Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #ImpactLive

MVP! MVP! MVP!

MVP! MVP! MVP!

In dog related news, Kia is doing as well as she can while still having a heart murmur. I’m happy to have some piece of mind that it isn’t an immediate problem. Other good news, my boy Andrew McCutchen of the Pittsburgh Pirates won the NL MVP in a landslide with 28 of 30 first place votes. Way to go Cutch. I’m going to review a very un-MVP like edition of Impact Wrestling to make up for being lazy in the audio department this week. You’re a lucky group of readers. Let’s roll.

They start off with a lower quality version of WWE’s video packages. At least they’re hyping the main event between Austin Aries and  Kurt Angle. Aces & Eights come out. Tazz gets to brag. Bully Ray talks trash to Mike Tenay. He’s the puppet master. He may have fooled us but it was to assault Mr. Anderson. Not exactly who you should pull that on. Don’t you wait for a higher quality target? He accepts Mr. Anderson’s match. Ken Anderson graces us with his presence. Anderson requests a break up Aces & Eights for his career in TNA match stipulation. Anderson is dumb for the second week in a row and takes on Aces & Eights. He fights out of it though. Anderson wants a match now. Knux is taking him on after the break.

Bully Ray & Garrett Bischoff were sent to the back. TNA loves having guys wrestle in jeans. If Anderson had in mind challenging someone, why didn’t he wear his ring gear to the trash talking session? Dummy. Mic Check out of nowhere for the win. I wouldn’t be shaking in my boots if I were Bully Ray. Anderson barely pulled it off against one of his lackeys. Granted, with that kind of stipulation I expect Anderson to win. Joseph Park has been contemplating Bad Influence all week. Park challenges Christopher Daniels, mano e mano which means interference will happen. Christopher Daniels was trying to give Park a drink last week. Daniels tells Kazarian to stay in the back. They run into Bobby Roode who is showing off his new terrible t shirt. Not their best segment. I do enjoy their act more times than not.

Video Package Count: 2. More about Austin Aries vs Kurt Angle. Joseph Park is taking on Chris Daniels. The later gets the upper hand early. Daniels can’t seem to put away Park. Joseph slam and side slams Daniels. Earl Hebner backs Park out of the corner. He tosses Hebner aside. Daniels kicks him in the groin while Hebner is turned. Daniels wins with the low blow. Park’s character may be better but his wrestling still sucks.WWE2K14 ad.

Garrett Bischoff tries to talk down Knux. Bully Ray isn’t mad either. We can’t tell Brooke about Lexus. Don’t worry, almost no one in wrestling watches their own product. EC3 is out again to face some schmuck unless they’re finally going to break the streak. Nope, just two schmucks this time. They keep working over Carter’s arm. A leaping clothesline turns things CP3’s way. The schmucks know how to wrestle but are stick thin. I get feeding him jobbers but he’s giving up too much offense. The 1 Percenter for the win. The world needs him.

Video Package Count: 3. This time, it’s a “commercial” for AJ Styles. Interesting take but not the best package. Dixie Carter shrieks. Jeff Hardy loves the unconventional promos. He’s so much more comfortable in this environment and you can tell. Hardy wants to be champ again. I’m not sure if Austin Aries really got a video package. It was more like a video envelope.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #TNA #ImpactWrestling

repeater_300dpiI’m repeating my weekend travel plans from last week except I’m going for my girl’s grandmother’s 92nd birthday. So in order to clean off the DVR, let’s roll.

I forgot that they were going to be at IUP. James Storm is in the ring. AJ Styles is in the stands. Bad Influence joins them. I do like their sales pitch. Aces & Eights are beating up Storm again. The rest of the people who have been beat up suck. Joseph Park sucks the least. 3D thru the table so he can feel his Abyss roots.

Aces & Eights are still in the ring so that they can suck the energy out of the room. They beat up all of our heroes. Why didn’t they deliver that promo before the break? It was a short promo then you reset after the commercial break. Tazz tried to sound tough before another commercial break. Yep, thanks for making two segments suck instead of one.

Taryn Terrell is fighting Tara. The only thing catching my attention are Tazz & Tenay fighting like sixth graders. Then Tazz notes that ODB is sober. Yep, they let Taryn hang around to get the cheap pin when Tara got cocky. Always a decent way to build up a babyface without hurting the heel. People don’t care.

