#ImpactWrestling – Total Nonsense Analysis

Self Loathing by Evelyn Astegno from fineartamerica.com

Self Loathing by Evelyn Astegno from fineartamerica.com

– I can’t believe how mind numbingly bad the opening two segments are for Impact Wrestling. MVP was walking backstage with Bobby Lashley and Kenny King. They ran into Kazarian, who was talking to Chris. It is Wrestling 101 to take out a leaving wrestler. Normally it helps to get someone over. The problem in this instance is that Kazarian was last a heel so another heel beating him up doesn’t get them over. To make matters worse, they barely beat him up. If you’re going to send someone on their way, make it count. Kick his ass from pillar to post.

MVP when finally in the ring tried to explain away plot holes that are large enough for rabbits are living in some of them. It was made quite obvious that they were back tracking to make this angle sound. Nothing made that statement more than Kenny King grabbing the mic and saying that his problems with MVP & Lashley were all faked. Going back to the Wrestling 101 handbook, I see that you need to have a reason to believe that the opposite may be true to say you hood winked someone. MVP, King & Lashley never afforded us that opportunity. I may not like Stephanie McMahon’s execution sometimes, but at least she’s saying one thing “Kane! No! Stop!” and clearly unleashing him at the same time. If you’re going to take your champion queue’s from the WWE, please pay attention to this detail in story telling.

– At least the Wolves, Davey Richards & Eddie Edwards, showed up. They were pissed about not being in on the plan. That makes complete sense. The problem though is that it also points out an obvious flaw in the plan. If MVP wanted to reign over TNA with Kenny King & Bobby Lashley, why didn’t he just hire them instead of the Wolves? Lashley came back as a baby face so he’d be great to fight against the “evil” Dixie Carter. Kenny King got reset with vignettes of him spending money all over Las Vegas acting like a baller that was supposed to get under people’s skin. Easy solution, right? Make the vignette’s portray King as a baby face, which I believe he was before whatever caused his absence and recasting. Then you have three baby faces booting the “evil” Dixie only to they themselves turn out to be corrupt. Instead the Wolves have to come out to back track to try and make this angle appear to work.

– I was thinking it during the beat down of Davey Richards & Eddie Edwards that either Eric Young or Austin Aries should have come out to save them. We would have a team of three baby faces against three heels. Instead, Eric Young is shown steaming mad coming to the ring after the damage is done. He comes out to grouse the very next segment. Why did your top baby face just leave two guys hanging who have a beef with the very same person he does? Austin Aries has also made clear since returning that he called out MVP early on and using this turn as proof that he was correct. Aries comes out to save EY which was nice but also late. His buddies from ROH were left hanging in the earlier segment too. Were you late to work? You’re a both bums Young & Aries.

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Stunt Granny Audio #254

Nerd Playing WOWJeremy & Kevin have recovered their voices from yelling at Wrestlemania and Raw last week in New Orleans. They talk about their experience in the Crescent City and somehow don’t cover all of the Sippy Time Beer that was consumed. They did consume a lot of drinks on Saturday night though. Who got them a grain alcohol shot? What did he promise them? How good was scene at the Chicken Shack after a night of drinking? What did their hotel neighbor add at the end of the night? Where does New Orleans rank against Detroit, Orlando and Atlanta? What made it different? Is it the reason we saw so many Superstars? Raw had a boisterous crowd but what made it different from this week’s Raw? Was the crowd as different as the stories being told? Is it good for Evolution to be back together? Will they have good matches with the Shield? When should HHH wrestle? What did Jeremy think of the Ultimate Warrior tribute? Why did Kevin plead ignorant on the situation? They end on a down note by talking about Eric Young winning the TNA Heavyweight Championship. How correct was Dusty when he wrote this article? Does ROH have more viable candidates to come to the WWE than TNA right now? Find out the answer to these questions and more when you click on the link below!

