Kevin’s Blog: A Day Late & A Dollar Short Review of @ImpactWrestling

Destination

I figured since Final Destination is on Sunday, I may as well do a de facto preview. I’ve got a couple of hours before I go out drinking with my buddy who is in town from Pittsburgh.

Kazarian starts off by call us choads. You deserve the shit you’re given. Bobby Roode cuts a fair enough program but I’m not sure why he’d put this double albatross around his neck. Christopher Daniels is OK at being insincere but I’m just so tired of this feud. AJ Styles is cutting an OK promo too. Still bored. Jeff Hardy & James Storm save Styles who picked a bad fight. They replay Austin Aries, Bully Ray & Hulk Hogan. Aries gets to cut the promo. He’s pushed buttons and wants to push more. I guess he likes video games.

I only looked at the headlines on Dot Net this morning so I know someone debuted or came back tonight. I also know that there’s a new TV Champion. Considering it’s a one on one match, the outcome between Samoa Joe and Devon is pretty easy. The match was cheap. Earl is distracted by a hot blonde. I guess that’s what happens since Madison Rayne left. DOC nails Samoa Joe with a hammer. Devon covers for the win. Brooke Hogan is happy about a contract delivery. Hmm, I’m guessing this is the mystery person.

I’m not shocked that they’re continuing this dumb angle with D’Lo Brown and Al Snow. They’re cool but a match is happening between them, right? Mickie James comes out in a dress. She made a pact to win the Knockouts Champion. Well, duh. Tara interrupts to brag about Jesse. Velvet Sky comes out. Three terrible promos in a row. Robbie E is freaking out about paying his insurance. Robbie T is a smart sophisticated European so he knows how to work an iPad. Why did I choose to review this show again?

That was their big promo before wrestling Chavo Guerrero & Hernandez. I don’t care about this match. Shocking, isn’t it? The Mexicans who were both born in the US take on Joey Ryan & Matt Morgan on Sunday. I’m sure Morgan is thinking it was a great idea to re-sign with TNA. Hernandez didn’t injure Robbie T. Chavo wins with the Frog Splash. Joey Ryan interrupts. Morgan attacks from behind. Big Morgan & Big Organ. I’m just angry now. Nothing gets better when Devon acts like he enjoys the strippers “going lesbian”.

Garrett Bischoff & Wes Brisco have Kurt Angle‘s back. I could like the group if Garrett & Brisco could act at all. Chavo barks all day little doggy while Hernandez tries to look tough. They cut the promo short. Jimminy Cricket.

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Kevin’s Blog: A Day Late & A Dollar Short Review of @ImpactWrestling

It’s been a Kevin heavy week with me attending Raw, actually getting to Prime Wrestling and now having a Friday devoid of my girl I get to do more reviews. TNA has gotten the short end of the stick recently around these parts. So even though I watched a little of it last night, I’m starting fresh for this review.

I didn’t hear much of this James Storm promo last night because Baby Momma Drama wouldn’t stop talking. I didn’t miss much. Not bad but no meat to it. Bobby Roode interrupts. He has much more meat on his end. I like it. I like it even more after their scuffle and him talking Storm into a dumb match. Hulk Hogan talks about AJ Styles’s frustration. Hogan points out that he’s his own worst enemy. So it was his idea to put him into a never ending feud that ended abruptly and was terrible 75% of the time for the last year? I don’t think so.

DOC gets to defend himself. He points out all of the beatings he’s been dishing out. Devon picks someone by dart. I’d whoop his ass in Cricket. Kid Kash gets a shot at the TV Title because he’s on the roster. Not sure the last time I saw him win. RVD is doing the selling early. This match has been terrible. Both of them look at fault for it. RVD with the frog splash. Yawn. Eric Young is talking up his show, except for not using the name. ODB is still horny.  The whole act has lost some momentum.

Kurt Angle talks to Garrett and whoever the other guy is. I watch every week. Wes evidently. No wonder I don’t remember it. Jesse is taking on Young. The ladies are at ring side. EY pays too much attention to ODB whooping on Tara. Jesse catches him with a super stunner for the win.