Rob Terry is taking on Jesse. I feel bad for this crowd. What did they do to deserve this? Robbie E saves Jesse from a pin. Weird spine buster type move for the win by Terry. Woof.

Bad Influence tries to recruit Bobby Roode. We get reruns of Jeff Hardy losing. Good for Chris Sabin coming back. He’s a tough cookie.

Austin Aries confronts Bobby Roode about getting Fortune back together. He makes several good points himself. I guess they’re gunning for the World Tag Team Titles. Chavo & Hernandez have the belts but seem like after thoughts in this match. The baby faces get to take advantage of an arguing team. Wow, Hernandez looked like he may have hurt himself. I’m not surprised. The match has been pretty good as a over all though. Kaz runs interference. Daniels interference back fires. Frog Splash win.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #TNA #ImpactWrestling

LetsTrySomethingNew

Well, this isn’t something new but it is a new post. I have another one to finish up but it requires more thought than this type of article. I also need to get this off my DVR because I’m traveling to Altoona PA this weekend. Let’s roll.

We start with the 2 young male escorts Wes Brisco and Garrett Bischoff against Kurt Angle. They do a solid job of reminding us what the feud is about. AS usual nothing happens before a commercial break in a match. That was a hell of a bump for Bischoff to take on the double German suplex. Bischoff nails Angle with the chain for the win. This is stupid. Even my girl agrees. Nice of them to swipe The Shield’s move. Ken Anderson gets to babble. I can’t believe I liked him at some point.

Zema Ion and Petey Williams take on Kenny King for the X Division. I can’t stop staring at the referee’s hat to know what’s going on in the ring. I do like the X cam but I’m not sure why it looks so washed out. Oh, that’s the camera. I’m not paying much attention in general. They’re making Petey look pretty awesome. Ha. Cheap win by King. I feel bad for Ion. Brutus Magnus is going for the TV Title. Solid work from him as usual. I like his under statement.

Christy Hemme and Brooke Hogan are getting ready to launch the new Knockout’s website and photos. Brooke then talks down to Mickie James and Brook Tessmacher. Devon comes out first for some reason. Magnus gets attacked on the ramp by Mike Knox & DOC. This one trick pony is old. Aces & Eights aren’t really getting heat. Samoa Joe makes the save but why did they walk away? Kick his ass too.

Part of the reason to write this column is to rip on Tazz. He has surpassed Mike Tenay for worst announcer in wrestling. Having to act like a heel is not working for him in any way. He never sounds genuine. Samoa Joe is pissed. This AJ Styles thing isn’t interesting either. I don’t care which side he’s on. He’s not that big of a deal. I like him but whatever. Velvet Sky is selling an injury? Is this real? I don’t care enough to look up whether it’s real. ODB didn’t get any promo time for this match. Tessmacher then Mickie James. Forgot ODB was the ref. Why is Mickie looking like she wants to fight ODB? You can’t start rotating thru female refs this quickly. I like ODB ordering them back into the ring. Regular referees should be that stern. The Thesz Press off the top is always a like awkward. Tazz not having a come back to Tenay seals the deal on why he’s such a bitch now. You’re a tough guy compared to your partners. Bully them. Mickey reverses a reverse for the win. Solid match. Kaz and Christopher Daniels are moderately funny. Joseph Park gets attacked by Bully Ray. He gives us a sexist sentence. He’s a lawyer who isn’t going to press charges? Ironic. I wonder if they’re trying to do the same thing once every 15 minutes or 30.

Mickie James put together a good promo which is strange. It was never her strong suit. James Storm reminds us that this angle has taken entirely too long. Daniels & Kaz are back. Daniels said something. Kaz wants the tag team titles back. Austin Aries & Bobby Roode are still stuck in tag team hell because Aces & Eights are over bearing. Chavo & Hernandez clear the ring. Snooze.

So Jeff Hardy is really hurt? Roode has turned himself into a good talker. Matt Morgan is gloating again. Is he supposed to be turning baby face? He wants to take on Bully Ray but that cocky ass is so heelish. Why didn’t Aces & Eights just attack Samoa Joe too? Devon is a bad sergeant at arms. Tazz says people hate his guts because of his opinions. No, we hate you because you suck. Brisco distracts the ref. Anderson brass knuckles Samoa Joe. Devon makes the pin. It’s like clock work.

AJ Styles tries to run out of the match. James Storm attacks him on the ramp to stop him. Both men are wearing black. Aces & Eights wear black. Let’s try and make this product even more bland. AJ’s look is a little sheep dog for me. I do like a change for him though. It’d be kind of funny if he joined Kaz & Daniels. Storm taps to a sharp shooter type move. I know it has a name that I don’t remember. AJ Styles leaves Storm alone to catch a beating. Kaz & Daniels get an ass kicking too. Bully Ray delivers a fine enough promo but I don’t care because he became boring the minute he joined Aces & Eights. Dumb. It limits him way too much. He was better without this crew. They’re dragging him down. -Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: A Day Late & A Dollar Short Review of @ImpactWrestling

Destination

I figured since Final Destination is on Sunday, I may as well do a de facto preview. I’ve got a couple of hours before I go out drinking with my buddy who is in town from Pittsburgh.

Kazarian starts off by call us choads. You deserve the shit you’re given. Bobby Roode cuts a fair enough program but I’m not sure why he’d put this double albatross around his neck. Christopher Daniels is OK at being insincere but I’m just so tired of this feud. AJ Styles is cutting an OK promo too. Still bored. Jeff Hardy & James Storm save Styles who picked a bad fight. They replay Austin Aries, Bully Ray & Hulk Hogan. Aries gets to cut the promo. He’s pushed buttons and wants to push more. I guess he likes video games.

I only looked at the headlines on Dot Net this morning so I know someone debuted or came back tonight. I also know that there’s a new TV Champion. Considering it’s a one on one match, the outcome between Samoa Joe and Devon is pretty easy. The match was cheap. Earl is distracted by a hot blonde. I guess that’s what happens since Madison Rayne left. DOC nails Samoa Joe with a hammer. Devon covers for the win. Brooke Hogan is happy about a contract delivery. Hmm, I’m guessing this is the mystery person.

I’m not shocked that they’re continuing this dumb angle with D’Lo Brown and Al Snow. They’re cool but a match is happening between them, right? Mickie James comes out in a dress. She made a pact to win the Knockouts Champion. Well, duh. Tara interrupts to brag about Jesse. Velvet Sky comes out. Three terrible promos in a row. Robbie E is freaking out about paying his insurance. Robbie T is a smart sophisticated European so he knows how to work an iPad. Why did I choose to review this show again?

That was their big promo before wrestling Chavo Guerrero & Hernandez. I don’t care about this match. Shocking, isn’t it? The Mexicans who were both born in the US take on Joey Ryan & Matt Morgan on Sunday. I’m sure Morgan is thinking it was a great idea to re-sign with TNA. Hernandez didn’t injure Robbie T. Chavo wins with the Frog Splash. Joey Ryan interrupts. Morgan attacks from behind. Big Morgan & Big Organ. I’m just angry now. Nothing gets better when Devon acts like he enjoys the strippers “going lesbian”.

Garrett Bischoff & Wes Brisco have Kurt Angle‘s back. I could like the group if Garrett & Brisco could act at all. Chavo barks all day little doggy while Hernandez tries to look tough. They cut the promo short. Jimminy Cricket.

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Kevin’s Blog: A Day Late & A Dollar Short Review of @ImpactWrestling

It’s been a Kevin heavy week with me attending Raw, actually getting to Prime Wrestling and now having a Friday devoid of my girl I get to do more reviews. TNA has gotten the short end of the stick recently around these parts. So even though I watched a little of it last night, I’m starting fresh for this review.

I didn’t hear much of this James Storm promo last night because Baby Momma Drama wouldn’t stop talking. I didn’t miss much. Not bad but no meat to it. Bobby Roode interrupts. He has much more meat on his end. I like it. I like it even more after their scuffle and him talking Storm into a dumb match. Hulk Hogan talks about AJ Styles’s frustration. Hogan points out that he’s his own worst enemy. So it was his idea to put him into a never ending feud that ended abruptly and was terrible 75% of the time for the last year? I don’t think so.

