Kevin’s Twitter Compilation of @ImpactWrestling

Tweet: Oh, the picture of Hogan in the hospital is priceless for comedy. Pay Back Time doesn’t sound like you’re mad enough.

Tweet: I liked Storm’s promo but he hit 4 topics: Aries, Roode, Aces & Eights & Kurt Angle. That’s a bit much.

Tweet: How neither Taz nor Tenay guessed it was Aces & Eights. Ah nevermind. They’re terrible announcers. After The Show: The announcers sat there and wondered why Kurt Angle wasn’t showing up. I hate announcers playing the super dumb card.

Tweet: Remember when Pope had lots of untapped talent in WWE? Yeah, it’s getting foggy for me too. After The Show: I remember when he had lots of talent in TNA too. Then he got caught in the endless Devon’s children feud after a botched feud with Samoa Joe, his opponent last night. Some people have no luck. He’s one of them.

Tweet: TNA wants you to check Twitter so that you can see that their roster got even more bloated with Chavo Guerrero.

Tweet: It was a fluke Jason Hervey! Aren’t you glad you’re producing Z grade shows with Eric Bischoff?

Tweet: At least TNA has had the good sense to keep Robbie T out of the ring. They need to kill this lame gimmick though. After The Show: I think the guido gimmick could still work but neither TNA nor the WWE have gotten behind the guy and allowed a consistent theme to be established. Robbie E just happens to be more lame than Zack Ryder who has his own take on the gimmick that feels much more personal.

Tweet: Jeff Hardy is a moron. After The Show: He was a moron because he got counted out attacking Robbie T. You’ve beat worse odds plus, do you lose your hearing when you attack someone? Shouldn’t you be able to hear the ref especially when you’re no more than ten feet from him?

Tweet: EY mention the name of the program you’re hosting you dumb ass! After The Show: Come on, I even mentioned it in this dumb column. You need people to watch your show to get it renewed. Why mention a new program without a channel or show name. Maybe the dumbest thing in wrestling for this week.

Continue reading

TNA Audio #6 – The Ghost Of Big Dick Dudley

Silly babyface, champagne is for heels.

This week, Dusty and Matt focus on the February 16 edition of TNA Impact Wrestling. This is a very special Impact, because it just so happened to fall on Dusty’s birthday. Did TNA celebrate Dusty’s birthday properly? Well, you can find out by listening to this audio as our intrepid heroes delve into such topics as:

-Why do fat ECW alums have such great calves?

-So Cal Val must have used her stroke backstage with the powers to be because she appeared on this episode no fewer than two times!

-Who exactly was that MMA announcer jabroni and why was he being interviewed by Christy Hemme?

-Why is it that Brandon Jacobs is tougher than any wrestler in the locker room?

And a whole lot more stuff about a show that they both enjoyed, in an audio replete with Under Siege and Daria references for your entertainment, and it’s only going to cost you about an hour of your time, so if you have a heart at all, you’ll wish Dusty a happy happy birthday by downloading this bad boy immediately.

Stunt Granny TNA Audio Show #6

TNA Audio #2 – The Road To Nowhere

If you don't listen, Dusty will do next week's audio wearing a turkey suit!

Oh my god, they renewed the contract for another week! By George, maybe this is catching on after all. This week, Dusty and Matt focus on the January 19 edition of Impact. Topics include but are not limited to these exciting things:

-The debut of the segment sweeping the nation, “Ask A Random Question.”

-More long diatribes about how no one in this godforsaken company knows how to dress himself.

-How exactly is mental retardation supposed to be funny?

-How many different ways can they come up with to end the show with a dirty finish?

Stunt Granny TNA Audio Show #2

And a whole lot more, and it’s only going to take about an hour of your time, so you need to listen or else you’ll be the only one in neighborhood who’s not, and no one wants to be the outcast.

