Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of iMPACT Wrestling

There is not a chance in hell I was going to review this show on time.

I was going to post the PWO review today from week two but I didn’t even get a chance to do the final analysis while at work. Yeah, damn shame. So in lieu of that, I’m doing this review since I need to get material off my DVR because I’m heading back to Altoona this weekend to campaign for my dad. I’m not sure he wants to be connected to this dreck so no link. Let’s roll.

Kurt Angle calls out Bobby Roode. Angle compliments Roode then tells him how great he’s been in TNA. I honestly don’t remember much from Angle’s reign aside from him leading the Main Event Mafia. Even that, I can’t recall much. That makes me wonder how long I’ve been watching this program. When did it come on Spike? Roode repays the favor as far as blowing each other. I’m still having a hard time taking Roode seriously. He didn’t start the tourney on a roll and hasn’t been able to flesh out “Bobby”. For some reason TNA has a fight between RVD & Styles vs. Jerry Lynn & Christopher Daniels. I suppose this is a good day to do this since it’s final hype for Bound For Glory, which I won’t be ordering.

The brawl comes to the ring with Daniels & Lynn beat on Styles. For some reason, the bell got rung even though both guys were attacking him. RVD makes the save to finally settle into a real match. Lynn being worried about being in RVD’s shadow is hilarious. I like you Lynn, but you’re not in RVD’s league. I’m actually feeling bad for AJ. Aside from his extremely white trash tattoo, I love him as a wrestler. Styles Clash. I feel like I haven’t seen that in a while.

Samoa Joe is in trouble with another tall, thinner muscular guy. This time, it’s Matt Morgan, again. What the fuck? Seriously? Morgan wins with a roll up? Didn’t Crimson win last week with a similarly weak finish? Joe tries to play mind games but no one is buying it. How are you the alpha ass kicker since you’ve lost to them in consecutive weeks? The heel shouldn’t be in a weak spot going to the PPV. Of course Taz agrees with Joe.

Mexican Prison Style is how Mexican America wants to do it with Ink Inc. Oh please don’t go predictable Jesse. He doesn’t really. Oh, punk rock guy gets to deliver the message. Another brawl because you know, two wasn’t enough. Punk Rock chick makes the save against the women. She’s pretty hot even if she doesn’t have an ass. Neal doesn’t mention her name. How dumb. They have hyped only matches for the PPV. About the only upside right now.

Jesse Sorenson & Brian Kendrick take on Austin Aries & Kid Kash. Suicide dives by the faces start the match. Aries busted out the Chinese Door Bell. Always loved that move as a child. Taz saying Kash is getting better even in his older age. Wasn’t his problem most of the time that he kept telling off promoters? Maybe his attitude got better. Kendrick gets the win so that he can lose at BFG. Aries has lost some of his mojo since coming in. The push of the X Division has slowed.

Karen Jarrett gets to give the pep talk to the rest of the wrestlers. She got them on the card. I’m nodding off. I should grab a beer. Good choice. Velvet is still getting the biggest disrespect card. Traci Brooks gets Karen to trip over her. The ladies brawl after wards. That’s brawl number 4 just in case we lost count. Bubba warned Anderson about getting out of line. I’ll be shocked when that match devolves into a brawl. (That’s sarcasm.)

AJ blames Daniels for the current woes of their families not playing together. Daniels attacks him from behind. Nice of brawl #1 to have half a come back. Scott Steiner takes on Ken Anderson with guest enforcer Bully Ray. Whoops, gave him the wrong name earlier. Anderson takes control but is so fat he keeps his shirt on. Abyss is ready to blast Anderson but clocks Steiner. Anderson should not need a cheap win over Steiner. He should look like a threat to Bully Ray, not Abyss. Granted, if he doesn’t attack him here, you know he’s costing Bully Ray at BFG.  Brawl #5 1/2. Anderson makes a temporary save. OK, make Bully Ray look strong is a good idea.

James Storm calls out Angle’s dumb theory. Kurt tries to drop the doubt in there again and Storm sort of buys it. Another Jarrett gets to suck on camera. I FF thru the preview for BFG & the rewind of the championship Roode video. The commercials.

Roode takes on Jarrett & Gunner. So is this a real handicapped match? Jarrett takes a coffee break. OK, it seems like a real one after that break. Roode looked funny with his clothes lines then barely lifted Gunner on a back body drop. Jarrett then Gunner got locked in the cross face. Jarrett attacks Roode. I can’t believe how weak a win over two opponents was just presented. Brawl #6.5 happens with Immortal & James Storm. Jeff Hardy makes the save which makes no sense. If Storm couldn’t help as a singular man, why would Hardy? Roode caves in and shakes Hardy’ hand. Storm is an alcoholic, why should he hate Hardy? OK, all is good. Bad timing for Hardy still though. It takes the spot light off of Roode with his big return.

I FF thru the introdcutions. Why are Hulk Hogan & Sting on the same side of the table? Are they dating? Going to make out? After signing, Hogan barely flips the table. Hogan tries to play the pity card by saying he was trying to help the company. You didn’t help them out at all. The ratings and recognition aren’t better. You barely mention them on your media tours you publicity hound. Man on man action is promised by Hogan. He even said it in bed room voice. Bischoff inserts his mug to distract Sting. They caught me on that. I thought that’d center on Bischoff. Could to keep the spot light on Sting & Hogan. -Kevin

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