Extreme Reunion 2012 Was A Rousing Success

Raven and Sandman going at it.

As I start this post, this was the only results post on you-know-what page:

Hey Dave.  I’m sure you’ve probably gotten match results from others (and lord knows I don’t remember them), so I’ll just give a few notes from the show:

–Place was PACKED.  I’d say at least 3/4 of the people there were standing.  Made it impossible to see what was happening when they fought outside the ring (which they did in every match).

–It was definitely a bit of an older crowd compared to old ECW shows back in the day.  It basically looked like everyone from the old days had grown up; not a lot of kids or teens there.  I was actually quite surprised how many guys had attractive girls there with them.  Not something I saw a lot of back in the day at ECW shows.  Hey good for them!

–The show did start late.  They aired a video package in tribute for all the wrestlers who have died in the last decade and then a taped promo by Douglas but the sound wasn’t working.  Nice touch but not a good omen.

–The show started with a tag team match with 4 guys whose name I couldn’t hear.  Crowd hated it.

–They then did a “match” with 2 more indy guys.  One of them was this little tiny Asian guy who took the mic before the match and started talking to the audience in a high-pitched voice that made him sound like William Hung.  Then this guy comes from the crowd and told both of the wrestlers in the ring to scram.  Nobody had any idea who this guy was.  He then called out Shane Douglas, who didn’t show up.  Funny thing was that Shane was literally standing right behind us in the crowd.

–Then the “ECW” part of the show started with the FBI vs BWO.  Richards, Marmaluke, and Guido were probably the only 3 guys on the entire show in good shape.  Match was total comedy.  Highlight was Guido and Meanie doing a thumb wrestling war on the mat with the ref giving a 2 count when Meanie had Guido’s thumb down.  The same unknown dude from the last segment distracted Richards for the finish.  It was never explained who this guy was.

–CW Anderson and Al Snow were next.  Anderson looks like he’s about 60 now.  Snow was grossly overweight.  He was winded just from doing his entrance.  Match was a disaster.  Anderson put an armbar on Snow no less than 5 times.  There were several chants of “Armmmmmmmmmbar” as a homage to the old Chris Jericho “Man of 1004 Holds” promo.  Snow beat up Head after the match and then went running back begging for forgiveness, which was actually pretty entertaining.

–The segment with The Gangstas vs Angel was also pretty bizarre.  Angel came out asking for someone to be his partner (did Devito no show?) but nobody came.  Gangstas then came out (Mustafa looking absolutely huge and not in a good way) and beat him up for 3 minutes before the indy guys from the 1st match came in, beat them up for like a minute, and then left.  One of them looked to have gotten into a legit fight with a fan on the way out that was broken up by security, but it was hard to tell.  Complete waste of time.

–Somewhere in here they did a planned spot where the ring announcer was making some general announcements, the lights went out, and they brought out a stripper to try and recreate the Kimona Wannalaya strip tease from that time they lost power at the ECW Arena.  The stripper basically just writhed around on the mat like a sizzling piece of bacon in a skillet.  It was a little weird.

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The 12 Days of Jesus H. Christmas: Day 10 – Ronnie from MTV “Jersey Shore” coming to TNA

Ronnie Jersey Shore

Douche chills...

(For the 12 days leading up to Christmas, Stunt Granny will relive with you the 12 most head-slapping, dipshitty stories of 2011, the things that made us wonder why we still watch professional wrestling and support some of these dingbats. TNA supports more dingbats per capita than any other wrestling company, so it should really come as no surprise that they planned to throw money at Ronnie from MTV’s “Jersey Shore” in 2011. Eric’s note: Maybe I’m just jealous because my band has had music on every other MTV show except that one.)

(Originally posted Oct. 20, 2011) According to PWTorch.com (if you can see it under the huge headline “ROODE AWAKENING?” which should have been followed by 😮  Ronnie from MTV’s hit TV show “Jersey Shore” is coming to TNA. For those of you who, unlike me, don’t watch the show, Ronnie is what they call a “douchebag” because he breaks up with his skeezy girlfriend on a monthly basis, and a “gorilla” because he’s all tanned and spiked like the rest of these guidos but he also lifts heavy in the gym and has an unnatural body size for someone who lives in New Jersey, which means you should be skinny from dodging from stray bullets.