@ImpactWrestling – Total Nonsense Analysis

norweigan-curling-pants

From money.cnn.com

Dixie Carter and Magnus complained about MVP who came out with Samoa Joe.  I couldn’t concentrate on the promos because of the hideous outfit of Rockstar Spud. You can go crazy with design and still look good. Those pants above are a perfect example. Plus, I watch entirely too much curling during the Olympics and needed to find a way to put this picture on the site. Gunner was an idiot for telling Magnus in advance when he’d take advantage of his briefcase. The end result of all the wrangling was Gunner having to put his brief case up against EC3, who has to put his briefcase, that is for the tag team championships, up too. After five minutes of a match, Magnus comes down to interfere so James Storm evens the odds. Then MVP comes back out and makes it a tag team match for the briefcases. Now if you just had a give and take for match stipulations to start the show, why didn’t Dixie counter this change? Will she get a unilateral change later? Gunner ends up taking down the briefcases which makes the most sense. They seem to want to have a break out star in Gunner so he needs the win to retain thre World Title opportunity. It seemed entirely too short of a match because of the stakes.

– I’ve got to say I like MVP as a character so far in his very short time in TNA. He’s still got it on the mic. It won’t make a cent of difference in the long run if they keep him in flummoxing stories like above. The Bromans get a match against The Wolves, Davey Richards & Eddie Edwards, and a mystery opponent. I FF to find out simply because I’m behind. Samoa Joe is their partner. I get the significance of having Joe the partner of his friends from ROH but shouldn’t they be featured by themselves for their first in ring appearance in TNA? Doesn’t seem like a hard thing to accomplish. Make it a non-title match with Robbie E & Jesse. Zema Ion tapped to the Rear Naked Choke. Again, shouldn’t the Wolves get the victory here? I know Joe is going for the title but it’s all the more reason to not have him in the match!

Dixie Carter got her unilateral decision by upholding the Velvet Sky versus Chris Sabin match. Because that’s a fair match up. Ugh. MVP gets berated by Rockstar Spud so MVP schedules a match against him. Huh? Why didn’t you save Velvet then? I’m so confused. I liked MVP’s mic skills but again the story makes no sense so it won’t help. Abyss calls out Eric Young. I’m disappointed that Abyss is walking away after developing his character so much. Realize you’re a combination of the two characters and we’ve got a nice mix.

– My favorite part of the MVP versus Rockstar Spud match was when Mike Tenay tried to make it sound like he had called MVP’s matches before. Taz politely corrected him. I’m not sure how he pulled that off but it was perfect. Best thing Taz has done in a long time.

– We get it, Bobby Roode is turning face. In my best Wade Keller voice: Does he have to intimidate a woman though? I haven’t seen any spoilers so the Willow character is Jeff Hardy, right? Chris Sabin and Velvet Sky have their match. TNA decided to invest in another large woman who can’t wrestle. Yep, spending money more wisely after getting rid of Hulk Hogan, AJ Styles and those other schlubs. Bring in new schlubs. That’s the answer.

– Just as I start to type about not being interested in the main event involving Mr. Anderson and Bully Ray, the crowd started chanting “This is awesome.” Jeremy & I talked about it on the audio this week, the athleticism shown on WWE TV these days is through the roof. This match showed none of that. Even the “extreme” aspects seemed plodding to me. Then just to cap off this awful match, Ken Anderson Mic Checks Bully Ray into the casket out of the blue for the victory. Bully Ray had just been stomping the tar out of him. How does that type of finish resolve a blood feud? You need a defining win. They also decided to air another skit with MVP and Dixie Carter fighting for power. We didn’t need it, it served no purpose and a blood feud main event match really could have used another five minutes of beating the hell out of each other. Jiminy cricket. – Kevin

@ImpactWrestling – Total Nonsense Analysis

bizarro_world

From panelsonpages.com

– I really wish England would have made Magnus‘s promo a Bizarro World style one where the crowd cheered for him. Unfortunately, the crowd really wasn’t that into him. Kurt Angle is going to continue using Sting’s description of Magnus as a “Paper Champion” which is catching on for some reason but it shouldn’t be. That term is older than most of JBL’s references. Dixie Carter tried to talk Magnus out of a match that could make Angle or Samoa Joe number one contender but it wasn’t successful. I like Magnus’s defiance to Dixie is reasonable and not over the top anger which makes his character interesting. Too bad he isn’t selling it to me in any other way.

Lai’d Tapa is still so undependable that she wasn’t tagged into her own match with Gail Kim against Madison Rayne & Velvet Sky. The match was window dressing for her angle with Chris Sabin though. I’m glad Velvet ended their relationship because that angle had tons of potential and TNA pissed it away.

– I don’t like Kurt Angle & Samoa Joe only threatening Bobby Roode ahead of the main event. You know the heels have been getting help from their friends. Take the friends out so they can’t get help. Baby faces shouldn’t always be dumb.

– The James Storm makes up with Gunner promo was supposed to be touching with buddies realizing that they went over board with each other. It does happen in real life but two tough guys like this don’t make up with words. They make up by beating the hell out of a common enemy. They did that against Christopher Daniels & Kazarian, who are perfect foils for this situation. Too bad they didn’t interrupt this lovefest earlier.

– The only thing good to come out of Davey Richards & Eddie Edwards first appearance in the ring was the stipulation that no one could interfere in the match or else you are fired, which makes threatening Bobby Roode pointless by Angle & Joe. Why are you wasting your own TV time being redundant? You only have two hours. You can’t waste it like that.

– I like the story they are telling with Abyss and Eric Young trying to control him. They’ve treated this whole angle as an experiment, using the term often, and he’s been testing out hypotheses. I believe his thinking in having a Monster’s Ball match is to snap Abyss out of his rampage by making him sympathize when he beats the tar out of Young next week and turn back into Joseph Park.

Probably my favorite Christy Hemme picture ever. Saved from Fanpop.com.

Probably my favorite Christy Hemme picture ever. Saved from Fanpop.com.

– The Samuel Shaw angle was completely not sold by Mike Tenay or Jeremy Borash, which is criminal. Shaw had a basement wallpapered in Christy Hemme along with having a mannequin of her that he kissed to close the segment. I know Bully Ray, who came out next, is more important but don’t you think you talk about the angle you just saw as Bully makes his way to the ring? Shaw needs some help to sell his angle. He’s new. Bully Ray can sell his own angle. And that’s exactly what he did. Ken Anderson continues to have not developed on iota since leaving the WWE. They’ve beaten this feud to death so I’m glad a casket match will put it out of it’s misery.

– The “Investor” got out of the car before their last commercial break. I haven’t been this unexcited for a TNA announcement ever, which is quite a statement. I haven’t read the spoilers because that’s a waste of my reading time. Samoa Joe ended up choking out Magnus to become number one contender. Samoa Joe really hasn’t developed at all since he came from ROH. Mostly yelling again in this promo. Pull another tone out of the bag of tricks. Just as Kurt Angle starts to talk my DVR cuts out so I don’t know who the investor is. It’s 12:08 EST. I’ll find out who it is after a nice sleep. (Next Day Note: It really was MVP. So TNA decided to cut Hulk Hogan & AJ Styles but they brought in Edwards, Richards and MVP. TNA is probably still saving on pay roll but doesn’t it bringing in these guys undermine the concept? They’re not going to improve their product. MVP has been gone for so long, I barely remember that I loved his character a decade plus ago.) – Kevin

@ImpactWrestling – Total Nonsense Analysis

patrick-bateman-new-york– I hate “retirement” style matches since you know it’s a 99.9% chance that the possible retiree, in this case Kurt Angle, will win the match. He’s not exactly a good enough talker to open the show with either. He sounds like a loser by continually saying he’ll prove his worth but losing. Bobby Roode didn’t help pull up the quality in the segment either. Roode’s a mixed bag in that department for me. I’m also not sure why Angle is doing the Christian “One Last Match” gimmick either. TNA either needs to commit to him winning again or going full on with the fall of Kurt Angle. I suppose if he loses this match, that’d be true but I highly doubt it’ll turn out that way.

– I understand Madison Rayne beating Gail Kim but I don’t understand why it was relatively clean. They can now set up a title match between the returning Rayne & Gail Kim since she hasn’t put the belt on the line in a while. The problem I have is that it should be more of a fluky win like Lai’d Tapa costing Kim a match so the heel can deny the loss while building the title match.

– I don’t understand why Chris Sabin and Velvet Sky continue to fight. She was better as a heel with the Beautiful People. She should be allowed to go back to her roots with her heel boyfriend in a slightly tweaked character. Chris Sabin winning back the belt with Velvet’s interference could have helped seal the change in personality but she regretted it while he heeled it up. Yuck. The least TNA could do is make you feel bad for Velvet Sky but they haven’t given us any reason to do so.

Samuel Shaw wasn’t exactly a hit for me with his transfer to the ring character. I like the concept behind him, a Patrick Bateman rip off, but him staring at Christy Hemme didn’t exactly creep me out.

James Storm comes off as a petty bitch in his feud with Gunner. He should be pissed because Gunner isn’t nearly as good as him and is being pushed for no reason.

– You know, I had wondered if Ethan Carter III was indeed Derrick Bateman from NXT aka Michael Hutter from Pro Wrestling Ohio. He didn’t talk in PWO. He didn’t quite make it to the main roster in the WWE. I’m not exactly a fan of this gimmick, but he’s not helping himself out and showing why the WWE would cut him. If you can’t talk well in the WWE, you better be a maestro in the ring. EC3 may be that but you can’t prove it against two months of jobbers.

Bully Ray needs to up the gas quotient if they want me to be concerned about Joseph Park or Ken Anderson being burned alive.

– I like Brad Maddox partially because I think he dresses well. Rockstar Spud is trying a similar style but is failing because his vest always is too close in color to his shirt and pants. Someone should be helping this color blind idiot. EC3 doesn’t exactly dress well either for someone with money. At least he coordinates better with his colors.

– I didn’t read the spoilers so I had no idea Gunner came out during Magnus‘s coronation. Gunner needs to get the threat of using it out there. It was a nice delay tactic for AJ Styles eventual arrival. I do know that AJ Styles drops the belt. I’m not exactly excited to see him on ROH TV. I know this is a different scenario but it is kind of funny that they’re having a belt unification match not that long after the WWE did. Magnus getting a spine and taking the challenge is a good idea to keep his character’s distance from being to Dixiefied. It’s a better separation than Randy Orton has had with the Authority. – Kevin

@ImpactWrestling Total Nonsense Analysis

monkey-see– TNA is doing the same exact thing with Magnus that the WWE did with Randy Orton. Rockstar Spud & Dixie Carter should not be getting the heat for the new champion Magnus. At least in the WWE, people disliked HHH & Stephanie but they aren’t getting that kind of heat. I love the canned boos as the camera shows people talking to each other and sitting on their hands. Jeff Hardy screeching like a woman did not help himself look like a main event player. Neither did saying the title doesn’t mean anything to him is stupid. EC3 isn’t worthy of fighting a washed up Sting. That’s a pretty sad statement.

– Oh my goodness, Dixie Carter cut herself off with a commercial. Why did someone think this segment was a good idea? Gunner getting the title shot is a head scratcher to me. You just crowned a new young champion in Magnus. Give the shot to an established star who can help raise the new champion’s stock even if he cheats to win said match. Plus, Gunner is terrible on the mic and not so good in the ring. James Storm is a hard head for not accepting Gunner’s help. Having Storm winning the case would be a perfect tonic. Dixie Carter, no one cares that you’re stringing along this “major announcement.”

– The double DQ for James Storm and Gunner is a feud extender but I don’t care because they’re both stuck in this all too familar to TNA weird grey zone. James Storm bitched like a girl about Gunner selling him out at the bar and tossing him out of the way for a title shot. Gunner is defending himself but he’s not good enough verbally to dig himself out of the accusations.

Brooke Tessmacher calls out Bully Ray so that he can get some creepy horror movie music. “It’s going to get a lot worse for everyone.” So it’s going to be worse than you “Almost taking down TNA” within the past year if I’m to believe what they told me on TV? What’s your plan, get TNA going like a cockroach after a nuclear winter? Thanks for adding to my material to mock.

– The second video for Magnus was much better. He’s putting a little heat on himself with the Main Event Mafia conspiracy. He could feud with Samoa Joe. I wouldn’t argue in the ring.

– I like the Joseph Park character more than the Abyss character. But how long can you keep running a gimmick that has a timid man who can’t wrestle? He has been good enough on the mic to fill a manager role but is that what the person playing him wants? I have my doubts. They could re-imagine the Abyss character too and make him a hybrid of his current characters or a have him flip between the personalities. I’ll give this angle a chance.

– I liked the third video package from Magnus too. He showed spine which he hadn’t done for months. The looming specter of Rockstar Spud and Dixie Carter makes this an angle that could turn into a train wreck if his personality can’t stand out from those two bafoons.

– I know I’m not breaking any new ground with this statement but Lai’d Tapa is super green. Having her in there with ODB, who isn’t exactly a technician herself, makes for a tough match to watch. Even Lai’d Tapa’s facial expressions are bad.

Magnus video number four credited Dixie Carter for seeing his brilliance. Hit the brakes Mr. Engineer!

– Holy Shit Snacks as Pam Hoovey would say. That was Dixie‘s announcement? The Bromans are joining Rockstar Spud & EC3? That isn’t a big announcement. I wasn’t paying attention to Dixie’s “announcements” already. If you’re going to make terrible announcements like that, I’ll be sure not to pay attention. Nothing about the Bromans should concern Sting or Jeff Hardy especially since it’s a tag match. 4 Chumps vs 2 Main Eventers.

– While watching the match, Mike Tenay reminds me the announcement was the coronation of Magnus as champion was the big announcement. Whoops. It’s still not going to make me pay attention to her big announcements because that’s just standard wrestling procedure 101. I’m pretty sure I just heard the wreck. The engineer didn’t brake in time. Speaking of that tactic book, EC3 rolling up Sting with a handful of tights is classic heel move 101 and is the best thing they’ve done for him so far. Too bad he still sucks. Jeff Hardy is gone until light shines on this kingdom. Very Jeff Hardy like announcement. He may not be as good as he was in the WWE, but I still think he’s kept his act fresh with the talk over videos and little tweaks to his character. Hardy toned down his in ring act enough to stick around. Whether it’s an angle or real, (I don’t remember reading anything on the topic) this isn’t a good time for Hardy to be skipping town. – Kevin

@ImpactWrestling “High Lights”

thefuzzyball.com

thefuzzyball.com

– I have no idea why they are simultaneously pushing Magnus and looking him look like a bitch by having him waffle. It’s not putting him in a cool “grey” spot by having his integrity questioned with the “injury” that hung Kurt Angle out to dry last week in a tag match. It’s making him look like a douche.

– I didn’t read the spoilers on who the new champion is. I didn’t read any spoilers in fact. So it was quite a surprise that Jeff Hardy beat Bobby Roode since there have been two storylines coming out of this tournament are Dixie Carter’s continued haggling with AJ Styles for the physical belt and Bobby Roode & Kurt Angle being on a collision course.

Ethan Carter the Third is terrible. I would take “Bad News” Barrett any day of the week over this guy. I do think they could make Barrett entertaining. EC3 had the deck stacked in this segment. He choose Earl Hebner as his opponent which is supposed to get him boos but it didn’t. To make matters worse, “Rockstar” Spud came out and made Brian Hebner referee the match. Earl was made to lay down and EC3 covered him with one finger. Brian told Earl “I’m sorry I have to do this” like Shawn Michaels to Ric Flair. EC3 still didn’t get heat. This gimmick isn’t working.

– The “pay off” for Joseph Park not being a lawyer was a dud too. I enjoy the act of Christopher Daniels & Kazarian more times than not but when they miss, it bombs. They lived up to their past ups and downs. It was also entirely too long for it’s relative importance to the rest of their show. It didn’t involve the  TNA Title Tournament or any other belt. Even if “Abyss” comes back as Eric Young seemed to warn, it doesn’t deserve this much time. They’ve teased his turn to Abyss so many times at this point, I don’t feel like they’ll pull the trigger. If they somehow turn this story into Joseph Park realizing that he is Abyss, I’m fine with it but would enjoy a hybrid character of Joseph Park knowing how to tap into his “Inner Abyss” without resorting to looking like the same bad Mankind 2.0 he was before.

– I’m glad Zema Ion could repackage himself. It’s a perfect obnoxious compliment to pump up the Jesse & Robbie E of the Bromans who really didn’t have a whole lot when they won the belts. Their victory really came out of nowhere. Even if Jesse & Robbie E drop the straps, they have more of an act to keep their heads up.

James Storm was mad at Gunner for throwing in the towel during a Last Man Standing match during the Tournament. The grudge was working well. For some reason in their match with the Bromans, Gunner loses his cool and shoves the referee because one of them spit on him. Wouldn’t the smart play be to continue the Storm is still banged up card and have the Bromans knock heads with him so that the victory looks tainted? Then Storm can still be pissed at the voice of reason Gunner? Instead their roles are completely reversed in this segment. It’s a real head scratcher.

#Impact365 is taking up too many segments. Just like the WWE, I’m not going to take a look at your online material because I watch too much of your programming already. To boot, by showing these clips from #Impact365 as much as you are tells me that you’re showing me the highlights. That gives me another reason to skip their online material. That being said, I did enjoy the Big E Langston video with Kaitlyn I saw earlier today.

– The main event was a Last Man Standing Match between Magnus and Kurt Angle in the Title Tournament. Having Bobby Roode the one that costs Kurt Angle the match gives more fire of their feud but it makes Magnus look weak again.

Dixie Carter just shouldn’t be on TV. I don’t want the McMahons on TV either. I rebel against authority. I listen to heavy metal and punk rock. The man is trying to bring down their own wrestling shows. – Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #ImpactWrestling

hello-from-on-stinker-to-another-700x449Boy, it has been a slow news week. I haven’t been able to dream up too much either. It’s been a bit of a stinker on the site. So why not continue to stink up the joint with a review of Impact Wrestling? Sounds like a plan to me. Let’s roll.

Okay, I know baby faces are supposed to be dumb. But they were dumb enough for the Tito Ortiz trap? Incredibly dumb. Tito Ortiz is with Bully Ray. Ken Anderson, just voted VP, is now in charge of himself. This Aces & Eights group has taken a serious hit recently. In name they’re a faction but in practice, they aren’t. Bobby Roode comes out with Christopher Daniels & Frankie Kazarian. Roode is the mouth piece. They’re going to do anything to win the BFG Series. They take their turns bragging. Roode asks Austin Aries to join them. James Storm shows up because enough people haven’t been in this opening segment yet. Gunner is in tow. Storm looks really good. Seems to have lost some weight. We get a tag match with Kazarian & Roode against the baby faces. What a cluster fuck of a segment.

I know it’s supposed to evoke a tough guy image to be fighting in jeans but it looks like a gay cowboy video.

swayze-roadhouse-fuck-guys-like-you-in-prisonI love Roadhouse but this segment looks gay. I mean, if you enjoy it, have at it. I don’t want to see it in my wrestling program. Roode cheats to win with a low blow. I don’t think that match got enough time after the break. Austin Aries cuts another good promo. He covers his bases to keep you guessing as to his decision. I pick he stays a loner.

Manik is taking on Sonjay Dutt. They show Hulk Hogan’s tweet about the X Division going to one on one action. Can I laugh when they inevitably have a three man match in the near future? Taz had someone in his past wear a mask all the time. You almost had me convinced, Taz. I was this close to buying it. Manik wins. Big surprise. Ken Anderson talks to a leaderless club house. Devon’s going to Testify. Having one less person in the group isn’t a bad thing. Even if it was one of the better members.

Joseph Park, Jay Bradley, Hernandez and Christopher Daniels fought over the last 20 point match. I have to give them credit. They’ve done a much better job of point attempts for each competitor. Nothing major happens before the break. Kazarian distracts Park. Dumb bell. Keep the Boston Crab locked. I do agree with Mike Tenay about the intent of the street fight rules, which is not having outside forces interfere. It’s still a man on man. Austin Aries brainbusters Daniels. Kaz & Roode chase him to the back. Bradley and Park are in the ring. Park sees blood, me go angry. Black Hole Slam. 20 points to Park. He’s out of the negatives. Eric Young is working with Park still.

Samoa Joe & Brutus pump up Rampage Jackson & Sting. Bull Ray comes out after a video package. Dear lord, he’s trying to claim we were suckered. No one believed it for a second. Tito Ortiz calls Rampage a dummy. Why has he been sapped of charisma like Rampage? Brooke Tessmacher, right? Yep. Brooke takes off his ring and spits it out. They both have the same chin.

Gail Kim is taking on ODB. I’m not excited. I’m glad they’ve gone back to normal refs in a woman’s match. Gail Kim is sneaky to get her turn at offense. Kim even botched a move, a shoulder breaker. ODB is bigger than she thought. The crowd is not getting into the crotch turn buckle smash. ODB needs to tweak the gimmick. Gail Kim takes advantage of early shoulder damage for the roll up pin. I like the result. Main event coming up next.

I buzzed thru the entrances but still listened to Ken Anderson babble. He gets to introduce Bully Ray & the posse. Sting gets to pump up the crowd. I guess that’s why he was silent earlier. AJ Styles saunters down to the ring. He’s so dreamy and mysterious. Oh my goodness, they’re even calling him the “Old” AJ Styles. Ha. At least they acknowledged their mistake. Not that this version is some master piece but it’s better than brooding bad boy. The crowd is eating it up so far. I still think Rampage is taking the pin fall. Brisco & Bischoff get to be the bitches for Aces & Eights.

This match does look better with only one team wearing jeans and most of their shirts being on. Wes Brisco still looks light in the loafers for going with the vest only look. I did see the news that AJ’s contract is up soon. I don’t see him being WWE material unless he discovers a better character. Rampage is in the middle of the ring. He barely executes some moves. Knux gets put in the Scorpion. Devon saves him. Sting with the lamest kick out ever. AJ gets to clean house. AJ pins Devon with the Styles Clash. Wow. I didn’t see that one coming. -Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #iMPACTWrestling

Jeff Hardy's shirt reminds me of Impressionist paintings. This one is Sunrise by Monet, who is a favorite of mine.

James Storm is distraught over not winning the TNA Title. I’m not the biggest fan of this happening. They do make things work. I thought Bobby Roode would have been dropping the title too soon, which I don’t think I’d said in my previous reviews. I still think Storm should have won but they gave him a nice out by having him practically won. Roode comes out to gloat. I’m digging the new hair cut. It fits a suit better. Roode says he has no opponents left which brings out Mr. Anderson. Roode tells him to get to the back of the pack. Jeff Hardy hobbles out. He thinks he deserves a title shot. Him & Anderson argue. Hulk Hogan wants all the champs out in the ring later. Hardy will fight Anderson.

Crimson & Bully Ray team against Matt Morgan & Austin Aries. Morgan starts against Crimson. They continue to do the heavy work but Crimson was on offense most of the time. Aries gets the tag and brings the fun to the match. Bully Ray pulls the trunks to win. Garrett Bischoff is sauntering in the back.

Hardy thinks it’s his turn to get the title. Jeff thinks it was a good call by Hogan for the match. Garrett comes out. The crowd is excited for the guys around him but go silent when he starts talking. He thanks AJ Styles, RVD & Anderson along with Aries in the back. Ric Flair interrupts the blow jobs. Flair tells Garrett the truth when he rips his mic work. This story continues. Please kill me. They bleep the Bischoff for Eric. Woof. If you’re going to rip someone else’s mic work, bring something other than your worst. Christopher Daniels was holding evidence about AJ Styles. Double Ugh.

Magnus & Samoa Joe talk to Devon about the champs meeting. Short & pointless. Kurt Angle is taking on AJ Styles. My cable cut out of the match but went to commercial. I didn’t miss much. Styles is in control after the break. Daniels gives AJ whatever is in the mystery envelope. AJ screams “How’d you get this?” Angle rolls up AJ for the win. If it was AJ this whole time, why did you wait to reveal it? Stop continuing story lines that suck. Joseph Park tries to talk to Gunner. Park wants answers. Gunner tells him to ask Bully Ray because they wrestled together last.

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Kevin’s Blog: A Day Late & A Dollar Short Review of #iMPACTWrestling

I’m doing this blog because I’m pissed about the Penguins booting a second consecutive game. I’m hoping they can return the favor in Philly. Sunday is huge. No excuses here. Philly played better after giving up the initial goals early in both games. You should win any game you score five goals in. Oh well, it’s sports. Once you’ve gone thru real bull shit, this doesn’t look as important. I’m still pretty pissed though. Why else would I be carping?

Fry The Delivery Guy is going to be doing us a solid. He’s going to Lockdown and he’s going to help us bring some extra content. Probably in the verbal variety but we’ve got to work out the details. Let’s roll.

This crowd is awesome. A “We Don’t Care” chant. We don’t care about this guys. Eric Bischoff introduces his team. I don’t care. Garrett Bischoff only announces Mr. Anderson who is going to take on Gunner. We got a commercial. I forgot that the best of three series gets the first in privileges. They tease Garrett’s other team members. Boy, I don’t know, maybe it’ll be the people who are feuding with Eric’s team members? Wow, what a stupid baby face. Anderson gets himself DQed. The crowd evens out chants by chanting “Anderson”. Dummies.

Eric Young is talking to himself. Joseph Park introduces himself. The camera guy gets cute and shows a shot in the mirror. For some reason Park is grilling EY about Abyss. He seemed to give up the second he asked a question to everyone else. Chris Sabin learned about the size of his heart. Alex Shelley gets to run down some facts. I like them going for the titles but it seems a little forced for this PPV. TNA’s problem is the same as WWE’s. No tag team depth. Brutus comes out and challenges them. Joe gets to act tough. Joe can’t be watching WWE these days. Mexican America comes out. That isn’t depth. I’d take the Usos any day of the week. Each of the real tag teams gets to bitch an MA member.

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