Stunt Granny Audio #211

IdiotsEverywhere

Jeremy and Kevin are back and they’re talking about idiots, idiots everywhere. The biggest idiot may be in Kevin’s office. Kevin lays out his evidence and would like to know if you know anyone that competes in his utter lack of knowledge. They move on to talk about the idiots in the WWE. Why do they feel the need to have the heels lose all of the time? Does Eve Torres winning count as a heel victory? How about Vickie Guerrero? Jeremy took issue with Kevin not liking Brad Maddox. What excuse for poor writing did Kevin come up with? Somehow, the guys migrate to talking about the idiots that run TNA. What similarities do their idiots have with the WWE idiots? What would help Aces & Eights? Who didn’t know DOC stood for Director of Chaos? How does that dovetail with his wrestling viewing habits? Jeremy & Kevin do talk about the idiots running ROH. Not for long as they ping pong between TNA & the WWE. Could both companies learn from critically acclaimed television these days? Could they learn from children’s television? What lessons do they think the wrestling companies can learn? Join them in this audio journey.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #211

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of TNA iMPACT!

Mickie can play my banjo anytime.

Go to the post below this one and click on the Audio for this week. That was one reason I didn’t want to do this blog. Here’s my compromise. (Next day – Whoops, I hit Save Draft instead of Publish last night.)

I wasn’t going to do this but the Mickie James performance forced me onto my computer. I had read the spoilers that she didn’t play with her band and they used back ups. What a terrible decision. Wait for the next taping, it looked horrendous. You could tell the band was faking it. Awfulness. I understand you wanted to further the James against Tara storyline, but do anything else if her band isn’t there. It was so bush league.

Morgan gives the pep talk to referee. I think the WWE goes in the opposite direction by ignoring the refs too much. TNA uses them way too much.

Ric Flair is pissed at being held hostage earlier in the night (I don’t think I’m going to go back to review it. Deal with it bitches.) Doug Williams gets his time in the sun. I do like that TNA has paired down Immortal and Fortune. Williams is still weird as a face though. Nice little live promo before he goes to the ring.  Kazarian shortened his name, Williams made it longer. Not sure why I thought of that. Solid match so far between the two which doesn’t surprise me.  Kazarian is getting his chance on offense. Williams rolling chaos theory suplex is awesome. Kazarian is a bitch. Mickie is looking for Tara. I wish Mickie’s ward robe malfunction showed off more earlier in the show. They fought after Mickie’s performance.

Fortune attacks Williams and Morgan. Agents break it up. They run through the Final Resolution card. Devon interrupts the preview. I’m writing these sentences together because TNA changes too often so my writing is reflecting their scatter brained, flashy stuff (at least they think so) programming they provide. How about they not have a feud? It’s going to happen but I’ll still complain. Devon is doing a solid promo. Bubba stirred up the pot. The crowd is actually choosing sides which is a surprise. See TNA, good guy versus bad guy works. Stop trying to reinvent the wheel. Or making all of your characters “gray”.  Bubba, you’re both Marty Jannetty. Bubba the cowardly heel bails.

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TNA Final Resolution preview (text format)

Seppuku because I watched TNA Final Resolution

Somebody put this sign on Dusty's neighbor's door, please.

Huh, TNA has a pay-per-view tonight? Damned if I knew that; Jeremy said something to me on IM about Kevin asking him to do an audio preview (Jeremy scoffed), and I was all like, oh damn, I didn’t even know. So here’s a text-based preview of TNA Final Resolution. (I had to go to TNAWrestling.com for the line-up, and that scuzzy SoCal Val was on a video hesitating and hiccuping through her very simple lines to promote the show. Uh, uh, uh, you suck.)

Daniels vs. AJ Styles (TNA “World” Title): Boy, these fresh young main eventers are setting the world on fire. Prediction: I’ll be asleep.

Desmond Wolfe vs. Kurt Angle (Three Degrees of… Pain? What the fuck is that?): Wolfe is making headlines these days as… oh, no he’s not. Prediction: Lariat attempted countered into an armbar takedown transitioned into an ankle lock, at which point I’ll probably be watching football anyway.

Scott Steiner vs. Bobby Lashley (Last Man Standing): Jesus christ. Prediction: Someone’s gonna tear something. The man who isn’t standing will be legitimately injured.

Motor City Machine Guns vs. British Invasion (Tag Team Titles): OK, two guys I like vs. two guys I don’t hate. Someone IM me when this match comes on. Prediction: MCMG will get fucked like they always do.

Dudleys & Rhino & Jesse Neal vs. Matt Morgan & Hernandez & DeSomethingOrOther Dinero & Suicide (Elimination match, go figure): OK, so Rhino and Jesse Neal like each other again? And how are “future main eventers” Morgan and Hernandez supposed to shine here? Seriously, Hernandez, I beg you, get out of this contract and go to WWE. I have a friend who knows people. I haven’t talked to him in a while, but maybe he can help. And you know the people he knows. Hear me out, man. Prediction: I text my friend.

Tara vs. ODB (Knockouts Title): Eh, whatever. Where’s Taylor Wilde? She’s as cute as a button. Prediction: ODB slaps her big tits.

Raven & Dr. Stevie vs. Mick Foley & Abyss: Sooo… Foley and Abyss like each other again, too? Whatever, go eat some Chef Boyardee, you fat fuck. (That goes for three of you four.) Prediction: None of these guys will ever work for WWE. (Foley will be inducted into the hall of fame many, many years from now.)

*deep breath*

Samoa Joe & Beer Money & Kevin Nash & Eric Young & Abdul Bashir vs. Kiyoshi & Homicide & Jay Lethal & Consequences Creed & Cody Deaner (Feast or Fired): Unbelievable. This is going to be a clusterfuck of epic proportions. I would rather watch Kevin Nash do 20 minutes of stand-up while Homicide gets drunk and heckles him. I would rather watch Eric Young swing from the barn. I would rather watch the board meeting where four of these guys get legitimately fired from TNA before the match happens. Prediction: Hatred and death.

So there you go, expert analysis from yours truly. Have a good night, everybody! -Eric

TNA Final Resolution PPV review

Just a little dumber than this.

Just a little dumber than this.

Pfft. Who cares. By far the best part of the show was Alex Shelley borrowing a line from Grampa Simpson (“A little of Column A, a little of Column B.”). No disrespect intended toward The Phenomenal A.Lex. Shelley, but when that’s the best part of the show, the whole company deserves to go under. -Eric

TNA Final Resolution PPV preview

Who shot who in the what, now?

Who shot who in the what, now?

Ummm, so I guess TNA is having a PPV right now, Final Resolution. OK, we had no idea. Is that our fault? No. -Eric

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