Stunt Granny Audio #190

A three (and a half) hour tour…

Join Kevin and Dusty through a magical odyssey of life and pro wrestling in this latest edition of Stunt Granny Audio! Kevin is planted firmly in the middle of a domestic dispute between one of his roommates and their baby momma. In classic Howard Stern fashion, Dusty drags it out on the air to entertain people. And then they focus their attentions on pro wres and the happenings of this week’s Monday Night Raw. Vince McMahon is the strangest human being in the entire world and desperately wants you to think he’s a stud who is hip and with it. What is greater: Vader’s age or Vader’s weight? Poor Sin Cara didn’t get his trampoline entrance. Poor Curt Hawkins didn’t even get an entrance. Can CM Punk shape the future of pro wres? All that and a whole lot more and it’s only going to cost you about 5o minutes of your measley life, so listen now dammit!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #190

@WWE Roster Game Special

The choices weren’t always easy.

This is a very special edition of Stunt Granny Audio, folks, because in this one Eric, Kevin and Dusty join forces to play the illustrious WWE Roster Game! For those not familiar, this is the game where the Stunt Granny-ites go to the roster page on WWE.com and pare the roster down, with the logic being they would be operating a weekly two hour show every week and they can fill their roster however they see fit in order to have the best company possible and make the most money possible. Because WWE.com changed their roster page format, this time the guys have 18 lines of 5 wrestlers each to pick from, and they pick 2 wrestlers from each line, for a total of 36 pieces of talent. Who do they keep? Who do they kick to the curb? Which were the easiest choices? Who were the most agonizing omissions? How many e’s does Justin Roberts put in Mr Cena’s first name? For all these answers and more, you can only find out by listening, so for god’s sake do it.

Stunt Granny Audio Show WWE Roster Game 2012

Monday Night Raw Expanding To Three Hours

Once again, from the illustrious Jason Powell:

USA Network announced that WWE Raw is expanding to three hours beginning July 23.

The parallels to WCW are abundant here, of course. From Johnny Ace in a position of power, now all the way down to the oversaturation of WWE on television. I’m not saying WWE will be going out of business (like WCW did and TNA definitely will), but I do absolutely think this is a major roadblock for them that will cost them in the long run. I think if we examine this story again in two hours, it will be clear that it was a mistake, and they will either be deciding to go back to doing a two hour show, or have already made the move back. – Dusty

Stunt Granny Audio Show #180

Reunited and it feels so good, Dusty and Jeremy join forces to combat the biggest stories of the week in the wide wide world of professional wrestling. Shane Douglas made a triumphant appearance on Raw that resounded across the nation. Or maybe it lulled everyone to sleep like a “good” Triple H promo. A-Train’s on again, off again relationship with the fact that he’s definitely coming back to WWE is apparently back on again, under the guise of Lord Tensai. If you have alcohol or substance abuse problems, you need to know right now that Chris Jericho absolutely HATES you. All that and a whole lot more so give the poor chaps about an hour of your time and an ear, why the fuck don’t ya?!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #180

WWE Hops Aboard The A Train

From Figure Four Weakly:

Matt Bloom, who was New Japan’s top foreign star as Giant Bernard, and had formerly wrestled as Prince Albert and A-Train in WWE, is scheduled to return to the promotion after WrestleMania.

The idea given was for him to be the henchman for John Laurinaitis.

First of all, how clever am I with that headline? I am oh so very clever.

Second of all, this is really exciting for me. I am genuinely a big Matt Bloom fan, and I think this is long overdue for WWE to bring him back into the fold. Couple that with the fact that he’s going to be paired with Johnny Ace, who is my favorite act in WWE right now, and I am in pro wres heaven. Exclamation point.

Third of all, Eric Nelson is probbo crying in his Cheerios right now, because he always brought up Bloom to be in his company, if he ever started a wrestling company. Find a new awesome big man, chumpo! – Dusty

EDIT: Oh, so now it’s not going to happen.

On his Twitter, Matt “Albert” Bloom denied reports he had signed with WWE, writing, “Haha! False. Wife just had a baby. I’ll be on next tour.” Bloom, currently working for New Japan, also commented that he had no idea where the story came from.

I know that this morning, I heard from a number of talents that were told he was coming in this April, so we will see.

I should know better than to get excited about anything wrestling related. – Also Dusty

Breaking WWE NEWZ: John Laurinaitis still has a job

So if you are a complete idiot this is a surprise. WWE.com confirmed the WWE Board of Directors has decided John Laurinaitis should remain as the interim General Manager. If the storyline holes needed to grow larger well, this is helping. So what power does the COO have in a company like WWE? How could they remove Vince McMahon and then Triple H but let, you know who fucking cares.

WWE loves running with ideas and concepts that are old. By old I mean played out and uninspired. So the fact that they will continue with the evil GM gimmick for the foreseeable future is not surprising. What would have been surprising is if this did end and Triple H would remove himself from television again, let Undertaker grow his natural stringy hair out and have their rematch at WrestleMania 29. See, we plan on attending WrestleMania 29 so another twenty minute snoozefest between those two would be appreciated for a bathroom break.

So brace yourself for at least twenty minutes of screen time per episode of RAW featuring Smiling Johnny Wooden (TM Kevin Difrango)   -Jeremy

On a side note spell check offered Urinalysis as a correction for Laurinaitis. Go figure.

Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 8/20/11

1. Kevin Nash – A week and a day after Nash joked about becoming HHH’s body guard against CM Punk at the meet and greet for PWO’s Wrestlelution 4, he did just that at Summerslam. Well, maybe. The WWE decided to thicken the plot by having John Laurinaitis talk to Nash and Stephanie McMahon talk to CM Punk. They both gave reasons why they could have sent the text message to Nash to attack the winner of the match. Since we know it was Nash in the ring with the (Jack) Knife, finding out the sender of the text message is the only part of this  “Who Done It?” that remains unresolved. – Kevin

2. Mike Chioda – Not only did we already know that Chioda was “The Man” amongst referees, now we allegedly know that he must be “The Man” for partying after his Wellness Policy violation. I wonder if he counts to three or ten before exhaling. – Kevin

3. Sting, Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair – Sting cut another ridiculously awful promo which is no surprise. The highlight of which was him asking the crowd if they wanted to see Hogan in another match against him. Even the Impact Zone crowd, who will cheer for just about anything, had a tepid response. Adding to the old age home amusement, Ric Flair complimented Sting on how in shape he was. Later, Flair showed off his tuned up physique to Hogan in his office. Any combination of these three in the ring will produce more sag than Joan Rivers’ botox could prevent. – Kevin

4. Jeremy & Eric – Where are they this week? Good question. I hope when they come back, if they ever come back, they apologize to you, the loyal reader, for going MIA here. – Dusty

5. The Young Bucks – Boy did I start a mini-bleepstorm with my Young Bucks post. Let me break it down for you: If you are too stupid to go into a WWE lockerroom and not shake everyone’s hand, go into a corner and wait your goddamn turn for a match, you don’t deserve to be in professional wrestling. And if you are so ball-less you post passive aggressive nonsense on Twitter and send your no talent brother in to do the dirty work, you are a horrible human being. This is not arguable. If you disagree with me, please go away. The Young Bucks should go away, too. – Dusty

6. Terri Runnels – My crack research team was able to locate a recent picture of Terri, which I will post here for your edification:

A gruesome visage, I know. – Dusty

7. Evolve – The next step for Evolve is in full effect:

Fat, ugly, badly recorded Jew guy wants YOU! – Dusty

8. Dave Meltzer – What on earth is causing “I” to be replaced with “In” every single time he writes it? This has happened for several weeks in a row now, and is quite frankly very disturbing. Is it a legit typo, every single time? A glitch in his voice-to-text software? The world may never know. – Dusty

9. Joey Abs – I guarantee you you want to know what’s been going on with Joey Abs lately:

What kind of a man hunts with a cellaphone? Real men don’t even own them. – Dusty

10. Sin Cara – The dude playing the fake Sin Cara character (Hunico) was Mystico before Sin Cara was Mistico. He then changed his name to Incognito and started to sell merchandise with his face on it. We’re talking about Incognito soap, candy bars, lighters, napkins, you name it. He sucks, as does real Sin Cara. However, I just gave you a face full of knowledge. Knowledge, right in your maw! Eat the knowledge! Eat it! – Dusty

11. Football – Speaking of Incognito, let’s talk about Richie Incognito and the 2-0 Miami Dolphins. Or, as I like to refer to them, the 2-0 Miami Super Bowl Dolphins. What’s that? These games don’t count? These are fake games? Well… uh… Henne Henne Henne Henne Henne Henne… – Dusty

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