Shane Douglas has night offf from Target; invades Raw

Shane Douglas, you remember him from such things as ECW and WCW, got the night off from gathering carts at Target and showed up on Raw. No he didn’t do it in an official capacity, he bought a ticket. No real news there right? Well, being Shane Douglas, he decided to make a spectacle of himself or at least tried.

During the Kane/Big Show match on Monday Night raw a Lucha masked person stood up, removed their shirt revealing a “Franchise” symbol on a black shirt. Then they proceeded to remove the Lucha mask and lo and behold it was Shane Douglas. The crowd went absolutely crazy and started a very loud and sustained chant of ECW that lasted fifteen minutes and totally overshadowed the match and post-match beatdown.

Ok, past the unmasking none of that happened. Just watch the video. One scrub, who apparently doesn’t understand landscape mode or the idea to just turn the fucking camera horizontally, chanted ECW. It all makes for a sad scene. No one cared. There was no one around his seat that popped big nor did he garner a lot of attention on the way out of the building. This brings up the question, why did he leave? He could have sat facing the hard camera and mugged the entire night. He could have changed shirts promoting his ECW gimmick show with each match. He could have held up a sign or two. He could have done so many more things other than not make a spectacle of himself.

On the bright side he has a story to tell the other cart boys at Target this morning.-Jeremy

Slow News Day Video: Marty Jannety vs Balls Mahoney

So there really is nothing going on today so far. In the effort to keep our fans entertained we have decided to provide you with some video entertainment. Well, not really entertaining, I mean it is but it is also pretty sad.  Well, I guess it isn’t sad if you enjoy watching two way past their prime, alright I know it is Balls but go with it, wrestlers performing in front of a captive audience. No really the doors were locked. They had to be. After all who in their right mind wants to pay to see this garbage?

Ok, let’s start over. Marty Jannety hits Balls Mahoney over the head with a chair. Balls then proceeds to win the match. After all this he then throws up. It isn’t very pretty but it is worth two minutes of your life. I guess. Unless you overestimate just how important your time is and if you read this and watched this video you proved it isn’t worth much. -Jeremy

2012 Royal Rumble Random Draw Kick-Ass Pick ‘Em (Kinda) Game

We dont worry too much about copyrights around here.

Bring back the tumbler! #IWantWrestling

Remember the time when we first met, and when we did that amazing game where you all signed up, then I picked numbers from 1 to 30 out of an Iowa Barnstormers fitted cap, and whoever had the number of the man who won the Royal Rumble match got bragging rights and a kick in the head just to see if it was better than a kick in the head? Well, Stunt Granny wants to share that fun with you again! For this game (which is totally not affiliated with WWE), all you need to do is leave a comment on this post saying you’re interested in playing. DEADLINE IS 1:15 P.M. CENTRAL, SUNDAY, JAN. 29. (THIS IS A NEW DEADLINE! YOU HAVE FIVE MINUTES FROM THE TIME OF THIS UPDATE! I’M LEAVING FOR A FRIEND’S HOUSE FOR THE PPV!)

At that time, Eric will randomly draw numbers from 1 to 30 in the order you signed up (don’t worry, the four of us won’t play, but Dan may, for “old time’s sake,” see, because he’s our nostalgia guy). Once Eric gets to the end of the list, he’ll start from the top again, making it first-come, first-served. So if 10 people sign up, everyone gets three numbers. If 29 people sign up, everyone gets one number, but the first person to sign up gets an extra number.

Last year’s winner, Travis Bryant, had the unfortunate luck to co-host a Stunt Granny Audio with Eric… 12 months after his win. Who knows what the 2012 prize will be! So sign up today, then order the 2011 WWE Royal Rumble (we’re totally not affiliated with WWE), and take a spot on the edge of your seat!

Eric’s Blog: Shaking down the rosters after the WWE Draft

draft

Smarter than the Erie Couch Potatoes!

We here at Stunt Granny never espoused expertise in either professional wrestling booking or professional wrestler booking mind-reading. But that never stopped us from armchairing it every once in a while! Dusty and I are the biggest fantasy bookers since Russo & Ferrara, and as a supplement to this week’s audio, we present to you our preferences (not predictions) and expectations for this year’s WWE Draft, to be held on a special three-hour Monday Night Raw next week. Ooh, ooh, me first! (A bit of a foreword: My overall goals here were to balance the number of (usually available) headliners on each show, give some midcarders a chance to shine, and make fun of the lesser Hardy brother.)

RAW TOP BABYFACES
1. John Cena
Why keep him on Raw:
He is the face of WWE, he is the centerpiece, he is the biggest star, and there’s no way he’s moving from the A-show.
2. Triple H
Why keep him on Raw:
He thinks he’s the face of WWE, he thinks he’s the centerpiece, he thinks he’s the biggest star, and there’s no way he’s moving from the A-show.
3. John Morrison
Why move him to Raw:
If you’re going to push a guy to championships and DVDs, you might as well do it on the mothership; plus, it’s good for top-tier heel-face balance.

