Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

A_Lot_Going_OnSo I have plenty going on these days. I got engaged for the second time. I traveled to one of the more pathetic 20th Reunions in the history of reunions. Good thing we had quality time with the family and a pair of friends I talk to every time I head back to Altoona. Then there’s the big announcement. It keeps getting teased but it’s almost ready. I promise. No more teasing, on to Raw. Let’s roll.

We get a replay of the opening and closing segments from Raw last week. Roman Reigns comes out. I did notice on Smackdown that they’ve tweaked Reigns outfit. Not sure I like it any better. Reigns didn’t exactly tear the house down with his first big mic time. He tried to have extra swag but he didn’t sell it to me. Reigns pulling out “Bitch” to Kane is the exact word you use for a reaction but you can’t sell it. Reigns had the early upper hand but Kane took over just before the refs and agents came to the ring. Reigns goes bananas on the agents and Superman Punches Kane. Good thing Dean Malenko got out unhurt.

The Wyatt Family in the form of Erick Rowan & Luke Harper appear in the ring with little fan fare. The Usos get to do their Haka dance still. Jimmy started against Rowan. Harper got things moving in the right direction for the Wyatts. Rowan scres up so that Jey can come in. Rowan makes up for it quickly. Mitchell Cool noted using the tattoos to tell the Usos apart. Shouldn’t you describe them? Because that is a good tip. The right arm is inked differently. The word “Fatu” down Jimmy’s arm. Pretty sure Jey has it also except he added tattoos around it to look like a partial sleeve. My favorite move is applied by Rowan when we come back from break. Stupid knuckles. Cool then pretends he forgot which Uso was in the ring. There hadn’t been a tag during the break. Jimmy does get the hot tag. Flying Jey takes out Rowan. Harper attempts a suicide dive but gets punched. Super kick by Jimmy only gets a two count. Harper crotches Jimmy on the top rope. Jey breaks up a sit down power bomb. One of the great rivalries is mentioned by the announcers. Harper hits the Clothesline From The Bayou for the win. Oh, they’re playing up the mix up. No wonder Michael Cole cut himself off. I’ll guess they didn’t tell him this angle was coming. (Next Day Note: It was interesting to see “Twin Magic” back fire since I’ve only ever seen it work.) Randy Orton is commiserating with Kane about having backs at Battleground. Seth Rollins picks up on the “solidarity.” Rollins stirs the pot by mentioning cashing in the briefcase. Everyone hates each other.

Nikki Bella is fighting Alicia Fox while both have one arm tied behind their backs. Fox ends up assaulting Nikki. JBL should be creaming Cool about the conspiracy theory. Instead, he only brings up Roswell. Alicia Fox has been snapping on TV for weeks now. Just say she’s been crazy for at least a month now. How hard is that? (Next Day Note: Would the producers tell the JBL not to go the simple route?)

Lana is cut off by RVD. Thank you. Rusev is around too. RVD hits a tornado DDT early. Rusev tosses him off the top rope. Rusev gives RVD the knees and fall away throw. Zeb Colter challenges Rusev to a match at Battleground. Rusev stomps on RVD. This match is confusing me. RVD winning does nothing for the Swagger feud. Isn’t part of the appeal that an American will beat the “Russian”? Rusev beating RVD means that he’s going to beat Swagger, right? RVD hits the side kick off the top rope. Rusev heel kicks RVD. Rusev locks in the Accolade for the win. Swagger has to be losing. (Next Day Note: RVD isn’t below Swagger in the depth chart, right? Still need to check the next day.)

sign

Randy Orton gets to take on Dean Ambrose again. Randy Orton got the early upper hand but gave way to some offense by Ambrose. Orton stops it with a big clothes line. Orton plays to the crowd too long. Ambrose tosses Orton out of the ring to take us to a break. Orton got to work over Ambrose’s shoulder during the break though. He continues to do so. Ambrose buys time with a DDT when Orton goes early for a back drop. Ambrose knocks Orton down. Ambrose locks in a Figure Four. Orton gets to the ropes. Ambrose comes up short on the jump. Orton tries to cover but even the announcers are trying to cover for it. The crowd is weird. I swear I’ve heard it loud but they weakly chanted “You fucked up.” Ambrose tosses Orton into the barricade. Ambrose starts playing with furniture. Orton tosses Ambrose bad shoulder first into the post. then over the barricade. Hanging DDT off the barricade. Ambrose barely beats the count. He looked like a fish flopping back into the ring. Ambrose goes for the sling shot clothesline but gets hit by the RKO. Fun match. That’s why I don’t understand the crowd apathy. Renee Young gets to look cute while talking to John Cena yet again. He is the biggest target in the WWE. He lives to be the target. Roman Reigns strolls in. He wishes him good luck. They have a nice little exchange. That’s more Reigns speed of segment. Just keep him in a more controlled environment.

Fandango is on the head set. Alberto Del Rio is taking on Dolph Ziggler. Fandango has to put on his voice too much with a head set. Enziguri after Ziggler gets caught in the ring apron. The winner faces Sheamus tomorrow for the US Title. Layla is primping it according to Fandango. Del Rio pushes ziggler head first into the post. Del Rio then reverse suplexes him from the top. JBL implies there could be more than two women. DDT by Ziggler for a two count. Drop kick by Ziggler turns things around. Fame-Asser for a two count. Fandango starts dancing on the announcer’s table. Del Rio kicks a distracted Ziggler in the head for the win. Of course a heel would face the baby face champ. I hope Chris Calamita covers that. Stardust and Goldust are putting together some good weird stuff.

Fandango runs into Layla back stage. He only has eyes for her. You see him looking at Summer Rae who is awfully well lit in that random rear hallway. Jerry Lawler then gets to introduce Bret Hart. Canadians are so predictable. The crowd is eating it up. He is interrupted by Damien “Bret Hart” Sandow. Third World Country didn’t get the heat expected. Bret punches Sandow out of the ring. Sandow looks like Grumpy Cat. Sheamus comes out. He hugs Bret in the ring. (Next Day Note: I wasn’t the only one expecting Hart to be out there longer, right?)

Sheamus and Sandow start their match after the break. Sandow is in control. Sandow drops down a fore arm. Sheamus grabs Sandow’s beard. 10 Clubbing Blows. Canadians like to count too. Brogue Kick for the win. Yep, about what it deserved. Renee Young interviews the Miz who reads a letter from a fan. He lauds himself and runs down Chris Jericho. He gets thousands of letters like this one. What would the fans lose without his face? Wow, close up of his fist. Woof even for the gimmick.

My woman every time "Jeri" hits the stage.

My woman every time “Jeri” hits the stage.

Chris Jericho comes out for his match for the Miz. Jerry Lawler talks about Cleveland. Miz is protecting his face. Jericho drop kicks him off the apron. Jericho bull dogs him when they get back in the ring. Miz tosses Jericho out of the ring. Miz drives Jericho into the apron. Miz tries to wear him down. Double axe handle by Jericho from the top. Miz kicks Jericho in the face. Jericho dodges then hits an enziguri. Miz kicks out Jericho’s leg then DDTs him. Miz locks in the Figure Four. Popular tonight. Jericho gets to the ropes. Jericho whacks Miz in the face. Walls of Jericho for the win. Bray Wyatt wants Jericho to save us. He tells Jericho that the Jericholics aren’t behind him any more. Jericho wants a piece of Wyatt. Harper & Rowan show up. Stalemate.

We get replay of AJ Lee winning the Divas Title. Paige comes out. She introduces AJ Lee. It could be interesting of Paige became AJ’s new Tamina. Cameron won’t tag in to Naomi. Paige takes over because of the non-tag. Cameron starts putting on lip gloss. Paige comes in. They double clothesline each other. Cameron gets in. Paige Turner because she’s distracted. The Funkadactyls fight. Funk is on a roll. That pun needed to happen. (Next Day Note: I know Paige isn’t the intimidating presence Tamina was but I think she works better as a lackey.)

Paul Heyman introduces himself and Cesaro. The later acts like French Canadian is a crappy language. They’re trying to get him some boos. Kofi Kingston is his opponent. He drop kicks him out of the ring. Kingston slams Cesaro into the apron. Cesaro trips up Kofi on a spring board. Cesaro jumps on Kofi from the apron. Kingston gets caught by Cesaro. Press slam gut buster. Kingston rolls up Cesaro again for the win. Cesaro assaults Kingston. Big E comes out for the save. I’m so confused. Why? (Next Day Note: So you have Cesaro win the Andre the Giant Battle Royal in grand fashion then pretty much only dump on him after? Even Paul Heyman can’t help losing to Kofi in back to back weeks.) Seth Rollins comes in and tells John Cena he’s going to pin the best champion ever. Cena tells him not to get a big head with the brief case. He wonders if Rollins can still scrap.