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Kevin’s Blog: #iMPACTWrestling – For The Hell of It

I’m tired but I’m going to start doing this review. I might not finish it before I sleep. I don’t care. It’ll get finished once the dogs take a nap later today. It’s 12:42 AM EST. Let’s roll.

We get a review of the Victory Road main event, Sting vs Bobby Roode. They showed film of Roode getting ready to attack Dixie Carter. Roode is hard to take seriously with dry hair. So I’m glad I didn’t pay for this pay per view. Roode duct taped Sting to the ropes. Oh, we’re going to still shoots now. Dixie attacked as Sting’s shield. Back to still shoots. Weird combo of review. Back to film. Don’t you have to fire a guy who is that insubordinate? I can’t attack my boss and keep my job. Dixie Carter comes out first. More disrespect is being tossed out by Bobby Roode. The crowd is right “Fire Bobby”. Sting comes out. He gives the old “not the right kind of revenge” speech. The crowd go sheep. For some reason, they go to commercial thinking this is a cliff hanger.

Sting is relinquishing his GM duties. He wants to be a wrestler. Not a GM. He’s got to rest because of his concussion. Sting’s got a man for the job. It’s Hulk Hogan. Sting tells her to trust him because he’s “real” now. I’m not dicking around with previews or ring entrances. Bully Ray is super freaking pissed. He’s going to take hostages out.

Zema Ion, Anthony Neese and Kid Kash take on Austin Aries for the X Division Title after a commercial break. Two weird breaks to start the show. They’re still protraying Aries as a heel. You wait for a baby face pop to bring you back. He will get some cheers. The match was fine until Bully Ray takes out everyone. He saves Aries for last. Good way to get his heat back. The Mexicans show back up and their car is being towed. They are questioned to win their car back. Anarquia can’t spell Guadalajara. I needed spell check. They are going to wait until after their match so that they can earn the money back. Stupid.

Rosita & Sarita are taking on ODB & Eric Young. Tazz admits that the wedding will have a hitch since all wrestling weddings do.Rosita tries to act tough to ODB. Sarita comes in to do the heavy lifting for the heels. Rosita comes back in for some reason. EY does cart wheels after the hot tag.  EY has pink trunks on. ODB goes jealous rage. She gets mad at EY but still kisses him. ODB shoves him onto Rosita for the pin. Weird.

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Jeremy’s Blog: TNA PPV Dilemma: $34.95, Please

So Monday morning Eric hits me up on messenger like one of those retirement ads worrying about retirement. He starts with a simple hi and then drops this line, “I know we have a spotty track record on these anymore but a whole TNA PPV came and went with no mention.” (Apparently Eric doesn’t realize that Kevin covers Impact Wrestling every Thursday night live on Twitter @stuntgranny but whatever. -K)

I respond back very matter of factly with “Yes all around the world no one mentioned it.” Now that may not be entirely true but why waste time with TNA after all? In their last two main events, the heel champion has wrestled to a draw and then retained his title by kicking the referee in the balls. Making matters worse, the five-minute extra period was placed on free television, so all of the people who paid – and by all I mean a slight few – for the PPV event got to see the resolution for free. Ha ha, suckers. $34.95, please.

Feel no remorse for those losers, though. If they ordered the PPV then they have to be fans of the product and they have decided TNA is the product for them and will gladly shell out $34.95. I was going to say $44.95 for the HD feed, but come on.

Here is the real issue and the hardest idea I am having the damndest time understanding. Why would anyone pay money to watch a TNA PPV? What is it that draws anyone to TNA in general let alone shelling out actual money to watch their stagnant product?

As Eric and I discussed the lack of TNA coverage – and I still say it is a universal lack of coverage – I started coming up with a list of different reasons that this league doesn’t matter. It isn’t exciting and is basically a great place to go after WWE to collect a big check while others just keep going thinking or hoping they can break out whether that is in TNA or get a barebones agreement with WWE.

