Wrestlemania 29 (NY/NJ) Preview Part V

Ballroom Wing TipsSince Jeremy agreed that he wouldn’t be doing previews as I had predicted on Monday, I’m going written for the previews. I’m hoping to do two matches a day including on Sunday. We’ll see if it happens or if I end up stacking them up because I can’t get to them. I’ll be separating them into pairs with one good match and one bad match.

Bad Match

Chris Jericho vs Fandango: I’m laughing some at the ridiculousness of the Fandango gimmick. It can’t last and they’ll beat it into the ground so I know I’ll get sick of it. Chris Jericho came back to face…Johnny Curtis? It’s pretty interesting that him, Big Show, Randy Orton & Sheamus have nothing to do. At least Jericho has a single’s match? I guess that’s why I’m putting it in the bad match category. If Jericho wins, a new guy lost his first match. If Fandango wins, it’s almost assuredly going to be by some underhanded tactic. I’m glad Jericho is willing to do jobs to help elevate people but it seems to early to help Fandango. Prediction: I hate the ending of a well wrestled match.

Good Match

WWE Champion Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson defending against John Cena: If you didn’t read Jeremy’s take on G.I. Joe: Retaliation, make sure to read it. After seeing it Friday night, I agree with the assessment. Fun time but having to repair for a terrible first movie hindered it. The dialogue between the Rock and John Cena hasn’t changed much between last year and this year. Cena has tried to pull some lessons from last year’s loss but it doesn’t seem to resonate. Maybe because his fans are younger, they haven’t felt that kind of loss before whether it’s in a sporting event or just in life in general. I understand what made Rock so popular but he hasn’t done much for me throughout this return. I’m not saying it was bad just good but just kind of there for me. Prediction: John Cena wins. We suffered though because The Rock & John Cena are saved their best promos for part III of this feud.

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Tripping hazard

I’ve got nothing for an introduction or a picture. Hopefully something will come to me during the show.

I can’t wait until the WWE starts selling that hoodie CM Punk is wearing. Punk is using the “You Can’t See Me” defense. I’m glad Punk is calling his theory ridiculous. Hilarious conspiracy stuff. Alex Jones like if that could be said. Booker T shows up for some reason. Glad Booker can provide me with a picture by tripping over his tongue three times. Punk is going to take someone on tonight in another contrived vote. I have no idea who ESPN said was going to be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. Dind’t have time to check the news this afternoon. Ryback comes out. Weird opening segment. Ah, he’s just the hook.

Get our app so that you can watch the same material you’re seeing on TV. Antonio Cesaro will look good in this match but still not win it. Dietary health is very important to Mitchell Cool & Jerry Lawler. That was the highlight before the commercial break. I’m a bit surprised Cesaro is going for the cheap win. Landing from that back drop has got to be painful. Glad Lawler pointed out the obvious with dumb bell Ryback. Shell Shock for the win. I still expected more from Cesaro, Jerry.

Since one review wasn’t enough, we get a second on the Shield and John Cena. We’re at the thirty-five minute mark. Rey Mysterio throws a pitch for the app too. He also said something about CM Punk. The Shield does Shield stuff. Bored. Vickie Guerrero wonders if John Cena has a Death Wish. Glad she could make a Charles Bronson reference. I buzz thru the Trish Stratus review. Only truly significant female wrestler in my life time. I don’t count Moolah when she was fifty something.

The WWE App is pimped by Chris Jericho. His sales pitch blew. It was different though. Booker T is in the booth. Lucky us. Jack Swagger gets to be on the comeback trail against Santino Marella. The Ankle Lock is now the Patriot Act. He screams that he’s just getting started. I did like Booker bringing up buy rate demographics. Baby touch of realism from the WWE.

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Unused Gimmick By @WWE

SONY DSC

I was talking to a co-worker today and an unused gimmick hit me, pets. The WWE has been child friendly for quite a while now so it only seems right to bring back certain gimmicks that didn’t get used in the Attitude Era unless you count Chavo Guererro’s broom horse Pepe or Al Snow’s chihuahua Pepper that ended up as a much larger dinner than a puny pup could possibly make. Here’s a list of characters in the WWE in need of a pet to hype up their gimmick.

Brodus Clay – He’s already part of a dog and pony show with the Funkadactyls and the dancing gimmick. Why not add a dog to the mix? I say they pick up the Dancing Merengue Dog to stick with the dancing gimmick. Kids will love him even more when they get to lead the dog in the dance parade after yet another squash match.

Team Rhodes ScholarsAccording to Animal Planet, the smartest animal in the animal kingdom is the chimpanzee. The smartest team in the WWE would be wise to pick one up. Damien Sandow can explain his t-shirt gimmick along with making the kids happy. If Cody Rhodes wrestles a singles match, he can dress the chimp up in his already used tuxedo from his Phantom of the Opera days. Damien Sandow could give him a robe and dapper ascot. The children may not be happy when the chimps start chucking poo, but it’ll help earn Cody & Damien heat. Even if the chimp gets loose, it probably wouldn’t make anyone in a WWE crowd any worse-looking.

The Great Khali – This man is another guy who is just a circus attraction because of his size. Complete the circus by adding a Bengal tiger (Not the crappy kind that will lose in Houston this weekend) to his ring entrance. The WWE can talk about how they’re native to India just like Khali. For a topping act, Natalya can put her head in the tiger’s mouth.

Hornswoggle – He’s already a children’s attraction, at least in the WWE’s mind. They love pairing him with large men to show off that he’s a little person. Why not stick with this hilarious opposites-attract idea by having him ride an elephant to the ring. The WWE is tarping off areas of every arena so they can solve the problem by widening the aisle to and around the ring. Less seats and now the place looks more packed!

Johnny Curtis – Curtis has tried the bad joke gimmick. He got vignettes as Fandangoo, a modern take on disco dancin’ John Travolta. Now Johnny can take a crack at another gimmick: lizard tamer. He can bring an aquarium to the ring with chameleons to show how often he changes gimmicks.

Tensai – They’ve saddled this guy with every possible Japanese gimmick after his successful run in New Japan Pro Wrestling from the kanji on his face and the manservant that worshiped him like a god. Let’s round out these cheese ball gimmicks by having him come to the ring accompanied by a guy in a Godzilla suit. You can have the Great Khali dress up in a suit then have him turn on Tensai when he starts another losing gimmick.

This list is just the beginning of what could be a lucrative idea. Think of how many stuffed animals the WWE will sell to children. Please submit your serious ideas for wrestlers and their gimmick animals in the comment space below. -Kevin

WWE videos are on fire! (Except not.) Fandangoo dances, Sheamus-Big Show pub brawl is dumb

So last night on WWE Monday Night Raw, we were “treated” to a vignette of a new wrestler named Fandangoo. No, that’s not a typo, there’s an extra “o” on the end. Presumably not because WWE doesn’t know how to spell the name of the popular “fandango” dance, but because they’re queering up NXT lifer Johnny Curtis and they wanted the word “goo” in his name. WWE did one of those acronym deals where each letter in Fandangoo stood for a word that describes him. I’ve got an acronym for you: Fuck All this Nonsense, Don’t Anticipate Next week’s raw will Go On my Oh-I-must-watch-this-list. I remember when vignettes used to get me excited for new wrestlers, but then, that was back when the new wrestlers were exciting.

Going by this helpful video posted at Prowrestling.net, Curtis’ Fandangoo will be some hybrid of Alex Wright, Disco Inferno and the Handsome Stranger, aka Buff Bagwell. Wow, everything that was good about WCW in 1995, all rolled into one douche!

In other WWE news, according to Prowrestling.net, WWE has “released” video footage of Big Show attacking Sheamus and William Regal in a pub in England. That’s so racist; just because Sheamus is Irish and Regal is a drunk doesn’t mean they spend all night in a bar. And don’t you just love this new social-media era of WWE, where they try to fake this fan-captured-footage look and then post it on their own social channels? It’s about as disingenuous as me saying, “I can’t want to GOO over FandanGOO next week!” -Eric

WWE #Smackdown Spoilers – Cbus Edition

Smackdown spoilers. It's gross to show spoiled food.

So not to be a complete ass with spoilers, I will put Smackdown information below the Read More button. I do think that spoilers for NXT and Superstars is fair game in my estimation. I’ll post my Tweet (if you happen to not follow us @Stuntgranny) then any additional information that I can provide.

