Weekend Rewind – Jim Ross is Bruce Arians

im_not_retiredJim Ross was all of the weekend news unless you count Ryback deleting Tweets that joked about his possible retirement. Dolph Ziggler can’t remember if that was a good joke. Part one of the Jim Ross news tour is that he is close to signing a deal with Fox Sports. In his own words

Fox provides an amazing platform for creative work and for the many projects that I am working on during the most unretired time of my life. Fox has some potentially, amazing creative ideas for me of which I hope that we get to collaborate on sooner than later.

Jim Ross saying that he’s unretired makes me think back to when Bruce Arians “retired” from the Pittsburgh Steelers. What really happened was Dan Rooney decided to force Arians to retire because they felt he was too close to Ben Roethlisberger. I’m starting to get the feeling that the WWE had a similar feeling. Maybe Ross had the ear off too many people in the talent pool so the WWE had him “retire”. The positive for Bruce Arians was there was another thirty one teams that he could work for. Jim Ross on the other hand had to convince people he could do something other than talk about sports entertainment.

The next piece of Jim Ross news was the fact that he could be doing his one man show “Ringside” in New Orleans during the weekend of Wrestlemania, possibly at the House of Blues. Jason Powell(Click on the first link) was nice enough to look up the fact that the venue only holds 843 people. Whoever is booking for Good Ole’ JR is an idiot. If Ring of Honor can sell out a couple of thousand during this very same weekend, Ross could do a much larger venue. You’re just leaving money on the table. Now I’ve just got to figure out if reporting on the one man show will get us more hits than me trying every beer from every brewery in New Orleans. Choices, choices.

Even though the WWE forced Jim Ross into early “retirement” they still realize that he is a useful asset to have at your beck and call when it comes to making DVDs. The subject that this new DVD will cover is Paul Heyman, which is awesome. That’s the other difference between Bruce Arians and Jim Ross. Even though Ross doesn’t have another option (TNA and ROH aren’t serious options) he can work as a consultant for the WWE. Bruce Arians wasn’t going to be used as a consultant for the new offensive coordinator. So, you may not like Ross for towing the company line even though they forced him into retirement but he’ll be more than happy to take that check they give him to make up for said forced retirement. Kudos to Jim Ross, make money inside and outside the system. – Kevin

TNA Belts Get Jacked In Iowa

Pictured above: a gentleman who paid way more than $400 for his belt.

From Jason Powell, by way of KCCI.com:

TNA has arrested two Iowa men and charged them with stealing the TNA Title belt and a replica version of the strap. Joel Luke, 33, was charged with second-degree theft. Forrest Jamison, 39, was charged as an accessory.

This was really supposed to be Eric’s story, but he’s neck deep in dirty dirty whores, so here I go reporting on the continuing saga of white trash methheads vs. civilized society. According to Powell, the TNA Title championship belt was valued at $6,000 and the replica version at $400. Mama mia, that’s a lot of dangerous illegal drugs! And they would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn’t for you meddling kids! And that dog!

Also of note here is that this somehow makes TNA seem even more low rent than they already do. You just get the feeling this kind of thing would *never* happen to WWE, no matter how erratic Vince McMahon is behind the scenes. We here at Stunt Granny will follow this beat for you, the loyal reader, no matter what twists and turns this sordid tale takes. That’s carny for “We will forget this story tomorrow.” – Dusty

TNA decides they aren’t going out of business quickly enough

According to the esteemed, well dressed Jason Powell:

TNA Impact Wrestling is going live all summer. TNA announced that the show will air live beginning May 31 when the show shifts to the 7:00 p.m. CT slot. The announcement states that it will “continue through the summer.” You can read the official statement at Impactwrestling.com/news/item/3524-TNA-IMPACT-WRESTLING-Celebrates-Summer-2012-By-Going-LIVE.

So yeah, Hulk Hogan got his way on this. (For those not “in the know,” he had said recently that going live would solve 75 percent of TNA’s problems.) My personal belief is that, if you take into account the added expense of going live versus the relatively cheap cost of running on tape, multiplied by the fact that no one watches Impact, they are going to be 100 percent out of business by the end of the summer. Maybe if that’s the case, Kurt Angle will really have time to really focus on the next Olympics. – Dusty

Vince Russo may or may not be out as head of TNA creative

"Ugh, just make up ya' fuckin' mind, I gots womens to objectify ovah heeah!"

According to WrestleZone.com, Vince Russo was replaced as head of TNA creative by recent hire and former WWE and Ring of Honor writer Dave Lagana and that Russo wasn’t even present at the Against All Odds PPV last night in Orlando. Clearly our banner at the top of this page was the motivating factor in the move, and not years of failure to bring TNA into the mainstream or above a 1.5 extended cable rating or 25,000 pay-per-view buys, not to mention climbing his greasy ass behind the wheel of the 1979 Chevy Nova that was WCW and driving it directly into the Des Moines River.

However, in a second article at Prowrestling.net, multiple sources are disputing the news, saying Lagana was merely helping out at Against All Odds. Yeah, he was helping. He was holding the door for Russo while slapping an “#IWantWrestling” note to his back.

We’re not a site that likes to jump to conclusions, but we also need to think objectively about these conflicting reports. In short, Jason Powell has a decade-plus-long history of being accurate, while WrestleZone has been around since I started brewing this cup of coffee, and one of its main writers is an on-air character for Pro Wrestling Ohio. I know that if Kevin was the PWO commissioner, we’d have more on our minds than reporting accurate news. I also know that if I was right as often as Powell is, I’d be swimming in my vault full of gold coins in St. Paul just like he does. -Eric

Just Rub One Out And Be Done With It, You Freaking D-Bag

In our ongoing effort to provide you up to the minute Randy Savage news, we turn to our old friend Jason Powell:

There is an ad on Philadelphia’s version of Craigslist for a man who wants to dress up like Randy “Macho Man” Savage and perform a variety of his signature wrestling moves on a woman dressed up like Elizabeth. The man even claims to have purchased several Elizabeth style dresses.”The job is as follows,” reads the listing. “I will be dressed and acting as Macho Man Randy Savage and you will be acting as Miss Elizabeth. I come out to ‘Pomp and Circumstance’ and once I’m done entering the ring we will improvise an argument. You will slap me across the face and then I will [perform various wrestling moves]…

“Don’t worry about getting hurt. I have been practicing on a dummy and I have made a ring in my basement with 4 mattresses and ropes. You are also allowed to bring any amount of people with you to watch the show so you feel safe. They are allowed to make signs and cheer along to add to the match’s atmosphere.” To read the listing, visit Philadelphia.Craigslist.org. [Thanks to the Dot Net reader who sent this item]

Powell’s POV: He’s been practicing on a dummy in his basement!!! The guy is willing to pay $500 in most cases, but up to $1,000 to women who look like Elizabeth. If any readers take him up on the offer, I would love to be one of the people who accompany you so that I can bring signs like “Depraved Horny Loser,” “Castration Candidate,” and “Just Rub One Out And Be Done With It, You Freaking D-Bag.” Please let this air via online pay-per-view.

I used to wrestle the couch cushions at home when I was a kid. I never dressed like Randy Savage while doing it, though. I had a Ric Flair robe, baby! WOOOOOOOOOOO! – Dusty

R-Truth Has The Walking Pneumonia, Unconfirmed Boogie Woogie Flu

According to one Jason Powell:

WWE wrestler R-Truth (a/k/a Ron Killings) was rushed to the hospital recently when he went into convulsions while traveling, according to the Wrestling Observer Newsletter. The doctor determined that Killings has walking pneumonia, and felt he was lucky to be alive because his brain was not getting enough oxygen. He is expected to be out of action for a couple of weeks.


Powell’s POV: The story also notes that the WWE co-workers who took him to the hospital may have saved his life by taking him to the hospital. It sounds like it was a very scary situation. Here’s wishing Killings the best in his recovery.

What’s up right now is that this is quite the blow for WWE’s already almost nonexistent midcard. For the time being, he’ll be in hospital garb, rather than Vince McMahon’s elastic. – Dusty

Slimer gives WWE notice

EXCUSE ME!

"EXCUSE ME!"

According to both Jason Powell at Prowrestling.net and (12 hours later) Brian Fritz at the Orlando Sentinel… well, here, I’ll just let you read both of their posts, in the order they were published:

Vickie Guerrero has given her notice to WWE and tonight’s segment with Edge was a blowoff angle, according to PWInsider.com. She cited a desire to spend more time at home with her daughters.

Powell’s POV: This is a shame because Vickie was the most over heel on most shows. It’s nice that WWE sent her off with class by having her work a hog pen match and then having Edge tear her to shreds on the mic. This is just speculation, but Raw is in Charlotte next week, Ric Flair is rumored to be re-signing with the company, and there is a vacant Raw general manager position. Hmm….

Chalk up Vickie Guerrero as the latest person gone from the WWE.  The only difference is that she is leaving the company by choice.

Guerrero gave her notice to the company and has decided to leave so she can spend move time at home with her family.  While I was totally against her working with the company when she began, I must admit that went way beyond my expectations.  She turned out to be a great heel character and I’ll miss her being a part of the show.

Now, WWE didn’t exactly give her a graceful sendoff by having her lose in a nasty hog pen match on Sunday night at the Extreme Rules pay-per-view followed by Edge ripping her on Raw last night.

By the way, next week’s Raw is a three-hour show from Charlotte, North Carolina which just happens to be the home town of the “Nature Boy” Ric Flair who just happened sign a new deal with the company.  Just a guess but I don’t think it’s a stretch to think that Flair could become the new GM on Raw on Monday.

So to summarize, count Vickie Guerrero as the latest WWE roster member to fly the coop. But her situation is different: She wants to return to her own personal coop to be with her family. This is unfortunate, since she turned herself into a great heel and often got the most visceral reactions of the night. And how grateful was WWE, putting her in a hog pen match and then being browbeaten by Edge? For what it’s worth, Raw is in Charlotte next Monday, and hometown boy Ric Flair may re-sign with the company; ironically, there is a general manager position open… is that too much of a leap to make??!!

See how easy that was? Take whatever Powell wrote and put it in your own words, and you too can have a wrestling blog. It seems like everyone has one these days. -Eric

%d bloggers like this: