Liz Cena thinks John Cena was cheating on her. Um, so?

Don’t be hatin.

Breaking news kids, John Cena was cheating on his wife, or so she thinks.  Liz Cena, according to a post from TMZ.com, wait her name is Liz Cena? Eww, terrible name. Go with Elizabeth Cena or Beth Cena or by your middle name of Gold Digga Cena.

Anyway, she has sent the dog and by dogs I mean lawyers, out to see if John was banging out other broads before the marriage, during their marriage and during this separation phase. Here’s some quick legal and practical advice; stop looking, of course he was. He’s on the road all the time with copious amounts of young pussy, or even older pussy, throwing themselves at him like they were shot out of a pitching machine. What would any other person do but grab a bat and take a few swings. Get over yourself toots and save some money. Lawyers charge for every hour they can after all.

Compounding matters, over at Prowrestling,net, Ken Doane, remember him? No? Well, he should have been bigger than WWE ever let him become but then sour grapes. See what I did there, sour grapes? Huh? No? Ok, well he took to Twitter and said John was banging Mickie James. Problem is that Ken and Mickie were dating and he must not have liked knowing his girl was slobbing the knob of a WWE main eventer while he was curtain jerking.

Mmmmm, Mickie James slobbering down with those thick thighs, wide mouth, juicy lips, bumpin ass, oh sorry where were we?

So yeah , Ken Doane says John Cena was banging Mickie James while Doane and James were dating. Thus she melted down like every emotionally stunted woman would do and she got released. The basic gist of this entire story is that John Cena is earning some mad respect right about now. He plows over a WWE Diva and it makes her go crazy?  Main event status solidified for at least another year. -Jeremy

Dusty’s Blog: Post Monday Night Raw Autopsy

If you didn't like this week's Monday Night Raw, this picture should hopefully put things into perspective for you.

This one will be short and sweet since I’m feeling under the weather today. Kevin wanted me to do this because he’s busy with something or another else. We’re choking down Summer Slam, so they better make this count.

Triple H comes out to start the show. How long do you get to be the new COO of the company before you’re just the COO of the company? He said there were lots of changes going on in the company, what with them going from having no champion to now having two. He said they’re going to resolve that issue at Summer Slam with a match between John Cena and CM Punk to determine who the undisputed champion will be. Punk got a big pop again at the mention. Hunter said a match of that magnitude is going to need a special guest referee of equal magnitude to keep the law and order. So, of course, it’s going to be him. Stevie Wonder could have seen that coming. Ray Charles could have seen that coming. A visually impaired person who needs the assistance of eyewear in order to see things properly could have seen that coming.

In any event, Hunter then got down to the business of laying out the format of the rest of the show. We’ve got a contract signing between Punk and Cena (I’m sure that will go just swimmingly), as well as individual matches for the both of them against other dudes. Hunter said Cena’s match is first, and actually it is going to be right then and there. I love how they do that on wrestling shows, the faux surprise “let’s have a match right now!” thing. What were they going to do otherwise with that time? Just show an empty ring? Have Triple H talk longer? Before they went to break, Cena got in Hunter’s face to question the guest referee stipulation. Hunter told him no one is bigger than him, basically laying down the law there. Interesting.

Back from break, and Cena is taking on Jack Swagger. WWE forgot to fire Swagger on Black Friday a while back, and they’re going to punish him for it by making him job on television. Or something like that. I’m not reviewing the matches this week in any sort of meaningful way, if you want to know the truth of it. Besides, Swagger is not good, so it would just be a bunch of sentences saying stuff like “Swagger did something poorly” and “Swagger sold something poorly.” I just saved you some time. Cena hit the Attitude Adjustment for the victory. It was your basic John Cena match that he had every week while I was doing Smackdown reviews back in the day. I guess Swagger and Carlito are interchangeable.

Later in the show is going to be Rey Mysterio vs. The Miz. Isn’t Rey hurt? Isn’t Miz not much better off? What’s going on here? They show clips of Bret Hart vs. Curt Hennig from Summer Slam 1991, which is one of my favorite matches of all time, ostensibly to get people excited about this year’s Summer Slam. Done and doner.

Ricardo Rodriguez interrupts Scott Stanford (the broski of the forever) to introduce Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio is going to be taking on Punk tonight, and he vows to finish what he tried to start at the Money in the Bank pay-per-view. So apparently Punk is a babyface now, in that he is a babyface when he is facing heels and a heel when he is facing babyfaces. Who doesn’t think Punk is this generation’s Randy Savage, the best thing to happen to wrestling in the last 10 years? If so, harm yourself immediately.

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