Dusty’s Blog: Diary of the new Monday Night Wars

The new Monday Night Wars are so exciting, you're not going to want to turn your TV off ever!!!

So about a million years ago, back in the early ’90s, I remember reading this Sports Illustrated column where the guy did a diary type piece tracking the several college football bowl games that were on in one day. And I thought it was funny, and well written, and a good concept, and so I decided to jack it for Stunt Granny on what is being hyped as the most important night in pro wrestling in god only knows how long. Speaking of long, that’s what this is. Here is my story:

7:00 p.m. I turn on Impact. Lord help me.

7:03 p.m. TNA has the worst announce team, maybe ever. And yes, I realize that David Crockett exists. The two idiots hype Bubba the Love Sponge as a new backstage interviewer. What an embarrassing name for a new viewer to hear.

7:05 p.m. Talking to fans about their opinions is always cringe-worthy. Bad idea. They’re most likely plants anyway, so what’s the point?

7:06 p.m. The Motor City Machine Guns come out to job in the red birdcage clusterfuck match.

7:07 p.m. Jay Lethal really, really sucks.

7:09 pm. Is that cage made of plastic? It seems awfully poorly constructed.

Me: Why are there so many people in this match?

Becky: Because zebra finches need to be in a large group.

7:11 p.m. Tazz: There’s so much going on – it’s hard to follow!

Well, right.

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Happy Fucking New Year!

So 2009 is over and so is the decade or something. We here at Stunt Granny hated the last decade, well, OK, Jeremy did. Anyway,  all of us here at Stunt Granny, even Jordan, extend a fat , wait, wish you all a happy new year and all that shit. What a contrived nonsense it all is.  We don’t control what happens . It’s all your own poor decisions that shape 2010. So, the appropriate thing to say is “Don’t fuck up your life idiots!”

Thanks for supporting our drinking habits as whatever! -Jeremy

Merry Christmas!

From all of us here at Stunt Granny, Merry Christmas.

If you don’t celebrate Christmas you are an idiot. You are totally missing out on a wealth of gifts and family guilt. So put down the Menorah. Toss the Koran away and pick up a failing evergreen tree and get in the Christmas mood. You don’t even need to muddy the waters with the whole Jesus thing. Embrace Santa and his crass consumer ways man!

Oh and we’ll be back Monday unless something totally crazy happens.

Stunt Granny Audio #68

Brian Knobbs is the only person on earth who makes me look like Kate Moss.

Oh my god, Dusty and Kevin are back again. Brothers and sisters, everybody sing. This week, Dusty and Kevin are singing about Monday Night Raw, and what an abysmal overall show it really was. Did you know there was a PPV this coming Sunday? Well, you wouldn’t be able to tell it from watching Raw! The fearless duo critique the show, examining some of the mistakes that were made along the way. Kevin laments that in spite of all these errors, Raw seems to at least be more on the right track than they have been in the past. Baby steps. In other news, Hulk Hogan was left battered and bloodied, and the Australia thought it was a shoot, brother! Which one is dumb, which one is dumber, and which one is the dumbest? Dusty and Kevin tell you who, so you need to listen!

 

Stunt Granny Audio #68

Stunt Granny Audio #67

duver

There is so much to be said about building trust.

Dusty and Kevin, the resident workhorses of Stunt Granny Enterprises, are back once again to talk about a veritable plethora of wrestling related items. Dusty is mad as hell and he ain’t going to take it anymore when it comes to TNA’s nonsense. Kevin is hard pressed to disagree with any of it. They talk about why Dixie Carter’s love it or leave it speech was the absolute worst thing that could have happened for TNA right now. They also talk about Jamie Noble’s retirement from wrestling, and how it ended not with a bang, but a whimper. They also talk about a whole bunch of other stuff, and it’s in your best interests to listen to the audio to find out what those things are, because all the cool kids are doing just that.

Stunt Granny Audio #67

Bragging Rights Preview

These matches are as meaningful as this shirt.

These matches are as meaningful as this shirt.

Jeremy and Kevin are back for another pay per view preview, this time for the WWE’s Bragging Rights. The boys realize that there are only five matches which is as short as the hype for this pay per view. They get off to a rollicking start talking about the Women’s match and mow through the card leading up to the big seven against seven tag team match which won’t even be the main event of the show. They discuss the John Cena Randy Orton Iron Man Match in small detail as both are skeptical this is actually the final match between the two. They talk about the possibility of heel turns and how it will affect future storylines for WWE. Enjoy this because you won’t get a review and it’ll be better than the pay per view.

Bragging Rights 2009 Preview

Stunt Granny Audio #63

Why are we talking about this guy?! Just listen and find out.

Why are we talking about this guy?! Just listen and find out.

Join Dusty and Jordan on a magical journey through most (if not all) of WWE’s failed attempts to create new stars over the last five years. Jordan has compiled a list, and oh what a list it is! They also talk about the state of wrestling today, what little bitty, actually realistic things could be done to make things more palatable, and why they aren’t being done. It’s a depressing trip down Amnesia Lane, so why won’t you join them?

Stunt Granny Audio Show #63

And also, make sure to check out Stunt Granny Audio #62 posted earlier today!

Oh yeah, if ya wana yell at us for anything join us at the Stunt Granny Forum. It’s the hippity dippity and freezy or whatever the kids say nowadays.

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