Stunt Granny Audio #190

A three (and a half) hour tour…

Join Kevin and Dusty through a magical odyssey of life and pro wrestling in this latest edition of Stunt Granny Audio! Kevin is planted firmly in the middle of a domestic dispute between one of his roommates and their baby momma. In classic Howard Stern fashion, Dusty drags it out on the air to entertain people. And then they focus their attentions on pro wres and the happenings of this week’s Monday Night Raw. Vince McMahon is the strangest human being in the entire world and desperately wants you to think he’s a stud who is hip and with it. What is greater: Vader’s age or Vader’s weight? Poor Sin Cara didn’t get his trampoline entrance. Poor Curt Hawkins didn’t even get an entrance. Can CM Punk shape the future of pro wres? All that and a whole lot more and it’s only going to cost you about 5o minutes of your measley life, so listen now dammit!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #190

@WWE Roster Game Special

The choices weren’t always easy.

This is a very special edition of Stunt Granny Audio, folks, because in this one Eric, Kevin and Dusty join forces to play the illustrious WWE Roster Game! For those not familiar, this is the game where the Stunt Granny-ites go to the roster page on WWE.com and pare the roster down, with the logic being they would be operating a weekly two hour show every week and they can fill their roster however they see fit in order to have the best company possible and make the most money possible. Because WWE.com changed their roster page format, this time the guys have 18 lines of 5 wrestlers each to pick from, and they pick 2 wrestlers from each line, for a total of 36 pieces of talent. Who do they keep? Who do they kick to the curb? Which were the easiest choices? Who were the most agonizing omissions? How many e’s does Justin Roberts put in Mr Cena’s first name? For all these answers and more, you can only find out by listening, so for god’s sake do it.

Stunt Granny Audio Show WWE Roster Game 2012

Monday Night Raw Expanding To Three Hours

Once again, from the illustrious Jason Powell:

USA Network announced that WWE Raw is expanding to three hours beginning July 23.

The parallels to WCW are abundant here, of course. From Johnny Ace in a position of power, now all the way down to the oversaturation of WWE on television. I’m not saying WWE will be going out of business (like WCW did and TNA definitely will), but I do absolutely think this is a major roadblock for them that will cost them in the long run. I think if we examine this story again in two hours, it will be clear that it was a mistake, and they will either be deciding to go back to doing a two hour show, or have already made the move back. – Dusty

Stunt Granny Audio Show #180

Reunited and it feels so good, Dusty and Jeremy join forces to combat the biggest stories of the week in the wide wide world of professional wrestling. Shane Douglas made a triumphant appearance on Raw that resounded across the nation. Or maybe it lulled everyone to sleep like a “good” Triple H promo. A-Train’s on again, off again relationship with the fact that he’s definitely coming back to WWE is apparently back on again, under the guise of Lord Tensai. If you have alcohol or substance abuse problems, you need to know right now that Chris Jericho absolutely HATES you. All that and a whole lot more so give the poor chaps about an hour of your time and an ear, why the fuck don’t ya?!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #180

WWE Hops Aboard The A Train

From Figure Four Weakly:

Matt Bloom, who was New Japan’s top foreign star as Giant Bernard, and had formerly wrestled as Prince Albert and A-Train in WWE, is scheduled to return to the promotion after WrestleMania.

The idea given was for him to be the henchman for John Laurinaitis.

First of all, how clever am I with that headline? I am oh so very clever.

Second of all, this is really exciting for me. I am genuinely a big Matt Bloom fan, and I think this is long overdue for WWE to bring him back into the fold. Couple that with the fact that he’s going to be paired with Johnny Ace, who is my favorite act in WWE right now, and I am in pro wres heaven. Exclamation point.

Third of all, Eric Nelson is probbo crying in his Cheerios right now, because he always brought up Bloom to be in his company, if he ever started a wrestling company. Find a new awesome big man, chumpo! – Dusty

EDIT: Oh, so now it’s not going to happen.

On his Twitter, Matt “Albert” Bloom denied reports he had signed with WWE, writing, “Haha! False. Wife just had a baby. I’ll be on next tour.” Bloom, currently working for New Japan, also commented that he had no idea where the story came from.

I know that this morning, I heard from a number of talents that were told he was coming in this April, so we will see.

I should know better than to get excited about anything wrestling related. – Also Dusty

Breaking WWE NEWZ: John Laurinaitis still has a job

So if you are a complete idiot this is a surprise. WWE.com confirmed the WWE Board of Directors has decided John Laurinaitis should remain as the interim General Manager. If the storyline holes needed to grow larger well, this is helping. So what power does the COO have in a company like WWE? How could they remove Vince McMahon and then Triple H but let, you know who fucking cares.

WWE loves running with ideas and concepts that are old. By old I mean played out and uninspired. So the fact that they will continue with the evil GM gimmick for the foreseeable future is not surprising. What would have been surprising is if this did end and Triple H would remove himself from television again, let Undertaker grow his natural stringy hair out and have their rematch at WrestleMania 29. See, we plan on attending WrestleMania 29 so another twenty minute snoozefest between those two would be appreciated for a bathroom break.

So brace yourself for at least twenty minutes of screen time per episode of RAW featuring Smiling Johnny Wooden (TM Kevin Difrango)   -Jeremy

On a side note spell check offered Urinalysis as a correction for Laurinaitis. Go figure.

Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 8/20/11

1. Kevin Nash – A week and a day after Nash joked about becoming HHH’s body guard against CM Punk at the meet and greet for PWO’s Wrestlelution 4, he did just that at Summerslam. Well, maybe. The WWE decided to thicken the plot by having John Laurinaitis talk to Nash and Stephanie McMahon talk to CM Punk. They both gave reasons why they could have sent the text message to Nash to attack the winner of the match. Since we know it was Nash in the ring with the (Jack) Knife, finding out the sender of the text message is the only part of this  “Who Done It?” that remains unresolved. – Kevin

2. Mike Chioda – Not only did we already know that Chioda was “The Man” amongst referees, now we allegedly know that he must be “The Man” for partying after his Wellness Policy violation. I wonder if he counts to three or ten before exhaling. – Kevin

3. Sting, Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair – Sting cut another ridiculously awful promo which is no surprise. The highlight of which was him asking the crowd if they wanted to see Hogan in another match against him. Even the Impact Zone crowd, who will cheer for just about anything, had a tepid response. Adding to the old age home amusement, Ric Flair complimented Sting on how in shape he was. Later, Flair showed off his tuned up physique to Hogan in his office. Any combination of these three in the ring will produce more sag than Joan Rivers’ botox could prevent. – Kevin

4. Jeremy & Eric – Where are they this week? Good question. I hope when they come back, if they ever come back, they apologize to you, the loyal reader, for going MIA here. – Dusty

5. The Young Bucks – Boy did I start a mini-bleepstorm with my Young Bucks post. Let me break it down for you: If you are too stupid to go into a WWE lockerroom and not shake everyone’s hand, go into a corner and wait your goddamn turn for a match, you don’t deserve to be in professional wrestling. And if you are so ball-less you post passive aggressive nonsense on Twitter and send your no talent brother in to do the dirty work, you are a horrible human being. This is not arguable. If you disagree with me, please go away. The Young Bucks should go away, too. – Dusty

6. Terri Runnels – My crack research team was able to locate a recent picture of Terri, which I will post here for your edification:

A gruesome visage, I know. – Dusty

7. Evolve – The next step for Evolve is in full effect:

Fat, ugly, badly recorded Jew guy wants YOU! – Dusty

8. Dave Meltzer – What on earth is causing “I” to be replaced with “In” every single time he writes it? This has happened for several weeks in a row now, and is quite frankly very disturbing. Is it a legit typo, every single time? A glitch in his voice-to-text software? The world may never know. – Dusty

9. Joey Abs – I guarantee you you want to know what’s been going on with Joey Abs lately:

What kind of a man hunts with a cellaphone? Real men don’t even own them. – Dusty

10. Sin Cara – The dude playing the fake Sin Cara character (Hunico) was Mystico before Sin Cara was Mistico. He then changed his name to Incognito and started to sell merchandise with his face on it. We’re talking about Incognito soap, candy bars, lighters, napkins, you name it. He sucks, as does real Sin Cara. However, I just gave you a face full of knowledge. Knowledge, right in your maw! Eat the knowledge! Eat it! – Dusty

11. Football – Speaking of Incognito, let’s talk about Richie Incognito and the 2-0 Miami Dolphins. Or, as I like to refer to them, the 2-0 Miami Super Bowl Dolphins. What’s that? These games don’t count? These are fake games? Well… uh… Henne Henne Henne Henne Henne Henne… – Dusty

Dusty’s Blog: Post Monday Night Raw Autopsy

If you didn't like this week's Monday Night Raw, this picture should hopefully put things into perspective for you.

This one will be short and sweet since I’m feeling under the weather today. Kevin wanted me to do this because he’s busy with something or another else. We’re choking down Summer Slam, so they better make this count.

Triple H comes out to start the show. How long do you get to be the new COO of the company before you’re just the COO of the company? He said there were lots of changes going on in the company, what with them going from having no champion to now having two. He said they’re going to resolve that issue at Summer Slam with a match between John Cena and CM Punk to determine who the undisputed champion will be. Punk got a big pop again at the mention. Hunter said a match of that magnitude is going to need a special guest referee of equal magnitude to keep the law and order. So, of course, it’s going to be him. Stevie Wonder could have seen that coming. Ray Charles could have seen that coming. A visually impaired person who needs the assistance of eyewear in order to see things properly could have seen that coming.

In any event, Hunter then got down to the business of laying out the format of the rest of the show. We’ve got a contract signing between Punk and Cena (I’m sure that will go just swimmingly), as well as individual matches for the both of them against other dudes. Hunter said Cena’s match is first, and actually it is going to be right then and there. I love how they do that on wrestling shows, the faux surprise “let’s have a match right now!” thing. What were they going to do otherwise with that time? Just show an empty ring? Have Triple H talk longer? Before they went to break, Cena got in Hunter’s face to question the guest referee stipulation. Hunter told him no one is bigger than him, basically laying down the law there. Interesting.

Back from break, and Cena is taking on Jack Swagger. WWE forgot to fire Swagger on Black Friday a while back, and they’re going to punish him for it by making him job on television. Or something like that. I’m not reviewing the matches this week in any sort of meaningful way, if you want to know the truth of it. Besides, Swagger is not good, so it would just be a bunch of sentences saying stuff like “Swagger did something poorly” and “Swagger sold something poorly.” I just saved you some time. Cena hit the Attitude Adjustment for the victory. It was your basic John Cena match that he had every week while I was doing Smackdown reviews back in the day. I guess Swagger and Carlito are interchangeable.

Later in the show is going to be Rey Mysterio vs. The Miz. Isn’t Rey hurt? Isn’t Miz not much better off? What’s going on here? They show clips of Bret Hart vs. Curt Hennig from Summer Slam 1991, which is one of my favorite matches of all time, ostensibly to get people excited about this year’s Summer Slam. Done and doner.

Ricardo Rodriguez interrupts Scott Stanford (the broski of the forever) to introduce Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio is going to be taking on Punk tonight, and he vows to finish what he tried to start at the Money in the Bank pay-per-view. So apparently Punk is a babyface now, in that he is a babyface when he is facing heels and a heel when he is facing babyfaces. Who doesn’t think Punk is this generation’s Randy Savage, the best thing to happen to wrestling in the last 10 years? If so, harm yourself immediately.

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Stunt Granny Big 11 (Or So) Week Ending 4/9/11

1. Bill DeMott- Who would have ever thought Bill DeMott would make the top of any list? But with his star-making showing on “Tough Enough,” DeMott has found himself one of the most retweeted wrestlers on Twitter. Nicknames for “TE” kids like “Skidmarks” and phrases like “green as goose shit” have endeared the former Gen. Hugh G. Rection to a whole new audience. -Eric

2. Michelle Deighton- How this bottom-rung “Tough Enough” contestant ever made it onto “America’s Next Top Model” is beyond me; she’s uglier than sin on Sunday. But to be true, she’s also married to a guy who’s famous for being on “Survivor”… except by now when you tell people that (“He was Jonny Fairplay on ‘Survivor'”) the most frequent response is, “I don’t remember.” -Eric

3. Sheamus- What a shitty WrestleMania weekend this guy had: got fed to Sin Cara upon his debut, saw his match against Daniel Bryan bumped from the main WrestleMania card, and had to meet Stunt Granny’s Jeremy Maes at a train station. (Something tells me this isn’t the first time “Jeremy Maes” and “train” have been in the same sentence.) -Eric

4. TNA- This company is the pits. I tried once again to watch Impact and it is impossible to get through without forwarding the dvr, or vcr if you are a caveman. Suppose I should be specific here; Anderson swerve; Winters mind control of Angelina Love; Audio Sweetenr on a crowd of maybe 1,000 people; Daniels jobbing his first night back……enough, whatever. –Jeremy

5. WWE All-Stars- This game sucks. I rented it instead of throwing down $59.99 on it. Boy oh boy what a good decision. There is no strategy. All you do is punch and kick then try to lock up. The voice over work is crap as it sound like it was recorded on an Emachine laptop then balanced with dental floss. It is pure garbage.  –Jeremy

6.  WWE Undercard- It’s that time of year. So everyone should be on high alert. If it is Friday afternoon and your caller id comes up as Triple H, Paul L, Johnny Ace, WWE Corporate, or whatever you have programmed in your cell phone; don’t answer the phone and show up Monday or Tuesday for work. Treat it like business as usual. -Jeremy

7. Sin Cara – Coolest entrance ever. I don’t care if he clipped his toes upon entry into the ring. I’d never seen his work in Mexico so this one was a surprise to me. He’s got some crazy hops. I can’t wait to see that athleticism in the ring. -Kevin

8. Rock vs. John Cena at Wrestlemania 28 – These two did do a pretty good job of ribbing each other up to Wrestlemania 27. They bent to accept want has to be acknowledged like Cena’s work ethic and Rock’s dislike of Cena. This match up should be a titanic one, so long as neither of them goes down with an injury within the next 12 months. Have fun sailing the choppy seas of the WWE grind, John Cena. Or the placid seas of movie stardom, Rock. -Kevin

WWE Signs UK Gladiator Barri 10 Foot

Barri10FootAccording to this here site: http://www.caernarfonherald.co.uk/caernarfon-county-news/local-caernarfon-news/2009/10/15/tremadog-wrestler-is-off-to-the-us-to-join-wwe-88817-24932274/, WWE has just signed Barri Griffiths, who appears on the UK Gladiators show and is known locally as “Barri 10 Foot.”

First of all, I don’t believe he’s really 10 foot tall. He’s not Giant Gonzalez. In all seriousness, he’s listed on Wikipedia at six foot six, 280 pounds. Just to set the record straight on that.

Now, I know a lot of people on the internet are going to be burying this, but I think it could really be a positive. For one thing, he’s got the requisite size to make it in WWE. It’s just a fact of life that they’re going to push bigger dudes. The casual WWE fan has been conditioned to want that, too. So no matter how much you want WWE to run an all cruiserweight promotion with nothing but ten star matches, etc. etc., let’s get real here.

Also, it says that he has been a fan of wrestling for a long time. The normal musclehead no talent that Johnny Ace signs usually has no clue what pro wrestling even is. And he’s on the same show as Brutus Magnus, who is a promising young talent in TNA right now, one of the only reasons to watch Impact every week. Here’s hoping for the same kind of success for Mr. Ten Foot. – Dusty

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