New TNA Jeff Hardy album isn’t released, it escaped!

Jeff Hardy -

“A-duuuhhhhhhhhhhhh”

According to Prowrestling.net, TNA mega-super-duperstar Jeff Hardy has released his debut album, “Similar Creatures,” on the TNA Knockout Music label. (Wow, really TNA? A record label? I know WWE has one too, but I assure you this was a money-making strategy and not another example of a presidential hairbrush handle in the cooch.) For those of you who haven’t heard Mumbly Jeff Hardy’s post-grunge flounderings in the past, waste your own time Googling it, I’m at work right now. But I assure you, the same kids who run around their backyards like Day-Glo mongoloids in their Jeff Hardy T-shirts and wristbands are going to listen to this and cringe. And keep in mind, they eat paste. -Eric

Kevin Nash shoot interview features stories from the WWF in (hold your nose) 1995

We at Stunt Granny don’t like to promote things we aren’t going to make money on (which is why we don’t promote anything, including Hold For Swank, whose albums are available on iTunes). What we like to do is be entertained by pro wrestlers and then share that entertainment with you. I ran across a trailer, posted on July 9, for the Kayfabe Commentaries “Timeline: The History of WWE: 1995: Kevin Nash” DVD (not sure how many colons really belong there) and laughed out loud enough that I thought I’d better post it. Nash is a Stunt Granny favorite (Kevin and Dan met him at PWO’s Wrestlelution last year, plus he’s just a funny guy), so if you’re as into inside wrestling stories, quick humor and the word “fuck” as we are, check out the trailer and consider buying the DVD.

Daniel Bryan, Snidely “A.J.” Whiplash star in WWE No Way Out commercial

Sorry, I know this isn’t really news, but I’m a sucker for this old-timey stuff. I think that’s why I love episodes of “The Simpsons” written by Conan O’Brien or John Swartzwelder, and why my band Hold For Swank included a track on our latest CD with “damsel in distress” music. Must have been all that “Rocky & Bullwinkle” I watched as a kid. Credit to OhSoDivalicious for this news. -Eric

TNA star Matt Morgan to appear on old MTV show “Made”

Douche hair? Check. Glittery MMA shirt with dress pants? Check. Flowers in background? Double check.

According to PWTorch.com, TNA star Matt Morgan will appear on an episode of “Made.” The show still airs on MTV, but under the Viacom media umbrella, CMT has picked up a version of the show aimed at adults. Morgan appears in an episode where a 28-year-old police officer attempts to fulfill his dream of becoming a TNA superstar. Other people who have had that same dream include White Trash McGee, Dipshit Reynolds, Big Shirtless Ron, and Abyss. Lesson to be learned: If you dream of being a WWE superstar, work your way up through the ranks, then try out for the highly rated, critically acclaimed “Tough Enough;” if you dream of being a TNA wrestler, go to the same show where fat girls get dressed up as prom queens.

In other news, my band, Hold For Swank, has had original music used on similar reality shows, such as “Real World/Road Rules Challenge,” “True Life,” “Cribs” and “Parental Control.” In fact, 11 of our songs have been picked up for nearly two dozen episodes of these shows and more. This alone makes us better than Matt Morgan. -Eric

Hacksaw Jamie Duggan

Yep, whoring out pictures of hot women again.

It was announced yesterday (Dot Net story) that Miss USA (USA, USA) Rima Fakih will be one of the contestants on Tough Enough. She said: “Miss USA is an incredible honor that’s provided invaluable experience which will undoubtedly help me as I push my performance and athletic skills to the limit. I look forward to learning if I have the mettle to make it in WWE.” This development will help draw zero interest to the show except for the blurbs that will get mentioned in the mainstream media, if you count where this story broke as mainstream. If Eric is lucky, Rima will teach him how to pole dance. – Kevin

Hold For Swank needs to add a pole to their live shows.

Spoilers From Tonight’s WWE Raw Taping II

Stunt Granny is live again for the second time in a month at Raw!

I forgot that Mr. Eric Nelson is attending Raw tonight from Des Moines, Iowa. He’s passing along some spoilers so I’m here to add my snarky comments to his live texting. Let’s rock this bitch out like Hold For Swank.

8:19 PM EST – Almost no reactions for anyone during the mania intro video, just lots of woos. Could be an interesting crowd. (Great, let’s hope this crowd doesn’t sit on it’s hands like the ones in Cleveland.)

8:26 PM EST – Jack swagger beat jason jones. Dominated him grappling. jones showed decent fire on two hope spots, swagger won with his finish. Lots of boos. (Swagger really should get a name for his gut wrench power bomb.)

8:44 PM EST – Evan and primo beat carlito and chavo in a good ten minute match for superstars. Great reaction for evan, afew cheers for carlito. Rate battery, no show. (The last comment was his answer to us doing a short live show afterwards. I have no fucking idea what a rate battery is though. Let me go to bed on time at least.)

8:56 PM EST – Gail kim over katie lea. Not bad at all. Katie worked an arm and gail sold it like two pros (and unlike most guys). (That’s not too big of a shock to me. I could gripe about the WWE using their women wrong but it’d be as useful slamming my head against a brick wall.)

See! We told you! (Win a date with Salinas on eBay)

Were not the kind of guys to say we told you so, but we... told you so! HAHAHAHA!

We're not the kind of guys to say we told you so, but we... told you so! HAHAHAHA!

Alright, kids, start sending your UNICEF pennies to me: Shelly Martinez, aka Salinas, aka Ariel, aka Jeremy’s boo, has put herself up for bid on eBay:

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls … Have we got a very, very special auction for you! Up for your bidding pleasure is a chance to sit down, eat great food, talk and enjoy an afternoon/evening with one of the hottest ladies in professional wrestling … Shelly Martinez! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity deal! You don’t want to miss out on this one…

This auction includes lunch/dinner with Shelly at the world famous Mr Chow restaurant in Beverly Hills, California. Art, celebrity and superb cuisine all blend together in this internationally renowned restaurant under the direction of Michael Chow. The MR CHOW in Beverly Hills very quickly became a hangout spot, and exhibition space for some of the biggest stars in Hollywood’s Cafe Society. (more information about this historical restaurant can be found at http://www.mrchow.com/therestaurants/beverlyhills/)

I’m Mr. Chow, that’s my name, that name again is Mr. Chow…

And just to be sure everyone is clear, they reprint this important information:

This offer cannot be transferred into any other offer. (SG Note: I’m assuming this is directed toward us and means if we win, we can’t make a sexual offer. Nuts.) If date and time has been scheduled and winning bidder does not arrive, you cannot receive any type of refund.

Winning bidder will get the following:
– Lunch/Dinner with Shelly Martinez (date & time to be determined by both parties)
– Your photo with Shelly, which she will autograph for you!

She needs to autograph my crank and chow down on my balls. She is so hot… but doggone it, there’s just something in me that won’t allow me add to the THIRTY-EIGHT OTHER BIDS which have gotten up to $12,800. I mean for fuck’s sake, people. She’s not even gonna sexify you. She made that abundantly clear when we offered to pay for an apartment wrestling match with her: Shelly Martinez’s services are not up for sale! Oh… -Eric

P.S. To fully get my “up for bids” reference, check out my band Hold For Swank’s song “Does She Realize?” available on iTunes now!

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