DOC gets to defend himself. He points out all of the beatings he’s been dishing out. Devon picks someone by dart. I’d whoop his ass in Cricket. Kid Kash gets a shot at the TV Title because he’s on the roster. Not sure the last time I saw him win. RVD is doing the selling early. This match has been terrible. Both of them look at fault for it. RVD with the frog splash. Yawn. Eric Young is talking up his show, except for not using the name. ODB is still horny.  The whole act has lost some momentum.

Kurt Angle talks to Garrett and whoever the other guy is. I watch every week. Wes evidently. No wonder I don’t remember it. Jesse is taking on Young. The ladies are at ring side. EY pays too much attention to ODB whooping on Tara. Jesse catches him with a super stunner for the win.

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Stunt Granny Lunch Conversation: Jeremy & Kevin October 4, 2012

Nothing says outsider like an officially licensed picture.

Kevin:  Are you listening to O&A?

Jeremy:  Cool, Ti West. I liked The Innkeeprs. It had some creepy stuff, especially the end.

Kevin:  Did he do anything else?

Jeremy:  The House of The Devil as well. He is promoting V/H/S. Hadn’t heard of that.

Kevin:  I remember him being on here before but didn’t remember any of his movies

Jeremy:  Only reason I watched Innkeepers was due to him being on. V/H/S looks pretty intense. Some low grade looking stuff but some other shockingly cool visuals too. Hmm, on the list now.

Jeremy:  Hey check this out, According to the Wrestling Observer Newsletter , there were wrestlers in the company who had said Garrett Bischoff was going to be a key part of Aces and 8s.

Jeremy:  Holy shit it makes perfect sense. Eric Bischoff is a big biker/ bike enthusiast.

Kevin:  So, judging from the “who had” and “was going” is there a different plan now?

Jeremy:  Not sure to be honest but it does make sense based off of that. Going off of last weeks Impact Wrestling it fits. Remember NWO biker Bischoff used to wear his hat backwards

Jeremy:  I understand it is a small detail.

Kevin:  Could it just be Eric Bischoff’s way to get back at Hulk Hogan for booting him out of power?

Jeremy:  Exactly

Kevin:  Garrett being in the group would make no sense whatsoever. But then again, turn on a dime alliances are a TNA staple

Jeremy:  His involvement is easily explained; they reconciled. Father and son getting back together. After he dumped his dad Garrett has done nothing memorable.

Jeremy:  Hell, Hogan just gave him the boot immediately for the TV title match. Dismissed him like a common whore. Um, so I heard. We will know if Garrett is in the match somehow.

Jeremy:  Makes me wonder if Devon also has something with this.

Kevin:  As in him being in the group or him leaving TNA caused a problem in the story line?

Jeremy:  Part of the storyline.

Jeremy:  Just posted a video on The Stunt Granny Facebook page. It has brought me to tears. Starts slow but stick with it.

Kevin:  So it isn’t Devon then?

Jeremy:  Ahh yes Devon, maybe I am reading too much in to it but since when does a wrestler leaving in a contract dispute become television. Other than Bret Hart?

Kevin:  It would make some sense because even Devon has been crapped after his first month of being TV champ.

Jeremy:  Yeah, can use the champion not gettign a contract thing

Kevin:  So, will the reveal of Eric be at BFG?

Jeremy:  Oh yeah for sure.

Kevin:  I was considering buying it since I still have the $5 off coupons

Jeremy:  I don’t even have it in me for the long Bwahahahahahaha.

Kevin:  Ugh, you are so right on that.

Scott Steiner was right; Brooke Hogan is coming to Impact Wrestling

See, Scot Steiner was totally telling the truth. Dixie Carter tweeted that yes indeed, Brooke Hogan is coming to Impact wrestling and will be the head of the Knockouts. How fucking funny is that? Not convinced this is real? Well may I present to you exhibit A.

Dixie Carter ‏@TNADixie
Brooke Hogan to join @IMPACTWRESTLING as the Executive in Charge of the Knockouts! http://ow.ly/1Mm0ga

Not enough proof that this ditzy broad has no clue what she is doing?  Well, here is more proof.

And the prosecution rests. Not before another bout of pneumonia cough rage as I laugh at these god damn idiots.  What does Brooke Hogan offer to anything besides a nice rack, blonde hair and a strong jaw line? Outside of that the answer is nothing.  Not a thing. This broad can’t act, can’t sing and knows nothing of the wrestling business. I know we all remember that time she wrestled, um, with the decision to get huge beautiful tits right? Does that really count as wrestling experience though?