Headlines: Chris Bosh loves pro wrestling, Hulk Hogan’s midget show debuts tonight

"I wanted to play basketball... *sigh*"

Not to distract from Matt Hardy’s failure of a life, but… Miami Heat forward Chris Bosh was on ESPN’s “Mike and Mike in the Morning” today discussing the NBA lockout, and the guys asked Bosh about the celebration when LeBron James announces his signing with the Heat, alongside Bosh and Dwayne Wade. He said he loved it because:

I grew up watching wrestling, I grew up watching Hulk Hogan.

That’s all well and good, but why is it that when I typed “chris bosh” into Google, the first suggested result was “chris bosh gay”? I’m positive the two things have nothing to do with each other.

In related news, according to Prowrestling.net, Hulk Hogan’s Micro Championship Wrestling makes its debut tonight at 9 p.m. central on TruTV. Hogan is the celebrity of the Eric Bischoff/Jason Hervey-produced show, which makes sense, because no one knows the real names of even the most famous midgets (Mini Me, Tattoo, that guy from “Elf” who’s not believable in those dramatic movies, and that little creep from “Body Slam“). I’m sure midgets around the world are thrilled that, after years of trying to overcome the term “midget” and replace it with “little person,” Hulk Hogan has put his stamp of approval on the word “micro.” They’d probably start a write-in campaign, but they’re too short to reach the mail slot. (TM Bobby Heenan) -Eric

Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 5/28/11

1. Chyna – The girl is back at it again and backing it up with two gay porn guys. It may not be confirmed her co-stars are gay but have you ever watched porn? No way are those guys straight. No straight male looks at his rod pistoning some sweet vagina and looks disgusted. Sure we have all had our share of pigs but even that is no excuse. – Jeremy

2. Kharma – Sticking with the boot knocking, she is pregnant. It’s not like there is a good time to have a kid but this is a bad time to have a kid. She was getting a mega-push on a national television show. If she was in TNA this would be better news since no one cares about them anyway. – Jeremy

3. Ric Flair – Can he now add fugitive to his long list of accomplishments? He owes money and autographs to HighSpots and that sentence couldn’t be funnier. The man owes signatures, ink from a pen he is holding as payment. The justice system sucks a dick. Unless of course he has to sign with his mouth like he is pushing a wheelchair.-  Jeremy

4. Hulk Hogan – He took his “Hulk Hogan and Friends” tour back on the road, trotting out such Saturday Night’s Main Event-era cronies as Koko B. Ware, Greg Valentine and the Nasty Boys to share stories about how great Hogan, Andre the Giant, Hogan, Macho Man Randy Savage and Hogan are. Did you know Hulk tore up his entire back bodyslamming Andre while fearfully accepting the torch from the angry Giant? I think Pontiac Silverdome’s attendance is up to about seven hundred thousand now. – Eric

5. Eric Bischoff – He and Jason Hervey got a show concept starring Cee-Lo Green, um, green-lit; he was seen with Bill Goldberg, possibly courting him for TNA; and he spoke eloquently on why Ring of Honor’s sale to Sinclair Broadcast Group means next to nothing in the big scheme of things. Say what you will, but he’s a *busy* douchebag. – Eric

6. Carly – My girlfriend and I caught the end of Raw this week, and when she saw Rey Mysterio — black mask, black pants and dark tattoos — standing on the second rope, emotively encouraging the crowd to clap as John Cena crawled to the corner for the hot tag, she glared at the screen, paused for about half a second, then declared, “Fag.” I love her. – Eric

7. Tough Enough – We’re down to three contestants – Jeremiah, who is having problems not killing his opponent in the ring but has the best charisma; Luke, who is cockier than he should be because he’s not that special but his look definitely fits into the WWE; and Andy, who the WWE probably likes because he’s tall and they can probably give him some “vitamins” to become a monster. The finale is on Memorial Day. Too bad that the only star (re)made out of this show will be Steve Austin and possibly Bill DeMott. – Kevin

8. CM Punk – You’ve got to love this guy whether he’s performing in the ring or skewering someone on Twitter (@CMPunk, for us go to @StuntGranny). Though he proclaims to not want to get the cheers of the fans, he clearly does little and big things in the ring to get the cheers. This week, he wore pink trunks and yellow boots (a staple Macho Man color scheme) then went for the top rope elbow. If the WWE doesn’t resign him, I’m sure they’ll keep their same 3 point something rating. – Kevin

9. Jacques Rougeau – Rockin’ the newsreel lately. Peep this:

Jacques Rougeau Jr had his last match last night.

