Stunt Granny Audio #255

The better half.

The better half.

If you were wondering why it is considerably more sexy in here, it is because Dusty and Kevin are back for another rousing edition of Stunt Granny Audio. Kevin starts things off by breaking things down in the NHL Stanley Cup playoffs, and Dusty retaliates by regaling us with the lowdown on the NBA playoffs. They then move on to talking about the latest episode of Monday Night Raw. Dusty is still disgusted by the overly long Gettysburg Address reading interviews that WWE seems to love. Does Paul Heyman get a pass for his work? Where does Rob Van Dam fit in to this current landscape? Is Stephanie McMahon the worst?

They then break down which promotion has the better looking women – WWE or WCW. Which TNA performer has that ass? Which ring announcer chick does Dusty prefer – Renee Young or Christy Hemme? If you have to ask, you’ll never know. Do they have any faith in Jeff Jarrett and Global Force Wrestling making a dent in TNA’s business? What kind of pizza do they prefer? Who was the better member of the Powers of Pain? All that and a whole lot more nonsense, and if you don’t listen, you’re going to get arrested for public stupidity.

MVP “Holla to the World” features skanks, cars, white T-shirts, soulless beats

Former WWE superstar MVP (follow him on Twitter at @The305MVP) released a song and a video titled “Holla at the World” where the pro wrestler presumably hollas at the world. How does he do it, you ask? Well, with the help of three skanks walking under a bridge in a desolate part of town (0:17); with the help of a punk-rock white-chick bartender serving drinks to billiards-shooting bikini broads (1:24); with the help of a guy who looks like if Kanye West spent a night on the town with Matt Hardy bouncing from Cracker Barrel to Cracker Barrel (1:51); and with the help of the barely employed Carlito (3:27; yeah, hanging out with your ratty friend who only has a job thanks to his dad will help you get the women).

I don’t know who produced the beats for this song, but they sound like they were purchased from some stock bin and were made in Fruity Loops or Garage Band by a rich white kid with nothing else better to do. MVP also makes the rookie MC mistake of trying to squeeze too many god damn words into one song, like this is the only chance he’ll ever have to share the contents of his diary journal notebook rhyme collection with us. “Love the models in HOTTUBS WAIT I HAVE MORE WORDS TO SPIT OUT!” Calm down, Veep, I’m sure you’ll release another video (that you record in front of a green screen in the mall) whether we want you to or not. -Eric

Forrest Gump, er, I mean Bob Holly opens wrestling school

"Duhhhh, so yer the one who baought mah shirt?"

"Duhhhh, so yer the one who baought mah shirt?"

Apparently Bob Holly, who was only ever given the Intercontinental Title out of charity, and whom God correctly struck twice with his Kurt Angle-aided broken arm and Brock Lesnar-approved broken neck, has opened a wrestling school. Yep, here’s the website: http://bobholly3.tripod.com/. The “3” in the URL makes me think that this mongoloid tried numerous times to get a website up and running. He probably kicked the shit out of his computer redneck style out of frustration. “Gawd dammit, why don’t this gard darn thang cumm up on my clickety-clickety bahx??” When someone says “computer,” he probably only hears “Puder” and goes ape-shit, kickin’ over his mud fence and spillin’ his spittoon everywhere. And Kip James/Billy Gunn is the other trainer. Man, think of the heights their students will reach! Maybe Sam Houston will swing by and guest teach. Maybe Zeus will have a class on the Art of the Promo. Nah, something tells me Bob Holly wouldn’t take kindly to Zeus’ type ’round those parts. -Eric

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