Ronnie Ortiz-Magro gets in the ring with TNA’s IMPACT WRESTLING on SpikeTV! Star of MTV’s “Jersey Shore” makes his wrestling debut on Thursday, November 3.

Yes, you read that right, his “wrestling debut.” Wow. OK, rather than outright make fun of this decision by TNA, let me take a different approach and list the top six reasons why Ronnie from MTV’s “Jersey Shore” is coming to TNA Impact Wrestling:

6) TNA thinks it’s leveraging Viacom’s connection between shitty Spike TV and a highly rated show on MTV, because obviously the Robbie E and Cookie gimmicks worked so well for them earlier this year.

5) Scott Steiner heard about “Ronnie Juice” and, instead of understanding that’s a name for Ronnie’s shitty mixed drink, assumed this guy would bring him steroids.

4) Dixie Carter wants to have extra-marital sex with someone with a New England accent other than Vince Russo.

3) Eric Young is tired of looking like the biggest dipshit on the roster.

2) Hulk Hogan is tired of being the most orange person on the roster.

And the No. 1 reason Ronnie from “Jersey Shore” is coming to TNA:

1) It’s god damn christ-punching TNA, and any chance they get to throw an appearance fee at a celebrity (and last I checked, Ronnie was commanding between $12,000 and $20,000 an appearance), they do. Because they’re idiots.

It’s like fucking Groundhog Day around here. Join us again in four hours when TNA makes its next stupid-ass business decision. -Eric

Day 1: Ric Flair still can’t keep his finances straight
Day 2: 
Bret Hart on Twitter, put the letter “S” in front of the wrong word 
Day 3:
 IWA-Mid South: Going Out Of Business Since 2002
Day 4: 
Triple H leading WWE new talent development
Day 5:
 Chyna to make more porn, eidvo43we.. oops, can’t see, gouged my eyes out
Day 6:
 Jeff Hardy tases a woman
Day 7: 
IWA-MS is bakk, Ric Flair is in debt, Sin Cara is suspended
Day 8: So Jimmy Yang still hasn’t gotten paid
Day 9: Matt Hardy’s DWI, Kurt Angle’s DWI, one of them goes to rehab

Ronnie from MTV “Jersey Shore” coming to TNA

Ronnie Jersey Shore

Douche chills...

According to PWTorch.com (if you can see it under the huge headline “ROODE AWAKENING?” which should have been followed by 😮  Ronnie from MTV’s hit TV show “Jersey Shore” is coming to TNA. For those of you who, unlike me, don’t watch the show, Ronnie is what they call a “douchebag” because he breaks up with his skeezy girlfriend on a monthly basis, and a “gorilla” because he’s all tanned and spiked like the rest of these guidos but he also lifts heavy in the gym and has an unnatural body size for someone who lives in New Jersey, which means you should be skinny from dodging from stray bullets.

Ronnie Ortiz-Magro gets in the ring with TNA’s IMPACT WRESTLING on SpikeTV! Star of MTV’s “Jersey Shore” makes his wrestling debut on Thursday, November 3.

Yes, you read that right, his “wrestling debut.” Wow. OK, rather than outright make fun of this decision by TNA, let me take a different approach and list the top six reasons why Ronnie from MTV’s “Jersey Shore” is coming to TNA Impact Wrestling:

6) TNA thinks it’s leveraging Viacom’s connection between shitty Spike TV and a highly rated show on MTV, because obviously the Robbie E and Cookie gimmicks worked so well for them earlier this year.

5) Scott Steiner heard about “Ronnie Juice” and, instead of understanding that’s a name for Ronnie’s shitty mixed drink, assumed this guy would bring him steroids.

4) Dixie Carter wants to have extra-marital sex with someone with a New England accent other than Vince Russo.

3) Eric Young is tired of looking like the biggest dipshit on the roster.

2) Hulk Hogan is tired of being the most orange person on the roster.

And the No. 1 reason Ronnie from “Jersey Shore” is coming to TNA:

1) It’s god damn christ-punching TNA, and any chance they get to throw an appearance fee at a celebrity (and last I checked, Ronnie was commanding between $12,000 and $20,000 an appearance), they do. Because they’re idiots.

It’s like fucking Groundhog Day around here. Join us again in four hours when TNA makes its next stupid-ass business decision. -Eric

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of Raw

This is what the Penguins looked like when I flipped to Raw.

Well, I didn’t expect to go live but the Penguins are mauling the Red Wings (Sorry Jeremy!) so I’m going to flip away from the game and check in during commercials.

Cole comes out as “Good Ole'” J.R. It gets me laughing. The predictable insults come from Matthews and Lawler. Good hype for their feud. Do it again next week. No need for more promos from those two. HHH comes to the ring. I could stand not hearing from him for a week but that isn’t going to happen. Oh, by the way, I’m going to the Smackdown tapings tomorrow night so this is a spoiler alert to anyone who reads this site. I will be  Tweeting from there and then will do some sort of write up. I’m afraid of watching one of these promos tomorrow night. I know it’ll happen. I’m just not sure which ones right now. HHH’s biggest match of his life. HHH is doing well. This match is still hard to hype to me. Or at least hype well since I know Taker is going to win. Ted DiBiase comes out and says he might take out HHH to gain noteriety. HHH kills DiBiase. Nice knowing you Ted. This Pedigree isn’t impressing me. The crowd is cheering well enough. I automatically hate anyone who is going to “Change the Face of …”

I’m a bit behind since my computer almost shit the bed. I’ll catch up quick like. Sheamus takes on Bourne. Sheamus gets props for getting out of his losing funk. Someone’s has ended and could go in the right direction easily. Bourne missed his sweetness then Sheamus Brogue Kicks him for the W. Bryan comes out as Sheamus starts to brag. He challenges him to a match at Wrestlemania. Sheamus gives him the Brogue Kick. Nice. That could be a sneaky good match. It’ll get enough time since it’s WM. Catch up time!

Randy Orton comes off a tour bus. What, he’s talking about it? He brings his family with him? What the hell? Orton ends well. He plays sick and twisted well. Maryse takes on Eve. I like the visual look of Sucker Punch. Cole says he has another World Wide Exclusive on Law. I haven’t read any spoilers so my guess is Stacy Carter aka “Miss Kitty”. This women’s match is just getting rolling when Cole interrupts. Maryse gets the knees up on the standing moonsault. Eve  finishes her with a neck breaker that looked better than whatever her finisher used to be. Eve freaks out on Cole. “Miz-tory”. I can’t wait for the slide show.

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Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 3/19/11

1. Netflix – So did you fork over 29.99 or more on a recent WWE DVD? Well, stupid, you could have waited and watched each documentary portion of the DVD on Netflix. And boy oh boy is this a relief because the Bobby Heenan DVD sucked a fat one. Let’s forget they even bothered with a Big Show documentary as well. – Jeremy

2. The Miz – Another week and yet another strong performance from the forgotten member of WrestleMania 27 main event. A big kudos to the make-up person for the bald cap cause that sure was effective. It fooled a bleary-eyed guy just waking up watching the show. – Jeremy

3. Jeff Hardy – Have you heard the one about the guy that was in no condition to perform but he got sent to the ring anyway? Well this is that one. As much as Jeff should be vilified for this let’s not give an inch on anyone else behind the scenes in TNA. They are just as responsible for this debacle as dear Jeffrey. – Jeremy

4. Jim Ross – The Okie returned to Monday Night Raw in the midst of an awkward but effective Jerry Lawler-Brian Christopher confrontation, got the pop of the night, then suffered a legit (but probably minor) injury in the process. Even though we’ll be there live, it’ll still be nice to know JR is at ringside calling the action, if he’s allowed to be. – Eric

5. Drew Carey – Just goes to show that an association with TNA means nothing. Carey didn’t even make the Stunt Granny Big 11 last week when he called TNA’s Brian Kendrick to “The Price is Right’s” stage, but now that he’s being inducted into the celebrity wing of the WWE Hall of Fame, he’s all over this list! Lucky duck! – Eric

6. Snooki – You know, I planned on slamming Jersey Shore. Then I got the smart idea to Google what their ratings are. Much to my surprise, their season 3 debut had 8.4 million viewers. This garbage got a 4.2 rating among adults. These numbers beg the question, if crap is rewarded this well, why aren’t our hits through the roof? – Kevin

7. The Rock – I love that every male above the age of 16 that watches wrestling is so desperate to see John Cena mocked for his ridiculous antics that they liked the Rock’s awful promo on Monday. The Rock doesn’t walk on water, he’s not perfect. One could see the child gag coming because it’s the WWE and anytime someone is mocking their opponent they use a child or midget. Hack material, no way around it. Don’t worry, I’m not just offending you the reader, I’m also offending my site comrades. – Kevin

8. WWE Superstars – In a shocking turn of events, Superstars is going off the air April 7th, according to WGN. Another poorly run program that wasn’t used for any storyline purposes and half of the show was reruns from the previous Raw or Smackdown. This cancellation feels like a tree falling in the woods with no one around. – Kevin

9. GLAAD – WWE recently announced a partnership with GLAAD in order to “create and promote an anti-bullying initiative aimed at their core audience.” This comes on the heels of the backlash against John Cena’s anti-gay promos. Look, this is nice and all to say, but let’s face it here. WWE’s “core audience” is lower income white trash Walmart people. They are by and large racist and homophobic people. (I’m stereotyping just like they do.) They aren’t going to buy this message, no matter how well done it is. And shame on GLAAD for trusting WWE in any way whatsoever after the whole Billy and Chuck fiasco. – Dusty

10. Daffney – So Daffney’s contract expired, and TNA chose not to renew it. In turn, she has filed a worker’s compensation suit against TNA because of on-the-job injuries suffered that have not been properly compensated for by the company. This basically makes her unemployable for any major wrestling company, but maybe her thought is to cash in while she has the chance and get the hell out of the business altogether. My mom recently filed a worker’s comp suit herself, and the lawyer said he only takes cases where he thinks he has a great chance of winning, so maybe that bodes well for young Daffney. – Dusty

11. Victory Road – Holy god, that was an awful PPV. Maybe one of the worst ever. Sweet Jesus, what an awful company. – Dusty

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

A pair of old friends playing catch up. Quite amusing to know she missed the married years of yours truly.

I started this blog a lot later than normal. My friend Charmaine showed up in town for a conference. I hadn’t seen her since architecture school so it was bad ass to get to talk to her for a couple of drinks. I sucked down a couple of Burning Rivers from Great Lakes Brewing Company. I did get to hear the reception “Stone Cold” Steve Austin got because someone at the bar we were at had Raw turned on. When Jeremy texted me that Dolph (KSU! KSU! KSU!) was coming to Raw, I decided I needed to do this blog. Let’s roll.

I got to buzz through the Undertaker/HHH recap and UT sauntering down to the ring. UT selling his own demise. They’re trying to sell this match but after the last 2 matches with Michaels, can you really believe any of this?  As I finish typing that, UT brings up that exact point. I said in Audio 131 that UT/HHH will be a good match. I should have said (If I didn’t) that it’s not going to come close to either of these matches with Michaels. If it does, I’ll record the piercing of my nipples and post it on the site. No Holds Barred, I’ll take the bet still. Johnny Cash rocks. Cena with a final knock out. Austin on TV. Then Orton has the upper hand on Nexus but is over taken. Evidently Punk & Nexus are going to send Orton somewhere worse than the shelf. A GTS is worse than being on the shelf? Ahh, dragging him to the ring. Paging Mr. Cena.

