Wrestlemania 29 (NY/NJ) Preview Part V

Ballroom Wing TipsSince Jeremy agreed that he wouldn’t be doing previews as I had predicted on Monday, I’m going written for the previews. I’m hoping to do two matches a day including on Sunday. We’ll see if it happens or if I end up stacking them up because I can’t get to them. I’ll be separating them into pairs with one good match and one bad match.

Bad Match

Chris Jericho vs Fandango: I’m laughing some at the ridiculousness of the Fandango gimmick. It can’t last and they’ll beat it into the ground so I know I’ll get sick of it. Chris Jericho came back to face…Johnny Curtis? It’s pretty interesting that him, Big Show, Randy Orton & Sheamus have nothing to do. At least Jericho has a single’s match? I guess that’s why I’m putting it in the bad match category. If Jericho wins, a new guy lost his first match. If Fandango wins, it’s almost assuredly going to be by some underhanded tactic. I’m glad Jericho is willing to do jobs to help elevate people but it seems to early to help Fandango. Prediction: I hate the ending of a well wrestled match.

Good Match

WWE Champion Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson defending against John Cena: If you didn’t read Jeremy’s take on G.I. Joe: Retaliation, make sure to read it. After seeing it Friday night, I agree with the assessment. Fun time but having to repair for a terrible first movie hindered it. The dialogue between the Rock and John Cena hasn’t changed much between last year and this year. Cena has tried to pull some lessons from last year’s loss but it doesn’t seem to resonate. Maybe because his fans are younger, they haven’t felt that kind of loss before whether it’s in a sporting event or just in life in general. I understand what made Rock so popular but he hasn’t done much for me throughout this return. I’m not saying it was bad just good but just kind of there for me. Prediction: John Cena wins. We suffered though because The Rock & John Cena are saved their best promos for part III of this feud.

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

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It’s the go home show for Wrestlemania. I had no idea that “Go Home, You’re Drunk” was a meme. I’m not exactly excited by this show. In fact, when I heard Michelle Beadle and Sam Roberts talking about it on After Opie & Anthony Live talking about how excited they were for Wrestlemania since it’s in “New York City” that I wanted to puke. All I could think to myself was “They have got to be putting up a facade to get interviews.” Maybe some people are enjoying this build up. I don’t know how though. I’ll save more of those thoughts for a written preview because I know I can’t rope Jeremy into a match by match preview like we’ve done in years past. Let’s roll.

We’ve got a Shawn Michaels tease to start. I have to explain Paul Bearer to my woman. She hasn’t watched in a while. John Cena gets to start us off in the ring. She just told me that the crowd no sold Cena’s Johnson joke. Good for them. There’s just nothing new here. John, you don’t need to sell us on your win. There’s way too much money in a part III.

Okay, Jeremy warned me about the same old matches. Naturally, the first match is a rerun. Randy Orton, Sheamus & Big Show get to squash 3MB. The blank check joke from Lawler gets no sold by Cole & JBL. Good for them. Three finishers. The Shield starts walking down from the crowd. They get their promo time instead of ring time.

Jack Swagger & Zeb Colter are stopping traffic. I think. I definitely saw a biker go past them. My woman is unenthused about Wrestlemania already. We The People. Matt Striker might be an upgrade. Alberto Del Rio gives us the same speech he’s given before.

Dolph Ziggler doesn’t get an entrance because he’s not important. Daniel Bryan is taking him on. The match is occurring while I set the table again. I can’t remember though if it’s a tag team match or a six person at Wrestlemania. It’s a tag team match. The guys are putting on a good match in the mean time. If someone is surprised, they haven’t watched much wrestling. Dolph with the cheap roll up. Post match beat down by Big E Langston. The switch for him on Kane was a nice touch. Hey, two positive things!

Shawn Michaels gets to give us a Wrestlemania run down. He tells us about the three important matches. HHH interrupts him before he can go anywhere. Michaels got to skip the goofy part of the promo. He delivers a great promo. Brock Lesnar comes down but Paul Heyman does all of the talking. Another good build up. What the hell is going on, you’re blowing up my theory.

The Miz and Wade Barrett get a special match on Youtube and Facebook. The Miz is in the booth. Barrett gets to squash Zack Ryder. I feel bad for him even more. Ryder is adding muscle and he still isn’t getting anywhere. The WWE wouldn’t be on Youtube if it weren’t for him. Well, they’d probably would have gotten there but he sped things up. The Miz didn’t over do the suit today. Bull Hammer Elbow. Brad Maddox is talking to Vickie Guerrero. Santino gives us the news that Vince McMahon is in the arena. April Fool’s joke. I wasn’t even thinking about that possibility. Marella gets a match out of it.

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Stunt Granny Monthly Movie Guide for March 2013

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Welcome Stunt Granny readers to the first installment of the Stunt Granny Monthly Movie Guide. Each month I will be bringing you a few select trailers for the month’s big releases. Yeah the preview will be full of opinion but then why else are you even bothering reading this site?  Of course in typical Stunt Granny fashion I got a late start so we are only going over the final two weeks of March. Check back around the beginning of each month for more trailers and exposition. Well, if you are interested in that kind of thing. -Jeremy

Olympus Has Fallen – March 22, 2013

Good lord another Gerard Butler action flick. This guy hasn’t made a good movie since, um, 300? Machine Gun Preacher was just meh but not terrible. It is good to see him out of his awful romantic comedies though.  This flick is directed by Antoine Fuqua who has to be one of the most confounding directors in the last twenty years. He has a clear visual style but he allows his movies to plod along. There is just something about all of his films that is never quite right. Something has held him back for years from making a truly great movie. This movie looks to be another in that line of near misses. The plot is typical Hollywood big budget disaster flick mixed with a Die Hard scenario. Ugh, nothing original and judging from the previews nothing we haven’t seen before. Totally skipping this one.

Spring Breakers – March 22, 2013

On the surface this looks like a movie made just to exploit its young stars. You may be correct in this assumption but then you look at who directed this and you have the possibility for one psychotic romp. Yes, Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens have found themselves the star of a Harmony Korine film. Yes the same guy that wrote Kids. Yes the same guy that directed Gummo, Julien Donkey-Boy and Trash Humpers. The trailer looks like a total disaster but if anyone can tighten up a disaster it is Korine.  It has the potential to be another Hangover like success but the previews that have made it on television make it look more akin to “Project X” and “21 & Over” and that is not a compliment. There is sure to be a healthy dose of satire mixed in with breasts and a whole lot of swearing. Count me in.

G.I. Joe: Retaliation –  March 28, 2013

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra was pure garbage. Outside of the costume worn by Ray Park as Snake-Eyes there wasn’t one good thing about the movie.  As an avid G.I. Joe comics, animated series and movies  and action figures it was an insult. The fact a sequel was being made was a shock as it didn’t do strong box office. On top of that the prospect of bringing back in the same people again was plain infuriating. Well, all my fears were settled as they dumped all but a few people from the original and brought in a new producers and director. Gone is the International format for the Joes as they have been replaced with all fan favorites. The results of all this change has given us a movie that looks and feels just like a G.I. Joe comic.  Every preview that has been released has been better than the last and it has successfully built up a solid buzz. Out of all of the movies being released this year this is in my top ten. It looks to be a solid action flick that will appeal to both diehard fans as well as the general movie going public.

The Host – March 28, 2013

So I finally saw this trailer before “Dead Man Down” last night and boy does this look like a snoozer. It has nothing to do with the fact this is written by the broad who wrote the Twilight novels. Hell, the novels may be good. I have no clue but what I do know is the Twilight movies were unwatchable garbage.  Sorry, this isn’t about Twilight. So, from what I gather the world is taken over by beautiful people who like shiny objects. They apparently nest in humans who essentially become hosts. It is an end of all humanity scenario and all we should care about is the true love between two high glossed teenagers? Really? Oh and if this is the future why the hell are they driving cars and not jet cars or for that matter just friggin teleporting? You want to waste your money go ahead. If you are trying to get laid then by all means go see this sure fire crapfest.

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Autobahn

Jeremy mentioned to me that I didn’t need to do this column any more. I hadn’t realized I had brought the idea up myself not all that long ago when we were talking about adding content. When he reminded me today about it, I felt offended. I don’t know why it did. I only started this column because of our trip to Wrestlemania XXVII. I still want to do it because it’s still the biggest wrestling show. But I may not go full on blog style. We’ll see. Let’s roll.

John Cena makes a deal with CM Punk for his Wrestlemania spot. CM Punk takes the deal on his terms. Um, Cena doesn’t need to take the counter offer. Nice of them to give us a week of build up.

