Shahid’s Blog: Cracked Glasses of Nostalgia – An Adult’s Walk Down ECW’s Memory Lane

ecw I remembered being depressed after moving from Philadelphia to Atlantic City during my high school years.  Separated from my family, friend and comfortable surroundings for a dump of a coastal city was a jarring experience.  WWF wasn’t helping either – Friar Ferguson and Beverly Bros/Money Inc main event matches would turn any smile upside down.  On a random Thursday evening, I stumbled upon a new wrestling promotion.  Gritty, small, loud and realistic, it instantly drew me in.  Regardless of the fact that I was watching a plodding match featuring Tully Blanchard, I was enchanted by the promos, violence and music of what was known as Eastern Championship Wrestling.  I can vividly recall talking to like minded individuals about how ECW was actually real, instead of that scripted crap of the WWF.  Seeing Sandman, a fat drunkard with a cigarette with Woman or Missy Hyatt on his arm just seemed authentic on some visceral level.  Hearing adult promos from Cactus Jack, Steve Austin and Shane Douglas made WCW and WWF seem quaint and childish.  State of the art matches from Rey Mysterio, Chris Jericho,  Dean Malenko, Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit…..violent brawls from the Public Enemy, the Pitbulls, Terry Funk….Sabu vs Taz…Raven terrorizing Tommy Dreamer and The Sandman…..sexy females with scant clothing and even less decorum.  ECW was a teenager’s dream.  Hearing the Gangstas come out to Natural Born Killers to engage in a blood bath made a Bret Hart match seem boring as can be.  I can remember waking up at 1 am to watch an ECW episode consisting of a pissed off Steve Austin just spitting venom at Eric Bischoff, Dusty Rhodes and WCW.  In a pre screw job, pipe bomb, real name era, it was as if someone had a peephole behind the magic rasslin curtain.  By the time they invaded Monday Night Raw to promote their first PPV, I was a full-fledged ECW acolyte.

Now, I’m sure there are many individuals in my age group that share similar joyous memories of ECW.  Even with One Night Stand and a brief resurgence led by Paul Heyman, it still felt hollow and empty, missing that rebellious fire of the 90s.  So when the WWE Network arrived, ECW was the first area delved into, due to an adolescent fondness. Even though it lacked the music and didn’t have the weekly shows, I was excited to see how well it held up.  So I watched a few ppvs and weekly shows and then watched a few more.  I tried jumping around during various time periods, hoping to shake this nagging sensation.  After a week of watching, I had to admit to myself that ECW, like many teenage passions, didn’t age well.

I won’t use revisionist history and proclaim ECW an overrated vanity project and minor league system.  It was enjoyable and revolutionary, and I will always cherish those teenage memories.  But watching it now is borderline painful.  Seeing the Sandman no longer brings feelings of awe and admiration. Now, I witness a slovenly bum who was a perfect example of smoke and mirrors.  Instead of rooting for the underdog story of Mikey Whipreck, I scoffed at the notion that he could ever beat Steve Austin in a match (side note – him pinning Austin killed any notion that ECW wasn’t predetermined).  I can understand the reasoning and logic behind pushing individuals like Tommy Dreamer and Justin Credible, instead of superior talent such as Chris Benoit and Rob Van Dam.  But as a fan today, I have little tolerance of watching Eddie Guerrero in the midcard, for fear of being snatched away by WCW and WWF.  For all of the wonderful long term angles pulled off by ECW, there were too many instances of inconsistent referees, match stipulations, and haphazard PPV’s.  If WWE tried to pull the ol “Let’s announce two matches, and we’ll work out the rest of the details later” style of booking, they would get crucified. I almost forget, they did try that…it was called December to Dismember, and it was universally panned.

The biggest issue with ECW is the same factor which added to its popularity – the extreme violence.  Seeing someone kick out from a power bomb through a flaming table with thumbtacks, only to get rolled up due to seeing the 34DD’s of Francine seems asinine today.  The constant one-upping of finishing moves led to many negative habits, not only by ECW, but by WCW and WWF. WCW was rightfully mocked for taking the piss out of ECW concepts, featuring hardcore matches with cotton candy used as a weapon.  But as an adult, I prefer that approach more so than WWF, which raised the bar to an extremely dangerous level i.e. Hell in a Cell with Undertaker-Mankind, and the myriad TLC matches.  Classic events, but considering the mark left on many of the individuals, something that is watched with trepidation.  But nothing makes me cringe more than the chair shots to the head.  When I first saw Tommy Dreamer plaster Raven square in his hipster face, I remember screaming like a girl at a Bobby Brown concert.  But after current knowledge of concussions and long term damage, I can’t help but cringe. I won’t even touch upon the menace known as New Jack (that’s a column for another day.)