Bo Dallas comes to the ring for a match against El Torito. Bo never ducks out of a challenge. Bo gets down on his knees. Torito slaps him. He head butts him in the stomach. Running Bo-Dog. The Streak is alive.

The entrances for John Cena & Seth Rollins allow me to nearly catch up. Rollins gets Cena in a pinning predicament early. Break. A flipping reverse DDT by Rollins only gets a two count. Cena with a side slam. Sit down power bomb by Cena only gets a two count. Rollins catches Cena going to the top with an enziguri. Rollins misses a splash.  Five Knuckle Shuffle. Rollins flips out of an AA. Cena turns it into an STF.  He pulls Rollins away from the ropes. Kane comes out. Randy Orton attacks from behind. Roman Reigns music hits. Superman Punch to Kane. And another for Orton. Rollins nails Reigns and Cena with the brief case. Rollins calls for an official. Dean Ambrose attacks Rollins. I don’t feel like the WWE has had this kind of set up before with the MITB holder. AA to Orton. Spear to Kane. The baby faces stand tall. – Kevin

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#WatchROH – Aired 7 May 2012

We get a replay of Caprice Coleman & Cedric Alexander beating the Briscoes with the help Charlie Haas & Shelton Benjamin. Tomasso Ciampa starts off the show with his clown car. Matt Taven is his opponent. Kevin Kelly tries to sell us on Taven’s credibility. Ciampa got a quick jump on Taven. Jay Lethal comes to ring side and sits down. Ciampa nailed his finisher then stared at Lethal. Taven reversed into a suplex on the exposed concrete. They exchange on their knees and feet back in the ring. Taven uses his legs to his advantage. Taven gives Ciampa a neck breaker after Ciampa was hung up on the top rope. Ciampa kicks out after a frog splash. Nigel McGuinness says the crowd is going nuts. They aren’t. Ciampa gave Taven a jumping knee but only got two. Ciampa kneed Taven twice in the Tree of Woe.  Ciampa nails “Project Ciampa” for a win. If a schmuck gives Ciampa this trouble, shouldn’t Lethal walk all over him?

Veda Scott interviewed TJ Perkins who will be wrestling Mike Mondo again. The Young Bucks make fun of Perkins. They still suck, not in a good way. Perkins had a paint by numbers promo. He’s not engaging. I love his in ring work. They shake hands, which is more of a rarity than not shaking. Perkins gets in a neck breaker. Mondo crawled under the ring to attack Perkins from behind. Mondo fish hooked and dragged Taven around. Kevin Kelly tells me to set my DVR to watch Rhino take on Davey Richards. It won’t be that epic. Mondo ground his elbow into Perkins head. Mondo exposed the eyeball and appeared to be ready to eat it. Perkins fought out and started to use his speed advantage. Perkins nails a missile drop kick. The Young Bucks came to ring side. They distract Perkins. Mondo tumbles to the floor. Obvious over the top rope spot. One of the Young Bucks holds a leg. Mondo gets the win. The All Night Express makes the save after Mondo & the Bucks attack PErkins after the match.

Charlie Haas gives everyone a reminder that the Briscoes started the war between themselves. Shelton Benjamin said they want their belts. The Briscoes admit to starting the feud. They’re going to whoop them in Toronto. Truth Martini runs down his houses matches. Roderick Strong told Fit Finlay he’ll be in for the biggest fight of his life. Michael Elgin tells Adam Cole that he’s the only break out star. Rhino said that he’s going to take out Eddie Edwards. Eddie says it’s all about who can take more punishment. He told Rhino he won’t stand in his way to getting the ROH Title back. Mike Bennett told Lance Storm that he’s pathetic for asking for a rematch. Bennett said that Storm’s career will come to an end at Border Wars. I just realized that Border Wars was last night. Their events seem more packed together than the WWE’s PPV. I’m not even looking up the results but Dusty’s “LOL ROH” tweet takes on a whole other context now.

