Mr. Anderson wants to be done wrestling in five years, can we make it sooner?

Comes complete with torn triceps and dislocated shoulder!

According to Prowrestling.net, TNA’s Ken Anderson, aka Mr. Anderson, told the Dover Post that he’d like to be finished with his in-ring pro wrestling career in five years. The biological alarm clock he calls “a chain of push-derailing injuries while in WWE” suggests sooner, but hey, with Anderson talking about quitting, we’ll take what we can get.

“If I’m still doing this five years from now, please, just shoot me,” Anderson said.

It’s already on my calendar, friend.*

“I love the wrestling business, I love entertaining people, but it doesn’t define me.”

Oh, well, let us know when you plan to start entertaining people again. I mean, you can only ride a dead horse so far, and the only reason you’re overusing the word “asshole” is because that term is somehow more socially acceptable than “douchebag,” another word a) you’d happily drive into the ground like a beat-up Chevy Cavalier and b) the audience would find entertaining only because they’d get to say it loudly and proudly on national TV. Those hillbillies don’t love you, they just love to curse and spit. And yes, they probably kiss their mamas with those mouths. Real deep and tongue-like. Yep, that’s who you’re “entertaining” these days. Anyway, T minus four years and 364 days! -Eric

*=figuratively

See Ya Next Year!

Get outta here.

Get outta here.

According to PWInsider, by way of ProWrestling.net (Yes again, damn), that Ken Kennedy is actually going through with surgery to repair his bum shoulder. Ken is scheduled for surgery Friday and will be out for upwards of six months. This guy can’t catch a break and he better hope WWE doesn’t forget about him. He is proving to be about as reliable as Randy Orton.

It is also rumored he will be having radical surgery done to remove his head out of his ass and then his feet, yes both of them, from his mouth. It is a dangerous procedure due to the high rate of redundant pedial chronitis. In other words, he is bound to do it all over again.

We here at Stunt Granny wish Mr. Ken Kennedy Anderson a speedy recovery. -Jeremy

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