Hulk Hogan challenges YOU to get fit, brother!

They *could* be forcing you to eat *this.*

Want to lose weight but can’t find the time, money, motivation, advice, supplements, energy, closest gym or sleeveless shirts? Is your role model someone — anyone — other than a shrinking, balding, orange, self-aggrandizing rich piece of white trash in whiskered Hollister jeans who couldn’t keep his family glued together with 10 tons of Honky Tonk Man’s Brylcreem and a thousand prayers to the big man above? And have you ever even fucking heard of Body By Vi? Well, don’t let any of that shit stop you! Hulk Hogan has signed on as the official celebrity mustachioed face of the Body By Vi Challenge; in 90 days of drinking some shitty meal replacement shake, you too could look completely average like the nobodies at the bottom of this Web site.

And the least-average-looking person of the bunch wins the Hogan Transformation Vacation, including a free Hollywood vacation (where no one looks the least bit normal, either), a free cruise (where you’ll probably eat undercooked shellfish and puke your remaining guts out for six uncomfortable days and seven diarrhea-filled nights), and — get this — personal time with Hulk Hogan and the Body By Vi trainers! If you’ve ever wanted one photo, one high five, and a complete brush-off by the Hulkster himself, now is your chance! Sign up today! (Syringes and Ed “The Mule” Leslie sold separately.) -Eric

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