Twitter blow job, did they have that angle just so Ryder & Cena can be friends? Still a colossal mistake for an opening segment. Sheamus gets out of the World’s Strongest Slam and nails Henry with the Brogue Kick. Johnny Wooden GM & David Otunga are talking about themselves. Teddy Long stops by for some business. They’re not brands. Johnny may be taller, but Teddy rocks suits so much better. David Otunga gets a match against anyone on Smackdown.

The Rock returns next week. But he’s never going to leave the WWE again. That joke won’t get old for me. Sorry if you’re groaning. R Truth & Kofi Kingston are back on the tag circuit against Rosa Mendes with Epico & Primo. Kofi is on a roll when Rosa distracts him. Kofi counters out of the Back Stabber and nails Trouble in Paradise. Undercard filler.

Not quite caught up. But DAMN! what a great inductee. Ron Simmons was one of my favorites starting back with Butch Reed & Teddy Long. Oh, my buddy Ken & I dressed as the KPA at one of my bro’s parties. Keg Protection Agency. We get more replay of Elimination Chamber. Chris Jericho is with Josh Matthews. He was knocked out. He was legally eliminated. Jericho trying to get heat but people cheer. Jericho vows to win the battle royal. Of course you will.

David Otunga gets to take on Ezekiel Jackson. We get to find out how far in the dog house Jackson is. Otunga gives Zeke a Simmons like spinebuster. Cool gets to have camera time to cheer on Johnny. This replay involves last week’s Raw. Nice break from the EC. It’s about HHH & Shawn Michaels. Taker is next.

I grab a beer while Taker comes to the ring. I also started my potato and cauliflower mash. Taker wants to end the uncertainty. He was surprised by the no. I hear apocalypse and HHH not having a choice. Sure. Par for the course. If HHH is reformed, shouldn’t he have new music? HHH tells Taker to carry the torch for the next generation. He doesn’t want to kill Taker. HHH tells Taker he knows he’s at the end of his rope. Taker pulls out the coward card. Not quite a punk card. HHH gets angry then restrains himself. HHH still says no and leaves the ring. Cool camera shot with Taker and HHH being shown on the video screen. Taker plunks down the punk card by saying HHH can’t do it as good as Shawn Michaels. HHH knows he can finish it. The crowd chants “Prove It”. I so wanted HHH to turn him down. The crowd pops huge for the announcement. HHH will face him but only in the Hell In A Cell. I can’t believe that won’t be the main event. Taker doesn’t take the hood off. Save the surprise for later.

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Kevin’s Blog: A Review of #Smackdown & De Facto #EliminationChamber Preview

This is more of a preview than a review.

They started with Daniel Bryan/Big Show/Randy Orton recap. Orton starts out in Teddy Long‘s office. Teddy can’t let Orton wrestle because of his concussion. He tells him it’s tonight or the Elimination Chamber. Injuries happen so may as well use it. The Big Show & the Great Khali are taking on Cody Rhodes & Wade Barrett. Good way to get all of the Chamber participants on TV even if Bryan was only in the preview.  Wade Barrett’s push against Orton is officially dead. Big Show destroys Barrett & Khali. Teddy Long says that Orton’s out of the Elimination Chamber. Mark Henry wants to be put in it. Big Show comes in and asks for Daniel Bryan tonight. Henry tells him to take his turn. Big Show drops him. Big Show destroys his office. They are really selling Show. He’s doing good work. Before I get to far, be sure to check out Dusty & Matt’s audio about TNA below. I doubt I’m getting to that review. I will watch it before Elimination Chamber, I hope.

Teddy Long wants security to politely take Big Show out of the building because of Big Show’s threats. Ted DiBiase takes on Hunico again. Ted has a soft cast now. Hunico gets a cheap win with Camacho’s help. Nice little undercard stuff. It’s got squat to do with the PPV though.

They did the usual replay of HHH/UT/Shawn Michaels. That has nothing to do with the PPV. Unless HHH makes it official there. The tag team match with the Usos versus Rosa Mendes with I suppose Primo & Epico may get repeated on the Elimination Chamber if they think they don’t have enough filler for the show. Back Stabber for the win. Daniel Bryan comes to the ring smiling after it is announced Big Show has voluntarily left.

Daniel Bryan has the stick. We get replay of Monday again. Bryan brags about continuing to win. He tells the crowd he proved them wrong by winning the title. I just hope he doesn’t sink when he loses the title belt. Bryan has a strong run going here. Bryan should note that he’ll be champion at Wrestlemania like he claimed so many months ago. Bryan wants Lilian to announce him as the winner of the match. What a dick move. OK, there’s the missing Teddy. Sheamus is the happy volunteer replacement for Orton. Good way to get him involved in this mix since he’s been on standby for and through the Elimination Chamber. Cena versus Kane preview video package. Plus for a go home show.

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Stunt Granny Audio Show #174

The gang is working harder than usual this week as they return with another Audio Show for your ear buds. Jeremy and Kevin return this time around and give their thoughts on the Royal Rumble match. They have a different take on things but not as much. They also go in to Monday Night Raw. Was this the best episode of Raw in over a year? Was there any other finish for Daniel Bryan and CM Punk? Was it the right time for Chris Jericho to interfere? How bad was Undertakers wig? Did Triple H accept the challenge or was he blowing off The Undertaker. Of course there is more so just listen already.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #174

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of Raw

Sometimes, nature has a plan of it's own.

I wanted to start on time tonight but a number of things held me up. Not leaving the office until 7:00 PM was one of them. Having to do grocery shopping after that didn’t help. Tomorrow won’t allow me a chance to do that since I’m going to see Amy Schumer, who is a riot. If I find her clip from the Charlie Sheen Roast, I’ll post it. I just don’t feel like searching for it right now. Plus it’d seem out of place this early in the post. The above actions caused the most recent delay. Thank goodness I don’t need to use some silly Japanese toilet. I will mention for those people who follow my Pro Wrestling Ohio reporting, they had their season premiere last night. I didn’t watch it because I was too busy watching a way too close game between the Steelers and Colts. Unless something happens with both lines, the Steelers won’t last as long as I thought they would. Back to PWO, I’ll try to post that review later this week. For now, it’s Raw time. Let’s roll.

Booker looks as giddy as a school girl. Lots of hype to start the show. I feel like music hits now to begin the proceedings not announcing the main event. Trips starts us off. I didn’t see that bit by the Miz & R Truth on WWE.com. Good promo. The music for the apology is ridiculous. Trips fines Mark Henry. Vickie interrupts as HHH is giving a mission statement about doing what is right for the company. Ziggler doing the heavy lifting on the mic again. Rhodes joins the party. Trips keeps offering good advice. Ah, Christian gets to be the last one at the party. I hope. Lawsuit talk. Thanks for boring us to death. Christian gets 3 matches, Ziggler defends against Zach Ryder. Rhodes insults HHH then gets a 10 man battle royal. Weird. That isn’t punishment to me. Who loses their title that way? Even that worthless I.C. Title.

Drew gets ganged up on. No surprise that Rhodes flees to the outside. Both Sin Caras get tossed. Sheamus and Zeke take out a pair each then go toe to toe. Rhodes gets to “toss” Zeke so he can look impressive. Sheamus is distracted by Christian so that Rhodes can retain. Christian attacks him to aid his heel bona fides.

Cole runs down JR then King. Otunga has a bow tie & a button down. Johnny Wooden Voice is still on TV. What a woofer and then fluff on Kelly Kelly. I’m glad I grabbed a beer already. Then a commercial break. Are you trying to get us to check on the game?

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