Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

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I was a lazy ass for the site for this past week. I’ll home that trend doesn’t continue. I’m bummed that I didn’t get to my Guinness post for St. Patrick’s Day. That still may be coming. I still have to review the 6 beers I had in Nashville that are all brewed in the fine state of Tennessee. I only have one game to attend this week so I’ll hope to get typing more. Let’s roll.

John Cena comes out in black & gold in Pittsburgh to try and get a better crowd reaction. It doesn’t help. His promo doesn’t have Wrestlemania Main Event written anywhere near it. Glad John passed by the Pirates. They have a great history, just not a recent one. This skit is leading to a squash match. Woof. I like the Prime Time Players most of the time. This one was a terrible effort at an inopportune time. This squash match even gets a commercial break. Just wow. Forget what I said two weeks ago about the WWE writers waking up. Five Knuckle Shuffle & AA finishes the match after the break. Recap of Smackdown with Mark Henry, Ryback & the Shield. That was the next break.

David Otunga is fodder for Ryback. The crowd finally gets to the chanting for the clothesline. Shell shock. I’m glad he’s addressing Mark Henry. Vickie makes their match for Wrestlemania. I guess SD has a story line for this week. Granted, everyone knows that the Big Show is going to be the other partner. I was scratching my head watching SD.

Holy cow, another Smackdown recap. They are loving the Fandango. The Great Khali is coming down to the ring for some reason. Fandango wants Natalya to take a crack at his name. He’s going into a Brian Fantana/Ron Burgundy territory hitting on her. I wonder if he’s going to have the parquet by the time they hit Cbus in late April.

I’m kind of digging the R Truth wife beater. The whole outfit is a bit much. Damien Sandow is a good foil for him. I liked both of their promos more than Cena’s. Sandow saves himself by rolling out of the ring and getting counted out. Am I smelling a Rhodes Scholars vs R Truth & Kofi Kingston at Wrestlemania? Kaitlyn interrupts the Bellas who are fawning over Cody‘s mustache. I think I smell a Diva’s Title match too. Rhodes should drop the Bellas. Not even a contest.

Undertaker allows me time to catch up. Undertaker is short and to the point. CM Punk playing with the urn is awesome. I’ve loved his switch in focus away from the title reign length. Good stuff but not much to it.

Daniel Bryan & Kane are taking on Rosa Mendes with Epico & Primo. Mitchell Cool said that the mask hides Kane’s expressions. I guess he’s missed every single skit with these two since they’ve been together. Kane looks like he’s going to finish off Primo when AJ Lee skips around the ring. Epico takes the loss instead. Big E Langston & Ziggler vs these two for the titles at WM? Chris Jericho is proud of his Intercontinental Championship total. He’s interrupted by Fandango. Silly Jericho has been in full effect since his babyface turn. He’s not all that funny in this mode.

My mutt Kia can’t decide where to sleep tonight. She just took my spot on the couch. I skip over Alberto Del Rio‘s introduction. At least he has stopped using the car entrance. Cody Rhodes gets to lose to him.  The old shoulder into the post trick gets Rhodes his save face offense. Scratch on that. We do get a commercial break. The live crowd got to see most of Cody’s offense. Mitchell Cool explaining the Cross Arm Breaker like it was a complicated concept was really weird. A part of the crowd starts chanting “USA!” Cody Rhodes taps out. Jack Swagger ambushes Del Rio again. What a fall by Rodriguez. Looked like he rolled thru fairly well though. Zeb Colter gets to back up so that Swagger can save him. Good sell job by Ricardo too.

Booker T is going into the Hall of Fame. Good for him. I would have expected him to get the nod when they go to Texas again.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live & Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

My girlfriend’s present for her birthday was to not watch wrestling tonight. We had a great time eating dinner at Betty’s and then grabbing ice cream at Jeni’s. It’s put me behind the eight ball especially since I was a dumb ass and didn’t pawn this column off on someone else. Because it’s still the most important show in wrestling, despite it’s consistently poor quality, I think we need to cover it. 3 hours and 5 minutes of fun to come starting at midnight. Good thing I pulled a lot of all nighters when I was in Architecture School at Kent State. Let’s roll.

AJ Lee comes out and announces some big matches for the show. I’m plowing thru this episode so entrances are so getting the FF button. CM Punk interrupts her after the first FF of the night. Punk tries to weasel out of the triple threat match but it doesn’t work. John Cena hasn’t been in an opening segment in weeks so he comes out. I just noticed Punk went to the Lemmy look. It works better for HHH. I like recitation of facts. (Sarcasm central). Cena saying the champ doesn’t win in triple threat matches is the biggest gaffe of them all. Then of course Punk feeds AJ for his match of the night so we can close this segment out. Our choices suck. Thanks for showing up Big Show.

Shock of all shocks, Rey Mysterio won the vote. The popular guy won! (I’m getting the feeling this column will be sarcasm heavy. Maybe I’ll stop pointing it out.) Another surprise, nothing happens in the match before the commercial break. I do like the way these guys work together though. Hell of a feud. Oh my lord Lawler, Mitchell Cool makes a ludicrous statement about AJ Lee taking out her wrath on Punk and you sit there like a lump on a log then agree with him, sort of. Disagree with him for fucks sake. Point out that CM Punk interfered in the match to determine the number one contender. It’s not hard. Punk wins with the GTS. Nice. The WWE did pick good opponents for everyone except Big Show. Orton can’t lose this early in his return. Ricardo Rodriguez outshines Alberto Del Rio again. Too bad he can’t wrestle. Or isn’t in shape.

I’m digging the Fight Club remake of Wade Barrett. Fits into his previous stories too. Why is every wrestler dumber than a box of rocks these days? Alberto gets himself in trouble and booked for a match.

Christian gets to job to Alberto. Nice touch of having Del Rio dress and tape on the way to the ring. Sheamus has a head injury. Lawler is even mailing it in with his friends. No personal congratulations for Booker T yet. Sent him a text at least. Ricardo distracts the ref, Alberto nails Christian with the boot for the win. Ricardo left the keys for Sheamus to steal the car. I can’t wait for the visit around San Antonio. (Last hint of sarcasm.) Ha.

Big Show against Randy Orton kicks off the 9 o’clock segment. So, what’s the old mid-main event? Or is the Cena match in that slot with an unknown main event? Stay tuned for too long. Double count out. Just like any decent fan would have expected. Big Show misses the WMD which allows the Viper to strike. Yep, I see that guy winning the title at the next pay per view. (I fucking told you no more hints.)

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