Liz Cena thinks John Cena was cheating on her. Um, so?

Don’t be hatin.

Breaking news kids, John Cena was cheating on his wife, or so she thinks.  Liz Cena, according to a post from TMZ.com, wait her name is Liz Cena? Eww, terrible name. Go with Elizabeth Cena or Beth Cena or by your middle name of Gold Digga Cena.

Anyway, she has sent the dog and by dogs I mean lawyers, out to see if John was banging out other broads before the marriage, during their marriage and during this separation phase. Here’s some quick legal and practical advice; stop looking, of course he was. He’s on the road all the time with copious amounts of young pussy, or even older pussy, throwing themselves at him like they were shot out of a pitching machine. What would any other person do but grab a bat and take a few swings. Get over yourself toots and save some money. Lawyers charge for every hour they can after all.

Compounding matters, over at Prowrestling,net, Ken Doane, remember him? No? Well, he should have been bigger than WWE ever let him become but then sour grapes. See what I did there, sour grapes? Huh? No? Ok, well he took to Twitter and said John was banging Mickie James. Problem is that Ken and Mickie were dating and he must not have liked knowing his girl was slobbing the knob of a WWE main eventer while he was curtain jerking.

Mmmmm, Mickie James slobbering down with those thick thighs, wide mouth, juicy lips, bumpin ass, oh sorry where were we?

So yeah , Ken Doane says John Cena was banging Mickie James while Doane and James were dating. Thus she melted down like every emotionally stunted woman would do and she got released. The basic gist of this entire story is that John Cena is earning some mad respect right about now. He plows over a WWE Diva and it makes her go crazy?  Main event status solidified for at least another year. -Jeremy

Son of a bitch, Jeff Katz steals Shawn Daivari from me for Wrestling Revolution project

*sniff sniff* "Smells like money over here."

You cut right to the heart of me, Jeff Katz: According to Prowrestling.net, Katz announced that the eighth cast member of his Wrestling Revolution project is Shawn Daivari.

We couldn’t be more proud to showcase the completely terrorist and sheik-free talents of Dara “Shawn” Daivari in the WRESTLING REVOLUTION PROJECT.

I didn’t win the lottery fast enough: Katz has nabbed some serious free-agent talent for this project, including Colt “Your Stuff is in the Mail, Jeff Brown” Cabana, Kenny Omega and Ken Doane (as well as former WWE superstar MVP). If he’s able to pull the Human Tornado out of retirement and convince Mike Quackenbush to work for him along with running Chikara, I’ll eat my hat and urinate on my fantasy booking notebook. (P.S. Would I have made Daivari into a stereotypical sheik character? Of course! The Sheik of Freakish, Sudden Musculature. License to print money.) -Eric

Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 8/27/11

1. Matt Hardy – Pointing out that he has made yet another mistake is just getting old.  Can he please do something that proves us wrong? Crashing your Corvette in to a tree isn’t going to do it. – Jeremy

2. Ken Doane – There has been a Ken Doane sighting, friends. He was announced as another member of The Wrestling Revolution Project. You may remember him, with a groan, as Kenny Dykstra. He should be on par with Dolph Ziggler or The Miz by now but oh well. – Jeremy

3. Todd Grisham – So he was wished a fond farewell by William Regal on NXT. Is this a joke? Grisham is going to ESPN? This has to mean he is covering soccer for the network right? Not sure I can take him seriously as an anchor on Sportscenter. Then again anyone doing Sportscenter is hard to take seriously. – Jeremy

4. Colt Cabana – Colt joins the aforementioned Ken Doane as a) a member of the new Wrestling Revolution project and b) another guy I was going to hire for my wrestling company as soon as I won the lottery. Dammit.– Eric

5. Ric Flair – Man, he got skewered by Grantland.com (and honestly so). The thing is, Flair would probably remove the skewer and try to use it as collateral.– Eric

6. Dr Pepper 10 – Sorry, with Matt Hardy dominating the news, there are very few wrestling-related things to talk about. So I’ll just promote the cool, refreshing taste of Dr Pepper 10; even with only 10 calories, it tastes just as much like regular Dr Pepper as Diet Dr Pepper. *kschkschchhh* *gulp* Ahhhhhhh… – Eric

7. CM Punk vs. Kevin Nash vs. HHH vs. John Laurinitis – Still plenty of speculation going on in this little storyline. I’m digging it. Good old Johnny is the main text sending suspect in my book but I’ll let it play out. It helps that Punk is still killing it on the mic. Bigfoot could give Pipe Bomb plenty of TV time, even more than a championship reign could bring. – Kevin

8. North Carolina Indy Wrestler – Sure, I might be piling on with Matt Hardy news but this dude needs to stop being a chickenshit. NCIW obviously enjoys being invited to the annual Hardy Holiday Party and partaking in the booze and the pills, so to not get himself uninvited he goes anonymous with his letter. Be a man, step up and say who you are. If you know Matt’s friends are enablers, why do you want to go to the parties anyway? – Kevin

9. Rey Mysterio – He’s gone for a while, kids. ACL surgery is going to put him on the shelf for at least six months. Heal up and come back for one last go around before your knees are completely shot. – Kevin

10. Ivory – There is a small island in the Pacific Northwest with a population of around 8,000. One of those 8,000 people is former WWE diva Ivory. Every year at the county fair they have what is called “Trashion Fashion,” which is where people use recycled materials to make costumes. This year, Ivory entered the contest. Her costume? Using discarded pet hair to make a poodle costume. You can watch video of this here (http://www.pnwlocalnews.com/sanjuans/jsj/entertainment/128023363.html). So if you’ve never met a furry, now you can say that you have. – Dusty

11. Hulk Hogan – He apparently still hates Vince Russo after all these years:

Apparently at the last PPV, when Hogan found out what the finish was for Sting vs. Angle, he blew his stack and cut a promo on Russo saying that he didn’t know anything about wrestling because he was never a wrestler. As if you were a wrestler it makes you immune from not getting how to book wrestling . And if you weren’t, it immediately drains your IQ to where you think the only guy in wrestling who makes sense and knows what they’re talking about is Ultimate Warrior. Well, given that most who watched the show had the same reaction as Hogan, groaning over the finish, it has nothing to do with being a wrestler. But at TV, they were back to at least giving the idea whatever heat was gone.

I hope you can get past just how awful Dave’s writing was there. In any event, as someone on a message board pointed out about this, I wonder what Hulk thinks of Eric Bischoff and Dixie Carter. Also, you’d think he could use his stroke to push Russo out of the company. It’s almost like he’s full of shit or something. But… that… can’t… be… – Dusty

Stunt Granny Audio – The Dusty Solo Project

All alone. All by myself.

Yeah, that’s right, it’s just Dusty this time folks. You’re in for a half hour of total disaster here, as Dusty talks about Dolph Ziggler and the rest of his former Spirit Squad buddies, Jack Swagger and his terrible hair and his terrible everything, the fact that everyone looks, wrestles and talks exactly the same now, and how every new wrestler is given a terrible name by the WWE “creative” team. He even has a few passing words for TNA as well, because he is onery, okay? So please listen to this, and he promises it will never happen again.

The Dusty Solo Project

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