The match was the main event of the long scheduled last show of the Rougeau Gym winter/spring tour in Drummondville, saw 5000 people pack the Marcel Dionne Centre (150000$ gate). Rougeau worked a tag team match with his oldest son Jean-Jacques.

After the match, Rougeau removed his wrestling gear (Pads and boots) and threw them in the crowd. He then said that he still felt good but that at age 50, it was time to go. He said he felt that the Rougeau name would live on forever thanks to his 3 sons (more on that later) and the rest of the roster.

At a press conference after the show, he announced that he would graduate an unprecedented 20 students class in July which will double the roster size of his promotion. He also said he was considering running full-time rather than doing tours, and that he was in discussions with Quebecor about having a weekly TV show on the upcoming TVA Sports channel.

This show was marked by the return of Cedric Rougeau, the 2nd oldest son of Jacques’ who had dissapeared years ago due to “injury”. Cedric had been working matches under a mask with midgets as a kid but towards the end he had gotten too big for midget matches and too small / frail for full-sized matches. Many people had speculated that the “injury” was in fact puberty.

Well, the days of being too small for anything are OVER for Mr. Rougeau: He re-emerged, at 17 years old, as a hulking, muscular, Lesnar-sized 6’7″ behemoth. He will start working regular matches in July. If he can work, and there’s no indications showing me that he can’t, this guy will one day sell out the Bell Centre for Rougeau Gym.

Sunny days ahead for Montreal wrestling!

Here’s a family picture taken last night showing, from left to right: little Emile Rougeau (working midget matches until he gets “injured…” but the “midget” he works with seems to grow up too…they’re both larger than midgets now.), the hulking Cedric Rougeau, the smaller but talented J.J. Rougeau, and papa Jacques.

And then there’s the little matter of this video:

Thanks to Miquelio for that. – Dusty

10. Averno – WWE is playing small ball! Read:

Super Luchas reported on their cover today that Averno will be signing with WWE and most likely dropping his mask to La Mascara at CMLL’s next big show on June 17th.The story claims that he had a tryout match with WWE last fall and did well, but WWE was concerned about his age. However, Sin Cara isn’t getting over like they thought he would feuding with guys like Chavo Guerrero Sr., and so the idea is they need to bring in someone who can work his style and showcase his strengths, which Averno can do. The story claims WWE is looking at two other young CMLL luchadors as well.  
 
I’m not sure in today’s wrestling environment this is the best way to get Sin Cara over. He just needs to fight American professional wrestlers that can actually wrestle, as opposed to Chavo Guerrero. In fact, he’d be better off facing Chavo Classic at this point than Chavo Jr. An extended feud with, say, Evan Bourne could potentially elevate both of them. Obviously that is not in the cards. – Dusty
 
11. Cats are awesome – They fucking are. – Dusty
 

Bischoff’s Micro Championship Wrestling to tape a… short time from now :-D

midget wrestlers

"We've come a long way, baby!"

According to PWTorch.com, Eric Bischoff, in his infinite wisdom and neuron-firing, has created a midget wrestling company of his own — not affiliated with the midget wrestling company Spike TV has in the works — that will start taping for TV on Thursday. BHE Entertainment (where the “H” is for “Hervey” and the “E” is for “Eeeeyikes, this is gonna suck”) plans to tape the new Micro Championship Wrestling at Universal Studios in TNA’s “iMPACT! Zone” but has stated fans should not wear TNA clothing, as this show must have a completely different look and feel. Let’s see, midgets wrestling in a sparsely-attended craphole… if the fans wear Green Lantern shirts, we can confuse it for Ring of Honor! -Eric

%d bloggers like this: