Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

A_Lot_Going_OnSo I have plenty going on these days. I got engaged for the second time. I traveled to one of the more pathetic 20th Reunions in the history of reunions. Good thing we had quality time with the family and a pair of friends I talk to every time I head back to Altoona. Then there’s the big announcement. It keeps getting teased but it’s almost ready. I promise. No more teasing, on to Raw. Let’s roll.

We get a replay of the opening and closing segments from Raw last week. Roman Reigns comes out. I did notice on Smackdown that they’ve tweaked Reigns outfit. Not sure I like it any better. Reigns didn’t exactly tear the house down with his first big mic time. He tried to have extra swag but he didn’t sell it to me. Reigns pulling out “Bitch” to Kane is the exact word you use for a reaction but you can’t sell it. Reigns had the early upper hand but Kane took over just before the refs and agents came to the ring. Reigns goes bananas on the agents and Superman Punches Kane. Good thing Dean Malenko got out unhurt.

The Wyatt Family in the form of Erick Rowan & Luke Harper appear in the ring with little fan fare. The Usos get to do their Haka dance still. Jimmy started against Rowan. Harper got things moving in the right direction for the Wyatts. Rowan scres up so that Jey can come in. Rowan makes up for it quickly. Mitchell Cool noted using the tattoos to tell the Usos apart. Shouldn’t you describe them? Because that is a good tip. The right arm is inked differently. The word “Fatu” down Jimmy’s arm. Pretty sure Jey has it also except he added tattoos around it to look like a partial sleeve. My favorite move is applied by Rowan when we come back from break. Stupid knuckles. Cool then pretends he forgot which Uso was in the ring. There hadn’t been a tag during the break. Jimmy does get the hot tag. Flying Jey takes out Rowan. Harper attempts a suicide dive but gets punched. Super kick by Jimmy only gets a two count. Harper crotches Jimmy on the top rope. Jey breaks up a sit down power bomb. One of the great rivalries is mentioned by the announcers. Harper hits the Clothesline From The Bayou for the win. Oh, they’re playing up the mix up. No wonder Michael Cole cut himself off. I’ll guess they didn’t tell him this angle was coming. (Next Day Note: It was interesting to see “Twin Magic” back fire since I’ve only ever seen it work.) Randy Orton is commiserating with Kane about having backs at Battleground. Seth Rollins picks up on the “solidarity.” Rollins stirs the pot by mentioning cashing in the briefcase. Everyone hates each other.

Nikki Bella is fighting Alicia Fox while both have one arm tied behind their backs. Fox ends up assaulting Nikki. JBL should be creaming Cool about the conspiracy theory. Instead, he only brings up Roswell. Alicia Fox has been snapping on TV for weeks now. Just say she’s been crazy for at least a month now. How hard is that? (Next Day Note: Would the producers tell the JBL not to go the simple route?)

Lana is cut off by RVD. Thank you. Rusev is around too. RVD hits a tornado DDT early. Rusev tosses him off the top rope. Rusev gives RVD the knees and fall away throw. Zeb Colter challenges Rusev to a match at Battleground. Rusev stomps on RVD. This match is confusing me. RVD winning does nothing for the Swagger feud. Isn’t part of the appeal that an American will beat the “Russian”? Rusev beating RVD means that he’s going to beat Swagger, right? RVD hits the side kick off the top rope. Rusev heel kicks RVD. Rusev locks in the Accolade for the win. Swagger has to be losing. (Next Day Note: RVD isn’t below Swagger in the depth chart, right? Still need to check the next day.)

sign

Randy Orton gets to take on Dean Ambrose again. Randy Orton got the early upper hand but gave way to some offense by Ambrose. Orton stops it with a big clothes line. Orton plays to the crowd too long. Ambrose tosses Orton out of the ring to take us to a break. Orton got to work over Ambrose’s shoulder during the break though. He continues to do so. Ambrose buys time with a DDT when Orton goes early for a back drop. Ambrose knocks Orton down. Ambrose locks in a Figure Four. Orton gets to the ropes. Ambrose comes up short on the jump. Orton tries to cover but even the announcers are trying to cover for it. The crowd is weird. I swear I’ve heard it loud but they weakly chanted “You fucked up.” Ambrose tosses Orton into the barricade. Ambrose starts playing with furniture. Orton tosses Ambrose bad shoulder first into the post. then over the barricade. Hanging DDT off the barricade. Ambrose barely beats the count. He looked like a fish flopping back into the ring. Ambrose goes for the sling shot clothesline but gets hit by the RKO. Fun match. That’s why I don’t understand the crowd apathy. Renee Young gets to look cute while talking to John Cena yet again. He is the biggest target in the WWE. He lives to be the target. Roman Reigns strolls in. He wishes him good luck. They have a nice little exchange. That’s more Reigns speed of segment. Just keep him in a more controlled environment.

Fandango is on the head set. Alberto Del Rio is taking on Dolph Ziggler. Fandango has to put on his voice too much with a head set. Enziguri after Ziggler gets caught in the ring apron. The winner faces Sheamus tomorrow for the US Title. Layla is primping it according to Fandango. Del Rio pushes ziggler head first into the post. Del Rio then reverse suplexes him from the top. JBL implies there could be more than two women. DDT by Ziggler for a two count. Drop kick by Ziggler turns things around. Fame-Asser for a two count. Fandango starts dancing on the announcer’s table. Del Rio kicks a distracted Ziggler in the head for the win. Of course a heel would face the baby face champ. I hope Chris Calamita covers that. Stardust and Goldust are putting together some good weird stuff.

Fandango runs into Layla back stage. He only has eyes for her. You see him looking at Summer Rae who is awfully well lit in that random rear hallway. Jerry Lawler then gets to introduce Bret Hart. Canadians are so predictable. The crowd is eating it up. He is interrupted by Damien “Bret Hart” Sandow. Third World Country didn’t get the heat expected. Bret punches Sandow out of the ring. Sandow looks like Grumpy Cat. Sheamus comes out. He hugs Bret in the ring. (Next Day Note: I wasn’t the only one expecting Hart to be out there longer, right?)

Sheamus and Sandow start their match after the break. Sandow is in control. Sandow drops down a fore arm. Sheamus grabs Sandow’s beard. 10 Clubbing Blows. Canadians like to count too. Brogue Kick for the win. Yep, about what it deserved. Renee Young interviews the Miz who reads a letter from a fan. He lauds himself and runs down Chris Jericho. He gets thousands of letters like this one. What would the fans lose without his face? Wow, close up of his fist. Woof even for the gimmick.

My woman every time "Jeri" hits the stage.

My woman every time “Jeri” hits the stage.

Chris Jericho comes out for his match for the Miz. Jerry Lawler talks about Cleveland. Miz is protecting his face. Jericho drop kicks him off the apron. Jericho bull dogs him when they get back in the ring. Miz tosses Jericho out of the ring. Miz drives Jericho into the apron. Miz tries to wear him down. Double axe handle by Jericho from the top. Miz kicks Jericho in the face. Jericho dodges then hits an enziguri. Miz kicks out Jericho’s leg then DDTs him. Miz locks in the Figure Four. Popular tonight. Jericho gets to the ropes. Jericho whacks Miz in the face. Walls of Jericho for the win. Bray Wyatt wants Jericho to save us. He tells Jericho that the Jericholics aren’t behind him any more. Jericho wants a piece of Wyatt. Harper & Rowan show up. Stalemate.

We get replay of AJ Lee winning the Divas Title. Paige comes out. She introduces AJ Lee. It could be interesting of Paige became AJ’s new Tamina. Cameron won’t tag in to Naomi. Paige takes over because of the non-tag. Cameron starts putting on lip gloss. Paige comes in. They double clothesline each other. Cameron gets in. Paige Turner because she’s distracted. The Funkadactyls fight. Funk is on a roll. That pun needed to happen. (Next Day Note: I know Paige isn’t the intimidating presence Tamina was but I think she works better as a lackey.)

Paul Heyman introduces himself and Cesaro. The later acts like French Canadian is a crappy language. They’re trying to get him some boos. Kofi Kingston is his opponent. He drop kicks him out of the ring. Kingston slams Cesaro into the apron. Cesaro trips up Kofi on a spring board. Cesaro jumps on Kofi from the apron. Kingston gets caught by Cesaro. Press slam gut buster. Kingston rolls up Cesaro again for the win. Cesaro assaults Kingston. Big E comes out for the save. I’m so confused. Why? (Next Day Note: So you have Cesaro win the Andre the Giant Battle Royal in grand fashion then pretty much only dump on him after? Even Paul Heyman can’t help losing to Kofi in back to back weeks.) Seth Rollins comes in and tells John Cena he’s going to pin the best champion ever. Cena tells him not to get a big head with the brief case. He wonders if Rollins can still scrap.

Bo Dallas comes to the ring for a match against El Torito. Bo never ducks out of a challenge. Bo gets down on his knees. Torito slaps him. He head butts him in the stomach. Running Bo-Dog. The Streak is alive.

The entrances for John Cena & Seth Rollins allow me to nearly catch up. Rollins gets Cena in a pinning predicament early. Break. A flipping reverse DDT by Rollins only gets a two count. Cena with a side slam. Sit down power bomb by Cena only gets a two count. Rollins catches Cena going to the top with an enziguri. Rollins misses a splash.  Five Knuckle Shuffle. Rollins flips out of an AA. Cena turns it into an STF.  He pulls Rollins away from the ropes. Kane comes out. Randy Orton attacks from behind. Roman Reigns music hits. Superman Punch to Kane. And another for Orton. Rollins nails Reigns and Cena with the brief case. Rollins calls for an official. Dean Ambrose attacks Rollins. I don’t feel like the WWE has had this kind of set up before with the MITB holder. AA to Orton. Spear to Kane. The baby faces stand tall. – Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

From wikihow.com for cheating on a math test.

From wikihow.com for cheating on a math test.

I was surprised at how many people thought it was surprising that John Cena won. Though the WWE has done a good job of building up Daniel Bryan, they haven’t really built up any of the other new Superstars to the level that they could win the WWE Title. Another era of John Cena begin. Let’s roll.

HHH & Steph come out and look happy. Steph babbles about Seth Rollins and his big win. HHH tells us that John Cena was always an A+ player. He then introduces Cena. Let’s hope he doesn’t shake hands with them. They didn’t. Congrats. Steph gives him the big roll out for WWE 2K15 with Cena looking quizzical. Cena calls them out on their looks from last night. HHH plays white rapper which I find funny for some reason. HHH then throws down the veiled threat. HHH gives him the hard way at Battleground. It’s a Fatal 4 Way match. Randy Orton & Kane will be taking on Cena & Roman Reigns. HHH tells Cena that there’s always a Plan B if he survives the Fatal 4 Way. Seth Rollins comes out while Stephanie looks like a troll.

RVD is taking on Seth Rollins. RVD gets to continue his job tour for the WWE. (Next Day Note: I make RVD sound like an idiot for coming back for the same reasons Chris Jericho did later. Smart idea by RVD to be a stepping stone too.) RVD gets the upper hand with an enziguri after the early exchanges. RVD shoulder blocks him in the back. RVD continues to work the back over. Rollins regroups outside and catches RVD unaware. Break. Rollins counters into a single leg crab. Still think that move is stupid. RVD kicks Rollins in the jaw. Rolling Thunder on the back. Most psychology by RVD in a while. Split legged moonsault continues the work on the back. Rollins gets thrown into the turn buckles with a head scissors take over. RVD nails Rollins with a cross body to the floor. Rollins Dragon Screw leg whips RVD while he’s in the ropes. Curb Stomp for the victory. Rollins wants to be called the right thing. He’s Mr. MITB. I wasn’t wrong Seth. I picked you to win. Sometimes in wrestling there are hijinks. Dean Ambrose interrupts him. Dean tells him Kane was Plan B because Rollins’s Plan A didn’t work. Ambrose tells him he’ll be there any time he tries to cash in the briefcase. Smart move on his part.

Rusev comes out with Lana. Please let there be no promo. Crap, in ring promo. America is used to failure. No one can stop Rusev. Jack Swagger‘s music hits. Awesome! They should come down according to their own words. Zeb Colter is defending our country. He gives us a free speech brush up. They are taking advantage of our freedoms. I’m guessing Swagger loses but a win here would be welcome. We The People! Working better with the crowd already than Big E did. A pair of arm drags to make Rusev run? Really. I’m glad they’re not rushing it either. Let this happen at your all too soon next PPV. (Next Day Note: The WWE tries to work in shades of gray more these days but they still usually book a baby face vs a heel. This angle though is a perfect shade of gray. Plus I feel like heels should hate each other more than baby faces. The later could do more of a UFC respect thing.)

Winning from captiveinternational.com

Winning from captiveinternational.com

Sheamus is in the ring and awaiting the introduction of the Usos. They are taking on the Wyatt Family. People enjoy the entrance but it’s catch up time for me. Jey starts against Erick Rowan. Jimmy comes in for double team action. Break because of the entrance.  Jimmy & Rowan are in the match still. Bray Wyatt splashes Jimmy in the corner with some help. Luke Harper comes in quickly. Jimmy hits Whisper In The Wind. Sheamus battles Rowan. Sheamus does Ten Beats. Sheamus double shoulder blocks Harper & Rowan on the outside from the top rope. Wyatt distracts Sheamus. Rowan knocks him out of the ring. Harper gives Sheamus a big boot in the mush. Poor Mitchell Cool trying to sell that dumb Sgt. Slaughter move still. Sheamus kicks Wyatt who fires back with an uppercut. Super kick by Harper. Sheamus with a back breaker. Jey starts to clean house. Flying Uso who cleared by a lot today. Super kick by Jey leads to a two. Exchange of finishers. Jey gets hit by the Harper clothes line for the win. Much needed win for the threesome after all losing last night. Who is this announcer? Tom is his name. Nikki didn’t think she made a mistake last night. She gets to take on the Funkadactyls by herself next. Did Steph happen to be extremely close or that they knew when Nikki would be interviewed? If it’s the later, how since matches aren’t determined?

Bo Dallas has a moment of silence for Daniel Bryan and Bad News Barrett. The crowd stays a little too quiet. Jerry Lawler makes a lot of Bo jokes. Don’t stop Bo-lieving. Nikki is miraculously ready to go including hat cutely crooked. Big threat there Steph. Cameron & Naomi come out. Why would anyone think this is a problem since the Funkadactyls have had their own problems? Cameron starts out. Face buster by Nikki. Naomi tags herself in. Nikki tries to jump her but gets kicked in the head. Naomi with the Final Cut for the win. Cameron steps to Naomi after the match. Charles Robinson knows how to chill bitches out like Ringo.

Wade Barrett has a separated shoulder. The IC Title is vacant. It will be determined by battle royal at Battleground. Yuck. We have seen entirely too many battle royals lately. Paul Heyman introduces Cesaro as the next IC Champion. I could handle that. His opponent is Kofi Kingston who gets an inset promo. We’re supposed to believe he has a chance at the title. Cross body by Kofi early. He monkey flips Cesaro thru the ropes. Flip dive to the outside by Kofi. The announcers have been pushing the Network harder than normal in my opinion. I like Cesaro’s gear. I might have missed it last night. Cesaro does away with the Swing. Kofi head scissors into a victory roll. Uppercut to the back by Cesaro leads to a break. Kingston beat Cesaro during the break. (Next Day Note: This would have been a perfect spot last night to confirm my suspicion that they were pimping the Network more than normal. Having a match finish during the break is a perfect way to do it.) Cesaro starts Kofi around ring side. This could work better than a victory. Cesaro drags Kofi by the hair. Cesaro repeatedly slams Kofi into the ring post chest first. Cesaro turns him inside out with a clothes line. Nice old school beat down. Not good to hear that Michael Cole is down. Santino is talking to Cobra when Adam Rose comes in to pimp Twisted Tea. Cole dusts himself off and says he can continue.

Damien Sandow comes out as Vince McMahon. He starts using McMahon’s catch phrases. Ending with “You’re fired!” Stephanie is pissed. The Great Khali is his opponent. Chop to the head for the win. Quick & painless. Evidently there were rumors about someone all day. I had no idea.

The Miz is back and dressed all in white. He just finished Marine 4. I’m sure it’s great. They should be playing this up if they want him to mean something. It’ll freshen up his character. Similar to what his gimmick was. Chris Jericho interrupts his speech. I have enjoyed his podcast most of the wrestlers so far. Even if they sound more poorly recorded than ours. The Miz isn’t phased. Jericho gives him the Code Breaker. Before it becomes Raw Is Jericho, the Wyatts hit the ring. Jericho loves doing jobs to get people over. God bless him. He gets it. A beat down occurred ending with Sister Abigail. Did I even need to type that?

Fandango is taking on Dolph Ziggler who will be on Main Event against Cesaro too. I hope Chris gets that watched tomorrow. Fandango stomps away but starts gyrating. Ziggler doesn’t take advantage. Layla kisses Fandango. It has been a lively crowd tonight. Summer Rae walks into the middle of the ring and kisses Ziggler. Fandango is a little pissed. Ziggler kisses Summer. Zig Zag while Fandango is distracted. JBL “I think Ziggler got a win win tonight.” Amen.

Will Dolph Ziggler get a new valet? from fanpop.com

Will Dolph Ziggler get a new valet? from fanpop.com

Stardust & Goldust are taking on Rybaxel again. WWE, we need two more tag teams. I’m just saying, it’d help. Put Titus O’Neil back in one. I can’t remember if Darren Young got cut. Goldust starts against Curtis Axel. Ryback comes in on a sneak tag. Ryback uses power to domionate Goldust. Spine buster on an attempted Meat Hook. Stardust & Axel come in. Tucked DDT by Stardust. He hits a Reverse Downward Spiral for the win. JBL is selling the crazy angle.

Paige is in the ring and gets a mic. She is a woman of few words. She talks about her nay sayers. Last night put that story line to sleep. AJ Lee comes back. It’s been quite a night. She admits that Paige was right. Lee still manages to toot her own horn. She needed a slap of reality. Paige isn’t as dumb as AJ thinks. For some reason, Paige leaves it up to the crowd to determine the match although Lee brings it home. Mike Chioda magically appears. Paige boots Lee in the face. Paige head butts her. Clothesline by Paige. Small package and AJ wins. Interesting turn of events. No reason she shouldn’t have kicked out of that. Why the announcers are happy for AJ is a mystery to me.

Main event introductions are always optional. Should be caught up at the very end. John Cena starts against Randy Orton. After some jockeying, Roman Reigns is tagged in. Orton tags in Kane. Orton is in control after the break. Reigns turns it around with a jumping clothes line. Kane blocks the apron drop kick. Orton catches Reigns by surprise. They continue to work over Reigns. Orton extinguishes a tag attempt. Reigns boots Kane. They trade upper cuts. Samoan Drop by Reigns. Cena is in against Orton.  Shoulder blocks. Five Knuckle Shuffle. Kane gets in. Five Knuckle Shuffle. RKO. Reigns tosses Orton out. Superman punch on Kane. Reigns & Orton fight to the back. Cena gets tossed into the steps. Is that part of the Five Moves of Doom? Kane hits Cena with the stairs for the DQ. Tombstone to make us think Kane has a chance in the Fatal 4 Way. I still don’t believe. Charles Robinson calls for the doctors. Seth Rollins music hits. Did everyone forget about Ambrose? (Next Day Note: I’m still confused how Rollins, HHH and Randy Orton can all forget about Ambrose.) Dean fights Rollins through the crowd. The ref correctly pointing in that Cena was hurt. Reigns comes back to spear Kane. Reigns stares down HHH. Good Summerslam match. The stare down stops my DVR. I didn’t feel like going to USA. – Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of #WWE Money In The Bank

From howstuffworks.com

From howstuffworks.com

My first wrong prediction hits early with the Usos coming out to defend their Tag Team Championship against Erick Rowan & Luke Harper from the Wyatt Family. I’m digging the new shorts for the Usos. Harper & Rowan are starting an early beat down on Jimmy. Jey gets tagged in to turn things around. Jey gets tossed into the barricade from the top rope. Harper gets to start the new beat down. They tag in & out to continue it. Harper cleans Jey off the apron to maintain the beating. Rowan misses a splash. Then rams his shoulder into the post. Jimmy gets the hot tag. He gets to do a corner splash. Samoan Drop for a two. A pair of super kicks gets two. Jimmy saves Jey from getting fall away slammed. It almost back fires. Sit down power bomb gets a two count. Both Usos are down outside. Jimmy gets double slammed. Jey makes the save. Rowan goes to the top rope. Jimmy crotches him. Cool double superplex by the Usos. Two splashes by the Usos for the win. Great plan to get the crowd fired up. Good work by both teams.

Dean Ambrose thanks Seth Rollins for putting him in the match. He tells Rollins that he will take home the briefcase and that Rollins will need to face his daddy with disappointment. I am wrong again as Naomi comes out for her match for the Divas Title against Paige. They won’t break up a lock up. Paige gets flipped to the floor. Naomi cross body blocked Paige on the outside. Naomi hits another cross body in the ring. They counter pins into a Naomi submission. Paige knocks Naomi off the top rope. Naomi falls off to the outside. Ouch. That looked bad. Paige kicks Naomi on a roll through. Stump puller submission by Paige. Flying clothes line by Naomi. Rear view for a two. Kick to the head by Naomi. Paige gets her knees up on a splash. Paige with a super DDT for the win.

I took a break to work on my bathroom. Still need to put the doors back on their hinges. Damien Sandow came out as Paul Revere and ran down Boston. Adam Rose comes out with the Exotic Express. Shoulder block into a charging Sandow. Rose pulls out all of his off kilter offense. The announcers give us a historic run down of Revere’s life. The Elbow Is Coming! Ha. Rose turns out of a chin lock. Rose punches him. Sandow clothes lines a charging Rose. He kicks out. Sandow misses a moonsault. Rose nails the Party Foul for the win.

The announcers tell us that Wade Barrett is out of the match. No replacement is named. Everyone gets a little promo time except Ambrose who got his own. Will that be telling of who the winner is? Seth Rollins strolls out first. RVD, Jack Swagger, Dolph Ziggler, Kofi Kingston and finally Dean Ambrose. Boom drop on Swagger early. Kofi goes for it early. Ambrose pushes the ladder over but Kofi hits four people. Underhook suplex by Ambrose on Rollins onto a ladder. Ambrose tries to go up but the crowd recovered. Kofi & Ziggler fight at the top of the ladder. Rollins whacks them with a ladder. RVD monkey flips Rollins onto a ladder. RVD tosses Rollins into a ladder. Rolling thunder on Rollins on a ladder. Step thru heel kick on Swagger by RVD. He then nails the Five Star on Swagger. Kofi stops RVD. But not for long. They fight on the top rope. Swagger nails them with a ladder. Swagger drags RVD to the top of a ladder. Swagger gets tossed off. Rollins attacks RVD on the ladder. Swagger Bomb on RVD, who should be taking a break. Ambrose with a superplex from the top of the ladder. Both men stay down. Wile E. Coyote cam is awesome every MITB PPV. Swagger catapults Ziggler into a ladder. He slams one into Kofi. Swagger Swagger Bombs Kofi. RVD makes the save. Ambrose & Rollins start fighting. Ambrose gets attacked by Swagger. Ambrose pushes the ladder before Rollins can get the brief case. The doctors take Ambrose away. RVD stops Rollins from getting the case. Kofi builds a bridge. RVD kicks Rollins but falls off the ladder. Kofi back drops Rollins onto the bridge ladder. Ziggler stops Kofi from winning. Ziggler starts cleaning house. Zig Zag to Kofi onto a ladder. Ziggler climbs the ladder. Swagger puts him in the Patriot Lock. Ziggler kicks Swagger. Too slow to win it. Rollins whacks him with a chair. Ambrose comes back out and attacks with a chair. Ambrose is about to grab the case when Kane shows up. Choke Slam on Ambrose. Tombstone. Rollins climbs the ladder and grabs the brief case. I got one right! (Next Day Note: I started wondering last night how many times I typed ladder. That number is 16.)

Stardust & Goldust are taking on Rybaxel to cool off the crowd. Ryback takes on Stardust. Stardust wins with speed. Goldust comes in. Curtis Axel is now wearing a singlet. You’re still not your father. Ryback wears down Goldust. Axel comes in to continue the process. Ryback plants Goldust with a spine buster. Back elbow by Goldust gets the opening he needs. Stardust cleans house. DDT by Stardust. Axel accidentally hits Ryback. Stardust rolls him up for the win.

I miss the skit with Layla, Fandango & Summer Rae to get a beer. Coronado Brewing Company Idiot IPA. Lana is extolling Rusev when I come back. This new Big E delivery isn’t doing it for me. Big E gets the better of the early slugfest. Rusev knees Big E who was going for a shoulder block. Rusev with forearms. Rusev gives him a reverse chin lock. Rusev misses a splash. Belly to belly suplex by Big E. Rusev knees Big E into the corner. Judo take down or urinogi for Big E. A clothesline by Big E. He counters a Rusev move. Big spear thru the ropes. Rusev head kicks Big E. Leg lariat by Rusev. The Accolade. Rusev doubles down and wins. Good showing for both men.

I don’t write much about the Stephanie encounter with the Bellas because it’s filler. Fandango comes out first. Summer Rae is next. Layla comes out with a mask on. I’m surprised they didn’t scrap this match. Introductions for the other match will take a while. Layla puts Summer in an Indian Death Lock. Did the announcers dance around it’s name? Layla kicks Summer in the face for the win.

I would figure the back up plan for HHH tonight is have Seth Rollins cash in if Kane or Randy Orton don’t win. I haven’t noticed the ppvs going long now that they’re on the Network. I feel like this match is going to be shorter than I expected. Sheamus is a dummy and uses the short ladder in his first attempt. Kane sandwich with Sheamus & Roman Reigns. Alberto Del Rio beats on Reigns. Kane tosses everyone off the ladders. Chokeslam on Del Rio & John Cena. Kane picks up Orton by the throat but tosses him on the ladder to climb it. Reigns stops Orton. Super upper cut by Cesaro. Bray Wyatt leaves Cesaro & Sheamus hanging. They both tumble down. Orton brings out another ladder. Sheamus attacks him. Sheamus slams Orton’s head into a bridged ladder. Hanging DDT by Orton on the same ladder. Orton climbs for the belts. Everyone stops him. Kane knocks down Cesaro & Reigns. Sheamus fights Kane. Sheamus beats on Kane. Sheamus shoulder blocks Reigns. White Noise to Orton. Brogue Kick to Cena. Sheamus tosses Orton out of the ring. Kane snags Sheamus. Kane gets thrown into the steps. Cesaro bridges a ladder. Cesaro & Sheamus fight at the top of the ladder. Reigns lifts the ladder up. Sheamus & Cesaro fight at an angle. Cena sets them right. Cool spot. Wyatt tosses Cena down. Sheamus gets pulled down by Kane & Orton. Reigns spears Kane. Orton whacks Reigns with a ladder. Superman Punch on Orton. Sheamus gets sent out. Reigns cleans up at ringside. Reigns faces off with Cena. They punch away. Reigns spears Cena. He sets up a ladder. Orton attacks. He ends with a back breaker. Wyatt stops Orton & hits Sister Abigail. Del Rio stops him. Del Rio side kicks Wyatt. Sheamus tosses Del Rio off the ladder. Sheamus with a Brogue Kick. Upper cut & Neutralizer. RKO on Cesaro. Reigns stops Orton. They fight on the ladder. Kane choke slams Reigns. Orton is bloody & going for the belt. Cena AAs both Kane & Randy Orton. Cena climbs the ladder to win the the WWE Title. I got the big two matches right. – Kevin (Next Day Note: 14 times in this match for a grand total of 30 ladder mentions. Once as a plural.)

 

Main Event Review From Someone Who Actually Watches It

Night Sky by Mark Unrau by way of boombeats.com

Night Sky by Mark Unrau by way of boombeats.com

Triple H starts the show off with more star power than usual. He says that a lot of people are asking “Why?” lately. In particular, they’re asking why did the Authority strip Daniel Bryan of the WWE World Heavyweight Championship? Triple H explains that they did it for the fans because they deserve a fighting champion. He runs down the list of superstars who have already qualified. He then promises that there would be something magical, historical, and unforgettable at Money In The Bank; that being the guarantee of a new champion. He transitions to the other reason people are asking “Why?” and introduces Seth Rollins.

Seth Rollins comes down to the ring wearing a new gray suit/black shirt combo. I don’t really like it compared to his usual all black look. He says that when he laid out his now former partners he felt power like he never felt before. He calls it a power Reigns, Ambrose, and the fans would never feel because they are too afraid to create and seize opportunity. He praises Triple H as someone who knows how to get to the top and calls his former partners dead weight he needed to cut loose so he could “adapt and evolve”. Just as he says his new “Evolution of Seth Rollins” catchphrase he is interrupted by his opponent tonight Dolph Ziggler who calls Rollins a “self-centered scumbag traitor” who needs his “egotistical boss holding his hand”. Good opening promo.

Jimmy Uso vs. Luke Harper

As the match began the announcers wondered whether The Wyatts’ two victories ensured them a future shot at the Tag Team Championship. If that doesn’t then what does?  They go back and forth at the beginning until Harper throws Uso into the middle rope throat first. Harper then hits Uso with a suplex and goes for the Gator Roll into a side headlock. Uso fights out of the headlock and is finally able able to mount a major offensive move with a corkscrew somersault onto Harper. Uso is not in charge long as Harper nails him with a big boot. Uso backdrops Harper out of the ring on a running charge. Uso is cut off from hitting a suicide dive but a forearm. Harper re-enters the ring and goes for his spinning clothesline but Uso ducks, superkicks Harper, and pins his dazed opponent after a roll-up for the win. Decent short match.

Lana comes out to address American women who she calls slaves to commercialism. Lana calls them overweight and fat and says their men really want her but they can’t have her because Russian men are strong like Vladimir Putin.

Rusev vs. Kofi Kingston

Nothing much happens until Rusev clubs Kofi in the back of the head and stomps away viciously. Kofi gets only short hope spots as he is caught every time by Rusev. A fall away slam leads to Kofi being dumped to the outside where his is whipped from ring apron to retaining wall by Rusev. Back in the ring Kofi stuns Rusev with a dropkick but is caught again running the ropes by Rusev’s superkick. Rusev then finishes Kofi with The Accolade for the tap out. Rusev and Lana celebrate afterwards in front of the Russian flag.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

20140607_111246I spent the past weekend in Richmond VA visiting with my older brother and his family. I will fill in the particulars later in the week but let’s just say I definitely went to a pair of breweries thanks to his hospitality. I did manage to squeeze in Smackdown then Impact Wrestling after we got home from the trip. There were only two memorable things between the shows. One was my boy Dolph Ziggler continuing his “big mouth” persona and having a great match against the newly turned heel Seth Rollins. I also enjoyed that Rollins, HHH and Orton didn’t spill the bag on the reasoning for the turn. Another small positive from the show was that neither Dean Ambrose or Roman Reigns showed up. TNA yet again showed how inept they are by cruising into a rating under 1 million people. The only positive in yet another train wreck of a show was James Storm making a re-appearance after a year plus hiatus. Ken Anderson has been doing some terrible work and Storm got to call him out on it. Like many TNA story lines though, Storm looks awesome and likeable as the heel and Anderson looks like a douche as a baby face. On to Raw now. Let’s roll.

Sometime after I wrote this introduction, news started to trickle out that Daniel Bryan is too hurt to compete at MITB. HHH & Steph are here are brag about being right. They give us footage of Dr. Joseph Maroon of telling us that Daniel Bryan can not compete. I had to look up images of Maroon and they actually got him to do that video. How much did they pay him for his time? Steph strips him of the title. They are really hamming up this angle up. The crowd is really flat. Alberto Del Rio is the first entrant into the match for the title. HHH informs us that Randy Orton gets a spot because of his status. I’m starting to think the crowd is bummed. Anyone who loves wrestling should be. No matter how much they make logical points, Bryan being out of wrestling sucks. HHH turns to Seth Rollins talk. They are in a match against the Wyatt Family with a partner of their choosing. That doesn’t get much heat either.

Sheamus vs Wade Barrett is a MITB qualifying match. These guys have fought a lot recently and I can’t really argue about it. His Bad News is that he’s coming down with the title. That’s not bad news! JBL sounds like he’s drunk already. It could be an interesting night. He figured the opening segment bombed with the crowd so he’d join in. I do feel like Barrett is getting some of the swagger back in his promos recently. Sheamus clubs away on Barrett. He then brings Barrett in the hard way. Sheamus cross body blocks them over the top rope to get the break. Barrett suplexes Sheamus. I guess I don’t understand Jerry Lawler & Michael Cole’s view point on the title stripping. Sure, it’s disrespectful to strip the title without informing him but at the end of the day, it’s the right move with the injury. Barrett hits Winds of Change for a two count. The crowds awakens with dueling chants. Sheamus misses a dive from the top rope to the barricade. Sheamus gets in at nine. Wasteland but Sheamus kicks out. White Noise from an attempted Bull Hammer Elbow. They exchange punches. Head butt by Barrett allows him to toss Sheamus into the post twice. Brogue Kick from the corner for the win. Sheamus sold the damage in the corner before pinning him. Another good match and I understand putting Sheamus into the spot. Let Barrett keep racking up wins on lesser opponents. Barrett should be in that picture soon if he keeps up. Luke Harper sometimes get urges from a deep, dark place. Bray Wyatt admits to his urges. Wyatt reminds us that the Wyatts beat them. Wyatt is reborn. I love that angle which started on Smackdown. (Next Day Note: With all of the religious words thrown around Wyatt’s promos, being reborn after a crushing defeat is perfect. Now he just has to win an extended feud.)

Lana comes out and runs down Obama as a girly man. He is no Vladmir Putin, who has wrestled bears. Crush! is so stupid. Crush was only cool in Finding Nemo, dude. Lana, we don’t need to worry about Mother Russia. We should continue to be worried about China. It’s going to help to name him simply Rusev. Yep, going to make all of the difference. Zack Ryder gets to lose to him again. His record is unblemished because he’s wrestled 3 guys a bunch of times. The Accolade. The whole “control” by Lana is very antiquated too.

Goldust is teaming with R Truth against Rybaxel. Truth starts against Ryback. Curtis Axel takes over on the early beat down. Goldust gets a luke warm tag. A crossbody by Goldust takes out Axel & Ryback. Ryback makes a save on a pin. Truth gets tossed out of the ring. Axel rolls up Goldust for the win. A heel wins in his home town. Layla El is acting really catty to the make up lady when Summer Rae comes in and dumps milk on her then beats her up. Layla’s character has taken a big step back in the toughness department. I don’t like that.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

destructoid.com

destructoid.com

I’ve thought about a couple of introductions and scrapped both of them. One will become a column. The other will remain on the scrap heap. So, let’s roll.

Bray Wyatt greets us during the Raw introduction with another rendition with “I’ve Got The Whole World..” I do dig his choice of Hawaiian shirts. After singing with him, the crowd starts “What?”ing him. Have they finally found John Cena’s equal in being able to split a crowd? Then after talking about his teacher lady more, they start singing again. Wyatt is evil. Necessary at that. He calls Cena a phony. Now a “Cena sucks” chant. Hold on, are they in Chicago again? I have a good picture set up for Stunt Granny. John Cena pulls some misdirection music and attacks Wyatt who was by himself after Luke Harper & Erick Rowan ran for the ramp. He AAs Wyatt and leaves the ring before they can attack. I’d love to know why they keep replaying Steph & Brie. It’s terrible acting.

Paul Heyman ends up insulting the crowd then patting himself on the back when defining what the crowd & stars roles are. Awesome. Oh, they’re in England. If there are spoilers out, I didn’t read them. He announcers a match between Cesaro and Sheamus for the US Title later in the night which ends up being right now. I wish this match had more build up. Does it make sense that they could be building up the US Title too quickly? Whatever, I’ll take this match. I have enjoyed their past slugfests. The match picks up after the break. Sheamus gets in the Irish Curse Back Breaker & Rolling Hills. He can only get two. Cesaro turns it around by tossing Sheamus into the corner face first. Sheamus gets caught with an uppercut as he jumped off the top. Sheamus power slams Cesaro. Heyman distracts Sheamus. Cesaro takes advantage and wins with a German Suplex. Nice. I like Heyman playing more of a role in Cesaro’s matches. Lesnar & CM Punk were well established and he enhanced them. Cesaro dodges the hand shake. Nice. I’m not sure Sheamus goes into Evolution if he’s going to feud with Cesaro.

Big E Langston is taking on Ryback in the first of a series of Beat The Clock Challenge for a shot at Bad News Barrett for the Intercontinental Title. I hate these challenges because the matches are inevitably short. Ryback is distracted by the clock. It’d be much better just to attack the person. You’re wasting time by looking at the clock especially in the first match. You’re setting the standard. It matters when the clock counts down after wards. Big E takes the Meat Hook Clothesline but kicks out three consecutive time. Big E gets tossed too far but pops up quickly. Big Ending at 5:02. Great, matches shorter than 5:02. My favorite kind. It reminds me of the Daniel Bryan interview with Chris Jericho. They both said that no matter how hard they worked, they were never satisfied with a three minute match. It wasn’t enough time to make it quality.

Why isn't this one on Total Divas?

Why isn’t this one on Total Divas? from 2009abc.deviantart.com

R Truth has the Funkadactyls. The English love Fandango and Layla El. Before the match starts, Summer Rae comes to the ring. She kisses Fandango and attacks Layla. So is that Summer’s music? Is she a baby face now? Truth, Cameron & Naomi become window dressing.

Stephanie comes out to Daniel Bryan’s music. Ha. She is at her mocking best. Stephanie is ready to say “Bad News” when they introduce Wade Barrett. Oh no, she just uses a video prop. She’s only contemplating stripping Bryan of the title. She then gives ideas for who should be champion. The crowd plays along with her games. She then demands he be at Raw next week. Where I expect him to say he can defend the title at the PPV.

The Union Jacks comes out. Nice of them to remember this gimmick. Heath Slater gets mic time for the first time in a long time. Lana comes out hoping not to laugh at herself again. Alexander Rusev shows up. He takes out Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre then Jinder Mahal. It appears as if Slater will have a match with him. The whole “Crush” thing is stupid. The Accolade. Great a short match even when there’s no clock to worry about. The Shield is in the back in some odd room as usual. Dean Ambrose thinks Evolution is scared of them and he doesn’t want that. He wants their best shot. Roman Reigns tells them they’re going to keep coming at Evolution. Seth Rollins admits to a mistake in his last match with Batista. He’s going to correct that mistake. Believe In The Shield.

RVD takes on Alberto Del Rio, who gets a terrible in set promo. He’s some smug crazy person now. JBL only plays up the angle more. Congrats, ADR, you have a gimmick again. RVD takes a Back Cracker with 2:30 to go. Del Rio wastes time and gets clocked. RVD misses the Frog Splash. 1:30 left. Del Rio rests entirely too much time. Van Dam rolls him up for the win with 47 seconds left. Great, matches shorter than 4:15. The announcers have to act excited about this development.

Renee Young interviews John Cena. He’s bringing the Usos with him again. I can handle this rub especially if we get an Usos vs Harper & Rowan match at Payback in two weeks. They do some silly heart pounding thing. HHH talks their group up. Randy Orton tries to continue it. Batista is going to do it all by himself. Let this not be a short match in this sea of short matches.

Seth Rollins comes to the ring. HHH makes himself an announcer and Randy Orton as the time keeper. He then introduces Batista. Mitchell Cool correctly questions JBL’s opinion. Rollins has a microphone for some reason. Dean Ambrose & Roman Reigns come down as guest commentators. This just became stupid. Ambrose informs us that Brad Maddox made them official commentators. Why did Ambrose take us to break? Why am I laughing about it? Rollins barely touches the steps he’s supposed to crash into. He’s no John Cena who shoulder blocks those things into the ring barrier. Batista starts the ground and pound on Rollins back in the ring. I know why I laughed earlier now, because Ambrose is killing me. “Reigns’ momma hit him harder than that” about the nine stitches. Rollins fights off the superplex. Rollins nails a Block Buster. Rollins runs into a boot. Rollins drop kicks Batista thru the ropes. Suicide Dive by Rollins. “He didn’t do anything” after Orton at least attempted to grab Rollins leg. Order is restored. Rollins nails a spring board knee for a two count. The Game pushes Rollins off the top rope. Orton and Ambrose join the fun. HHH clocks Rollins which gets the DQ. Batista is the brunt of another spear. HHH distracts the Shield, Batista slips out. Why is Evolution the underdog after losing again? They need to out smart the Shield and soon to seem credible.

James Van Der Beek from TheAtlantic.com

James Van Der Beek from TheAtlantic.com

Alicia Fox is in the ring. Paige is her opponent. The crowd politely applauds. I go to get a beer, Sun King Brewing Fistful of Hops, which I picked up on an unexpected trip thru Indianapolis. My trip should really make it to air or print. Complete ridiculousness. Paige gets to learn about WWE policy mandating that you job in your home town. Alicia Fox wins. Luke Harper compares John Cena to a mouse. Bray Wyatt thinks Cena & the Usos are like dominoes in a mine. They all fall down.

Mark Henry is taking on Dolph Ziggler, who wants to show off quickly. Henry comes into the inset promo and laughs at him. If my boy wins this match under the time limit, I’d feel really bad for Mark Henry. That’s another thing about these beat the clock matches, the formula is predictable. It is usually longest match, shorter match, time limit match (this one) and winner of the challenge. Ziggler is recovering with 1:30 to go. A second drop kick takes way too much of a toll on Ziggler. Henry catches Ziggler and power slams him. Henry wastes time. Zig Zag but time runs out. Thanks for sticking to the formula and not making me look like an ass. It’s only three matches? Bad News Barrett lays out a celebrating RVD. The crowd is much more behind Barrett. He informs us that England sets the time for the entire world. I guess I’ll have to look up Bloody Yak like everyone else that isn’t English. (Next Day Note: It usually has penis attached to it according to the Urban Dictionary. I didn’t get amusement out of finding the answer.)

Adam Rose comes out with more action than Paige, less than Barrett. Renee Young interviews him. Sort of. She asks to know what a “Rose Bud” is. We’re not to be lemons. JBL cracks me up with Bunny hate. Rose just wants Zeb Colter & Jack Swagger to have some fun. The crowd cheers for them too. The Bigg Hoss still cracks me up. Colter tries to insult them but they keep up being Rose Buds. Zeb challenges Rose. Swagger sucker punches him. Swagger goes after someone in the Exotic Express. Adam Rose gets the jump on him. Colter & Swagger beat a hasty retreat.

I blow through the ring entrances for John Cena & Luke Harper. Just short of catching up. They cut to commercial early which I agree with. I can skip first gear. Cena takes too much time on the Shuffle. Harper misses a Mafia Kick then a clothes line. Cena gets in the Five Knuckle.  Harper gives him a tilt a whirl face plant. This back and forth is too quick for my liking. Harper takes over and finishes it off with a suicide dive. Harper nails a super kick but Cena kicks out at two. Neck breaker by Harper only gets another two. Cena nails a clothes line. STF gets locked in. Harper breaks it. The Usos stop interference by Erick Rowan. Wyatt Abigails the Usos in the ring. Attitude Adjustment on Harper. Rowan blasts Cena for the DQ. Sister Abigail to Cena. The crowd plays sing along. Harper & Rowan attack Cena. Fall away slam onto the ramp. Sister Abigail on the stage. Cena loses a shoe. Sing along time, because we haven’t had enough of it. – Kevin

#Smackdown Recap & Total Nonsense Analysis

zionbuffalo.org

zionbuffalo.org

I just wanted to mention before starting the Smackdown review that Impact Wrestling was not that terrible, until the very end when MVP turned on Eric Young. You have just spent the last several months saying the management won’t take advantage of the situation and MVP does just that. Ugh. You ruined a good ladder between the Wolves & the Bromans and generally other decent work.

– Sheamus defended his US Title against Dean Ambrose. Mitchell Cool embarrassed himself with his opinion. Ambrose may have lost the title under shady circumstances but as soon as he gets a singles match, that complaint is out the window. Dean Ambrose has done himself quite a bit of good to gain in ring credibility the last couple of weeks. He’s cranked up the “loose canon” movements which isn’t my favorite but I like what I’ve seen in the ring. Sheamus got the win, which is only right if the Shield is going to be tied up with Evolution.

– Rob Van Dam & Big E Langston took on Bad News Barrett & Cesaro. Big E got to lose to Cesaro in a hurry. I would not have expected that short of a match. I was thinking it’d get a commercial break.

– Alexander Rusev took on Kofi Kingston. I’m not disappointed I skipped Lana’s promo. The whole Eastern European gimmick isn’t working, let’s double down on it with the promos. The Accolade is applied in short order.

– Bray Wyatt implies he’s going to try and make Cena dark again. So we’re back to this part of the angle, huh? I’m still enjoying these promos. I  just don’t think the thought process for this feud is there.

– Fandango was off two weeks and I didn’t know. All I thought to myself when his mixed tag match with Layla El against Santino & Emma was announced was “How many straight weeks has this been on TV?” Layla got a distraction roll up pin for the win. She ends up kissing Fandango on the stage. According to Mitchell Cool, Summer Rae is supposed to be upset. Who would she come back with to extract revenge? She’s a heel still, right?

– Roman Reigns got to play tired against Mark Henry. A gigantic Samoan Drop by Reigns led to a spear which got him the win. That match wasn’t much longer than the others tonight.

– Another Los Matadores & El Torito vs 3MB (Drew McIntyre & Heath Slater) & Hornswoggle allows me to mention the weeLC match announcer getting in trouble for having John Cena talking to the Wyatt’s in his Instagram picture. I looked at that picture several times and didn’t notice them. I’m the observant type because they weren’t exactly hidden. El Torito pinned Heath Slater.

– Batista took on Seth Rollins. I love Batista bringing back the apron as a weapon. I have enjoyed it’s ridiculousness for a while now. I liked the match. Rollins went for broke and ate the announcers table for a Batista count out win. Now if only Randy Orton had gotten one of the two wins tonight, it would have been a better night for Evolution. I’m not sure you could pull that off though as soon as you tossed Sheamus into the equation. The Shield couldn’t go 0-3 so Orton can’t take on Reigns.

– The main event of John Cena & The Usos vs The Wyatt Family started with 10 minutes left in the show. This show was the worst night of wrestling in a while for the WWE. I don’t think anything was overly offensive but they haven’t featured on long match. The show opener (I haven’t been timing them) felt like the longest and it still didn’t feel that long. Jimmy was going for an unnecessary dive on an already fallen pile when Luke Harper catches him with the Discus Clothesline. Cool looking move but really dumb on his part.

 

@TotalDivas – She Said (He Edited) – Season 2 – Episodes 1 & 2

From mbpopart.com

From mbpopart.com

Tonight I have witnessed a train wreck. I felt so dirty, I had to take a shower when the show was over. I’m pretty sure I no longer have a working brain due to all the stupidity that arose from the episode. Due to too much on the dvr, we have decided to do She said He edited at different times to get different reactions. When I told my boyfriend all my brain cells died with this episode he laughed and said it would all be OK. (Kevin’s Edit: I laughed because you were being funny. I hope it translates into the article.) He has yet to watch the episode, so after he does he will understand my disbelief that they actually air this crap and that 4 million people actually take the time to watch it. (Kevin’s Edit: I gave her bad math. It was only 1.39 million people that watched it. I’m sure she won’t feel much better about my error.)

I can only write about the current episode that I watched as I am 3 weeks behind. But will quickly recap in each article. JoJo is gone and skanky Summer Rae is now on the show. I’m not sure who is worse. Summer Rae or Eva Marie. It’s like watching a bad porno with that fake blond hair and god awful red dye job. It was made obvious in the 1st few episodes that no one was going to like Summer Rae and she was placed on the show to make more drama for everyone, so I’ll save her for last. (Kevin’s Edit: More drama = more eyes.)

We’ll start with Eva Marie since the season ended with her and she was getting married, maybe, to her loser boyfriend. Well, no surprise here, but she did and did not inform her family. Her family came for a visit and she moved her husband out so there would be no trace of him. Huh, interesting way to start a marriage. Well, the family figured it out, they were pissed, but yet, who is calling the kettle black here since her brothers are living with women and are not married. So that just kinda ended. (Kevin’s Edit: I found her calling out her brothers hilarious. That subject did get dropped awfully quick.) Then photos popped up from back in the day and Eva Marie said those were a mistake and should have never been done. Creepy Fandango made a weird comment to her that made my skin crawl. In this past episode, Eva Marie and Summer Rae have become besties and are traveling separate from everyone on the bus because of the photo incident and because no one likes Summer Rae. She was the one that told Eva Marie about the photos. Even though Eva Marie thinks Summer Rae stepped over the line in episode 2 with Brie, they will still probably continue being besties for at least a while.

Nikki and John Cena got back together on the pier. It wasn’t as cheesy as the very first episode when they tried to reenact a scene from The Notebook, but who walks down a pier in high heeled shoes, a skin tight red dress with boobs popping out and a fur? Oh, Nikki Bella, that’s right. So John said he made mistakes and that he wants to try a lot harder. Nikki forgave him and all is well with the world. So far. Nikki did lose a tooth in an episode and she thought she looked hideous so refused to ride in the bus with John and tried to avoid him. Not the best decision when your relationship is on the line. In this past episode Nikki tried to be the support for Brie as Summer Rae made a play for Daniel Bryan, Brie’s then fiance. (Kevin’s Edit: She just asked him a really weird question about getting his approval. She didn’t seem to be coming on to Bryan to me. I do want to know who she slept with.)

Speaking of Brie, she thought it would be a great idea to rent a bus, like Nikki and John have and have everyone ride with them to split the cost. Bryan was not enthused with this idea as he is an environmentalist and those busses take up a LOT of gas and energy. But Brie got her wish and TJ/Nattie, Jon Uso/Trinity, Summer Rae, Eva Marie and Ariane all rode on the bus with Brie and Bryan. (Kevin’s Edit: She got her wish because those other people were brought onto the bus to make it more “Green”.) Bryan made a few ‘house’ rules, no sex on the bus and no pooping on the bus. Well, both of these rules were broken as Nattie pooped on the bus and John Uso/Trinity almost got it on on the bus, it was broken up by Brie. Brie, the most sensible I think out of the group, ends up blowing her top this time around when Bryan tells her that Summer Rae sought him out and told him that she cares what he thinks, then made a flirtatious movement touching him. Because Nikki told her what Summer Rae did with John and some of the other male wrestlers, (hearsay of inappropriate comments), Brie went nuts and hunted down Summer Rae. Brie pretty much told her to never pull someone’s man aside alone and told her to stay away from Bryan. Summer Rae accused Brie of being insecure in her relationship, which caused Brie to go nuts and told Summer Rae pretty much that she is a skanky ho. Touche! All the while Bryan, Eva Marie and Nikki listening. Eva Marie agreed that Summer Rae crossed a line. Bryan told Brie that she is very protective of her man. (Kevin’s Edit: It’s pretty bad when Eva Marie is the voice of reason.)

You don’t have much going on with Ariane in the past few episodes. She was the one that found the photos of Eva Marie and showed them to everyone. She did try to apologize but Eva Marie has yet to accept her apology. I do think Ariane has a point, Eva Marie is very good at making it all about her and how fabulous she is getting the covers on magazine and getting a Mattel doll so early in her career. Ariane’s beef is that she got a cover too but no one seems to care. (Kevin’s Edit: Eva Marie does seem like a spot light hog but Ariane is the other drama queen who got trumped by Summer Rae. I’m surprised every guy hasn’t looked for skanky photos of (insert new Diva here) because there’s a 90% chance they exist.)

We find out that John Uso has a huge sex drive in this episode and can’t seem to keep it in his pants for 4 days while traveling on the bus. Trinity is OK with adhering to the rules, so she obviously feels bad when the get caught in the act by Brie on the bus.

Nattie has serious issues with Summer Rae. Whether it’s because they are both blonds, I’m not sure, but Nattie seems to despise her. In this episode, Nattie does try to take the high road and tell Summer Rae that she needs to be more respectful to the Diva’s and that she is making a display of all her skankiness. When the new Mattel dolls are out Nattie is thrilled and Summer Rae walks up and tells her that they did a good job at photoshopping her and that she used to look pretty and thin. This obviously upset Nattie who told Summer she needs to cool it. (Kevin’s Edit: Summer Rae is an excellent shit stirrer. I have no idea if all of these actions have led to her not being on TV now.) I think the best part of this past episode is when Nattie goes into the bathroom on the bus and starts screaming. First TJ goes in to the smallest bathroom in the world and comes out, then she calls for Brie. Come to find out, Nattie was putting Icy Hot on her ‘back’ when she got some Icy Hot in her butt and in hoo haa when she went to the bathroom. Where exactly she was putting the icy hot is still in question as she first said back then changed it to inner thigh. Hmmm. Either way, this is when we find out she pooped on the bus and got Icy Hot in her butt. Ha ha ha. (Kevin’s Edit: I would imagine that Icy Hot burns similar to when I pooped out Scorpion Peppers.)

I leave the most skanky and the newbie for the end. Summer Rae. Man is she ugly. I thought Eva Marie was unattractive, but I think she has competition with Summer Rae. Summer Rae is a hateful woman who thinks she is better than everyone else. Being Fandango’s dance partner, yet being from NXT, she is now considered a Diva. Well, I see why Layla is now Fandango’s partner as in this past episode Fandango told Summer Rae, he didn’t need drama for his career, and this is exactly what she is doing, stirring drama. (Kevin’s Edit: I obviously don’t read ahead while making these comments. Summer Rae is a butter face but those legs make up for it.)

Summer Rae is the one that told Eva Marie that Ariane had the photos of her. Summer Rae is telling everyone that if Nattie spent more time on her wrestling and less time talking gossip then she may have won the Diva’s championship more than once in her Diva career. (Kevin’s Edit: I agree with Summer that Nattie is her own worst enemy. Just keep mentioning that you’re a Hart and eventually they’ll give me a long title reign, right? Maybe Nattie should work on the promo skills.) Summer Rae believes that she is gorgeous and is upset with her wardrobe and wants to be even sluttier than what she wears with Fandango and Summer Rae made a play at Bryan. (Kevin’s Edit: Have you ever seen a dance competition? All the ladies are dressed slutty.)

So at the end of this train wreck of an episode, Summer Rae hunts down Nattie’s house, goes to the door uninvited and proceeds to tell Nattie that she needs to spend less time gossiping and more time focused on her career. She pretty much tells Nattie that she is an old, fat, unattractive Diva that isn’t worth anyone’s time. Nattie tells Summer Rae she is a ho. Summer Rae slaps her across the face. Nattie pushes her off her property and tells her to NEVER step foot on her property again.

After watching this episode, I needed a sedative. This episode was filled with so much cattiness and egos that I was just dumbfounded that I watched 42 minutes of stupidity. I honestly think that there were more brain cells saved watching Jersey Shore than watching Total Divas, at least this time around. I explained to my boyfriend that it was a cruel punishment for me to watch this show as I could have spent the 42 minutes doing something productive, but he informed me that he was sure I didn’t lose the brain cells that I thought I did and since I was still mobile and mumbling about a train wreck that I would be fine. (Kevin’s Edit: I lose brain cells when I’m researching for my Sippy Time Beer articles, not this show.)

Here’s to 1 Diva Show and article down and 2 more to go to get back on track. I’ve seen the previews for the next episode and no shocker, another train wreck is on the way. Will the WWE one day actually have good writing for the Diva show or will it always be this horrible, guess I’ll just have to tune in and lose a few more brain cells to see.– M (& Kevin)

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

again fyalbSo I’m one of those dreaded people watching Monday Night Football during Raw thus hurting their average rating that has stayed pretty much steady for the last several years. The picture accurately describes my thoughts of the Steelers offense. Can’t argue about the defense too much. What are you going to do? Too early to panic but it could be another average or below average year if these patterns. It’s half time so I’ll do a little now and finish up after the game. Let’s roll.

Daniel Bryan is introduced as the new WWE Champion. I’m still thinking the other shoe will drop soon enough. I figured this feud was getting drug out with a cheap Randy Orton win. The Cleveland show already showing up with a “Daniel Bryan.” Strange things are afoot already. HHH comes down to ring side. Jeremy told me about the quick count. I glazed over that fact while reading the review. The referee has a name and it’s Scott Armstrong. Video dissection has come to Raw. It’s really annoying me that they’re using my own words against me. Holding people to standards of a regular corporation now using video evidence. Ah, it’s so much better that they “worked” in cahoots. Ugh. HHH strips him of the title. The irony of HHH’s speech is kind of funny. Randy Orton comes to ring side. Shouldn’t HHH have gotten to the bottom of this already? I’d love to have the NFL say “We’re going to wait 24 hours to reivew this positive test.” RKO by Orton as HHH walks away with the belt.

Wow, I mean, just a terrible offensive effort. The defense didn’t help by creating a turnover and taking some bad penalties on Cincinnati’s last drive. Stephanie and HHH are arguing when Randy Orton barges in. Steph threatens to find a new face of the WWE. Interesting turn of events. Dean Ambrose is taking on Dolph Ziggler in a rematch from last night. I’m really glad I didn’t order the PPV. They’ve undone the main event already and now repeat match. JBL is on fire already. Ziggler gets tossed to the outside for our break. Ambrose in control. Jerry Lawler finally makes a valid point in saying that HHH could be in cahoots with Armstrong. JBL took time to recover but responds to Lawler then starts laughing at himself. Dead give away he doesn’t believe what he’s saying. No wonder Jeremy thought he was drunk. Crowd solidly behind Ziggler. Small “Golden Flashes” chant. Zig Zag gets Dolph his win back. Much needed win for my boy. How did he win in kind of his home town? Not exactly excited that he’s in the IC Title hunt unless they decide to put any emphasis on it.

Brad Maddox is talking to HHH & Stephanie. She gets to belittle him again. I’m so blowing thru reviews and entrances tonight. This was all of consequence in that break.

R Truth is taking on Fandango. Holy cow, JBL is now mixing up the points that Lawler is making. Holy cow, allegedly JBL is drunk. JBL rips on Mitchell Cool & Jerry Lawler. I’m not even paying attention to the match. Top rope leg drop for the Fandango win. He needed a win too. Dusty Rhodes is talking to a bunch of people backstage.

Dusty Rhodes is delivering a Dusty promo even though he’s here as Virgil Runnels. Stephanie‘s music is so over the top. It doesn’t really fit her character at all. She gives him a gift card for for Bed, Bath & Beyond. Ha. She makes him decide between rehiring Cody Rhodes and Goldust. After more insults, Dusty Rhodes tells Steph to go to hell. The Shield is summoned. Stephanie asks Big Show to come out. I love the crowd finishing the Big Show’s song. Steph makes him choose between Big Show knocking him out and an attack by the Shield. Big Show cries. He scares off a Shield attack so he can do the honors. He’s sorry. KO punch then he gently puts him down.

Brie Bella is now a baby face. The Funkadactyls are wearing better ring gear. Layla, Alicia Fox & Aksana are the heels. Natalya’s head set was not working and it seems like a work because they are blaming AJ for its’ malfunction. Facebuster by Brie Bella for the win. Natalya yells at AJ and they have a stare down. The Miz & Brad Maddox are talking.

RVD is taking on Damien Sandow. At least he gets to job to a bigger name this week. Five Star Frog Splash as the losing streak continues for Sandow. It is funny having him brag after the losses. Keeps heat on him.

HHH is back stage with Scott Armstrong. How can Cool or Lawler not call JBL on some of his previous shenanigans to hold onto the title belt? Armstrong gets to nod as HHH lets him go. So, now we’re supposed to think of refs as important? I want Mike Chioda! Randy Orton comes out. The Miz gets attacked as he hugs his family. That’s why Dolph was let off the hook. His mom doesn’t live in Cleveland. Miz’s parents should be horrified by their look. Did they know they were going to be on TV?

The Miz decides to fight one armed. The only person to ever be hurt for any span of time by the stairs. Please take them in for a hair cut Miz. At least. This could actually get the Miz back on track. Let him go aggressive again instead of cheese dick huckster host of Summerslam. Hanging DDT off the barracade. Orton drops the knee while Miz has his head in a chair. Miz better be taking some time off even if he’s not really injured.

Paul Heyman comes out in a wheel chair with Ryback & Curtis Axel. Nexus is reforming. When does Wade Barrett join? Heyman pinned CM Punk. Heyman had no back up plan. He isn’t taking credit for his win. Nice little team they have going here for Heyman though. Ryback got his message across. Heyman then kissed him. Weird.

Jack Swagger & Antonio Cesaro are taking on Tons of Funk and the Usos. Each team is getting a crack at it early. Tensai gets to hold up Cesaro for a suplex. Tensai looking unusually good. Because of course they are the first ones eliminated. Cesaro rolled up Tensai. Commercial. Makes sense to have the Usos win since the Shield are champs. Jimmy Uso gets the hot tag. Swagger takes the beating. Cesaro breaks up a pin. Double over the top rop dive by the Usos. Patriot lock. Jimmy kicks out then super kicks Swagger. Jey tags in without Swagger seeing. Top rope splash for the Usos win.

Bray Wyatt gets another video message. He needs to put down some bad animals in his world. Good stuff.

Roman Reigns is in the ring when Daniel Bryan comes down. Randy Orton comes down after. I’m just tuning out the announcers at this point. It’s late and they’re rehashing arguments. There’s not much use in calling the match. Split screen showing the counts. I’m way too awake for the time it is, 1:27 AM. The only thing I can think is “Please call the match so I can rest my eyes” and “watch” the match. Randy Orton belongs on GQ. JBL is definitely, allegedly drunk. Close count after the head count. Rollins takes a brutal spill when Bryan drop kicks him thru the ropes. Randy Orton attacks Bryan when he had the Yes Lock on Reigns. Orton gets locked. The Shield attacks. I dropped water on my lap top. Yep, it’s late. Everyone empties from the locker room and attacks the Shield. Orton takes off. Seth Rollins is the last one in the ring because he’s the best seller. Why is this taking place on free TV? – Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review #WWE #Raw

BlankIn more ways than one am I drawings a blank. Let’s roll.

Edge kicks off the show. Jerry Lawler looks really odd in a WWE polo. It’s better than his King t-shirts though. Edge is bringing us a “Cutting Edge”.  He is mad about not interviewing Christian. HHH wants him to interview Randy Orton. Edge instead introduces Daniel Bryan. He is enjoying the struggle because there will be satisfaction when he wins. Randy Orton arrives to dispute his unsavory tactics. HHH comes out to defend himself. Edge is getting in some nice shots. HHH in plug mode is what kills me. He shouldn’t be shilling like that if he’s the bad guy. HHH is claiming Edge “Never drew a dime.” Dean Ambrose vs Daniel Bryan is a match tonight. HHH is doing another good job which again goes back to the shilling and approving things like Paul Heyman getting a beat down from CM Punk make no sense. The Christian ransom drop was a weird way to end that segment.

HHH is still making neck jokes. He claims Toronto is his city. HHH tosses Edge from the show. Kofi Kingston has a rematch against Curtis Axel this week. Lucky us. Axel grabs the ropes after this week’s SOS. Axel loses on a DQ. I thought he was getting a win back tonight. Instead we get a lesson point. Axel ends up eating a Trouble In Paradise. This looks way too dire for Heyman. Brock interferes Sunday, right?

Paul Heyman is being carried to the back. He slipped in the hallway. Ha. Nice try to get out of the match. “Heyman is so worried, he might have wet himself” Lawler killed that line. Booker T is giving Big Show advice. This scene is so over the top. He’s not Marsellus Wallace.

Dolph Ziggler is in the ring. We get the long form intro for the Wyatt Family. It appears as if Bray Wyatt is his opponent. Oh, Jeremy told me to correct my article that mentioned the “Ferrari Engine in the body of a tank” and attributed it to Mitchell Cool. He believes that the line was made by the now fired  Cody Rhodes. Fame Asser doesn’t do it for Dolph. Wyatt takes advantage of a distraction. Sister Abigail for the win. Ziggler has got to hate Jack Swagger for punting him in the head. He has to think about murdering him, right? Maybe sleeping with Swagger’s wife? She is a looker.

Catalina White aka Jack Swagger's wife from IGN.com

Catalina White aka Jack Swagger’s wife from IGN.com

We get a review of all of Goldust‘s funny antics. Paul Heyman comes out to the ring on crutches. Of course he tries to weasel out of the match. Brad Maddox comes out with the WWE’s doctor. Of course, the bad guy GM is going to play the good guy here like HHH. I could handle the flip flopping if it was in any way consistent. “This is awkward” and boring. The doctor thinks he’s fine. CM Punk comes out with a kendo stick. Paul Heyman bolts. The fake doctor gets to take the beating. The fake letting him out of the routine was funny.

Total Divas Baby Faces have a three way match with Layla El, Alicia Fox & Aksana. AJ Lee’s tattoo is of the date of her Diva’s Title victory. Natalya gets the tap out win. I missed that it was Brie Bella in there. It makes no sense for her to be chummy with them just because of AJ.

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