Tweet #1. – The parking lot isn’t much more crowded than last year’s #Smackdown I parked in spot 71 #GenoforHart (Post Show: So Geno is Evgeni “Geno” Malkin from the Pittsburgh Penguins. The guy was already my favorite Penguin. Then he decided to hoist the team on his surgically repaired knee and be the top scorer in the NHL. The Hart Trophy is for the best player in the league during the regular season. He’s the man.)

Tweet #2. – I go to my seat just for the beginning #NXT It’s a tag team special. (Post Show: the parking being more crowded did lead to extra people in the audience. Definitely not close to the 18,000+ in Cleveland for Raw.)

Tweet #3 & #4. – The Usos are taking on Darren Young & Titus O’Neil. The Usos won. They looked pretty sloppy themselves. Hm, wonder why they aren’t getting TV time? (Post show: I still dig the haka dance from the Usos but they were worse in the ring than Young & O’Neil. No surprise Tamina broke away from these losers.)

Tweet #5 & #6. – Percy Watson & Alex Riley are taking on Curt Hawkins & Tyler Rex. Who’s the coach in the 2nd group? Reks & Hawkins win after a top rope elbow by Curt. (Post Show: Not sure what to add to this match. Nothing happening for people who have been on the pay roll for a while.)

Tweet #7 & #9 – Derrick Bateman & hot blonde whose name I should remember because she hung with AJ will take on Johnny Curtis & some English chick. Maxine is Curtis’s woman. (Post Show: Thanks to @lecroy24fan who has a better memory, Kaitlyn is the blonde. Maxine was with Johnny Curtis. I should have noticed her too since I watched the Diva’s season of NXT before they went strictly online.)

Tweet #8 – McGillicuty & Tyson Kidd are feuding. Promos break down into a brawl. (Post show: No surprise these guys aren’t on either of the big shows either. I love Kidd’s in ring work but his promos still stink.)

Tweet #10 – I’m just to the camera left of the announcers in the 4th row. We’ll see if I get some TV time. (Post Show: They only taped two segments in my area. I tried to get on. I even pointed at my phone with the Stuntgranny.com home page up. I doubt I’ll be seen despite the proximity to the ring.)

Tweet #11 – Dude beside me thinks Maxine is a man’s name. He’s got to be brain power deficient. (Post Show: His buddy was on of those “Title Belt Guys”. Yikes. Plus, the dude wanted to blow and/or have sex with Santino. He also loved screwing with the five year old in front of us. His mom was pretty hot. anyway, it takes a lot for a twenty something year old to mess with a five year old’s mind.)

Tweet #12 & #13 – Bateman & Kaitlyn pick up a quick victory. Let’s just say Kaitlyn is mildly attractive live. @DustyGiebink I’ll pass along your new number (Post Show: The only person I saw tonight that was hotter than Kaitlyn was one of the waitress’s at Gallo’s. Smoking. The both of them. Sorry Dusty, I didn’t get a chance to pass along your number, or even my own.)

Tweet #14, 15 & 16 – Justin Gabriel is taking on for Hunico with his man servant Camacho. My Kashi Go Lean is wreaking havoc on my intestinal track. Maybe I should let a few rip to clear out my section. Hunico put a thumping on Gabriel. (Post Show: I wreaked havoc on my section later. No one seemed to care despite the fact that I grossed myself out a little bit. I didn;t think Hunico would win. I think both guys have the whole package. they just need someone to get behind them.)

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Stunt Granny Audio #164- Jeremy goes to Smackdown

Attendance wasn't this bad but it was close.

Yup that’s right two shows in one week. Don’t get used to it since this is pretty much a special edition. Kevin asks Jeremy a bunch of questions about the Smackdown tapings at the Bi-Lo Center in glorious Greenville, SC. What stood out the most? Was it the disinterest from the production crew? Could it be the copious amount of children? Does Jeremy consider children a plague? They actually talk some of the wrestling but then it eventually devolves back in to on site observations. Does trash drive? If so what does it drive? If it rides in a garbage truck is it being chauffeured? All this and more so make sure and listen.

Stunt Granny Show #164

Smackdown Spoilers

Eric is tweeting from one of these cities.

My job tonight is simple, compile Eric’s tweets and maybe add some commentary. Should be easy enough. I’m not keeping up with him but will hit his early tweets now and refresh this post later. To make it more official, we’ll even stick a read more button in here in case you want the results of Smackdown to be a secret.

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