RAW TOP HEELS
1. Batista
Why move him to Raw:
He’s already there every week; he’s also likely to take some time off soon (or be injured), so putting him here with the rest of this list means not leaving a gaping hole on Smackdown.
2. CM Punk
Why move him to Raw:
Fresh babyface opponents and a chance to lead the pack as a dominant heel.
3. The Miz
Why keep him on Raw:
This is the biggest stage on which to shine, and Miz is the next big star.
4. Big Show
Why keep him on Raw:
He and Miz are a great package, and even if Show takes some time off because he’s an aging giant, there are still plenty of heels atop this list (read: Batista’s write-up).
5. Sheamus
Why keep him on Raw:
Hunter loves him, and he can float between top feuds with Morrison and midcard feuds with others (where he’d offer some rub as a former WWE Champion).

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Stunt Granny Audio #82

Holy crap, it’s the Asshole Edition of Stunt Granny Audio! Yep, Jeremy and Eric team up for the first time in months to discuss the happenings of the day. Hear their thoughts on the three big stories on Monday Night Raw (John Cena-Bret Hart-Vince McMahon-Batista, Shawn Michaels-Triple H, and Randy Orton-Sheamus), plus Show-Miz as the new unified tag champs. The guys speculate on WWE NXT, wax nostalgic about Ted DiBiase, then switch to TNA to make fun of Ric Flair’s new T-shirt and Kurt Angle’s new “food” product. Silly wrestlers. So just click and listen! (72 minutes)

Stunt Granny Audio #82

Stunt Granny Decade-End Awards: Dusty’s Picks

This picture is lying to you. Find out who the real winners are by reading below.

The older I get, the more I question why I still hang around with wrestling. Wrestling is the old friend who betrays your trust time and time again, but you keep forgiving him because of all the great times you had together 20 years ago. You keep giving him more and more chances, and he keeps letting you down. This was a snoozer decade at best for our old friend, but I’ll try to find the cream of the crap anyway, or else I wouldn’t have a column.

BEST WRESTLER

Shawn Michaels: I like the Shawn Michaels of the 2000s almost as much as I dislike the Shawn Michaels of the 1990s. After a five year sabbatical, Michaels came back and basically reinvented the wheel. No longer would he be the Mexican jumping bean doing highspots with no discernible psychology, being a bad influence for a decade’s worth of indy wrestlers (1990s Shawn Michaels is to wrestling what Led Zeppelin is to music). He now works smart *and* hard, and has provided us with a full palate of memorable and exciting matches and storylines. I would spend many a minute arguing that this Shawn Michaels is the best wrestler ever, no matter what the decade.

Runners-up: Kurt Angle (A sad case if ever there was one, a guy who couldn’t keep his shit together outside the ring, and who couldn’t turn the corner inside the ring to take his work to the next level. As it stands however, he’s still head and shoulders above most everybody else from the decade, and was TNA’s biggest squandered opportunity.) John Cena (The best wrestlers draw the most money, so whether you like him or you hate him, the Marine belongs on this list. He is probably the most identifiable wrestler of the past decade for the casual or non-fan. That means something.)

BEST TAG TEAM

MNM: The ascension of MNM is sort of like the Stone Roses at their heyday. For a very brief period of time, they were the absolute best, and if you weren’t around to witness it, you probably wouldn’t believe it. They were fresh, they were new, they were hip, they were young, they were beautiful, they could talk, they could work, Melina was hot, and they put the world on its ear. And just as quickly as it happened, it ended. You just had to be there, man.

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Best of 2009- Jeremy Edition

Best Promotion:

WWE. This wasn’t nearly as easy to choose as I first thought. Monday Night raw is a diarrhea diaper. ECW is akin to your parents in the nursing home. You go see them only because you feel obligated. Then there is Smackdown; the best wrestling show in the world. So 1.5 out of 3 isn’t so bad. Not like TNA’s zero batting average for their product.

Runners up:

ROH: Cary Silkin correctly booted Gabe Sapolsky and eventually brought in Jim Cornette to “hang around: In the meantime the promotion lost talent left and right but it is still a good promotion. It found its legs after a few months of being lost but nowhere near the train wreck that comes in third.

TNA: By default they are third. I can’t consider Lucha Libre since I don’t understand Spanish and that shit looks choreographed beyond belief.

Best Injury:

Mickie James’ implant busting. Now, Mickie James is at the top of my list of women’s wrestlers I would sleep with despite the fact they may have an incurable STD. I love this injury because it gives me spank material thinking about how she would need to massage her breasts to soften up the new implant. Even if that isn’t how it works its real to me. Excuse me, be back in 3 minutes. Oh and this story may not even be true but I don’t care.

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