Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live & Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

The mighty Kent State Golden Flashes have beaten the #1 ranked Florida Gators to bounce them from the College World Series. I didn’t think I could feel better than last week after the win in Eugene but I do. I didn’t like our chances today but the bats came alive and Ryan Borges pitched just well enough to eek out a 5-4 win, no thanks to the bull pen that couldn’t throw a strike. They probably won’t win the title, but it feels good to get a win especially over the Gators. Time for wrestling. Let’s roll.

Only five more weeks before I gauge my eyes out with three hour Raw on a weekly basis. I thought the Cyndi Lauper rumor, was just, you know, a rumor. Mick Foley comes out with a suit on. Why does it take so long for this moronic board to pick someone? He announces a dull tag team match with Kane & Daniel Bryan against Sheamus & CM Punk. Johnny Wooden GM comes out for his farewell address. Oh no, it isn’t his farewell address. Sheamus comes out next. Ah, and CM Punk. Good timing for them.

Kane & Daniel Bryan make their entrances after the break and of course a replay of AJ jumping into Kane’s arms. 211 days for a title reign for Punk. It doesn’t seem like it since Cena is in the majority of PPV. After helping my neighbor who locked herself out of her condo, I’m back to watching this match. Nights rarely run smoothly around here. Of all days that I’d want Baby Momma Drama to not be around, it’d be today so of course he is here. Heels winning at the break. No shock.

Sheamus comes in on the hot tag. He uses his power even against Kane. Bryan gets in the unseen drop kick. Sheamus gets the second round of selling. Even the none wrestling fans notice the quality of Punk and Bryan in the ring. AJ comes out, skips around in a mini-Kane outfit then leaves. Brogue Kick for the win.

Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler are arguing with each other. Vickie wants them to make peace. Johnny & David Otunga are bagging on Mick Foley when Big Show arrives. Big Show angry. Otunga needs the suit or dress shirt on to be drinking out of the coffee cup. Ziggler is taking on Swagger for Vickie’s heart. Missed that part earlier.

Swagger barely gets his entrance after the commercial. Dolph is going to get in trouble for the Flair strut. Swagger attacks Dolph’s “injury”.  Ziggler pulls out a very baby face win. We’re not sure what Vickie is wearing. It’s a poncho with short shorts with a napkin design. It is not working. We get a replay of HHH’s challenge. Limo arrives so time for a commercial to make us anticipate absolutely nothing.

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Kevin’s Blog: A Day Late & A Dollar Short Review of @WWE #Smackdown

I swear my friends who stirred up the baby momma drama must have heard the audio even though I know they don’t like wrestling so they don’t even bother coming here. I have been drama free since the day of that show with Dusty. I may need to make Dusty my leprechaun. I’m ready for an easy night with my girlfriend out of town and my dogs passed out. There has been a lack of any news to mock so I’m going to try to fill in some web content. I didn’t read spoilers and didn’t read any reviews. Let’s roll.

AJ comes out to kick off the show. Before she can explain anything, Vickie Guerrero interrupts. Nice of her to give us the headlines. Dolph Ziggler proved he can steal a show. AJ with some good comebacks. CM Punk comes out. Seems like we have a mixed tag match if they want it. The facials between Punk & AJ has me cracking up. Punk did a good job. Daniel Bryan comes out. Bryan touts Punk as hero. I keep tuning out because I knew Sheamus was coming out. No one gets a good crack at a promo except the openers. He proposes to fight right now. AJ flips out trying to get to Vickie.

Bryan and Sheamus are in the ring when they come back from commercial. The helio into the ring isn’t a regular and then he follows it up with a delayed suplex. Punk knows how to vary his offense just enough. I know it’s not the first time he’s used the helio but still, not an every match happening. Nice double team effort between Ziggler & Bryan right before the next break. Good deal.

Punk is taking the beating, as he should be. Bryan misses a top rope head butt. Ziggler taking a beating from Sheamus. AJ provides the inadvertent distraction for Ziggler to get the cheap pin. AJ attacks Vickie. AJ gets kicked into the ring apron back first. Kane comes out and treats her like Katie Vick. Punk attacks Kane. Bryan attacks Punk. Kane choke slams both of them. Good stuff all around. AJ falls to her knees and starts laughing.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

26th round draft pick of the, ahem first place, Pittsburgh Pirates Jimmy Rider sent my beloved Kent State Golden Flashes into the College World Series by blooping a double onto the left field line which allowed Derek Toadvine to score in the bottom of the ninth. Needless to say, I’m giddy. Let’s roll.

Johnny Wooden GM comes out but before he can utter a peep, Vincent Kennedy McMahon comes down. Johnny tries to suck up to the crowd. It doesn’t work. Vince runs down Johnny’s bad decisions. Before Vince can do anything, Sheamus interrupts. Ugh, it’s going to be a loooong segment. Vince gets to tease us with a warm up “You’re Fired.” Moron adult in the crowd with a goatee and bald head had it spelled “Your”. Brutal.

Tensai is Sheamus’s opponent. The crowd is chanting “Albert”. Yep, stop trying to sell him as the second coming of the Great Muta. And have fun losing again. This will be his second high class job which the announcers pointed out. Cool says it a second time. Tensai may as well buy a mining hat for how deep he’s getting buried. Wow, they’re giving Tensai more offense in the second half of this match. Sheamus barely kicked out of his finisher. Good sell on his part. The Brogue Kick is becoming like the RKO, it can hit at any time.Vince asks Johnny who can replace Alberto Del Rio at No Way Out. Vickie offers up Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger. Teddy Long gets the big idea but fetches coffee. Johnny goes for the fist bump. Vince cracks his first dick joke. Did I miss some news on Del Rio? Yes I did. Del Rio got his bell rung. Tough. They made him look decent with the attack on Sheamus.

Sakamoto is getting assaulted by Tensai after the commercial. The crowd isn’t reacting. I’m tempted to hit FF. I don’t care about either of these guys. You haven’t given me a reason. I don’t care that Albert can speak Japanese. So blowing thru the memory lane shit. R Truth is interviewed by Matt Striker. Lil’ Jimmy was traumatized. He was much better as a crazy heel. Big Show attacks him again. Big meanies everywhere tonight.

And of course we follow up with a replay of what just happened. Santino Marella comes out for a mixed tag match. Starting off like a barn on fire. More replays. Layla comes out looking as hot as always. They’re battling Ricardo Rodriguez (in tux, stay classy) and Beth Phoenix. Ricardo hides so this match is a hidden women’s match. Beth with the Glam Slam for the win. Beth sells Ricardo who is sporting a Justin Beiber shirt. Isn’t that your audience? David Otunga sucks up to Vince. Before Vince can get off a good lawyer joke, Kofi demands a match with Big Show. Dummy. Johnny who was right beside them grants it. Why did Vince & Otunga act like he was somewhere else?

Daniel Bryan comes out to speak to us. In threes. He’s delivering. CM Punk comes out to a serious pop. He goes short and sweet but does a good job. I hate pimping his own segment. Punk did have an awesome moment. He brings the thunder after that. Kane brings pyro and hopefully not much of a promo. AJ makes an appearance. CM Punk & AJ take on Kane & Bryan. Why would you do this during your job evaluation? Then they replay Vince doing “You’re Fired.” Cue foreshadowing.

It’s FF thru the entrances time. That Kent game got me started at 10. It’s getting late, yo. It’s the four way match between the Great Khali, Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger & Christian. The other three eliminate the Great Khali. Smart move on their part. Except Christian who is in there against a tag team. So is it worse for Mr. KSU to lose tonight or at the PPV? We know the winner is not derailing Sheamus. Swagger is a terrible choice even for an obvious loss. Christian doesn’t make sense.

They’re doing just that after the break until Christian dumps Dolph outside. The new hairdo is not helping Swagger. Going shorter under the part makes you look like a cub scout. Killswitch on Swagger with Dolph getting the pin. Dolph drop kick #3 of the match only gets a two count. Dolph kicks out after a spear. They’re making him look good. Christian is my move them up the card guy. Good back and forth near the end. “Let’s Go Ziggler” chant breaks out. The crowd goes solid pop for Mr. KSU. Clean pin too. Sheamus comes out for a look. They do a stare down. Nice quick hype. Natalya is still crazy while talking to Vince. The Funkadactyls try to charm Mr. McMahon. Vince dances. So we’ve got young chicks, the Harts, lawyers & dick jokes covered for Vince. Zack Ryder gets an appearance. How’s that You Tube show doing?

Ryback squash. He dominates two more schmucks. He needs his Big Show beating him up moment. Or a real opponent. They replay almost the whole match right after it’s over. Dumb.

Hornswoggle is talking to Vince. For some reason, he can’t talk again. JR impersonation. John Cena arrives. Cena points out all of Vince’s losses at WM. Of course Regal had to make an appearance after an ass kissing segment. We have all of Vince’s bases covered now, I think.

Kofi Kingston is smart enough to attack Big Show as he climbs over the ropes. I’m sort of tuning out the bickering between Cool & Lawler. It’s a big commercial for No Way Out. Crowd popped for Trouble. Kofi doing the smart thing and act like a chicken shit heel. Kofi gets KOed anyway. Shouldn’t the ref call it? Armstrong finally calls it.

Curt Hawkins gets to lose to Sin Cara. The crowd is all over chants tonight. Not sure what this one was. Hawkins has more offense in the first minute than I expected for the whole match. I hate Sin Cara’s finisher.

Daniel Bryan is stretching when Vince says hi. Another dick joke. Yep, we’re rounding the bases a second time until the end of the show.

I didn’t stop the FF even for my boy Dolph Ziggler. I said no memory lane and I meant it. Heath Slater is taking on Vader. He has seen better days. The crowd is giving him a warm enough reception. No way the majority of people actually remember him. Another chant. A “You’ve still got it” chant to add to their total. He has no agility any more people. Vader Bomb for the win. Cool does a Vader Time chant. Ugh. Pick your role. CM Punk talks to AJ Lee. He tells her not to worry. Punk’s facials after the kiss tell it all.

The Punk & AJ match against Kane & Daniel Bryan is up next. I taped Common Law but a three hour show shouldn’t over run. I know this segment will. I feel it in my being. Vince hasn’t been on nearly enough. AJ gets tagged into the match. She ends up kissing Kane. Does someone kissing Kane fall under specialty happening for Vince? Bryan jobs to the top rope elbow. Weak. She’s doing a good crazy person.

Vince comes out for the main event. The security are going to march Johnny out. The Big Show comes out to defend Johnny. He’s stinking it up worse than Sheamus. And of course they over ran. Because three hours and five minutes isn’t nearly enough time. John Cena shows up. I forgot he needed to be included in this segment. Damn it. He loses me but then grabs my attention when he does the reverse Cody Rhodes. Big Show getting the same treatment within a couple of months. The match now has the Johnny firing stakes for the second PPV in a row. Big Show doesn’t come close but “KOs” Vince. -Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

There are two lessons to be learned from this weekend. The more important lesson is above. After the age of twelve, you should never go anywhere dressed up like your “hero”. This act automatically makes you more than a douche bag. You go straight to douche duffel because your doucheness can not be confined to a simple bag. Just in case you’re not familiar with the impersonation above, Google Rickie Fowler. He has a fantastic child molester mustache. The second lesson from the weekend should be a common theme here on my blog, Kent State kicks ass. On Friday, the baseball team (ranked #25) toppled #13 Kentucky in a twenty one inning  marathon. On Saturday, they beat the hosts of the regional round, #11 Purdue, 7-3. On Sunday, they did what they couldn’t do last year. They punched their ticket to Super Regionals this coming weekend by beating Kentucky 3-2 in nine innings. I debated traveling to see them play but they will be taking on the #10 Oregon Ducks in Eugene. That flight is a bit much for a three game series. Let’s roll.

My cable is blowing currently. Good thing it’s recap of Big Show boring me to death last week. Mitchell Cool gets introduced for some reason. Oh, he’s going to act pompous to John Cena. I can’t wait. (I’m being so sarcastic.) Cool delivers the pompous. My TV is still gacking up. Cena makes a great defense case. Cool is still avoiding why Johnny Wooden GM still has a job. He defied the Board’s ruling! Cool is heeling it up well. Cena is still making better counter points. Johnny comes out. Cena milks his choice of Mitchell Cool. Did Cool get divorced? He doesn’t have his ring on.

Mitchell Cool complains to Johnny backstage. There is a rumor about a job evaluation. It’s sort of a fun yo-yo effect that they have going with the evaluations but it’s still dumb. If you need to be checked on every other months for more than six months, you should be fired. Vickie Guerrero comes out to introduce Dolph Ziggler. He has a rematch with Sheamus. I’m not sure why Lawler isn’t throwing more of “I’m undefeated or awesome” whatever Cool bragged out. If someone isn’t feeding him those reminders, they need to be canned too. Commercial break.

We resume with Ziggler in control. The woman can’t stop talking about Vickie’s boobs. She finally realized that she may not be wearing a bra. White Noise then the Brogue Kick. My boy’s move to the singles division has not gone well. Ziggler needs to start winning. Alberto Del Rio attacks Sheamus on the ramp. Del Rio locks in the cross arm breaker for which he won’t get in trouble. But Johnny’s show is much less lawless than HHH’s. (Even more sarcasm.)

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

A tribute to the troops.

It’s been a long weekend. I got plenty done and I got some time to be lazy. Unfortunately, this review pretty much kicks off my work week. Lucky me. Let’s roll.

After getting a real tribute to the troops, we get review of John Cena versus Johnny Wooden GM. Did they tape this show? Holy opening segment Batman. Why are they making the opening fifteen minutes all recap? They’re not saying they’re live from New Orleans so I guess it is taped. I didn’t pay attention to where they were last week. The Big Show made a business decision to make people smile. I’m paying attention to my Facebook feed because I don’t care about Show’s standard heel turn reasons. We’re not supposed to dance with the Funkasaurus after he cried. The Big Show acts like John Cena could have rehired him. This story is some serious weak sauce. It is a joke because we’re in on the story. We know you weren’t fired. Brutal.

We get replay of Santino & Ricardo Rodriguez from Smackdown. “That is how you do a ring announce.” I’m glad Mitchell Cool is the best the WWE can provide for us. Alberto Del Rio is taking Santino this week. Squash match. Thank goodness. Alex Riley is sucking up to Eve Torres. Big Show gets to pick his opponent. Show doesn’t pick Riley but tosses him into the wall. Almost intimidating.

R Truth & Kofi Kingston come to the ring as my girlfriend asks “Why does everyone have a belt?” Vickie Guerrero does the intros for Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler. Oh, we are live. Why the hell was Alex Riley trending? Commercial central. “I feel like it’s not wrestling so much as acting.” comes out of the woman’s mouth. Is she secretly a smart mark? I’m sure she isn’t but it’s funny that she points out stuff like the belts and there being less wrestling these days. R Truth pins Swagger. Finally, something for these guys. Ziggler walks out. Ziggler is better than that terrible tag team. Big Show runs into Santino. Brodus Clay interrupts him. Big Show makes him his opponent tonight. That’s sink or swim time for the Funkasaurus so I’m down with it.

Johnny Wooden GM comes to the ring with David Otunga & Eve. He has proof of him being the greatest superstar ever. The cover is kind of funny. CM Punk comes down. No one knew Punk was coming down yet they have a mic waiting for him on the steps. Punk is the real cover. Nice little reveal. I like the cut off of the top of the head. They concentrate on the straight edge stance. Punk talks down to Johnny and gets away with it. Trending! It means…something.

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Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

The fact that children looked shocked at the turn of the Big Show tells you how stupid they are. Everyone else saw that coming as soon as Big Show was fired and they neglected to remove his bio from WWE.com. After the review of the most obvious thing ever, John Cena comes out for the opening segment. Jeremy and I were talking about this earlier today and it somehow didn’t get turned into a lunch conversation. Anyway, the Board was ready to fire Johnny Wooden GM, but Cena told them to wait. Then Johnny fires Big Show for no reason other than spite, at best. Johnny then skirts the rules by having that same person help him out in the match. Remember, the Board instituted these rules. So why wouldn’t they fire Johnny on the spot? Because any sort of logic in the WWE is thrown out the window week in and week out. Cena is doing a good job of covering his ass by saying Big Show would have saved Johnny if he hadn’t toyed with him. Eve Torres shows up. Glasses help on most women. It’s not working for Eve. Johnny comes out and I chuckle. The woman thinks it’s retarded. He possibly has lots of injuries. John Cena finally looks pissed. Yes, you should be fired for striking your boss. Hold on, Big Show got rehired on Saturday so that means Big Show should be fired per the rules set up before the fucking match. Holy logic gap Batman. Of course we get the silent treatment from Show about why he did it. He yells to sound evil with more drivel that I’ve heard countless times before. He’s not delivering it well. It’s OK. David Otunga shows up with a cape that is even fancier and still just as stupid.

Why couldn’t this match have started during the break? Hell, I’d take a replay of the pin fall that happened during the break. That match lasted the commercial break. A bunch of jobbers attack John Cena. Sheamus comes out to save him but bumps Johnny. Nice flip by Hawkins when he gets tossed out of the ring. Johnny didn’t give them permission. Two of the whitest guys on the planet team up against three people in a lumber jack match. Johnny laughs like they should be intimidated.

It’s the little gay man with the snake on his arm is my girlfriend’s description of Santino. Awesome. Of course he makes fun of Ricardo‘s accent. Poor Ricardo takes a Cobra so that Santino can do the freshest thing ever to Alberto Del Rio‘s gimmick. So they use this time to throw it to Mitchell Cool & Jerry Lawler. They announce what will surely be the death of me, three hour Raws. I will not be starting those on time. They can kiss my hairy ass. I’ll start at 9 to condense this garbage down. I’m still laughing at Jer’s description of it.

Randy Orton is Del Rio’s opponent. So I guess the WWE really wanted Santino on the show and had nothing else for him. I suppose I should expect these matches to go no where before they hit commercial. Orton has been getting most of the offense as Cool contradicts me. Chris Jericho comes in and gives Orton a Code Breaker. Interesting. A bit surprised that Del Rio was used as a pawn for two segments on the show. Both of these guys are down on their luck in the WWE pecking order these days too. Jericho never struck me as a real threat to CM Punk. Orton hasn’t sniffed the title on Smackdown in quite a while.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live & Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE

I’m calling this “Almost Live” because around 10:15 PM, I’m skipping out because my girlfriend wants to see the season finale of Hawaii Five-O and doesn’t want to be here too late on a work night. I can’t say I blame her. The fact that she’ll watch this garbage with me for any extent of time is a bonus. Let’s roll.

She immediately says what I’m thinking about HHH waiting to talk to “the World”. You’re on camera already dude. HHH is offended by the “legitimacy” part of Brock Lesnar’s speech. She’s watched all of a month of this stuff and is pretty much writing HHH’s promo. HHH goes with the quitter angle for Brock. This crowd is near silent. Paul Heyman comes out to almost as little reaction. Have I mentioned that I absolutely hate lawyer angles? I am pumped for Suits this summer though. So does breech of contract cover breaking the boss’s arm? How long would he last in the UFC if he broke Dana White’s arm? I couldn’t be less excited about this angle. We get rehash of Big Show having to apologize. That’s right, he needs to apologize tonight. CM Punk hits the ramp at the seventeen minute mark. Wow. I guess that was the hook.

Santino comes out “walking like a gay man” according to my lady friend. All Italians walk like gay men was my response. Punk & Santino is taking on Cody Rhodes & Daniel Bryan. Punk and Rhodes start the match out. Oh boy, I’m worried. What a terrible way to start. Chopped up intros, pretty much no time for the match to start. Rhodes is working over Santino after the break. Lawler is confused by the “Yes” chants. Of course, the crowd chants “Santino” right after it. Welcome schizo frantic crowd. That was a funny non-hot tag. She can’t handle the sock puppet. It was ridiculous to cower away from it. GTS for the win.

Alicia Fox gets to lose to the flavor of the month. It’s Beth Phoenix. They hype Over the Limit. Please, telegraph the finish of this match even more than you have already. Say that this match is for the #1 contender spot. Glam Slam for the duke. Layla face plants Beth. The crowd continues to not care. John Cena getting some good press for the inevitable bad press from the divorce from that almost certainly cunty bitch. Oh goody, more replay of a completely dumb angle. Have I mentioned that yet?

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Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

I hope the good citizen’s that come to the site enjoyed the alternative posts with the Mick Foley comedy show and Colin Delaney interview. We can only hope that the later of the two leads to better interviews in the future. I’m also wrapping up ROH from two weeks ago before I start this review. Like a dope, I reviewed the more recent material. It was probably for the best since it was more hacked up matches from Showdown In The Sun. The Briscoes vs the World’s Greatest Tag Team wasn’t very good. ROH has fans and Charlie Haas flipping people off so often that I felt like half of the match was blurred over. Jay Lethal vs Roderick Strong was a good match but I don’t understand Tomasso Ciampa costing Jay Lethal the TV Title since they’re feuding. He screwed himself. No surprise that ROH is doing something dumb again. I’m sure the WWE will do something dumb tonight too. Let’s roll.

The WWE highlights their failures right off the bat. Johnny Wooden GM attacking John Cena because, you know, HHH got booted from the job for losing control. He’s a good character but the WWE’s logic is so fucked. Johnny comes out to no reaction what so ever. Johnny is playing straight up heel.  The crowd finally gets enough energy to boo. At least they cover their ass and say the Board of Director’s gave him a pass. I wish Roger Goodell had attacked one of the draftees. I’m sure he’d still be in his job. Johnny going all in on the heel aspect makes him a worse character. I’m bored. Why did I compliment him at the start? CM Punk comes out to, oh no, the crowd sucks. They barely react to him. It’s going to be a long night. I was going to say come out to wake everyone up. Greensboro blows. Punk tap dances around upsetting Johnny with good verbiage. Punk does get the crowd to react. Lord Tensai is Punk’s opponent tonight. I can’t wait for Punk to finally get a good match out of the big lug.

Johnny bumps into the Big Show back stage and yells at him. Eve Torres shows up like “Vampire” Hortatio Caine. Cody Rhodes comes out first. Mitchell Cool tries to defend Rhodes tables match win as legitimate. I wish Jerry Lawler wouldn’t argue like a 6th grader. Rhodes gets counted out. Eve comes out and orders the Big Show to apologize. Her ass is fantastic. Mitchell Cool, not joking, claims that having to apologize for making fun of Johnny’s voice is a severe consequence. Shot me. The WWE may have topped ROH for stupidity already.

They show replay of R Truth & Kofi Kingston winning because they have lots in common. Aside from their skin color, of course. Vickie Guerrero introduces the free falling Dolph Ziggler. I’m not even sure I want to admit he’s my boy he’s dropping so fast. It’s just Kofi vs Dolph. AW got Rosa, Epico & Primo to dress up. Mason Ryan shows up backstage because matches don’t matter. Ziggler gets the win with some help from Jack Swagger.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almst Live & Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Let’s just say that my neighbors were here for an uncomfortable amount of time. They even brought over a second round of beer. They watched half of Hawaii Five-O even though they said they didn’t like it. I figured it’d scare them off. No such luck. They even cock blocked me. Completely uncool. On top of that, I couldn’t start my review. I’m pissed. Let’s roll.

We start off with a montage from the John Cena versus Brock Lesnar review from Extreme Rules.  The injury has to be an angle. Couldn’t make it more plain than they just showed it all on TV, again. Johnny Wooden GM gets the mic to start the evening. Cena was proved to be a mere mortal. I always thought Cena was Thor’s brother. Johnny  introduces Brock. HHH comes to the ring before much can be said. HHH kills off all of Brock’s extras. HHH neuters Johnny even more than Brock did last week. Interesting tact for HHH to take. He called out his manhood in the process. Lesnar attacks HHH when he argues with Johnny. I’m guessing HHH sees money in this feud. HHH sells a broken arm. Some super baby faces make the save. I like the spoiled athlete angle they’re sort of using with Brock.

Eve is not rocking the librarian very well. Beat The Clock Challenge. I wonder if they got that from the NFL Draft this week. That first round flew by. The Steelers made their pick (next to last) at 11:56 PM last year. The draft was over no later than 11:05. The Miz takes on Santino. I’m going with the Miz but no way he’s the next contender. I love a good double axe handle from the top rope. Skull Crushing Finale at 4:18. Yep, that’s your US Champion.

They showed us the photos from the women’s match last night. Layla El comes out to mild applause. She gets to take on both Brie & Nikki Bella. Layla wins with a drop kick and a roll up. Yep, that’s your Women’s Champion. Chris Jericho hits the ring. He’s out for the Beat the Clock challenge.

They are loving the photo montages tonight. The Big Show is his opponent. This match should last longer than 4:18.

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`Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Jeremy and I are both under the weather after going to UFC 145. We were hoping to do an audio about it today but because of the sickness, we’re holding off until tomorrow. Also because of the cold, I made myself some chicken noodle soup. I’m acting like there was ever a chance that I was going to start this on time since it’s three hours long. The dogs don’t pass out until a post eight o’clock walk. They don’t like me using my computer so I comply. Stupid spoiled dogs. Anyway, let’s roll.

Teddy Long introduces John Cena. Ah, it’s the contract signing. Teddy introduces Brock Lesnar. Johnny Wooden GM comes out to berate Teddy. Brock isn’t there yet. As Johnny does introduces the show, Edge interrupts him. Edge had to talk to Cena. Edge is giving him a hell of a pick yourself up speech. Always interesting having to explain wrestling to an outsider. I’m having to do that tonight too. She may become a regular. We’ll see. Good idea for that speech though.

Chris Jericho comes out. Kofi Kingston is the sacrificial lamb. Mitchell Cool & Jerry Lawler are doing a good job of bickering. Lawler stepping up is a nice change of pace. And we get a commercial with not much happening as usual. Cool & Lawler are selling a PPV. Kofi with a head scissors take over, that looked good. Which is strange. I don’t think he uses that much either. They are giving Kofi far more offense than I expected. The crowd roars for the attempted Walls of Jericho. Nice Code Breaker off the spring board. The crowd is eating up Jericho. Solid promo. Brock video package.

Johnny Wooden GM is on the phone of course. Eve Torres interrupts. She thinks the acting is bad porno level. Eve gets an executive post. Eve denies the hug. Good for her, sticks to her character. More Brock video package. Hmm, lots of filler on a three hour show, you don’t say? CM Punk gets the Josh Matthews questioning. Punk’s gift was a basket of alcohol. Josh gets a hell of a present.

Lord Tensai babbles in Japanese. He gets to squash R Truth. Looks like the Claw is going to be his finisher. Woof. Stick to the power bomb.

Kane marches to the ring. He has a mic. Uh oh. How the fuck did I not catch up at all? I’m blazing thru the commercials. I guess the distraction is slowing me down. She also chortling at this promo. Yep, this is what normal people think of wrestling. He looks like he’s holding his left arm funny. Randy Orton interrupts. Poor Paul Bearer only shows up to get kidnapped. Kane doesn’t care. Good for him. Orton comes out to brawl. I love how the lead pipe has a rubber handle on it. Is Orton losing from even steven booking? More reruns!

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