Orton is still being beat down, now with 4 referees around. Otunga looking for his match against Orton. Orton already making a Superman recovery. Maybe not so much. The way he got up in the corner gave me more confidence in his recovery than it should have. Cole screams Orton with a slam when Otunga did it. This is the best WWE can do on play by play, huh? Orton hits the RKO for the out of nowhere victory.  Nexus finally smart enough not to allow the Punt before they come down. Ryan gets an RKO too. Orton keeps Punk at bay. Otunga gets the punt. Wow, I am amusing stuff way too early tonight. Cole rightly calls for a halt to Orton’s punting. He should be applauding it in his new persona. Matthews should be saying that stuff. Cole gets to hype his own segment right afterward. Right from sensible guy, to over the top heel within seconds. Fucking awful. And again, this is the best the WWE thinks it can do. I don’t think I make fun of the announcers that get KSU football games this much.

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Angelina from “Jersey Shore” signs with TNA, more money flushed

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According to Prowrestling.net, TNA has signed Angelina from “Jersey Shore” to at least wrestle a tag team match with Cookie (played by Becky Bayless, who Colt Cabana tried to get to touch her elbows behind her back on an ROH “Good Times Great Memories” segment; you’re a smart man, Colt). I watch “Jersey Shore.” I don’t give a flying fuck about Angelina as a person or a character on that show. The only woman from that cast who could make a dent in the interest level of a wrestling company is the hilarious, cute-as-a-button Snooki, and she’d have to be in a pillow fight at WrestleMania against my ball-sack for that to happen. The guys on that show wouldn’t mean squat to pro wrestling, even after the Situation’s stint on the popular “Dancing With the Stars.” That meathead Ronnie would be destroyed and eliminated by most of those wiry Ring of Honor guys or even old men like Harley Race or Baron Von Raschke. And one week later, no wrestling fan would care.

What am I trying to say? TNA continues to flush money down the toilet, chasing after mainstream acknowledgements with wads of cash while shitting on their roster of young (are they still young six years later?), hungry (mostly because Matt Hardy already cleared the buffet table), proud (obviously, look at Samoa Joe’s adonis-like physique these days) pro wrestlers. They can’t pay Awesome Kong $300 a show, but they can make it rain for a slut from “Jersey Shore” who will generate zero ratings points, zero PPV buys and three mentions on TMZ? Someone should slap Dixie Carter (I didn’t say “spank her,” Russo). -Eric

Eric’s blog: Cookie delivers borderline insulting promo on TNA iMPACT!

cookie

I never thought I'd say I prefer this Cookie.

Last night was my birthday (thanks for the wishes, the rest of you iz bitches), and so in between doing fun birthday things, I put myself through the torture of watching about 10 minutes of TNA iMPACT! I had to explain to my girlfriend Carly (who Jeremy doesn’t think really exists) that this is the minor league of pro wrestling. She even asked, “So, they’re not as good as WWE guys?” and “Do they get paid as much as WWE guys?” Good, a couple of short answers: “Nope” and “They shouldn’t.”

We had the misfortune of sitting through Abyss’ entrance and exit (Carly: “Hahaha, why is he breathing so heavily?”), a therapy session including Eric Young’s huge stupid bobblehead lying on Orlando “Don’t Call Me the Grape From Fruit of the Loom” Jordan’s bisexual lap, and somehow the worst of all, a promo with Robbie E and Cookie.

Now, I have no idea what 95 percent of their little snippet of a promo was, because I was trying to explain how TNA is chasing *all* of this mainstream coverage down with this horrendous angle, but I did overhear Cookie deliver one line that almost made me puke up my Ron Ron Juice:

“And then we’re gonna go out and party, like we always do.”

OK, TNA creative, you bunch of overpaid, untalented, half-assed hacks, listen up. I understand that Ric Flair used to tell the audience that he and the Horsemen were going to be at the Marriott in room 701, and all the ladies with their sweater puppies were invited. I understand that Brutus Beefcake would wax poetic with Gene Okerlund about cuttin’ and struttin’. Throughout time, wrestlers have talked about the fun they’re about to have, the extra-curricular activities in which they’re about to take part, and what have you.

But you never heard Flair say, “just like we always do.” You never heard Beefcake say, “Honky Tonk Man, I’m gonna cut your hair, just like I did to Barry O last week on Superstars!” You never heard Dino Bravo say, “I gonna bensh press 600 pound, just like I did in de gym last night!”

And most importantly, you’d never hear Cookie tell Pauly, “Let’s go to the club and party, just like we always do.”

Idiots.

You don’t have to be so fucking ham-fisted, heavy-handed and sledgehammery with your wrestlers’ promos. We get it, OK? I know either you think this is character development, or you’re simply not thinking at all. Maybe rather than slaving over a hot “Jerry Springer” episode waiting for the inspiration to write the next forgettable (or repressible) midcard angle and then scraping your half-cocked ideas together at the last minute to make yourself look like some sort of superhero, you bring us all back to when wrestling was a lot simpler, you write things a day or two in advance, and then you read it all back to yourself to see how stupid most of your stuff sounds. Because, trust me, it will.

Of course, if this were a direct challenge, I imagine you’d script yourself to breathe very heavily for 20 minutes, and then simply scream, “YOU’RE ON!”

(Which, by the way, received no reaction whatsoever from the crowd. Good job, dummies.)

What TNA Did Right This Week

 

My fellow Italian descendant J-Woww on the right if you have somehow avoided the virus known as Jersey Shore brought to the world by MTV.

 

I’m stealing an old Jeremy bit and mentioning what TNA actually did right this week. After reading the spoilers, I’m positive TNA is doing 2 (more like 4) things right. TNA is finally using a reality TV star that still has some power with J-Woww from the Jersey Shore. The second (set of) thing(s) TNA is doing right is bringing in the hotness known as Cookie aka Becky Bayless. It has scored TNA publicity on TMZ (according to our news source Prowrestling.net).

Unfortunately,  everyone that visits TMZ.com and watches this train wreck of a program (just read these because they are sure to create an extra rant or two during the TNA roster game spoilers), they’re going to realize it’s a bigger pile of trash than Jersey Shore is because Bayless can’t act like a Guidette and whatever the fuck his name is isn’t a proper Guido. Can we all agree that whatever fate South Park has in mind for the cast of the Jersey Shore should be executed? TNA is going to run itself into the ground sooner rather than later so I’ll enjoy the slow motion crash of their demise. – Kevin

 

What, do you think I'd skip a chance to post a picture of the other good set of things TNA is doing?

 

TNA Likes Spending Money

We've got quite a Situation on our hands.

From Meltzer:

Jenni Farley, “JWoww” from Jersey Shore, is scheduled to appear at the Impact tapings tomorrow for Thursday’s show to do an angle to get Robbie E and Cookie over with “The Shore” gimmick, according to TMZ.

They reported she will receive $15,000 for the appearance.  It’s also reported they are looking for return appearances by her.

I have long since given up on TNA and life in general, but let’s sort this one out real quick. TNA is spending $15,000, no small coin, in order to bring in a “celebrity” who isn’t a celebrity, to get over an angle that has no chance of getting over, even if booked 100 percently properly. This is an unmitigated disaster on so many levels, I don’t even feel like covering all of it.
In other news, I wish TNA was a real live female. I would leave Becky for TNA so fast, it would make your head spin. Goddamn right, man, give me the rich chick who spends money like it carries STDs. I want TNA to flush some of that money down the toilet for me! I’m in massive debt! Help a brother out!
Idea: TNA should debut a grandma character who does stunts to try to impress human crash test dummy (emphasis on dummy) Mick Foley. The Stunt Granny. In order to get her over, they bring me in, world renowned for my work here on StuntGranny.com, to do the stunt angle with her. Count the money. And then give it to me. – Dusty
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