#ImpactWrestling – Total Nonsense Analysis

The_Persistence_of_Memory

The Persistence of Memory by Salvador Dali

I went to bed last Thursday night without watching the end of Impact Wrestling. I had caught the beginning where MVP, Kenny King and Bobby Lashley come out upset that Eric Young had evaded their attempts to take the TNA World Championship from him. MVP called out Eric Young who promptly threw down a challenge to MVP which was then accepted by the impetuous Kenny King due to MVP’s injury. Eric Young won in short order thanks to help from everyone in the back who is now anti-MVP. In the next segment, MVP set up a second match for the champion against Bobby Lashley. This is where I stopped watching. Much to my surprise when I saw headlines the next day, Bobby Lashley had been crowned new TNA World Champion. Here’s my break down of this epic ineptitude.

As noted in previous editions of this column, I try to start with a clean slate. When EY came out for his verbal beat down, the crowd in Bethlehem PA was very much behind him. I feel like the Orlando crowd was getting behind him too. I can accept that everyone doesn’t view him as a blatant rip off of Daniel Bryan so he’s worthy of being cheered. Even though many people, including myself, ripped the decision to give EY the belt, he is trending in the correct direction so you shouldn’t take the strap off of him. Having the heel faction in charge continue to put him behind the eight ball is Wrestling 101. I did think to myself “More copying of Daniel Bryan” but what other options are available for an unworthy, small wrestler? I can accept repeating that aspect of the angle by having EY take on both King and Lashley. After that point though, I start scratching my head.

I don’t get why you’d take the belt off of EY once you commit to the angle. If the wrestler in question were a big name, I may be able to accept it. I am assuming that MVP was going to be the recipient of the title had he not been injured. I’m also assuming they were going to have him win the strap at the Slammiversary. If that was the case, why not give Lashley the title at the PPV? Jeremy covered this on Stunt Granny Audio 260 when he said that it was carnie booking. If the advertised match doesn’t happen, the person who was advertised for the match has to win. I think that is a dumb theory. MVP isn’t a big enough name to get me to accept this angle though I would argue he’s a more recognizable name than Lashley. TNA doesn’t realize that Lashley isn’t a big enough name. Lashley may have been in the WWE but he was far from a big name there even if Donald Trump chose him as his combatant in a Wrestlemania match against Vince McMahon & Umaga. One would think that TNA would realize that if Hulk Hogan can’t move the needle, no retread from the WWE is going to do so.

Since I’m assuming MVP was going to win at Slammiversary, the next question is why chose Lashley instead of letting MVP heal? MVP is doing all of the talking for his faction. He is the more complete package as far as wrestling and mic work goes. It is terrible how he has been booked going from baby face to heel with a drop of a hat. I think MVP’s delivery and demeanor have come off well in the segments. If you believe MVP, his injury wasn’t major. Why not wait until he heels to move the strap over on the next PPV? You could feud Young with King and Lashley so that Young can finally get to MVP. You could build up EY while waiting for a better option as your future champion to recover.

Bobby Lashley has said next to nothing in the group. Kenny King has supplied the comedy for that group. I’m really glad TNA decided not to give him the belt. The reason Lashley hasn’t gotten the mic is that he is terrible on it. It’s been quite a few years now that being good on the mic is a required skill for a main eventer. Brock Lesnar may have a mouth piece in Paul Heyman, but he’s got a couple of things Lashley doesn’t. He isn’t terrible on the mic. Lashley may have won the NAIA Wrestling Championships but Lesnar trumps him by winning the NCAAs. Lashley may have been in MMA but Lesnar was the UFC Heavyweight Champion. Could Lashley tie most of us into a pretzel? Sure. Does he have a resume even close to that of Lesnar? No.

Another person that I could think to compare Lashley to is Roman Reigns. He was in The Shield. He was the guy who didn’t get any mic time in his group. Reigns still isn’t getting much mic time which I think is a good decision on the WWE’s part. But he and Lesnar both possess something that Lashley hasn’t even had, good in ring skills. Lashley may have a laundry list of accomplishments, but it hasn’t translated to the ring for reasons that are unknown to me. Lashley is a big guy but not a monster like Lesnar. Lashley (6′-3″, 275) is about the same size as Roman Reigns (6′-3″, 265) but he doesn’t possess his athleticism. Lashley isn’t going to pull off an apron drop kick any time soon. Lashley has neither the mic or in ring skills to be a champion.

Another reason I could think of to take the strap off of Young is that he needs to go film his show “No Limits” for Animal Planet. In that case, TNA shouldn’t have committed to giving him the title in the first place. EY isn’t taking off time though. He was on Fox & Friends to hype both his show and TNA. I’m just throwing this out there, but maybe if he’s the guy getting TV time, EY should be the one toting the strap. After EY is the pitch man, Lashley comes in an awkwardly stares at him to end the segment. The reason Young is out there is that he has been at a minimum good on the mic or else he wouldn’t have stuck around as a comedy act or been recruited to be a TV host.

The timing of these title changes is a whole separate problem from worthiness of who has the strap. TNA has now gone two consecutive pay per views, keep in mind that they only have four, without a Heavyweight Title change. But to keep you on your toes, they decided to have EY win the strap the show prior to one while Lashley won the show after one. Anyone that shucked out money for either of those has to feel like an idiot or at a minimum like they didn’t get their money’s worth. It is a no win position to try and defend how their decisions not to have the pay offs on PPV.

Giving the TNA World Title to Eric Young was a mistake. Having MVP win it Slammiversary would have been a mistake too. Allowing Bobby Lashley to win the title on a regular televised show is the biggest mistake of the three. Congratulations TNA, you have allowed Ring of Honor to become the second best promotion in America. – Kevin

Jeremy’s Blog: Enough With This Hero Cat Nonsense

So have you seen the incredible video of a cat saving a child from a dog mauling? The video that has taken up valuable space on all news sources over the last few days? The video that has craftily pushed aside news about the atrocities the United States Government has perpetrated on returning war vets? It makes sense though because who doesn’t love a hilarious animal video?  But does this video and the ensuing attention bestowed upon it really deserve it? Why has this cat been labeled a hero?

This cat, Tara, is absolutely no hero at all. Yes the dog was seemingly attacking the child and someone or something needed to intervene. It just so happens the cat was in the area. It isn’t wearing a cape or mask to conceal its identity. It wasn’t using super hearing. It was doing what cats always do; it was being a dick.

The cat was just exhibiting typical cat behavior and acting selfishly. It saw the dog trying to play with the child and had to butt its whiskered nose in to the situation.  The jealous streak of this “hero” is on full display. Tara possibly wanted to play with Jeremy and wanted to make sure nothing else interfered.  Of course this isn’t true because cats are solitary creatures demanding that human beings do whatever it is for the sake of the cat. It is not a reciprocal relationship.

Notice after the dog was unnecessarily forced away the cat goes back to ignoring the child while the mother runs to embrace the boy to ensure Tara didn’t ruin his playtime. Yes, the cat was just being a dickhead and scared off the dog to satisfy its own lust for self-satisfaction. Nothing else will challenge Tara’s grip on her territory.

But really Tara the Hero Cat was doing nothing but what is its very nature. It was being a total, selfish, arrogant and consummate dickhead. It didn’t care about the young boy in the least. Look at the video and it is clear the cat had no intention of protecting the kid at all. All it was doing was bullying this poor dog. It was protecting its own space from outside intruders. The boy was already part of its set rules and thus was allowed to be in that designated area. The old adage of cats vs dogs is on full display as well.

It is moronic to call this cat a hero. It is even more moronic to plaster the cat, its owners and the young boy all over the internet and television. In the same span of time at the gym in the mornings I have the opportunity to simultaneously view, CBS Good Morning, Fox and Friends, The Today Show and Good Morning America. Every single one of these shows repeatedly showed this video.

The Today show and Fox & Friends had separate interviews with the family. In each interview the family held on to Tara for fear it would get loose and attack a grip on set.  The cat seemed disinterested in everything around it but being a cat it was naturally planning a course of escape or worse yet carnage. The family did not once acknowledge that the bundle of burden fur in the wife’s lap as a possible cause of their calamity.

Making matters worse, Tara received increased exposure by being granted the task of tossing out the first pitch for the Bakersfield Blaze minor-league club. It was an embarrassing spectacle that has finally and utterly devalued the first pitch before baseball games forever. Then again it is minor-league baseball and they will do anything for promotion. So, Bakersfield is excused in this calamity.

So let’s review. This “hero” cat “saved” young Jeremy Triantafilo by doing what comes naturally to a cat; being a total dick. It is then rewarded by constant media coverage all the while maintaining the same cat disposition of disdain. It is then has its final taste of fame cemented by pathetically “throwing” out the first pitch as people “ooh and awww” about how cute this display was and how it is harmless. All the while this cat didn’t care one bit about the boy, the tricycle, the dog or this family. It was rewarded for simply doing what all cats do; making life miserable for all of those around it.

Look, is this story harmless? Yes, absolutely. Is it worth any sort of news coverage? Yes actually. As long as it is in a “would you believe this” segment on your local news. It belongs on YouTube but that is the extent of its reach. I am fully aware this is a soapbox moment but there are way other important things we should be reported. Viral videos are not one of those things. In the last week the important stories have been Jay-Z being responsible in an elevator and a cat. The issue of the VA ruining and killing returning soldiers is actually a legit. State governments wasting tax payer money and working against the constitution of the United States as it pertains to gay marriage is an actual story.  The seemingly endless string of a corrupt banking system costing United States citizens their homes and livelihoods is important

This horseshit covering a cat lasting for more than thirty seconds is embarrassing. Yeah, I know this isn’t wrestling; movies, comics or sports related but oh well. Yeah I know this is ending in a sanctimonious manner but oh well. This won’t go anywhere or even matter which sucks. Not because I am the author of this but it just proves the fact no one cares. There is a deep sense of hopelessness whenever these sorts of clips get covered on large format news.

Damn, this took a weird turn. The next celebrity ill-fated statement is around the corner. A bear rescuing its cub that is stuck on a freeway will be all over by tomorrow. Just how it goes now.-Jeremy

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