The one argument in favor of TNA is that the roster has talent but it is being booked poorly or it is young or blah blah blah. Any and all excuses for TNA are now out the window. They have been around long enough to have their company in order but they still do not. We have already done a TNA Roster game Audio and the entire Stunt Granny crew covered a lot of this by way of running down the roster. I won’t bore you with a rehash of that but you can listen to it here. If you haven’t listened to it go ahead and then come on back. What do you have to lose? Time? You are wasting time reading this blog so your argument is invalid. If you don’t want to listen fine whatever. You have no reason if I provided the link.

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Stunt Granny Audio- TNA Roster Game 2011

This isn't accurate but it isn't any better.

Nearly a year to the day Stunt Granny brings back everyone’s favorite show. Yes it is time for the TNA roster game. For the uninitiated the entire crew gets together and plays booker and the almighty. Who stays? Who goes? Why keep Shannon Moore for any reason? Who is considered an asset in the eyes of some and absolute garbage in the eyes of others? Why go through all of this? Why is Eric squirming for the last fifteen minutes? Why do the guys drag it out much longer than necessary? Well the answer is simple a retarded dog with no education is smarter than the decision makers in TNA. To prove this fact a bunch of assholes will all talk over each other to make jokes at Dixie Carter and her merry pack of goons’ expense. So join in the audio goodness.

Stunt Granny Audio Show- TNA Roster Game 2011

Past TNA Roster shows

TNA ROSTER GAME 2010

TNA ROSTER GAME 2099 Part 1

TNA ROSTER GAME 2009 Part 2

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of iMPACT Wrestling

There is not a chance in hell I was going to review this show on time.

I was going to post the PWO review today from week two but I didn’t even get a chance to do the final analysis while at work. Yeah, damn shame. So in lieu of that, I’m doing this review since I need to get material off my DVR because I’m heading back to Altoona this weekend to campaign for my dad. I’m not sure he wants to be connected to this dreck so no link. Let’s roll.

Kurt Angle calls out Bobby Roode. Angle compliments Roode then tells him how great he’s been in TNA. I honestly don’t remember much from Angle’s reign aside from him leading the Main Event Mafia. Even that, I can’t recall much. That makes me wonder how long I’ve been watching this program. When did it come on Spike? Roode repays the favor as far as blowing each other. I’m still having a hard time taking Roode seriously. He didn’t start the tourney on a roll and hasn’t been able to flesh out “Bobby”. For some reason TNA has a fight between RVD & Styles vs. Jerry Lynn & Christopher Daniels. I suppose this is a good day to do this since it’s final hype for Bound For Glory, which I won’t be ordering.

The brawl comes to the ring with Daniels & Lynn beat on Styles. For some reason, the bell got rung even though both guys were attacking him. RVD makes the save to finally settle into a real match. Lynn being worried about being in RVD’s shadow is hilarious. I like you Lynn, but you’re not in RVD’s league. I’m actually feeling bad for AJ. Aside from his extremely white trash tattoo, I love him as a wrestler. Styles Clash. I feel like I haven’t seen that in a while.

Samoa Joe is in trouble with another tall, thinner muscular guy. This time, it’s Matt Morgan, again. What the fuck? Seriously? Morgan wins with a roll up? Didn’t Crimson win last week with a similarly weak finish? Joe tries to play mind games but no one is buying it. How are you the alpha ass kicker since you’ve lost to them in consecutive weeks? The heel shouldn’t be in a weak spot going to the PPV. Of course Taz agrees with Joe.

Mexican Prison Style is how Mexican America wants to do it with Ink Inc. Oh please don’t go predictable Jesse. He doesn’t really. Oh, punk rock guy gets to deliver the message. Another brawl because you know, two wasn’t enough. Punk Rock chick makes the save against the women. She’s pretty hot even if she doesn’t have an ass. Neal doesn’t mention her name. How dumb. They have hyped only matches for the PPV. About the only upside right now.

Jesse Sorenson & Brian Kendrick take on Austin Aries & Kid Kash. Suicide dives by the faces start the match. Aries busted out the Chinese Door Bell. Always loved that move as a child. Taz saying Kash is getting better even in his older age. Wasn’t his problem most of the time that he kept telling off promoters? Maybe his attitude got better. Kendrick gets the win so that he can lose at BFG. Aries has lost some of his mojo since coming in. The push of the X Division has slowed.

