Unused Gimmick By @WWE

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I was talking to a co-worker today and an unused gimmick hit me, pets. The WWE has been child friendly for quite a while now so it only seems right to bring back certain gimmicks that didn’t get used in the Attitude Era unless you count Chavo Guererro’s broom horse Pepe or Al Snow’s chihuahua Pepper that ended up as a much larger dinner than a puny pup could possibly make. Here’s a list of characters in the WWE in need of a pet to hype up their gimmick.

Brodus Clay – He’s already part of a dog and pony show with the Funkadactyls and the dancing gimmick. Why not add a dog to the mix? I say they pick up the Dancing Merengue Dog to stick with the dancing gimmick. Kids will love him even more when they get to lead the dog in the dance parade after yet another squash match.

Team Rhodes ScholarsAccording to Animal Planet, the smartest animal in the animal kingdom is the chimpanzee. The smartest team in the WWE would be wise to pick one up. Damien Sandow can explain his t-shirt gimmick along with making the kids happy. If Cody Rhodes wrestles a singles match, he can dress the chimp up in his already used tuxedo from his Phantom of the Opera days. Damien Sandow could give him a robe and dapper ascot. The children may not be happy when the chimps start chucking poo, but it’ll help earn Cody & Damien heat. Even if the chimp gets loose, it probably wouldn’t make anyone in a WWE crowd any worse-looking.

The Great Khali – This man is another guy who is just a circus attraction because of his size. Complete the circus by adding a Bengal tiger (Not the crappy kind that will lose in Houston this weekend) to his ring entrance. The WWE can talk about how they’re native to India just like Khali. For a topping act, Natalya can put her head in the tiger’s mouth.

Hornswoggle – He’s already a children’s attraction, at least in the WWE’s mind. They love pairing him with large men to show off that he’s a little person. Why not stick with this hilarious opposites-attract idea by having him ride an elephant to the ring. The WWE is tarping off areas of every arena so they can solve the problem by widening the aisle to and around the ring. Less seats and now the place looks more packed!

Johnny Curtis – Curtis has tried the bad joke gimmick. He got vignettes as Fandangoo, a modern take on disco dancin’ John Travolta. Now Johnny can take a crack at another gimmick: lizard tamer. He can bring an aquarium to the ring with chameleons to show how often he changes gimmicks.

Tensai – They’ve saddled this guy with every possible Japanese gimmick after his successful run in New Japan Pro Wrestling from the kanji on his face and the manservant that worshiped him like a god. Let’s round out these cheese ball gimmicks by having him come to the ring accompanied by a guy in a Godzilla suit. You can have the Great Khali dress up in a suit then have him turn on Tensai when he starts another losing gimmick.

This list is just the beginning of what could be a lucrative idea. Think of how many stuffed animals the WWE will sell to children. Please submit your serious ideas for wrestlers and their gimmick animals in the comment space below. -Kevin

The Art of Wrestling – Insert Pot Joke Here

I wonder if RVD has his house Feng shuied.

TNA has been on the ball when it comes to new merchandise for their shiny “new” stars that they have brought in during the Hulk Hogan era. Too bad I’ve been slacking off as much as TNA’s writers. To kick off the new TNA reviews I figured I’d start with ‘Mister Monday Night’, Rob Van Dam.

On the back of the shirt, there are neon green Xs that flank a neon green yin & yang symbol. I’m not sure if TNA is aware, but the WWE has a long standing group called Degeneration X that uses both neon green and shockingly an X in their merchandise. What a bunch of morons. I know the yin & yang is not part of DX’s design but everything else is a rip off. They could have used a star with five points to draw comparisons to RVD’s Five Star Frog Splash and had the same exact design pattern then I (I can’t be the only one who noticed) wouldn’t have thought of DX even if they stuck with the neon green. There is an additional design in the background that looks like a mix between a biohazard symbol and a tribal tattoo. To me, that mixes up cultures since yin & yang is Chinese and tribal tattoos are Polynesian or North & South American in origin. I would think you’d want to stick with kanji which is the name of the Chinese characters used in writing. It would stick with the theme of the shirt better. RVD doesn’t have any tattoos either so he has no reason to want a tattoo inspired design on his shirt.

On the front of the shirt, TNA has the same exact design with one exception. They have inserted “RVD” in grey and white. The “V” matches the tribal background pattern which is a nice touch. The text has a nice funkiness to it that draws me in.

I’m not a big fan of having the same design on the front as the back because it makes one look like they’re wearing a sandwich billboard. They are marginally different but not enough in my book. The changing of motifs didn’t help the shirt. The blatant ripping off of DX is the worst part. I’ve mentioned the quality of the WWE riffing on old designs (John Deere among other shirts) but they altered it enough to not be the exact same symbol if if they carried through the same color pattern. Stop trying to be the WWE and make your own designs. – Kevin

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