Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

I was going to do an introduction but it’ll have to wait because CM Punk is already in the middle of a ridiculous promo to open the show. I know that heels are supposed to play up a dirty finish but this is so ludicrous. Punk claims he didn’t collaborate with the referee. Punk starts to make his case for how bad Brad Maddox is as a referee. That’s a little firmer footing. It still doesn’t make the whole act stupid. I mean, can people be that delusional? The sad answer is probably yes. Mick Foley hits the ring for a surprise appearance. I wonder if it has to do with Punk calling Vickie the GM of Raw. Punk talking about Foley’s garbage wrestling very well. Already hyping Survivor Series, Team Foley vs Team Punk. Ryback gets a chance to talk. Punk is hiding already so no mic time for Ryback.

JTG is the sacrificial lamb to Ryback. JTG is smaller but closer in size than I expected. I read some of Dusty’s article below during the match. Ryback has mic time with Josh Matthews. Feed Me Punk. The WWE loves the chant these days. They have showed an awful lot of a pay per view I purchased. Both championship match material too.

Randy Orton gets another match against Wade Barrett. I still haven’t read all of Dusty’s article but I don’t think Del Rio has any upside. They’ve given that dude far too much time already near the top of the heap and he’s done nothing with it. What fun would it be if we all agree, right? Nice to see JR & Cool pointing out Barrett watched HIAC since we know it’s taboo to watch the product. Orton in control at the break. Strangely enough, after the break Barrett is in control. I agree with Dusty about Orton’s staleness but think the crowd’s reaction to him tonight is the reason he’s sticking around. Orton with an RKO win over Barrett. Not a fan but expected it. Ideally Barrett would beat Orton at a PPV anyway to put a real stamp of approval on him. AJ Lee is in Vickie‘s office. She taunts her over giving her job back. Vickie asks for AJ’s biggest weakness. Vickie taunts with the crazy word.

I don’t regret FF thru Kane & Daniel Bryan‘s ring entrances. The Prime Time Players are their opponents. Um, they lost last night. They shouldn’t be awarded with a match with the champs. I’m loving PTP’s trunks. Bryan takes the pain for his team again. Kane gives Young a chokeslam. Bryan tags himself in and submits Young.

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Hulk Hogan wins the first battle. Weilds a large pimp hand.

Yet another national crisis has nearly come to end dear readers. No I am not talking about Frankenstorm Sandy , I am referring to the litigation involved in the Hulk Hogan Sex tape. Hulk Hogan has reportedly come to a settlement with Bubba The Love Sponge according to TMZ. Terms were not disclosed but that doesn’t matter. What does matter is that Hogan is still suing Gawker and Heather Clem. As a reminder the lawsuit is for $100 million. If Hogan wins this suit this could be the most expensive and haunting penis this woman has ever received.

But really how awesome is Hulk Hogan? Not only does his old wrinkled ass get to bang out a young hot broad but now he is suing her directly for a cash settlement?  Hulk Hogan’s pimp hand has to be as large as his schlong. This old bastard has no right soiling this young woman’s vag but he does and he does himself proud. Now he is turning around expecting her to pay up because they taped the deed and it somehow leaked out for the entire world to see. We should all be so lucky.

I do not understand the big deal. When I am Hogan’s age and some sweet young cooz wants to suckle on the dong of fame then by all means go ahead. Just give me a copy so I can show the rest of the gang here at Stunt Granny. Hell, I would rent out an Imax theater and stretch that shit out to make it fit. (See what I did there?) -Jeremy

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