Karen Jarrett gets to give the pep talk to the rest of the wrestlers. She got them on the card. I’m nodding off. I should grab a beer. Good choice. Velvet is still getting the biggest disrespect card. Traci Brooks gets Karen to trip over her. The ladies brawl after wards. That’s brawl number 4 just in case we lost count. Bubba warned Anderson about getting out of line. I’ll be shocked when that match devolves into a brawl. (That’s sarcasm.)

AJ blames Daniels for the current woes of their families not playing together. Daniels attacks him from behind. Nice of brawl #1 to have half a come back. Scott Steiner takes on Ken Anderson with guest enforcer Bully Ray. Whoops, gave him the wrong name earlier. Anderson takes control but is so fat he keeps his shirt on. Abyss is ready to blast Anderson but clocks Steiner. Anderson should not need a cheap win over Steiner. He should look like a threat to Bully Ray, not Abyss. Granted, if he doesn’t attack him here, you know he’s costing Bully Ray at BFG.  Brawl #5 1/2. Anderson makes a temporary save. OK, make Bully Ray look strong is a good idea.

James Storm calls out Angle’s dumb theory. Kurt tries to drop the doubt in there again and Storm sort of buys it. Another Jarrett gets to suck on camera. I FF thru the preview for BFG & the rewind of the championship Roode video. The commercials.

Roode takes on Jarrett & Gunner. So is this a real handicapped match? Jarrett takes a coffee break. OK, it seems like a real one after that break. Roode looked funny with his clothes lines then barely lifted Gunner on a back body drop. Jarrett then Gunner got locked in the cross face. Jarrett attacks Roode. I can’t believe how weak a win over two opponents was just presented. Brawl #6.5 happens with Immortal & James Storm. Jeff Hardy makes the save which makes no sense. If Storm couldn’t help as a singular man, why would Hardy? Roode caves in and shakes Hardy’ hand. Storm is an alcoholic, why should he hate Hardy? OK, all is good. Bad timing for Hardy still though. It takes the spot light off of Roode with his big return.

I FF thru the introdcutions. Why are Hulk Hogan & Sting on the same side of the table? Are they dating? Going to make out? After signing, Hogan barely flips the table. Hogan tries to play the pity card by saying he was trying to help the company. You didn’t help them out at all. The ratings and recognition aren’t better. You barely mention them on your media tours you publicity hound. Man on man action is promised by Hogan. He even said it in bed room voice. Bischoff inserts his mug to distract Sting. They caught me on that. I thought that’d center on Bischoff. Could to keep the spot light on Sting & Hogan. -Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of iMPACT Wrestling

I'm not sure why this came up under "Let's Do This" but I love it.

Jeremy tempted me earlier this week by saying we could do a TNA Audio (Now available on iTunes. More information to come in the Big 11 on exact details.) I still watch this terrible show because of the site. Well, he back out like a big sissy. So I’m going with a blog. Let’s Do This.

Kurt Angle calls out Crimson. Angle is going to end Crimson’s career. Crimson actually showed some decent fire. Simple stuff for sure. Immortal hits the ring. I’m describing more action because most people haven’t watched this garbage in a while. Good for you. Bully Ray talks down to Crimson. Kurt still acting like he’s not part of Immortal. I’m not sure why Velvet would team that just terrorized her. Jackie is selling the good guy act. When it’s out in the open, wouldn’t Bischoff know they’re not changing? This story line makes no sense.

I just had to take ten minutes to fix the curtains that my dogs tore down. That was more interesting than the rest of iMPACT will be. Bischoff & Hogan are giving Flair a stern talking to. Hogan tries to pretend like Sting is crazy. His acting is terrible. Flair needs to be quiet. Boy, I wonder if he’s not going to stay silent. (That’s sarcasm.) Two random ass tag teams of women. This is terrible booking. ODB still having problems with Velvet. Skye ends up taking the beating for the face team? Angelina beats down Velvet. ODB & Jackie distract Mexican America long enough for Velvet to get the win. Angelina has beef with Mexican America. Hey, one of the teams had to implode. It wouldn’t be a Vince Russo show if it didn’t have that feature.

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