Headlines: Estimated buys for TNA Slammiversary, Chris Jericho to get Canadian “sitcom,” @CrrankyVince is back!

Make that 15 thousand and TWO!

According to Gerweck.net (hey, it’s storming out and I can’t sleep, so I’m trolling), estimated buys for TNA Slammiversary are in (courtesy Wrestling Observer Newsletter), and they’re about as pretty as Dixie Carter spread eagle on a bed of Abyss posters: Around 15,000 legally purchased the event, while countless others illegally streamed it online, and another bazillion people had been made to feel like god damn fools for ever paying attention to this company and didn’t even bother to steal it. The thing is, I caught last week’s Impact, and I liked it. One week down, 519 more weeks to go until we’re even, TNA.

According to SEScoops.com (hey, I have a gas bubble and I can’t sleep), Chris Jericho will begin work on a new scripted Internet drama, “But I’m Chris Jericho.” The format appears to be 4-minute episodes, with 10 episodes planned, written by some guys from Canada. One can only hope this falls somewhere between IFC’s “Portlandia” and Colt Cabana’s “Creative Has Nothing For You” on the Laff-o-Meter (where “Portlandia” is “good”).

Finally, in the best news I’ve heard since TNA only got 15K buys for its second-biggest show of the year, Cranky Vince is back!!! For those of you who enjoyed the @CrankyVince parody Twitter account before the soulless, humorless thugs of WWE abused their relationship with Twitter to have the account suspended, hold your breath in petulant 4-year-old anger no more! You can now follow “Vince” again @CrrankyVince. Who really knows if this account is run by the same genius behind the original Cranky Vince, but it’s here, it’s probably accurate, and it’s in all caps, so quit belly-aching and start following!

Cast of WWE “Legends House” does Zumba, recreates seven-car pile-up

Click the link below to watch the slow trainwreck.

According to Prowrestling.net (watch the video at this link), the cast of WWE’s new program, “Legends House,” set to air on the WWE Network in April of Fucking Never, attended a Zumba class, because nothing says “retired legend of popular form of entertainment” like a bunch of old fat guys (Jim Duggan, Jimmy Hart, Roddy Piper, Hillbilly Jim, Pat Patterson, Gene Okerlund and Howard Finkel) in ICOPRO tank tops dancing to the latest exercise class fad. I get it, they’re all buffoons, whoopty doo. Between this and other rumored programs such as “WWE Countdown” (where the pimply masses pick the top news of the week) and “Law & Order: KGB” starring Iron Sheik, Nikolai Volkoff and Doug E. Fresh, I cannot wait for the WWE Network to launch sometime around September of When I Put My Balls On a Band Saw. -Eric

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