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Headlines: Finlay to ROH, Maven arrested for drugs, Eric Young gets a TV show (not a Corky remake)

Trust me, Eric, we're just as confused as you are about this hosting gig. Then again, your look here makes Guy Fieri look like Bryant Gumbel, so you'll make a great host.

Wow, it’s after-hours news you can use! According to Prowrestling.net, former WWE superstar and backstage producer David “Fit” Finlay has signed with Ring of Honor. The signing makes perfect sense, as Finlay is a well-respected veteran, works tight and realistically without hurting others (take a note, Bob Holly) and is of the same generation, if not a smidgen older, than other recent ROH experienced cameos Lance Storm and Jerry Lynn. What else have we learned from this signing? If you are released from WWE but can work (see Benjamin, Shelton and Mondo, Mike), you may end up in ROH. If you are released from WWE because you love drugs and may die soon (see Angle, Kurt and Hardy, both), say hello to TNA.

Speaking of drugs, according to Prowrestling.net, former WWE superstar and “Tough Enough” winner Maven Huffman was arrested in Florida on drug charges, specifically “doctor shopping” for prescription pain killers. According to the report, Huffman was able to score upwards of 1,000 pills from multiple doctors. Remember when Maven was almost a huge star after eliminating Undertaker from the 2002 Royal Rumble? Yeah, well, like I said above, say hello to TNA! In future news, Kurt Angle was found rummaging through Maven’s bag, and when caught, mumbled, “Whah? I’m mot fealing hif pillf!”

And speeeeaking of TNA, according to Prowrestling.net, current fucking idiot Eric Young has been given his own Animal Planet television show. The show, titled “Fish America,” will highlight “creative, unexpected and dangerous” fishing techniques across the country. Maybe I can pitch a segment with my brother, who, honest to god, shocks worms out of the backyard and fishes with a screwdriver bolted to the end of an aluminum pole. The segment ends with my brother redeeming himself by missing the fish and harpooning Eric Young. -Eric

Stunt Granny Audio #135

Oh my god it’s another edition of Stunt Granny Audio. Dusty and Eric come at ya this week dropping knowledge and kickin puppies for good, yeah good, behavior.  This time around they talk about the demise of IWA-Midsouth Wrestling. Is it uncouth to dance on the grave already? They also talk about Michaels Cole’s homoslur on Twitter. Why is this a big deal and is there an actual anti-Michael Cole agenda out there in cyber land. Keeping it current, Fit Finlay was fired and the boys have things to say about that. They also manage some John Cena knowledge as well. It is brisk thirty minutes so give it a listen.

Oh and don’t forget tomorrow starts the annual WrestleMania preview shows with Jeremy & Kevin. So come on back and check them out.

Stunt Granny Audio #135

Finlay is Gone

From PWI:

WWE RELEASES TOP BACKSTAGE NAME
By Mike Johnson on 2011-03-29 12:45:38
World Wrestling Entertainment released their top Producer/Agent Dave Finlay yesterday, PWInsider.com has confirmed.
The story making the rounds is that The Miz was booked to come out an interrupt the national anthem during a house show in Champaign, IL over the weekend. There were a number of representatives for the national Guard, who are a HUGE partner and sponsor for WWE, in attendance. Obviously, they were not pleased with the anthem being used to get heel heat.

When word made it’s way back to WWE management, the decision was made to release Finlay, who as the top Producer of the show, “had to fall on the sword”, as it was described to me.

There were a lot of shocked people within the company today as word began to make the rounds among the wrestlers and staff. Finlay was well liked and more than a few people I spoke to hoped that it was a situation where he was let go only to be brought back down the line.

Finlay, a third generation wrestler, had been with the company from 2001 and was considered the top Producer backstage, with Arn Anderson directly behind him in the line of command. Finlay had long been given credit for the rise and improvement of the WWE Divas division over the last decade. He worked for several years behind the scene for the company before returning as a wrestler in a full-time role as well in 2006, mostly to help introduce the Hornswoggle character and work with younger talents that needed help in the ring. WWE had quietly retired him as a wrestler last year when the decision was made to go with younger faces on the television product.

Finlay had been wrestling since 1974. He was considered one of the top heels in Europe in the 1990s and also toured New Japan Pro Wrestling. He finally made his way to the United States during the Monday Night Wars for WCW as the “Belfast Bruiser.”

I would be willing to bet he’ll be back by the end of the year. – Dusty

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