Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #iMPACTWrestling

I'm at the middle of the show and completely confused by everything happening and not in a good way either.

I’ve got nothing for an opening today. I’m tired but ready to bang out this review. Let’s roll.

Jeremy had a great line about Sting. Bobby Roode made him so mad, he was going to start going around everywhere in black face. So wish I had thought of that one. Evidently Kurt Angle is going to tell us multiple reasons why he attacked Jeff Hardy. My guess is that Jeff stopped supplying him with vitamins, cough cough. Kurt brings out cue cards. At least he’s not hiding his note cribbing like the Rock. Unlike the Rock, Angle is in no way electrifying. Just like the Rock, his promo sucks. He calls out Hardy. Jeff slaps him then double legs him. TNA loves officials from the back. Bobby Roode is still the “IT Factor of professional wrestling”. Ask the Miz how much that matters. Austin Aries wonders in. He says indirectly he tweeted something but not what he wrote. Excellent way to craft a promo. If you’re a moron. They talk a walk together because we can’t get enough of fighting authority figures in wrestling today. (That’s a huge dose of sarcasm.)

Daniels & Kazarian come out for the gauntlet match against AJ Styles. Ah, if AJ wins he gets to know why Kazarian turned on him. Why didn’t Daniels order Kazarian to be the first in the match? Kazarian can just lay down now. He still doesn’t like being controlled. They went to commercial break early. Kaz gives AJ his finisher to DQ Daniels but then pins AJ. Daniels looks confused. In a way, I don’t blame him but the main point is not giving out the info. Madison Rayne tries to impress Gail Kim with a bunch of pictures. Gail got them a day at the spa and a match against ODB.

Kim comes out with Madison for the match. Not a fan of the heel vs heel. ODB brings Eric Young to the ring with her. Madison Rayne stopped a bronco buster with a boot to the cooch. EY distracts the ref while his woman is winning. ODB gets the win when Kim can’t interfere? They argue again. Bully Ray berates the make up lady. Roode & Aries make the pitch to get rid of Sting to him. Velvet can barely complain about being screwed before Angelina & Sarita attack her.

They come back from commercial and Velvet Sky is complaining again. She was screwed by Madison. The screwing stops now. Then they replay what they did before the break. Excellent work morons. Weakest assault ever. Mickie James makes the save in the strangest outfit ever. She’s gone 80’s neon. Ric Flair yells at Garrett Bischoff. They want Garrett to come to his sense still. For some reason, Flair, Gunner & E Bisch think they can continue to beat down Garrett. Ground Hog Day something fierce.

Continue reading

Jeremy’s Blog: TNA PPV Dilemma: $34.95, Please

So Monday morning Eric hits me up on messenger like one of those retirement ads worrying about retirement. He starts with a simple hi and then drops this line, “I know we have a spotty track record on these anymore but a whole TNA PPV came and went with no mention.” (Apparently Eric doesn’t realize that Kevin covers Impact Wrestling every Thursday night live on Twitter @stuntgranny but whatever. -K)

I respond back very matter of factly with “Yes all around the world no one mentioned it.” Now that may not be entirely true but why waste time with TNA after all? In their last two main events, the heel champion has wrestled to a draw and then retained his title by kicking the referee in the balls. Making matters worse, the five-minute extra period was placed on free television, so all of the people who paid – and by all I mean a slight few – for the PPV event got to see the resolution for free. Ha ha, suckers. $34.95, please.

Feel no remorse for those losers, though. If they ordered the PPV then they have to be fans of the product and they have decided TNA is the product for them and will gladly shell out $34.95. I was going to say $44.95 for the HD feed, but come on.

Here is the real issue and the hardest idea I am having the damndest time understanding. Why would anyone pay money to watch a TNA PPV? What is it that draws anyone to TNA in general let alone shelling out actual money to watch their stagnant product?

As Eric and I discussed the lack of TNA coverage – and I still say it is a universal lack of coverage – I started coming up with a list of different reasons that this league doesn’t matter. It isn’t exciting and is basically a great place to go after WWE to collect a big check while others just keep going thinking or hoping they can break out whether that is in TNA or get a barebones agreement with WWE.

The one argument in favor of TNA is that the roster has talent but it is being booked poorly or it is young or blah blah blah. Any and all excuses for TNA are now out the window. They have been around long enough to have their company in order but they still do not. We have already done a TNA Roster game Audio and the entire Stunt Granny crew covered a lot of this by way of running down the roster. I won’t bore you with a rehash of that but you can listen to it here. If you haven’t listened to it go ahead and then come on back. What do you have to lose? Time? You are wasting time reading this blog so your argument is invalid. If you don’t want to listen fine whatever. You have no reason if I provided the link.

Continue reading

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of iMPACT Wrestling

I'm not sure why this came up under "Let's Do This" but I love it.

Jeremy tempted me earlier this week by saying we could do a TNA Audio (Now available on iTunes. More information to come in the Big 11 on exact details.) I still watch this terrible show because of the site. Well, he back out like a big sissy. So I’m going with a blog. Let’s Do This.

Kurt Angle calls out Crimson. Angle is going to end Crimson’s career. Crimson actually showed some decent fire. Simple stuff for sure. Immortal hits the ring. I’m describing more action because most people haven’t watched this garbage in a while. Good for you. Bully Ray talks down to Crimson. Kurt still acting like he’s not part of Immortal. I’m not sure why Velvet would team that just terrorized her. Jackie is selling the good guy act. When it’s out in the open, wouldn’t Bischoff know they’re not changing? This story line makes no sense.

I just had to take ten minutes to fix the curtains that my dogs tore down. That was more interesting than the rest of iMPACT will be. Bischoff & Hogan are giving Flair a stern talking to. Hogan tries to pretend like Sting is crazy. His acting is terrible. Flair needs to be quiet. Boy, I wonder if he’s not going to stay silent. (That’s sarcasm.) Two random ass tag teams of women. This is terrible booking. ODB still having problems with Velvet. Skye ends up taking the beating for the face team? Angelina beats down Velvet. ODB & Jackie distract Mexican America long enough for Velvet to get the win. Angelina has beef with Mexican America. Hey, one of the teams had to implode. It wouldn’t be a Vince Russo show if it didn’t have that feature.

Continue reading

%d bloggers like this: