Wrestling (and barely wrestling) marriages crumble: Hulk and Linda, Fairplay and Zorak

Grow a set!

Linda Bollea was recently interviewed by MiamiHerald.com about her new book, “Wrestling the Hulk: My Life Against the Ropes,” where she sounded off about her ex-husband Hulk Hogan’s alleged infidelity (well, when you’re with a washed-up hag like Linda and your hot daughter is trotting her hotter friends around the house, whatcha gonna do?) and how Hogan’s broken-down body couldn’t keep up with Linda’s… needs (shudder).

I was in a long, stale marriage for so long. Wrestlers have injuries. They’re not able to go and do. My husband had so many knee and hip problems. He couldn’t ride a Jet Ski, go skiing, ride horses. Now I’m with someone who can keep up with all my Italian energy!

Gross.

Filming actually kept our family together longer than it would have lasted. Terry and I were barely talking, and he didn’t look at me in the eye. I didn’t know at the time he was doing Christiane in our bedroom.

There ya go, brother!

Ever the expert, Linda also spends time in her book giving advice to women who may be similar situations (that is, being rode-hard leathery hags with gargantuan professional wrestlers for husbands):

If things are bad, don’t turn a blind eye. Don’t stay because it’s safe or scary out there. Don’t make excuses for your own unhappiness. Grow a set and move on!

Yeah, ya’ dumb fuckin’ bitch, grow a set! Slam a beer and bash him over the head with the bottle! (Wow, the white trash landfill doth overflow.)

In other white trash, V-level celebrity gossip, Jonny Fairplay and “America’s Next Below Average Model” Michelle Deighton have announced their split. (But they looked so happy on that beacon of great TV, “Dr. Phil”!) According to Prowrestling.net, Fairplay Tweeted this gem:

“Yes, I am separated,” Fairplay wrote on his Twitter page. “Michelle was served with separation papers on Friday. I wish her the best in her future endeavors.”

I would post more, but I’m so doubled over with laughter about this wrestling nobody’s inside joke about “future endeavors” that I might go vomit into a fucking toilet. Whatever, you troll, go find another stripper and woo her over the breakfast buffet. Make a baby and name it “Hot Rod.” Blecch. -Eric

In Case You Missed It: Losers Jonny Fairplay, Michelle Deighton on “Dr. Phil”

Jonny and Michelle watch their segment.

Do you like to see ugly white trash who are clearly meant for each other air their dirty laundry in public but don’t have the time or stomach to go to Walmart? Well, my friends, that’s what daytime television is for, and that’s exactly what “Survivor” megastar and Bruce Mitchell’s best friend Jonny Fairplay and his praying mantis-looking wife and “Tough Enough” wolf-cryer Michelle Deighton have come to. The physical mismatch made in psychiatry heaven appeared on “Dr. Phil” this week as part of a “celebrity couples don’t get along” episode sure to shatter the ratings barrier. They went back and forth, slinging bent arrows that probably make their shit-show relationship stronger in ways only ex-stripper-hookers and overconfident johns really understand, until Dr. Phil mercifully went to commercial. Maybe I need to go on “Dr. Phil” as part of the “uncontrollable desire to slap two people I’ve never met and prefer not to meet” episode. -Eric


Stunt Granny Big 11 (Or So) Week Ending 4/9/11

1. Bill DeMott- Who would have ever thought Bill DeMott would make the top of any list? But with his star-making showing on “Tough Enough,” DeMott has found himself one of the most retweeted wrestlers on Twitter. Nicknames for “TE” kids like “Skidmarks” and phrases like “green as goose shit” have endeared the former Gen. Hugh G. Rection to a whole new audience. -Eric

2. Michelle Deighton- How this bottom-rung “Tough Enough” contestant ever made it onto “America’s Next Top Model” is beyond me; she’s uglier than sin on Sunday. But to be true, she’s also married to a guy who’s famous for being on “Survivor”… except by now when you tell people that (“He was Jonny Fairplay on ‘Survivor'”) the most frequent response is, “I don’t remember.” -Eric

3. Sheamus- What a shitty WrestleMania weekend this guy had: got fed to Sin Cara upon his debut, saw his match against Daniel Bryan bumped from the main WrestleMania card, and had to meet Stunt Granny’s Jeremy Maes at a train station. (Something tells me this isn’t the first time “Jeremy Maes” and “train” have been in the same sentence.) -Eric

4. TNA- This company is the pits. I tried once again to watch Impact and it is impossible to get through without forwarding the dvr, or vcr if you are a caveman. Suppose I should be specific here; Anderson swerve; Winters mind control of Angelina Love; Audio Sweetenr on a crowd of maybe 1,000 people; Daniels jobbing his first night back……enough, whatever. –Jeremy

5. WWE All-Stars- This game sucks. I rented it instead of throwing down $59.99 on it. Boy oh boy what a good decision. There is no strategy. All you do is punch and kick then try to lock up. The voice over work is crap as it sound like it was recorded on an Emachine laptop then balanced with dental floss. It is pure garbage.  –Jeremy

6.  WWE Undercard- It’s that time of year. So everyone should be on high alert. If it is Friday afternoon and your caller id comes up as Triple H, Paul L, Johnny Ace, WWE Corporate, or whatever you have programmed in your cell phone; don’t answer the phone and show up Monday or Tuesday for work. Treat it like business as usual. -Jeremy

7. Sin Cara – Coolest entrance ever. I don’t care if he clipped his toes upon entry into the ring. I’d never seen his work in Mexico so this one was a surprise to me. He’s got some crazy hops. I can’t wait to see that athleticism in the ring. -Kevin

8. Rock vs. John Cena at Wrestlemania 28 – These two did do a pretty good job of ribbing each other up to Wrestlemania 27. They bent to accept want has to be acknowledged like Cena’s work ethic and Rock’s dislike of Cena. This match up should be a titanic one, so long as neither of them goes down with an injury within the next 12 months. Have fun sailing the choppy seas of the WWE grind, John Cena. Or the placid seas of movie stardom, Rock. -Kevin

Jonny Fairplay thrown out of somewhere, or something

"Don't you know who I am?? Oh, you don't..."

"Don't you know who I am?? Oh, you don't..."

Don’t really know what this is all about, but according to Jeremy Borash’s Twitter, Bud Bundy Jonny Fairplay was thrown out of an undisclosed location (assuming the TNA house show in Winston-Salem, N.C.) by a crack security team. Here are Borash’s three Tweets, from about 9:30 p.m. CT, 10:30 p.m. CT and 12:30 a.m. CT:

Johnny Fairplay was just thrown out of the backstage area by Atlas Security! http://twitpic.com/auhoy

Have been advised to remove Fairplay pic. Unfortunately I am unable to delete it until I get to the hotel. Stop clicking on it!!! LOL

Deal worked out to leave pic up and post no details. I will say he was hammered and no one saw any punches thrown, we hope.

So anyway, someone no one wants around got thrown out of a place. In other news, dirt plus water equals mud. -Eric

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