So for the benefit of those not keeping a tally of this at home; TNA now has two Hogans and two Bischoffs, one less Morgan, stagnant low ratings and are now going live. All is well. All is well!   -Jeremy

Stunt Granny Audio #184

Caution: Clown car ahead.

This week Kevin and Dusty are at the helm of Stunt Granny Audio, and you are in good hands for sure, as they navigate you around the biggest stories in the week of professional wrestling. Those stories include the latest in the NHL playoffs and Josh Hamilton’s ownage of the Baltimore Orioles. They also find time to talk about some actual wrestling, including what they deemed worthy of discussion on Monday Night Raw. Just how earth shattering was the return of Paul Heyman? Just how vital to the entire show *was* that women’s tag team match? Why does Dusty hate the overrun so much? They then turn their attention to ROH. Dusty blows Kevin’s mind by revealing RD Evans’ secret identity. The duo sound impressed with Mike Bennett, and less so with Prince Nana. And then focus shifts to TNA. Or is it Impact Wrestling? Whatever it’s called, they seem to have a Master’s Degree in Giving People Stuff They No Longer Want To See. Do they find anything positive about the company to talk about? You’ll have to tune in to find out, and it’s not even going to take an hour off your life, so have a heart, people!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #184

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #iMPACTWrestling

Jeff Hardy's shirt reminds me of Impressionist paintings. This one is Sunrise by Monet, who is a favorite of mine.

James Storm is distraught over not winning the TNA Title. I’m not the biggest fan of this happening. They do make things work. I thought Bobby Roode would have been dropping the title too soon, which I don’t think I’d said in my previous reviews. I still think Storm should have won but they gave him a nice out by having him practically won. Roode comes out to gloat. I’m digging the new hair cut. It fits a suit better. Roode says he has no opponents left which brings out Mr. Anderson. Roode tells him to get to the back of the pack. Jeff Hardy hobbles out. He thinks he deserves a title shot. Him & Anderson argue. Hulk Hogan wants all the champs out in the ring later. Hardy will fight Anderson.

Crimson & Bully Ray team against Matt Morgan & Austin Aries. Morgan starts against Crimson. They continue to do the heavy work but Crimson was on offense most of the time. Aries gets the tag and brings the fun to the match. Bully Ray pulls the trunks to win. Garrett Bischoff is sauntering in the back.

Hardy thinks it’s his turn to get the title. Jeff thinks it was a good call by Hogan for the match. Garrett comes out. The crowd is excited for the guys around him but go silent when he starts talking. He thanks AJ Styles, RVD & Anderson along with Aries in the back. Ric Flair interrupts the blow jobs. Flair tells Garrett the truth when he rips his mic work. This story continues. Please kill me. They bleep the Bischoff for Eric. Woof. If you’re going to rip someone else’s mic work, bring something other than your worst. Christopher Daniels was holding evidence about AJ Styles. Double Ugh.

Magnus & Samoa Joe talk to Devon about the champs meeting. Short & pointless. Kurt Angle is taking on AJ Styles. My cable cut out of the match but went to commercial. I didn’t miss much. Styles is in control after the break. Daniels gives AJ whatever is in the mystery envelope. AJ screams “How’d you get this?” Angle rolls up AJ for the win. If it was AJ this whole time, why did you wait to reveal it? Stop continuing story lines that suck. Joseph Park tries to talk to Gunner. Park wants answers. Gunner tells him to ask Bully Ray because they wrestled together last.

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Stunt Granny Audio Show #181

Oops, I think it's upside down...

Holy cow, it’s Dusty and Eric with another Stunt Granny Audio! The boys start off with a random assortment of brilliance, including thoughts on the Warlord, Haystacks Calhoun, Bob Geigel and more. Why are these multi-generational wrestlers on the docket? Also, what did the gents think of certain aspects of TNA Lockdown? How about this week’s WWE Monday Night Raw? Or the current storylines of two shining stars, Mark Henry and Chris Jericho? Also, the former Claudio Castagnoli, now Antonio Cesaro (with a side salad and breadsticks), made his Smackdown debut oops spoilers with William Regal at his side; what wonderful idea could this lead to (but won’t)? All this and more is a click away!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #181

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