Sheamus tries to talk sense in Ryback. Chris Jericho becomes the voice of reason and puts over the Shield. And the WWE. More chest slapping and creepy staring. Sin Cara gets to lose very quickly to Mark Henry. For some reason, the Great Khali comes out to save Sin Cara from the post match beat down. Henry blows him off. I love the mocking.

We get another Miz vs Antonio Cesaro match. I haven’t watched a single Fandango vignette. We’ve got the dancing Khali, Tensai and Brodus Clay. Do we really need another dancer in the WWE? My vote is absolutely no. The Miz is being tough guy holding out from the injury. Be smart like Punk, Miz and take a week off. Dear lord, Mitchell Cool thinks Cesaro is speaking German. Jerry Lawler calls him on it but doesn’t go at him hard. The Miz wins by figure four. Weak. Zeb Colter gets to do a home video with Jack Swagger. The Mexicans are invading. Jack Swagger agrees. Weak trolling by the WWE.

Daniel Bryan is wrestling Jack Swagger. Bryan is a high class jobber when he’s in a singles match. Kane doesn’t like snakes. Randy Orton likes them. Decent knocks on Kane’s character. Vickie Guerrero tries to aggravate Paul Heyman. We get no conclusion to that story. It’s not a cliff hanger guys.

Dolph Ziggler takes on Alberto Del Rio so that he can be a high class jobber. A commercial again? Colter is pointing shit out during a reverse chin lock. Do you think it was “Them Mexicans even take a siesta during their own matches?” Ziggler kicked out of the low super kick. Cool tries to hype the Paul Heyman news. Ziggler grabs the rope after a back stabber. Del Rio wins by cross arm breaker. Big E Langston assaulted Del Rio and shouted “It’s over for you.” Ricardo Rodriguez runs off with the briefcase. Del Rio recovers. Zeb can’t xenophobia up Ziggler so no drama in that.

Wade Barrett was in a movie. Terrance Howard and Colin Ferrall are in it. Hot diggity that was a long trailer. Sheamus runs him down because losing to Bo Dallas wasn’t quite enough. Tensai, Brodus Clay & Naomi are taking on Rosa Mendes, Epico & Primo. Double splash win. The WWE sucks. Wrestlemania next year is in New Orleans. We might have a trip on our hands.

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The Rock kinda sorta rules

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You ever think that you just have too much going on in life and that a long vacation is what is truly in order? Well, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson would probably disagree.  In fact, The Rock probably tries to come up with ways of changing the laws of science to increase the amount of seconds in a minute, minutes in an hour and hours in a day just to get more things done. Isn’t it time for The Rock to take the place f Chuck Norris as the official American badass?

Screw Chuck Norris and his lazy Total Gym physique and Just For Men beard. He has nothing on The Rock’s work ethic.  How many movies does Chuck Norris have releasing this year? Go ahead look it up? Done? Yeah he doesn’t have as many as Rock has in the next four months. Television shows? Yup, Rock beats him there as well.  In fact, Rock laps Chuck Norris on talk show appearances alone let alone having an actual scripted television program.

Sport entertainment championships? Chuck Norris never even sniffed one let alone held one after ten years of inaction. Hell Chuck Norris can’t even take a karate movie again without attaching himself to Sly Stallone’s jock. It is ridiculous. So, in order to help you all out here is a brief Rock viewing guide for the next few months just to help you keep it all straight.

SNITCH : February 22, 2013

Snitch is supposedly based on a true story so obviously it will be based off of true events. This is a Hollywood way of taking a boring story and making it way more interesting, cough, Argo.  Who knew Susan Sarandon still made movies? From the preview I can’t tell if that is Rock’s wife or friend but if it is his wife it confirms his fetish for older women both on screen and off.

G.I.JOE RETALIATION  :  March 28, 2013

All right look, the first G.I. Joe movie was offensive on every level. If they would have replaced all of the most beloved characters with retarded children and slingshots it would have made more sense and been far more compelling. This time around though it looks like they captured G.I. Joe as it was written for the comics. Ninja sword fights while repelling off a mountain? Yes please. The Rock hiding in a well while The Pit is attacked by a Cobra lead government? Sure it looks like they wiped out the entire G.I. Joe Force from the preview but then who cares? They didn’t introduce too many characters you should care about anyway. R.I.P. black Ripcord. Hopefully you find a peaceful afterlife with black Bongo the Bear.

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