As far as the adult content, what seemed risqué as a teenager comes off as misogynistic and trashy today.  Shane Douglas cussing every 3rd word makes him come off as an uncouth doofus. For every great promo from Raven or Cactus jack, there was some nonsense from the Pitbulls, or some foul mouthed diatribe from Rhino. And it wasn’t restricted to the wrestlers – hearing an arena full of angry men chanting crack whore or she has herpes doesn’t seem cool anymore.  I’m definitely not a prude, and I specifically remember the eye candy of ECW very fondly.  Between Beulah, Missy Hyatt, Woman, Francine and Dawn Marie, ECW definitely upped the sex appeal factor from the almost quaint days of Missy Hyatt and Sunny.  Today – well, seeing a skinny broad with some silicone enhancements taking a pile driver just seems unclean.  Any doubts to ECW being a mainstream entertainment vehicle vanished with my wife’s utter look of disgust after hearing a Dudley Boys promo.  My “it was a different era, baby”  didn’t hold much weight.

Regardless of my experience, I’m very grateful for the opportunity to traverse down memory lane with a more mature point of view.  ECW will always have a fond place in my heart, and I am grateful and cognizant of its effect on professional wrestling.  However, next time someone complains about Vince’s asinine booking and longs for the halcyon days of Paul Heyman, gently remind them that Steve Corino and Justin Credible were ECW World Champions, but Rob Van Dam and Stunning Steve Austin weren’t. And then tape their expressions for YouTube. -Shahid

Extreme Wrestling Returns?

I thought this mother fucker was gathering carts at Target? Apparently I was wrong? He still wrestles? If you haven’t watched the video here is the quick synopsis. Shane Douglas is sad he missed the final event at ECW Arena, blah blah. But have no fear the revolution is starting again with, wait for it, yet another reunion show for ECW “stars.”

Yup, just in case you haven’t had enough of old timer ECW wrestlers here is your chance to once again feel the excitement, the entertainment and the majesty of ten to fifteen broken down old men pretending it is the late nineties.

How many times is this same, tired old act going to be pushed out? Does anyone remember the train wreck of TNA’s ECW reunion?  Who out there is clamoring for one more Tommy Dreamer versus Raven match? Can we roll out Sabu and have him go one last time against anyone? No seriously? Anyone? Come one there has to be someone out there wanting to probably not get paid as much as they were told.

While there is no talent list up on the site yet you have to figure the same old people will show up. By same old, I mean everyone involved. The guy with the hat, the dude with the log black hair and sunglasses, Joel Gertner, Francine, that one fat guy, the other fat guy, the other fat guy next t him, the dirty guy, the guy who…you get the joke.

Nostalgia acts are sad. Seeing someone in their fifties pretending to be the person they were in their twenties and thirties is sad. I forgot half of the content of this video already due to this creeping sense of sadness. Oh look grampa has a beret on backwards and keeps laughing it should be adorable but it isn’t.  -Jeremy

Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 8/13/11

1. Triple H – Okay, so he still reminds us that he bigfoots everything, but his placement in the main event of Summerslam does add a bit more intrigue. – Jeremy

2. Gail Kim – She wants out of WWE and they refuse to let her go since they know she will head back to TNA. This brings up the question, when the hell did she sign with WWE? – Jeremy

3. WWE Firings – Is this the first time in the history of WWE’s Black Friday that the internet didn’t get all up in arms? Like, you know, straight trippin’ and all.– Jeremy

4. John Morrison – Speaking of firings, John Morrison proves himself to be the town toolbag by sprinting to his whore girlfriend Melina’s defense when she gets justifiably fired. “Her face shows every emotion,” right? Yep, from smirking bitch to smiling cunt. She makes J-Lo look like Meryl Streep, and she wrestles about as well as both of them, too. Enter Morrison, who by a stroke of Rey Mysterio’s bad luck is now the No. 2 babyface on Raw. Your time will come, too, HBKantCutIt.– Eric

5. Rey Mysterio’s Knee – Does this mean WWE edits its “Don’t Try This at Home” PSA to have Rey-Rey say, “Iee’ve had surgeree SEEEX TIEEMES in my left kneeeee”? – Eric

6. Johnny Gargano vs. Josh Prohibition vs. “M Dogg 20” Matt Cross – PWO’s Wrestlelution 4: Overdrive weekend was an overall success. This match though stood out above all else. It wasn’t perfect, but I’d have to say that it was the second best match I’ve seen this year and definitely the best live.  This match showed a ton of athleticism, hard hitting moves and a nice aerial attack. The crowd was the hottest it was all day which always helps in my eyes. Get the DVD when it comes out. – Kevin

7.  The Miz lip synchs with some gross-ass muppet named Keenan Cahill – I laughed about this post by Eric for a solid 24 hours. I couldn’t get Teddy Yuckspin out of my head either. Funny shit. Read it again. – Kevin

8. So You Think You Can Dance – My DVR prioritized SYTYCD over iMPACT Wrestling. I did tape the last hour and I wish I hadn’t. Kurt Angle is in Immortal after fighting it for months, Mr. Anderson is out of it after a cup of coffee, the X Division was told to sit down because the meeting would take a while then told to get out a minute later, Jackie & ODB are “playing nice” and acting like they may break up, the Jarretts are only the second worst Mexican American act on the program and Crimson continued his winning streak then got beat down by Angle. Trust me, I’m more embarrassed to admit I watch TNA then SYTYCD. – Kevin

9. Mickie James – There’s an article that can be read online (http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1444468367/mickie-james-is-making-a-new-record) that contains these words:

Hey y’all!  Thanks for dropping by my Kickstarter page!  I’m the luckiest girl in the world.  Throughout my career with WWE Wrestling, TNA and Impact Wrestling, and my music career, I’m amazed at how many AWESOME fans I have.

I’m getting ready to go into the studio to record a new project, and I wanted to find a way to offer you a chance to not just pre-order the CD, but to have an exclusive chance to get some other goodies that have never been available  (and won’t be available again!).

Take a look at the options over there on the right of the page and pre-order the one that you want.  Don’t wait too long, though, ‘cause once the Kickstarter campaign is over….it’s OVER baby!!

Several things about this come to mind. One, it is absolutely gross for a celebrity to ask for cash donations from “common folks” during a terrible economy. Absolutely gross. Two, watching that video, she kind of looks like a fat Francine now. Fatcine? And yes, I can call her fat because I am fat. Fuck you. Three, “Kickstarter” is a terrible album name. And four, she’s basically asking for $25 to throw in a personal thank you video. I had no idea blank VHS tapes were that much now. How come everything associated with TNA is soaked in trailer park? – Dusty

10. Terri Runnels-New Jack Update – According to Twinkleberry Hound:

Terri Runnels filed a suit on 8/8 in Florida State circuit court against former boyfriend Jerome “New Jack” Young, accusing Young of libel for remarks he’s made on the Internet about her and attempting to get a legal order prohibiting Young of selling nude photos of her.
Runnels, 44, has written that Runnels begins every morning by popping pain pills, drinking vodka and cranbery juice at 5:30 a.m. and also accused her of exposing partners to sexually transmitted diseases.
The Orlando Sentinel, at http://www.sun-sentinel.com/ has a story with reaction quotes by Young who claimed that everythig he has said or written about her is true, but said things others have said about her, such as her exposing people to sexually transmitted diseases, may be untrue.
Young said he took the nude photos of Runnels with her consent. He said he has not sold any of the photos, but may have sent them toa friend, and said that’s not a crime.
Runnels said she consented to the photos, but believed they would be kept private.
Runnels attorney said he feared Young would start selling the photos before the case culd be heard and is asking Judge Linda Schoonover for an injunction to prohibit it.

According to New Jack:

TRerrido you really think i give a shit about this stank ass,fake ass bitch Terri Runnels.that bitch is so broke now,that she is trying to sue Newjack to get money to pay on her house,which has been in foreclosure for over two years.i have moved own,i got my life together,got a fine ass woman with a masters degree and she knows how to handle me and she new that i was playing this bitch for a fool and she has now proven,thats what she is…a gotdamn fool.!!!
According to me, right now:
 
I wish to impregnate Terri Runnels.
 
11. Football – Put your face as close to the screen as possible and read this: FOOTBALL!!! – Dusty
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